How many?

[Sarah_GG]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

[BiancaEstrella]

I'm 26 and single right now. Dating, but nothing serious with anyone...

I do plan to disclose that I cross-dress if I feel that something substantial is developing. I don't see that as necessary in the casual stages. If a woman is going to walk out, I at least want it to be before we get in too deep. I understand that there are women who may otherwise see me as a man full of endearing qualities, but couldn't accept that there's a woman very much within me, who occasionally shows herself off.

A more prominent fear I have is that I'll meet a woman who accepts it initially, but loses her warmth about it over time.

My last serious relationship ended before I accepted/realized that I am/should be a cross-dresser.

[DAVIDA]

Hi Sarah!
Yes, my wife, Jean, has known since the day I asked her to marry me!
All she said at the time was, "so"!
She sees me dressed every day. I mean, I don't feel the need to go all out with the wig and make-up, but I wear the clothes every day.
She has gone to Southern Comfort with me and has been with me every time that I have ventured out dressed.
She has bought several things for me over the years.
BTW, this December will be 20 years married!:D

OH YEAH! I was 35 and Jean is a few +1 years older than me!

[Samantha Girl]

Me and my girl Cat have been together for over 6 years. We are engaged to be married. She is 32, I am 34.

When we started going out I did not tell her. However it's more complicated then that. I had ocassionally played around with aspects of crossdressing and bisexuality by myself on and off for a few years, but nothing much. For years, very ocassionally and kinda outta nowhere I would play around with my hair with hairspray (HUGE turn on for me), maybe borrow one of my sister's pairs of tights, fishnets or whatever and maybe play with some adult toys, that's it, maybe twice a year. No makeup, no "clothes", no shoes, etc. I'd do it and completely forget about it. Before I met Cat it started to happen more often, but it didn't really "progress". Once we got together it almost completely disappeared. Around 05-06 I started growing my hair long which I had always wanted to. One day I looked in the mirror with my longer hair and thought about what I used to do with my hair messing around and my brain went "You could do a lot more girly stuff with your hair now!" Suddenly the progression sorta went into overdrive. It also helped that I was unemployed for 6 months, lots of free time :p Problem is I had never really thought through the behaviour, but I started to as things progressed and I began to realize how much I LOVED it!

So now I started buying clothes online and boots & shoes, eventually having full outfits and makeup. I also started taking pictures of myself dressed up and videos too. During this time I started to feel terribly guilty because I was hiding it from Cat. Also I hadn't really accepted who I was yet, I still felt a tremendous amount of shame about cross dressing and told NO ONE! I was deathly afraid to tell Cat, fearing rejection and the possibility of losing her. So we had been together long enough, completely in love, where I began thinking about popping the question. However I felt like I couldn't because she didn't know the whole me...

I am an artist and I have a sketchbook journal that I write and sketch my painting/art ideas in and also functions as my diary of innermost thoughts. I had a seperate hidden one for my CDing thoughts. Cat is the only person on Earth I allow to read the sketchbook/journal. I decided I'd force the issue. I wrote in there that I had this big secret that I was afraid to tell her, wrote a whole page without mentioning what it was. Explaining that's why I hadn't popped the question yet and at the end in big letters I put so Cat if you read this ask me "What's the BIG secret?" A few weeks later we were driving back from a roadtrip/vacation weekend in upstate NY and she goes what's the big secret...

Thought I was going to die right then & there! :p I told her, she had many questions and was very accepting, thoughtful and loving about it while still having concerns. When we got home she wanted to see my stash of girly stuff and I dressed up for her and we made love :D Over the coming weeks she was, rightfully so, feeling a bit betrayed that I had hid this for so long. She worked it out and forgave me and our life has progressed in a very positive way ever since. There are the ocassional small problems, but nothing major. Overall it's been amazing. Yes I know as Penny stated before me, I am VERY LUCKY! Many of you know this firsthand since Cat, studying to be a social worker, has been working on a study of us crossdressers for school that many of you were kind enough to participate in. So we obviously have talked extensively about this subject. She's come a long way :) She helps with my makeup sometimes, we've gone out a lot with me dressed up, especially now that we live outside Portland. I have absolutely no reason to feel regretful for coming out to her.

P.S. Sorry my post's so long! I am not a very succinct person with my words, you'll learn that! :p

[CallMeMeg]

I'm 56, and have been married for 21 years (and, no, I don't remember breaking three mirrors).

My wife knew before we were married and never really liked it but tolerated it because she thinks she was the one who first got me interested in crossdressing (she wasn't ~ she was about 25 years too late for that!).

[kaitlin]

Hi Sarah, When my wife and I first started being friends, about 8 years ago, we talked about everything and I do mean everything! When I told her about my likes for fem things she bought me a cute lacy pair of panties to wear for her! (we havent even had sex then) Anyway, she bought them I wore them on our first date, long story short we have been married for 3 1/2 years now and she loves her "Kaitlin" time! She is super supportive and our life is WONDERFUL!! Biggest thing and the best thing we did was to live 100% on an "open and honest" policy! No lies, no cover ups, means no problems! Luvs Kaitlin

[melissacd]

I am a fifty something individual who came out to their spouse 15 years after starting the relationship. She did not take it well and never wanted to discuss or deal with it. For 10 years after that it was the white elephant in the room that caused the relationship to go in to a tail spin and eventually end. While cross dressing was not the single cause of the split it was the catalyst that affected communication which in turn created many other problems that eventually made being together no longer an option.

We split in 2007.

The last two years I have been in a relationship with a woman who accepts, who sees me dressed up all the time, who shops with me, shares the dressing experience with me - the total opposite of my experience from my 25 year relationship. While I did not tell her right from the start I did tell her about this shortly after we met and while she was surprised she was also open to the whole thing.

The challenge that I have in the current relationship is that I want to dress 7/24 (something that I was up front with her from the beginning might be a possibility) and she does not want that. She is fine with me dressing much of the time but not all of the time. That is the new challenge that I must weigh carefully and decide upon.

[Jay Cee]

Told my girlfriend shortly after we started seeing each other that I had some "gender issues". She was pretty cool with it. When I finally broke down and wanted to buy some clothes, she went with me on a 3hr+ tour of stores and malls. Pretty cool!

Btw, I'm in my early 40's, she's in her late 30's.

[Amanduhrob]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?
I don't share, per say, she doesn't wear make up

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?
I told her while in the getting to know each other stage
Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?
Not really, she doesn't mind if I dress in front of her, but she doesn't participate, and she's both bisexual, and a female dominant, we live in a poly household with another female switch
If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you? I don't regret it one bit, and I'm allowed to dress as I like, as long as I don't stay enfemme full time

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

I hope this answers your questions, I'm 42.

[DonniDarkness]

Here we go


how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

I share my cding with my wife.

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

My wife knew about my desires to wear girls clothes about a year into dating, we have this December been married for 9 years, at the time when i first told her we were in our very early 20's, we are currently in the 25-35 age group.

