Who am I?

[Inna]

For all my life I knew I was different, than boys that is, throughout my life I had to play pretty convincing pretend to go about days worth, without confrontations. Daily I was picked on for being feminine, given girls nickname, and occasionally bullied for my girlishness. I was called a girl by strangers giving my mother fuel for explanation. I had to put on the manly show and I got very good at pretend and sometimes I forgot I was playing the part, but was I?

With all my heart I want to believe that I finally am all the girl I always dreamed of being, but some thoughts keep on haunting again and again. As a small boy I did not play with dolls nor did I hang out with girls, I assimilated my thinking to that of girls but often thought they were silly and their games kind of boring. Older I got I wanted to become a woman but on my terms sensual yet tomboyish, sexy yet strong, beautiful......well just beautiful.
And finally I got so tangled up in life that here I was a father, husband, citizen, and yet Alexia, soft, sensual, fragile, screaming from within for help.

No I am not a girlie girl, the one who stands by her man, the one who loves horses, the one who loves chick flicks........wait I do like chick flicks and cry my eyes out when he finally comes back and holds her in his arms and aawww.................sorry.

Well you sort of get the picture, am I just so confused and tangled up in all the emotional stuff or am I just a girl who was trapped within this brutal sequence of events called life.
I feel a girl within much stronger than the boy without but she still likes to race cars not horses, wear jeans and tshirts, I suppose if she only had a physique in line with her soul a lot would be different, maybe.
Am I the only one?

[vikki2020]

No, you are not the only one! It just gets more complicated, but at the same time, more clear, if that makes any sense! I'm like you, --"I'm on my way, don't know where I'm goin'" Hope you get there!:)

[Empress Lainie]

Alexia I too can sympathize with your life.

I always knew from very young that I was different from other boys and later men. I never was interested in things they were, I was more comfortable hanging out with girls and women, and never did any "male bonding" things. I also threw like a girl all my younger life and was told so. I was accused of being gay when I even had a girlfriend I had sex with. I was also told I was a sissy when I was younger.

Everything came clear to me the day I realized at age 72 that I had always been a female, not a male, person. As time went by I realized more and more from the past that was now explained. I never lived one more day as a male from that time forward.

Lots of girls like auto racing & mechanics, and wearing jeans and tee shirts. To be a tomboyish girl doesn't make you less a woman either. Many gg's are very tomboyish and are not transgendered. I know a few and in the hundreds of people I see daily (working by the entrance to a grocery store) I see women wearing everything you can imagine. The dresses and nice outfits are definitely in the minority. Heck, I am better dressed than most women most of the time.

As for your mixed feelings of being both boy and girl, many of us live outwardly 50/50 - male work, female elsewhere. As for me, I have not had any desire to be male since my epiphany, that person (I call my late husband) is dead and gone. I also use my old last name as my maiden name.