Danielle Austin
08-11-2010, 02:20 AM
So I few days ago I was in Dallas for a short trip. I’ve always wanted to venture outside dressed, but have never felt comfortable doing it in my hometown, for fear of seeing somebody I know. It’s a real pity, since Austin is probably as good a place as any in terms of acceptance of gender diversity.
Anyway, I decided that a little distance from home would be a good opportunity for me to take my first steps outside. I had no great adventure planned, but instead only a trip to the Cedar Springs neighborhood for a walk on Sunday evening. I checked into my hotel and got dressed. “What would Danielle wear on a casual Sunday evening?” I decided on simple Calvin Klein T-shirt, a pair of low rise jeans, and my awesome new wedge sandals. This is only the second time in my life I’ve put on makeup. It took a lot of time and never really looked great. It’s a start, I guess. My toes looked good though. I took a few pictures to commemorate the event. While talking the pictures, I realized that I was smiling for the camera. “I don’t know how to smile for the camera”, I thought. It turns out Danielle knows how to smile for the camera. Who knew? I didn’t since I’d never taken a photo of Danielle’s face before.
After a few minutes of pictures, I grabbed my keys and got ready to walk out the door. As soon as I reached for the door knob, I heard somebody in the hall of the hotel, I froze. My heart raced and I came about 5 seconds away from giving up. Instead, I took a deep breath, opened the door, closed it behind me and started walking down the hall. Down the stairs, and out the door to the parking lot.
Outside! The hot Texas summer evening probably called for a skirt instead. I didn’t care, my jeans still felt great. I walked to my car and climbed inside. I turned on the radio and the Katy Perry song, “California Gurls” was just beginning. I smiled, again. Actually, I started crying…really just a few tears rolling down my cheeks. I think I was still a bit taken back by the feeling of the smile on my face. Back to driving…. It turns out that driving in 3.5” heels requires a little adjustment. All the angles are different. Needless to say I was extra careful on the 15 minute drive to Cedar Springs. When I arrived in the neighborhood, I flirted with the idea of going to one of the clubs, but really felt no interest in going alone. I kept my original plan for simple walk around. The neighborhood was not super crowded, since it was Sunday, but there were still plenty of people out and about.
I just walked and enjoyed the summer evening. I didn’t talk to anybody but I didn’t hide from anybody either. I just walked and smiled. I definitely felt self-conscious, but not so much that it was frightening. Step by step, I felt more and more like I cared less and less about exactly what people saw or thought. After 20 minutes or so I had completed a large loop back to my car.
Satisfied with myself, I drove back to my hotel. Upon arriving, I remembered that they locked the side entrances in the evening. I had no choice but to walk in the front door and through the lobby. I was actually a little excited when I realized it. There was a group of 4 men checking in just as I entered the lobby. I could see a couple of them turn and look towards me, but I just kept walking and smiled….down the hallway, up the elevator an back to my room.
I realize it’s a pretty underwhelming adventure for so many on this board, but it was still very special for me. Before I took off my makeup, I decided to take a few more pictures of a few different outfits. I'll post them in the Pictures Gallery.
Anyway, I decided that a little distance from home would be a good opportunity for me to take my first steps outside. I had no great adventure planned, but instead only a trip to the Cedar Springs neighborhood for a walk on Sunday evening. I checked into my hotel and got dressed. “What would Danielle wear on a casual Sunday evening?” I decided on simple Calvin Klein T-shirt, a pair of low rise jeans, and my awesome new wedge sandals. This is only the second time in my life I’ve put on makeup. It took a lot of time and never really looked great. It’s a start, I guess. My toes looked good though. I took a few pictures to commemorate the event. While talking the pictures, I realized that I was smiling for the camera. “I don’t know how to smile for the camera”, I thought. It turns out Danielle knows how to smile for the camera. Who knew? I didn’t since I’d never taken a photo of Danielle’s face before.
After a few minutes of pictures, I grabbed my keys and got ready to walk out the door. As soon as I reached for the door knob, I heard somebody in the hall of the hotel, I froze. My heart raced and I came about 5 seconds away from giving up. Instead, I took a deep breath, opened the door, closed it behind me and started walking down the hall. Down the stairs, and out the door to the parking lot.
Outside! The hot Texas summer evening probably called for a skirt instead. I didn’t care, my jeans still felt great. I walked to my car and climbed inside. I turned on the radio and the Katy Perry song, “California Gurls” was just beginning. I smiled, again. Actually, I started crying…really just a few tears rolling down my cheeks. I think I was still a bit taken back by the feeling of the smile on my face. Back to driving…. It turns out that driving in 3.5” heels requires a little adjustment. All the angles are different. Needless to say I was extra careful on the 15 minute drive to Cedar Springs. When I arrived in the neighborhood, I flirted with the idea of going to one of the clubs, but really felt no interest in going alone. I kept my original plan for simple walk around. The neighborhood was not super crowded, since it was Sunday, but there were still plenty of people out and about.
I just walked and enjoyed the summer evening. I didn’t talk to anybody but I didn’t hide from anybody either. I just walked and smiled. I definitely felt self-conscious, but not so much that it was frightening. Step by step, I felt more and more like I cared less and less about exactly what people saw or thought. After 20 minutes or so I had completed a large loop back to my car.
Satisfied with myself, I drove back to my hotel. Upon arriving, I remembered that they locked the side entrances in the evening. I had no choice but to walk in the front door and through the lobby. I was actually a little excited when I realized it. There was a group of 4 men checking in just as I entered the lobby. I could see a couple of them turn and look towards me, but I just kept walking and smiled….down the hallway, up the elevator an back to my room.
I realize it’s a pretty underwhelming adventure for so many on this board, but it was still very special for me. Before I took off my makeup, I decided to take a few more pictures of a few different outfits. I'll post them in the Pictures Gallery.