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

We have fun talking about TG stuff, shopping, and everything else that involves each of our interests. No Secrets. She loves to read and i do too but i dont think either of us have read the first book on TG life/problems

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

N/A, she always known, but i would never regret being honest no matter her reaction.

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

N/A

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

N/A

[BRANDYJ]

The first person that ever knew anything about my crossdressing was the woman that became my second wife. I was about 25 at the time. I remember how scared I was to tell her. At first it did not go over to well. It took her some days to even ask me the usual questions about wanting a sex change, are you gay etc. In a short time she was comfortable enough to accept it and slowly came around to even enjoy it. We shared 10 years together until she died of cancer in 1984. Next was my third wife. I was about 38. It was a little easier to tell her then my past wife. She took it as, " so? what's the big deal". Like my past wife, she enjoyed some aspects of it with me. It was never an issue in our nearly 19 years of marriage. My present SO knew day one since we met on a alternate lifestyle dating site and she saw pictures of me in drab as well as fem. She loves for me to dress as her maid and do the housework.
There is no way I'd ever hide who I am from a woman I am in love with. If I thought a woman may not accept who I am when it comes to crossdressing, I'd end any and all romantic interest in her. It would not wok out well if I had to hide. It could be a painful thing to be discovered in a lie and hiding. Painful for her and for me.
I feel very blessed to have a woman that accepts me the way I am and loves me as much as I love her. I fully appreciate her as well as respect and adore her.

[suchacutie]

My wife and I discovered Tina together after 32 years of marriage. They are girlfriends and my wife has been teaching Tina how to be a girl, how to act as a girlfriend, and everything else. We discuss Tina when I am male and they discuss me when Tina comes to visit. I was 55 when we discovered Tina and it's our shared adventure to find out just who Tina is, since it's clear Tina has been a part of me forever, just not identified as such. The bottom line is that I understand my wife ever so much more from our discussions about growing up as a girl, about being a woman, and then allowing Tina to become a unique being. My wife gets to (along with me) find out parts of me neither of us knew existed. It's a tremendously winning situation!

me and Tina!

[Yvonne York]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

Yes my wife knows and encourages, we share dressing up times and talk about clothes but not TG issues. She encouraged me to rediscover dressing, and had no idea that it was something I had enjoyed years before.

[bobbijo]

I am 61 have been married 40 years. I did not tell my wife about my crossdressing before marriage. shortly after we were married she asked me to wear her panties. We progressed from that to me wearing panties all the time till now I am underdressed 24/7 and completly dressed on weekends and vacations.

[AKAMichelle]

Currently I am age 50 and heading for a divorce. She caught me dressed 24 years ago but I lied my way out of it. I finally told her 2.5 years ago. Telling her didn't go very well but I have few regrets about telling her.

[Emily Ann Brown]

NO...the relationship of 38 years do not survive after being discovered. But my new relationship is solid..she was told from day one.

Em

[kayegirl]

My late wife knew about my dressing before we were married, I was 23 she was 20.
Occasionaly we did share dressing up time, but never really talked about it.
Regret her knowing, NEVER, regret not talking about it more All of the time.
Caught several times, and yes our relationship did survive, we were just 10 weeks short of our 35th wedding anniversary when that dammed cancer took her life.

[Sarah_GG]

Wow. Thank you for answering my questions. I see generally that those who have told their partners have no regrets, even the ones who went on to separate have cited other issues as being the catalyst for the split.


A more prominent fear I have is that I'll meet a woman who accepts it initially, but loses her warmth about it over time.

This is a real fear. As couples take each other for granted and take on the stresses of life, crossdressing can become a scapegoat for other problems, either real or perceived. Sometimes the CDer takes any criticism as being about the crossdressing when really it might just be because you didn't take out the rubbish or forgot her birthday.


The only problems we have ever had as a result were MY problems with coming to accept it. :/

And yes, I know exactly how fortunate I am. :D

Congratulations Penny. I guess from your age group this is what I'd hope to see. And you're not alone with struggling with self-acceptance.


Hi Sarah!
Yes, my wife, Jean, has known since the day I asked her to marry me!
All she said at the time was, "so"!
She sees me dressed every day. I mean, I don't feel the need to go all out with the wig and make-up, but I wear the clothes every day.
She has gone to Southern Comfort with me and has been with me every time that I have ventured out dressed.
She has bought several things for me over the years.
BTW, this December will be 20 years married!:D


That's great. On the rare occasion that we're out and about together we have a great time - it usually involves dancing and always dressing up. Those are things that most GGs would love to do regularly but when things are concealed, sadly don't get the chance.


Thought I was going to die right then & there! :p I told her, she had many questions and was very accepting, thoughtful and loving about it while still having concerns. When we got home she wanted to see my stash of girly stuff and I dressed up for her and we made love :D Over the coming weeks she was, rightfully so, feeling a bit betrayed that I had hid this for so long.... I have absolutely no reason to feel regretful for coming out to her.

Thank you for the post. I'm glad it's all going well for you.


I'm 56, and have been married for 21 years (and, no, I don't remember breaking three mirrors).

My wife knew before we were married and never really liked it but tolerated it because she thinks she was the one who first got me interested in crossdressing (she wasn't ~ she was about 25 years too late for that!).

I think there is more fun involved for the SO if you can go out and about together and make friends with other like-minded couples. I'm sure you're just joking when you imply you've had 21 years of 'bad luck'?!


...our life is WONDERFUL!! Biggest thing and the best thing we did was to live 100% on an "open and honest" policy! No lies, no cover ups, means no problems! Luvs Kaitlin

Congratulations!


The challenge that I have in the current relationship is that I want to dress 7/24 (something that I was up front with her from the beginning might be a possibility) and she does not want that. She is fine with me dressing much of the time but not all of the time. That is the new challenge that I must weigh carefully and decide upon.

This is something that many GGs worry about. What will happen in the future, will I lose my man altogether, will he want to transition etc etc. I don't think anyone can truly know the answer to that - some will and some won't. Personally I've decided I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now we have a very happy relationship. One of us could die, have a stroke, an accident... whatever. We just enjoy the moment and for now don't see any issues arising. It is helped that we regularly have the dialogue and I know where my SOs thinking is. Good luck.


Told my girlfriend shortly after we started seeing each other that I had some "gender issues". She was pretty cool with it. When I finally broke down and wanted to buy some clothes, she went with me on a 3hr+ tour of stores and malls. Pretty cool!

Btw, I'm in my early 40's, she's in her late 30's.

Great! Shopping can be fun. I've never shopped as much as I have since I met my SO. :D I also love walking in the rain across the countryside with the dog and insist that we get as much of that as we do shopping!



I hope this answers your questions, I'm 42.

Thank you :)


Here we go

Thank you :)


There is no way I'd ever hide who I am from a woman I am in love with. If I thought a woman may not accept who I am when it comes to crossdressing, I'd end any and all romantic interest in her. It would not work out well if I had to hide.

I agree. I truly feel for everyone who's had to hide any part of who they are to their partner for whatever reason.


My wife and I discovered Tina together after 32 years of marriage.

A late starter! Thank you for your response.


Yes my wife knows and encourages, we share dressing up times and talk about clothes but not TG issues. She encouraged me to rediscover dressing, and had no idea that it was something I had enjoyed years before.

Would you encourage your wife to come here and chat to other GGs and embrace things further?


I am 61 have been married 40 years. I did not tell my wife about my crossdressing before marriage. shortly after we were married she asked me to wear her panties. We progressed from that to me wearing panties all the time till now I am underdressed 24/7 and completly dressed on weekends and vacations.

And you're both still very happy! :)


Currently I am age 50 and heading for a divorce. She caught me dressed 24 years ago but I lied my way out of it. I finally told her 2.5 years ago. Telling her didn't go very well but I have few regrets about telling her.

I'm sorry it didn't work you for you. I know none of us can turn the clocks back, but at 50 you've still got plenty of fun ahead.


NO...the relationship of 38 years do not survive after being discovered. But my new relationship is solid..she was told from day one.

Em

I'm sorry that crossdressing was the catalyst for the breakdown of your marriage. Having been straight from day one with the new relationship, are you finding it easier to express your true self?


My late wife knew about my dressing before we were married, I was 23 she was 20.
Occasionaly we did share dressing up time, but never really talked about it.
Regret her knowing, NEVER, regret not talking about it more All of the time.
Caught several times, and yes our relationship did survive, we were just 10 weeks short of our 35th wedding anniversary when that dammed cancer took her life.

I'm sorry Kaye. Thank you for your response. :)

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Yes she knows. I'm 44.

She knew as soon as I recognized it. When I was younger I had a fascination with girl's panties when I was 12 to 14 but it went away (or so I thought). After we had been married about 14 years, it came back in full force. At that time I was totally honest with her. Do I regret telling her? No. Honesty is the best policy & she knows I will tell her what is on my mind.

Shared knowledge. WE don't have fun with it. She accepts that it is part of me but doesn't encourage or discourage it. Her statement is that she is "like an ostrich." She keeps her head buried in the sand hoping it will go away. BUT she will still go out with me sometimes.


Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

[kimdl93]

My wife knows and has known since we first met....really about 4 months after we started dating. She was 29 and I was 33 at the time. We've been married for ten years and its been good. Now that her kids and mine are grown, I can dress pretty much full time at home and we have a lot of fun as girl friends. I honestly think she likes me better and accepts me as something more than just a guy who wears women's clothes. The good bits far outweigh the bad.

[KarenCDFL]

I told my wife of fifteen years way before we married. It took her awhile to get used to the idea and now all these years later she is completely accepting and very comfortable with it. There are times when we have girls nights together and times where its just me.

I probably dress more now because she tells me that I "need to dress" for various reasons.

[JessiRed]

I told my wife about me when things first started getting serious for us. Roughly 2-3 months into the relationship.

She is totally supportive and actually loves it. She's kinda bi and has said many times she never would have been able to marry a "normal" guy and that I'm perfect for her.

I was 26 and she was 29 when we met.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi,

After seperating from my ex five years ago while working for a friend I met a lovely woman named Katy. We were both the same age, mid fifties. For a few months we would bump into each other at my friends house. We gradually started talking and sooner or later we talked about me being a CD. I should point out that at this time we had no idea that we would end up as partners. Anyway as we talked she told me that she knew about me being CD and she was always wanting to know more.

Over the next couple of months we became good friends and would go to each others house for dinner. She got to see Samantha in this time. After few more months we started a relationship. On our first date it was Samantha who she met and Samantha who stayed the night.

Well, five years later and living together Samantha is still very much with us (more than I am) and Katy loves us both as much. She is also a member of this site Katy Dee.
Samantha.

.

[Laura Evans]

I told my SO (fiance) early in our relationship to give her the opportunity to back out before the relationship deepened, I was tired of living a lie with the significant people in my life (previously married). Her response was "Oh! Is that all? I don't care." I am 62 and she is 42.

We have shopped together and she has purchased clothing and jewelry for me. I dress often when we are together. She has 4 children two know and two don't so when the two that don't know are around I won't dress. At bed time, however, I usually do.

We do share a-lot and talk a-lot about clothing, jewelry, CD'ing in general. When she comes across something on the subject she usually shares it with me. She often taunts me with comments such as: "I bet you would like to wear such and such." usually related to something a woman is wearing.

In the previous relationships in which I was caught it ended in divorce but not from the CD'ing although it did not help. I did not come out to them primarily because I was not accepting of myself, felt guilt and shame.

[JulieC]

As with everything, I shared this with my wife and continued to do so.

She knew a few months into our relationship. It was no big deal to her. A couple of days later, she bought me pantyhose. Later on, crossdressing rapidly expanded for me. It didn't go well at first, but we eventually worked it out well.

We haven't read any books on the subject, but otherwise yes we frequently discuss crossdressing, and have some fun with the topic in general.

The only bad bit was when my crossdressing rapidly expanded to include many other items than just (mainly) pantyhose. That was a rocky road at first. I don't know that I ever regretted telling her.

The good bits are that it continues the depth of relationship that we have. Everything is shared, and everything is open. We have very strong communication skills, and this emphasizes that.

The only 'problem' we have now is that while my wife wishes I didn't, I still feel guilty being dressed in front of her sometimes. It is slowly getting better.

I was never caught by anyone other than my mother, my wife included.

I was in my early 30s when I told my wife, and we've been married since (now in 40s).

[Jenny Green]

I'm 50-ish, been married 30-ish years, and haven't told my wife.

10 years ago, she found a few items of clothing, and I explained it away as just a temporary thing. She hasn't brought it up since, and I haven't, either. But based on her reaction at that time, I believe that the revelation that I still CD would not be well received at all. Now, with kids, the stakes are even higher.

So, it will remain my private thing. Yes, I admire those who've come out and been accepted. Sounds wonderful, and I admire you. But for me, it would bring big problems and I already have enough of those.

[PretzelGirl]

I am 49, my wife is 40 and we have been married 20 years. I had tried a few pieces of clothing on here and there as a teen and it then stopped. I just chalked it up to curiosity. Then about 7 years ago, I started playfully wearing one item at a time with her knowing. And now it has progressed to full dressing with her knowledge the whole way. I am a big believer in boundaries, and I gave her the opportunity to set hers. Over time, they have vanished.

We talk about it seriously and jokingly all the time. We also talk about other things like clothes. She has gone shopping with me dressed and to other things like the movies (although I haven't been out a lot just because of opportunity). And in a big show of support, she (along with my daughter) go to my Tri-Ess meetings and my wife has taken on an office.

So for us it is all about acceptance. What is surprising to me (as we tend to expect the negative) is that she is the one to suggest I take the next step before I broach the subject. Like recently, she sent me a coupon for laser treatments.

So I do get to put myself among the blessed. :love:

[t-girlxsophie]

My wife knew from first time we chatted online,that I was a crossdresser,she was 37 and i was 39,we talked on phone,online for 3 month before meeting,then after 3 wks of Dating finally Sophie was introduced.

We have lots of fun together we enjoy clothes shopping,clubbing when get the chance,and we love nothing more than having a girlie night in-makeover,both dressed up sexy with bottle of wine,and chick flick on telly.she still amazes me with her understanding and support,and I try never to take her for granted

Neither of us have actually read any books on the subject,we don't tend to analyse It much,just know that we love each other,and our life together with that nice Sophie girl:)

:hugs:Sophie xx

[txrobinm]

I'm recently divorced (finalized just a couple of weeks ago). We were married 17 years. She knew before the marriage, and asked me not to CD. I said yes. While it was wrong of her to ask me and wrong of me to say yes, we did create wonderful memories and 2 beautiful children during our time together. And, after several years of pain as I became unable to repress this side of me any longer, we are both quite happy now, able to live our lives as we see fit.

Once she brought me silk men's pajamas, and a couple of times we went shopping for her with another woman friend and my style sense was in great demand from both of them. The sales associates thought otherwise of course! SA: "that looks great on you!" Friend looks at me, I shake my head, and the outfit goes back on the rack while I went looking for something better for her body type. SA shoots me a dirty look! LOL

[Danni Bear]

the crossdressing wasn't an issue. s/he always knew from the start.

[faltenrock]

Dear Sarah, I used to share my CDing with my wife for about 4 years after coming out to her. She would tolerate my dressing at home once a week or so, even while making love. Then almost suddenly she told me she didn't want to see me dressed anymore.

She did not know from the beginning (1989), I told her in 1995, which was difficult. He were engaged since 1989 and married a year after I came out to her.

She does not want to talk about it with me. The good thing is, she knows that I go out in public and that I buy new clothes. The bad thing is, she comes up with the CDing on a regular basis and tell me I should have told her from the beginning. The fact is, my wish to dress would disappear after being in a relation with her - but we all know Crossdrssing doesn't stop.

We are in love, she tolerates without talking about it. I think it's a rather difficult issue for her, for me it became part of my personality and expression.
I used to hate it, now I love and enjoy dressing and going out. I know I can't stop and accepted it as a part of my idividuality.

[Imogen_Mann]

My partner now has known about my dressing from the outset, and is happy to be a part of it as I am happy to be a part of her love of PVC and rubber. We help each other and having a second opinion with a critical eye can be a god-send.

I'm now 40, she's early mid 30's, and at the moment I'm happy with the shared knowledge but have to admit, sometimes I want to take my dressing further and I feel I am limited in what I can do because she is not happy about things going just 'too far' with my dressing and it becoming more important to me than our relationship or the feminine side of me eclipsing the masculine all together.. It can be a bit touch and go on that front depending on my mood.

As far as discussing transgender issues goes, we don't very much. It ends up as an argument, me on the rights and emotions side, and her on the 'get a grip' side. :)

[RachelDenise]

I'm 53, wife is 54. She caught me after 1 year of marriage. My regret is that I didn't tell her before. We've been married 26 years. My CDing has been the great failure of my life in this matter and I take full responsibility for it. It has been a burden on this relationship. She refuses to talk about it, and it lingers everyday with a heaviness that permeates our life. It has been at least 17 years since we talked about it. This is her choice not mine. I feel that she doesn't accept an important part of me. If I could do it all over again.........

[Tina B.]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO? Count me as one, I share it all!

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into? No, she didn't''t, I had not dressed in years, and did not know it was going to come up again. When it did, five years into the marriage, thats when I told her. That was around the time I was 27/28.

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?Not really, no fun and games, just life as usual with a husband that likes to dress pretty.

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?No regrets, I'm lucky, my wife excepted then news very well on day one, and she has been a great asset in improving my look, and style. And until I was ready to do it myself, she did all my shopping for me while I acted like a bored husband.The bad bits is only when I want to wear my red necklace, just to find it went to work with the wife, but then I get to play in her jewelry box, so I guess it's not so bad.

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive? N/A

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?N/A

Honesty is the best policy!

[Lorileah]

how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?
Me, always will because it is me. well half of me...maybe 75%. Well the part that gets in the most trouble anyway



If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

I will have to divide this into two answers. A long time ago it wasn't really a discussion as it was her "knowing" and accepting. So the true coming out wasn't a day (at least that I remember). Age bracket was mid 20's

Now, it will be at the outset of any relationship. Age bracket...old


Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them? Since when I am dressed up I am more relaxed I do have fun. But then I am quirky and irreverent no matter what I wear. Books? Oh yeah i remember those,,,I have some in a closet.


If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?
(wow just learned to use the quote icon...how cool is that?)

I have not regretted it ever. It is who I am, and anyone who really likes me will see that. If not, I don't have time for false relationships (friends or otherwise). Good...well we have fun together and are sort of like girl friends (trite but it seems true). It can and has given ...um...:o sexual things a different bend. We argue fashion (I am more out there...she is more conservative) and I feel like a teenager who is being told to change before a date. (is that good or bad?). I tend to have better taste in clothing than most males so no mini see thru teddies with G-strings for gifts. (is that good or bad???)


never been caught (because I never really hid it at least not well and I am happy with the status quo from their side....not so happy with my insecurities still, but I am working on it

[DonnaT]

I was 20, she was 19.

Shortly after being married (August 1975) my wife complained about the hair on my legs and threatened to shave them. After making these idle threats a few times, I then dared her to do it.

So she did, partly, and I had to finish. She really liked them that way.

One day she was on the phone with my mom, and she told her what happened. At some point the discussion of pantihose arose, and the next thing I know, I'm trying on hose over my smooth legs for the first time.

This progressed to me dressing up for my wife, and she even gave me a wig she use to wear. I then wanted to complete the look and did my makeup for the first time. Being an artist, the makeup was easy to do.

My wife thought I looked great, and remarked that if we had a daughter she would be beautiful. And she is.

My first reaction was to suggest she get dressed and we could go to the mall and do some shopping. That didn't happen. She said she didn't mind me dressing for her, but it had to stay in the apartment.

One day she asked why I liked dressing up, and I told her everything, and that I was a transvestite. The term crossdresser hadn't been used in those days.

Screeech!!!! She looked up the word transvestite in the dictionary one day, and immediately called a halt to the whole thing. The dictionary included a reference to homosexuality.

Took some explaining that this wasn't true, but the seeds of doubt had already been implanted into her mind.

Thus began the roller-coaster ride we've 'enjoyed' over the past 34 yrs. And she has been out with me dressed enfemme a few times, starting in 2004.

[BobbiU]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

YES

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

NO, she did not know, and my activities weren't as much back then. Currently 50, she's older, She's know for about 6 years.

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general?

FUN: YES, very much so. We have a very traditional male/female life, I make the $, she stays home and spends it, cooks, etc. However, on the intimate side of our relationship, I'm the submissive one, and she uses it fully for her pleasure. (which is what I want). We enjoy shopping for clothes for me together.


Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

NO

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

I really didn't decide to "tell", it was something that came out over time, and she fully accepted. No bad things, good things is, she get more of the TLC that she wants.

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?
(did not get caught)

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

[StephanieC]

My SO and I celebrated our silver anniversary last year. She found out recently when I finally admited it to myself: she want's nothing to do with it and often comments about the amount of stuff I have.

On the other hand, she often asks my opinion about outfits.

I don't think this reality is viewed in a positive light since she considers it "abnormal".

[Greymancd]

Hi, I am 53 and shared my cding with my wife as soon as I knew it had a hold on me. That was 2 years ago now. She does not actively participate yet but has bought me a pair of shoes and has thought about buying me some clothes. She does not want to see me dressed yet and I have not really pushed it either. We did make out twice while I did have a bra on but she did not say anything abiout it and then once I asked if I could put a skirt on and she said yes. Other than that she saw some pics I took. She is somewhat afraid I will look better than her as a woman and some afraid where this may end up. She is also afraid some willl find out and think I am gay and may get beat up. Probably all common fears od SO's. She is going to help me with some hair removal soon also. I live her and am glad that she is accepting of me a big change since when I first told her and she thought she would have to leave.

[Annaliese2010]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

Nope. Don't got no wifey no SO. Wont be TG when find me a GG. Sad but true...boohoo & teehee...

(lol...)

[lori m crawford]

my mom did an help me dress then a long time went by an i met a girl that love it for a time an she like it an she got tard of it so i am by my selfan if a women dont like it so be it i am not changing

[DeSkirt]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

I was married for about 16 years. my (now) ex-wife knew about my cross dressing desires before we were married and was supportive. She bought me my first teddy and also dressed me completely before we were married. overtime her attitude changed and we eventually got divorced.


If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?
After my divorce I did not want to get into another relationship with a women that was not accepting. Before I married my current wife (at me 41 years old and her 40) I spelled it out as clearly as I could that this was something that is a part of me that will not change.


Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?
It started out fun. When she came over to my apartment we have fun dressing up. We did not discuss the subject in depth, just looked at it as a fun game.


If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?
I regret it. I know how a wife would feel cheated or lied to if I did not let her know about this part of me before we were married and then found out after the fact. My wife changed her mind and does not want anything to do with it. Had I known that, I don't know if I would have married her. In stead of this being something that makes us stronger, it pulls us apart some. I feel I shared my deepest scret with her and she lied to me and said that she was fine with it (I think just to get me to marry her) and now she has done a 360. I don't know that for a fact, but thats how I feel.


For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

N/A

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

I am 51 years old

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Yep, since day one... before the relationship actually started on the dating trail... I laid it all out for her to decide. She had no qualms whatsoever so long as I wasn't going to transition (which has never been on the table).
These days we go out together either in "sister" mode, or we bring out our faire personae and perform for the public. Being open and honest right from the start has had a positive outcome in our relationship and we are still growing together on this magical journey.

Its well worth it:)

Zarabeth

[Samantha43]

I told her very early in our relationship, before we were married. She has been very supportive during our 20+ years of marriage. She enjoys girls night as much as I do. She says I lose many of my male traits and am more enjoyable to be around. :)

I'm careful not to get carried away and over do it because of the respect I have for her. We have a good balance that keeps both of us happy.

[AmandaM]

1. how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?
2. If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

She's known 3 years before being married. We're in our 40's. It's been about 20 years.

3. Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

She hasn't read books, I've read lots. We talk about clothes and shop/recommend for each other. We have talked about gender stuff.

4. If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

The good parts are that I can do it freely if the kids aren't home or I lock my door. The bad parts are only my own non-acceptance.

[Cheryl J]

63 years old, bloody hell, how did that happen!!! Married 42 years, bloody hell, how did that happen!!! Told her before we married. Never tolerated. She says now that she was too young to understand. See, my fault again!! Ultimatum. Now underdressed permanently. Nighties at night, even when away staying other places. Dressed when at home (most days-retired now). No compromise. I compromised most of my life. Buy what I want when I want. It's Cheryl's turn and nobody takes it away. Leaving her soon, tired of the hateful looks, audible groans, sly remarks. Why not leave now? Long story, but soon, coupla months.
Bitter, you betcha. Does it show? Nooooo!!!!

Cheryl.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Sarah.

Q1. I would be absolutely ecstatic if I could share my CDing with my wife, but she chooses to have nothing to do with Tash altogether. She likes to know when I go out, and sometimes where, but never anything more than that.

Q2. Sadly, my wife did not know from the start. I told her in the 8th year of our relationship. One of my deepest regrets not being able to come clean in the early stages of our relationship, which I'm sure relates directly to my answer to Q1. I only garnered the balls to come clean after stumbling across this forum, and having my eyes opened for me.

Q3. See my answer to Q1. My wife refuses to share or talk about anything really. She asks the odd question when she needs to know something, to which I am always open and honest, but I think I did too much damage by leaving it late to tell her.

Q4. No regrets telling her, only regret is not having the balls to tell earlier. The good thing is that I don't have a hidden stash anymore, and I get Tash time every couple of weeks to hit the shops etc. The bad thing is that I feel she is always suspicious, what else can I hide etc. Quite a valid suspicion too, under the circumstances.

Q5. I wasn't caught out

Q6. N/A

Hope this helps.

Tash :)

[Sarah_GG]

Thanks everyone for responding. Firstly I need to say that this isn't a thread to thumb my nose at the members who've chosen to not tell their SOs. I respect everyone's reasons for doing whatever they're doing. I will always fly the 'tell her' banner simply because I (personally) hate having things hidden in a relationship.

I was interested in the age split - whether it was the younger ones who told and the older ones who didn't. Whilst most CDers who've told have no regrets, there are a few who do. Those who feel that their hobby is used against them, those who felt mislead into marriage with someone who, at the outset, seemed accepting.

I don't know whether this may help to understand why that might happen. When I first met my SO I knew that something was being hidden and was relieved to discover it wasn't another woman (as such!). In the beginning of a relationship people will accept almost anything about their new love, hiding potential faults from themselves in case it spoil the rosy hue. Finding out about my SOs crossdressing was fine - I'm a modern free-thinking woman blah blah blah. However, in the everydayness of relationships things go awry.

I wonder whether our (us GG wives/SOs/partners) lack of interactiveness when it comes to our SOs dressing is wrongly interpreted as being unsupportive. For example, whilst I am supportive and happy that my SO can be true to himself, I do find aspects of it irritating.

I don't know whether by sharing these irritations it might help you, both to understand that although I'm irritated I'm still accepting and to acknowledge the feeling of goal posts having been moved.

Once my SO had told me, he went full-steam-ahead into a pink fog. Luckily - because I'd gleaned so much information and immersed myself on this forum - I understood that might happen. I remain supportive but it was something that seemed to gather momentum and didn't really give any heed to my worries about where it was all going to stop. Suddenly it became my responsibility to say "Whoooaaa!"

There are a few things about my SOs dressing that annoy me. They are (1) his refusal to eat anything when dressed and his 'girly' approach to food. (2) any whiff of an evening, a day off during the week or a weekend with no kids around has become an opportunity for dressing (ie not a romantic interlude!) and (3) his seeking approval for every outfit tried on.

So, if I express any frustration about any of the above issues, it's interpreted as a complete rejection of his CDing side. I understand that my SO feels foolish if I snap at him while he's dressed, but it's not that I'm rejecting his CDing, it's because my buttons have been pressed.

That's one of the reasons I encourage CDers to direct their SOs to FAB because we help each other with those frustrations (not everyone's are the same!). By dealing with them we can get things into perspective.

Sorry if this has rambled a bit... :D

[Lorileah]

Sarah, you are wonderful showing things that we may not have considered. I too feel awkward when if I am discussing dressing up or am dressed and suddenly there is the "look" and I wonder what went wrong, am I now not supposed to dress (or even act like the 'feminine' part I share this mortal coil with ...damn Shakespeare.) and then the rest of the evening and maybe a few days are sort of cold. We are walking a fine edge to start and it doesn't take much to push us over. Both sides are this way I am sure with GG's teetering on their fears. I don't know that most of us dress to emulate how we wish our GG partners would dress, but more about how we feel we look good and there is where I run into problems. I like short skirts and high heels. I like showing off and most GG's don't like us attracting that attention to us or them if we are out. So when we get the "hmmm that's a little short isn't it?" we hear "you look bad" and we start internalizing our fears and soon we are in a mood so to speak. Is this because our partners slip into the girlfriend mode? You know when you tell your BFF her outfit makes her look like a ..... instead of a partner mode?

We would love 24 hour support and praise (who wouldn't?) and when we dress up often we feel totally different than our daily selves. It is a scary world. So even when we get the support and respect from our partners we are doing that balancing act. How we handle criticism may determine how we believe our partners support us. And I have to wonder how many TG's here have more support than they realize but only heard the criticism? I understood the support I had in my marriage as almost 100% but I was the one who set limits because of fear. Now my relationships tend to appear, to me, more restrictive even though I am out more. Envelope, pushing, differing concept or who I am and what the partner thinks I should be. (read dress your age....don't be so flirty...can't you be more prim?).

So the point here (sometimes Lori doesn't know when to shut up ;)) is that even with a high level of support we get scared and are sort of like mice. And with less support, or what we expect to be low support, we are even more fearful

[Sarah_GG]

Thank you Lorileah! And that's input from two couples who do, seemingly, communicate and for whom CDing is not a problem. For those couples where things are more awkward and where there's more guilt involved... imagine the difficulties. Thanks for your input in seeing things from the other side too.

The 'look' doesn't mean "I detest everything about your crossdressing"... it's simply the 'look'! And it can mean anything from "I'm bored now" or "hmmmm... your legs are thinner than mine" to "how many peignoirs do you actually need?!"

[Laura Evans]

Thanks Sarah for your insightful questions and the responses the girls have given you. I appreciate your thoughts on all of this. Even though my partner and I have excellent communication it is important for me to be aware of some feelings that may go unexpressed by my SO. We don't live together at the moment and I am dressed 7 days a week, she knows this but her feelings could change when we get married and she is living 24/7with Laura. I also identify with Lorileah's last post, thanks, Lorileah.

[Patty B.]

Excellant post Lorileah, married 28 years before i told my wife, she's 7 years younger. Do have some fun with knowledge. I'veheld back this past year, my wife suggests complete dressing, going out in public meeting others with alternative lifestyles. No books read, have suggested more than once to join the F.A.B., dont know if shes joined, if she has she's keeping it to herself.
Some days I regret telling her, but mostly don't because it was coming between us and it still may end our marriage. The good about this is she knows I've never had an affair and this is all I've hidden, more honesty. So far our marriage hasen't dissolved, but we are going through her numerous health issues which sometimes preclude our addressing my cding. We seem to be more like two girls living in the same house, so time will tell how this works out. I did come out to her to ease her mind, not for acceptance or rejection, both of which I get. Thanks for listening.

[Raychel]

My wife did not know from the start. FOOLISH mistake on my part. I should have come out to her before we were married. I had the chance and blew it.
I told her about 5 years ago. That was a very stressful point in our relationship. But we made it thru it. I was 46 at the time and she is 4 years younger then me.

She will sometimes joke with me about it. But as far as shared dress up times, No. I think it would be alot of fun, but she thinks otherwise, She prefers to see her man as a man, Can't blame her I guess. She did marry a man afterall, Not some messed up guy in a dress.:heehee:

Am I totallly happy, Not really, I would love to just dress whenever I wanted to, regardless if there were other people in the house or not. But I must respect my wifes wishes and keep my dressing under cover for now.

[Miss Misery]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

I wouldn't call it "sharing" per se. She knows but prefers to have nothing to do with it. It's "my thing".

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

No. I didn't tell my wife until we had been married for about 4 yrs. We already had 1 child (2yr old) with second one on the way and I was in graduate school so no money. I'd say the stress level was a little high then.
We were both 28 when I told her and now we're both 50.

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

Nope. She's not much of a fan about women's fashion, makeup etc for women. So it's really hard for her to care about this stuff and thus understand the whole CD thing.

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

Sometimes yes others no. I regret it when I think it's a burden she shouldn't have to deal with but do appreciate that she can accept me.

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

Never was caught by my wife or even suspect.

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?


I think it is evident that many of those who didn't tell initially are of the "older" generation. It seems to point towards the changing attitude(s) in society at large as well as the availability of information (web) on the subject of CDing. I felt less inhibited about telling my wife 20+ years ago after seeing something on TV about Tri-Ess. That opened my eyes to the possibility that I wasn't alone. That feeling of aloneness may also contribute to folks staying in the closet.

[CamilleLeon]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

I share my crossdressing with my girlfriend/SO. She didn't find out until after 4-5 months into our relationship and we grappled with a few issues for awhile (do I want to be a woman? will I run off with a man? etc) but we've worked through those and we're definately a lot closer as a couple. We're both in our early 20's and we have a lot of fun with dressing up. She's the reason I'm truely accepting of this side of me at all. We've done some reading about transgenderism and transvestism, and Shannon even took a class called Human Sexuality and did a project specifically about transvestites to help learn more about all of this. It's been a long and interesting road for the both of us, but we're both very happy with all of it

[carrie-ann]

My wife and I were best friends before we got married. She new about Carrieann. She had the chance to run. I'm so glad she didn't. She loves me and I love her. Next year will be 12 years of marriage.

[Crystal Alberta]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?


My girlfriend and I have now been together for six months (not that long, I know), and I told her about my crossdressing within our first week of going out. We had been friends for some time before that, so I think she knew me well enough to know that I was otherwise a pretty normal, well-adjusted person. I'm 31, and she's a few years younger.

As I've gushed a number of times on this site, her reaction has been incredibly positive. I've never regretted telling her, and I honestly can't think of any negatives. We do have fun with it. She has bought me a few things and done my makeup a couple of times. We enjoy talking clothes and looking through the occasional fashion magazine together. She has told me that she feels my telling her actually brought us closer together, as it was such a personal thing to share so early in the relationship, and it signalled very early that we would not be keeping secrets and hiding things from one another.

For my part, I have been careful not to get carried away. I like to think of myself as a balanced person, and I am mindful of the fact that my girlfriend still wants her man.

Crystal

[Dena]

I share this part of me with my wife.

I told her about a month or two after we met (we've been together 10 years, married for the last 3). We are middle aged.

We dressed up a few times the first year and had fun. I was 40 when we met and had pretty well explored my crossdressing. Finally figured out styles and colors to wear. I had bought my 4th wig. I was going out occasionally. I'm not dressing up much these days, only wearing panties and sleeping in nightgowns.

[5150 Girl]

My SO knows all, and goes out with me, and even gets me stuff.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

She knew from the beginning. We were both in our mid-20's when I told her.

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general?

When I first told her we had a lot of fun. Now that it's been several years, the novelty of being dressed together has sort of worn off. Now it's just the norm for our marrriage. We still have conversation about transgender topics from time to time, but they really have no more importance than any other topics that arise.

Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

When I first came out to her and was still finding out about myself I read lots of books on the subject. At this point I know who I am so there is no further need for me to read books on the subject.

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it?

I've never regretted it.

What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

The good habits are that I understand I can't rush my wife to get ready to go out somewhere with a minutes notice. I understand it takes time to pick a matching outfit, make up etc. We both are very conscous of being healthy and excercising because neither of us wants to go up a dress or skirt size. The bad part is that I inherited from my male side's "clutter/sloppy gene". So in addition to my male sides clothes cluttering everything, there's my stuff adding additional clutter.

[Michelle55]

I told my wife after about 3 weeks together as it looked like it could become serious. I promised myself I would tell any potential long term partners before marriage and I was concerned I would chicken out if I waited and ended up feeling I had too much to lose by telling her.

I met her in 2005. We've been married since 2006. We are both 55 now.

[gretchen_love]

I've shared it with my GF, but never dressed in front of her. I don't regret it in the least, and she has known almost since the beginning. Her opinion is "whatever, its just clothes" which is totally awesome.

[NicolaD]

I am in a relationship and she knew about it from the beginning, even saw me CD at that time. It wasn't a problem at the time and she was supportive and curious. I think that may have been as it was new and she was very much in love with me.
But unfortunately as time has gone on, my CD is becoming a problem.
I may post more on this latter when I manage to get my head round what her problem is and what are her concerns

[ReineD]

I like short skirts and high heels. I like showing off and most GG's don't like us attracting that attention to us or them if we are out. So when we get the "hmmm that's a little short isn't it?" we hear "you look bad" and we start internalizing our fears and soon we are in a mood so to speak. Is this because our partners slip into the girlfriend mode? You know when you tell your BFF her outfit makes her look like a ..... instead of a partner mode?

Sarah, I hope it's OK for me to address this question in your thread. :)

Lori, for my part, when I see my SO dressed in ways that I dress in order to attract and appeal to HIM/HER, I wonder, who is she really dressing for. It can't be me, since I'm not attracted to women in short skirts or tight sweater dresses. To be honest, women (at least the women that I know) don't wear short skirts and sexy heels for each other. My SO maintains that women dress sexily in order to feel good about themselves. But the truth is that the part of it that makes them feel good (when dressed in clothing that sends those signals) is knowing they are attractive to the opposite sex. I know this is a huge generalization to make, but just look generally at the difference a woman who has been married for years dresses when she is out with her husband, or a woman whose focus is very much on her career, vs. a single woman. The way a woman dresses is telling of her receptiveness to or awareness of the man/men in her life.

I know there's been an upsurge of all women LBD parties in recent times, but I think this is a passing fad and it is done more on a lark than anything else. If I were to go to an all women's event where there is no dress code (as I have several times ... been to women's weekend retreats and Avon, kitchenwear, jewelry, and even lingerie parties), the dress style is comfortable and definitely not sexy.


How we handle criticism may determine how we believe our partners support us.

This is very insightful. I had not thought of this before. Thank you for pointing it out! :hugs:

[Miss Misery]

To be honest, women (at least the women that I know) don't wear short skirts and sexy heels for each other. My SO maintains that women dress sexily in order to feel good about themselves. But the truth is that the part of it that makes them feel good (when dressed in clothing that sends those signals) is knowing they are attractive to the opposite sex. I know this is a huge generalization to make, but just look generally at the difference a woman who has been married for years dresses when she is out with her husband, or a woman whose focus is very much on her career, vs. a single woman. The way a woman dresses is telling of her receptiveness to or awareness of the man/men in her life.

Reine, thanks for that comment. My SO and daughter both contend that women dress to impress other women including makeup, hair etc.

I would contend that women usually dress to impress other women BUT when they wear the extremes: short skirts, high spikey heels, tight or revealing dresses, then they are trying for male attention. As a GM, I'll tell you we need to be hit over the head to pay attention to fashion details - the extremely seductive stuff hits us over the head - doh.

[KateW]

It took a couple of years into the relationship before I told my wife about me.

[ReineD]

Reine, thanks for that comment. My SO and daughter both contend that women dress to impress other women including makeup, hair etc.

I would contend that women usually dress to impress other women BUT when they wear the extremes: short skirts, high spikey heels, tight or revealing dresses, then they are trying for male attention. As a GM, I'll tell you we need to be hit over the head to pay attention to fashion details - the extremely seductive stuff hits us over the head - doh.


That's a good point too. I've heard the argument that women dress for each other, but if they do it definitely won't be in sexy clothes that are designed to attract men. lol. Maybe some women want to show off to other women their financial success, or how rich and powerful their husbands are, so their styles would tend to be ostentacious? Or maybe the clothes are a way to solidify the pecking order, as in, "I'm more attractive than you are, so back off my man"? And do they dress for each other when they're alone, or only when there are men present? I'm guessing that an independent, successful woman won't feel the need to impress anyone, and she'll dress as she d*mn well pleases. lol.

The entire concept of women dressing for each other eludes me. This simply doesn't happen in the circles I travel in. You should ask your wife and daughter why they think that some women do this.

[ShirleyO]

Hi Sarah,
Well I have to tell you that I have recieved a lot of rejection because my CDing but one GG said "so what". I don't think she took me seriously until one evening I dressed up for her and you should have seen the look on her face She was overwhelmed and very shocked. ever since then we have dressed each other and gone out as sisters and boy and girl. we pick out each others outfits and the really cool thing is that she can wear my cloths and shoe and I can wear hers. So we have great fun with each other. she has made it much easier for me to go out both day and night and I have to say that it is really exciting. We live in a libral town in the Pacific North West and there are many gender friendly places to shop and I have met many wonderful sale ladies in all the popular stores that are happy to help me. So on we go together having the time of our lives.

[Jonianne]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

I'm in my fiftys and after learning from my mistakes in my first marriage, I told Angel, just as soon as she expressed an interest in me. That was 11 years ago. It took her a day before she called me back and said she was OK with it. That was several years before we married.


Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

Angel went with me to triess meetings to find out what it was about. She got me my first wig, she took me on my first outing saying "Joni needs to feel the sun on her face", she asked me to dress for one leg of our train trip while on vacation and to spend a day dressed with me at Niagra Falls. She sees to it that I can make time for dressing and going out if I need to. She doesn't always accompany me, but she is there for me. There have been times when she doesn't want to deal with it and I respect that also.

It was the best thing in the world to tell her before we married and I will never regret that.

[Satrana]

The entire concept of women dressing for each other eludes me. This simply doesn't happen in the circles I travel in. I think that is the point - it depends on your circle of friends.

I think first and foremost people dress for themselves but women in particular want to look good and be presentable. That means they have to reference their look to fashion trends and more importantly to fit in with friends. If your friends are all into casual sweatpants etc then you can do the same. But if your friends wear classy dresses and you turned up in sweatpants then you would feel out of place and embarrassed and your friends would feel embarrassed for you. So it is not necessarily always competing but making sure you fit into an acceptable presentation spectrum for your social class. You want to look as good as those in your circle and you will raise your standards if required.

And commenting on clothes, shoes, handbags and hairdos are typical conversation starters so women are checking each others' appearances as they greet each other. And many women fish for those compliments.

This is also age dependent. The younger you are the more fashion orientated you are and the more competitive you are. My teenage step daughter is a fashionista and spends hours putting together the perfect outfit and her conversations are orientated around criticizing others' appearances. This has got nothing to do with impressing boys since most of the time boys are banned! It is very competitive to the point of ugliness.

All the above is foreign territory for men. We do not have outfits or care about presentation except perhaps neatness. Most men would not remember a single detail of what their friends were wearing because clothes are just boring practical things not worth noticing. So I guess we CDs are very much aware of the time and effort required in looking fashionable and fitting in which women take for granted as part of their everyday routine.

What is true is that women only choose clothes to please men during the dating process. Once in a stable relationship women dress to please themselves and fit into their circle of female friends.

[busker]

Reine, we are, after all is said and done, largely imitators and a possible excuse for a cd wearing short skirts and other "men gathering wardrobe items" could be that they imitate what they admire on gg's,and not fully realizing that they can be attracting "the wrong crowd". If one has little faith in one's ability to put together a fashionable wardrobe, then to copy what seems appealing is pretty easy. It is how we learn and copying is a sincere form of flattery.
The other question is whether one is displaying a gender role or a sexual role, and as demonstrated by the readership of such topics as dating men and dating other cd's, there is some valid reason for wives to worry as to whether there are not some bi- or gay overtones to dressing in such a way.

[ReineD]

Satrana, I do agree with your points. You describes dressing for the occasion, and commenting on each other's fashion choices, (Where did you find that dress? Was it on sale? What an adorable bag, shoes, etc). All perfectly valid, and it is done in all circles.

What I mean by women not dressing for other women, is when they wear the types of clothes that are designed as bait. You know what I mean. The tight sweater dresses, the plunging necklines, the short skirts, the f***k-me shoes, the skin tight leggings showing off a rounded bootie, the lace camis and sexy patterned stockings, etc. Women don't wear these things for other women.

Busker, I also see your point about a CD needing to learn about fashion and wanting to emulate the looks he likes best. And also being a GM who is visual and attracted to the female form, it makes sense to want to emulate the look that is eye-candy to a guy, more than what a woman wears to go to the grocery store. But CDs also need to realize the effect of the clothes they are wearing. If they wear clothes that send a message, they need to understand that they are appealing to the guys who are attracted to the women who wear these types of clothes. You are correct when you say this will make the woman in the CD's life begin to ask serious questions when her partner dresses like that.

[temptationfalls]

My girlfriend fully supports my dressing in the bedroom fortunately for me. I was super scared at first but her being a 19 year old virgin (I'm surprised those exist still) she had no experience and when we started the sexual foreplay stage I decided that I would have to tell her early before it was too late. She's fine with me wearing panties and thongs all the time but she's not quite comfortable with me going out dressed at all so we keep it at a bedroom thing.

[bettysmith]

I told my fiance ( now my wife) before we got married about my dressing , 30 years ago. She supported me for many years , but last year told me she wanted me as a male only .

[lorisdream]

I told my wife about 2 weeks after we began dating. We both read "My Husband Betty" and I answered her questions afterwards. Basically her response was "it's no big deal; it's part of who I am. I dress whenever I want. She completely supports me and who I am. We have been married about 15 months and are middle-aged.

[emmabeautiful]

One person knows, my girlfriend.

I told her fairly early on after dropping a few hints and she's been great.

We're having a lot of fun with it together.

[CCole]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

I was 24 when I met my future wife. In my earlier years I had spent some time on a CD forum and heard from people that wanted to tell their SO but were worried about their reaction or just told them and it hurt the relationship so I decided to tell her from the start of the relationship. She was okay with it after talking about it with some of her really good friends (mine now as well and they are all okay with it! :) ) and now she thinks it is weird when I don't wear panties!

She can't even imagine me in "regular" (her words lol) underwear.

[Satrana]

What I mean by women not dressing for other women, is when they wear the types of clothes that are designed as bait. Well there are some women who dress that way as de facto but for sure the majority don't except perhaps for a time during their teenage years when there is competition to be the most noticed by boys.

I think perhaps you are mis-reading what others are meaning when they say women dress for other women. This is not about sexual attraction but noting women care about the opinions of their female friends and want to fit into their social circle. A part of the decision when you choose clothes is who is going to see you that day wearing that outfit. Securing peer approval is a subconscious process however men's opinions (excluding your SO) are essentially irrelevant since it is only women who will be commenting.



If they wear clothes that send a message, they need to understand that they are appealing to the guys who are attracted to the women who wear these types of clothes. I am sure they know all to well but don't care since their experience is temporary only and when they change back to drab clothes they stop being that person so the consequences are not real. There is a real disconnect taking place - in the real world they are men, in their virtual fantasy world they are women. These are two distinct experiences and they see no reason why there should be any overlap. But to the external observer like an SO there is only the real world experience.

[Dena]

for my part, when I see my SO dressed in ways that I dress in order to attract and appeal to HIM/HER, I wonder, who is she really dressing for. My SO maintains that women dress sexily in order to feel good about themselves.

I'd say he is dressing for himself (especially if this is in private).

I think most crossdressers dress for themselves, I do. I like getting dressed up in silk dresses and satin gowns. Outfits not suitable for everyday wear.

[geri-tg.]

I went very slowly but it has turned out to be the best thing I have ever done. WE are so in love and share even our clothes.

[ReineD]

I'd say he is dressing for himself (especially if this is in private).

Yes Dena, she does say she dresses for herself, although she rarely dresses in private any more. She goes out frequently. But being a GG and understanding many GG types, I know that women who do dress to feature certain or all body parts generally tend to be more aware of the male population than those who don't. :)

I guess the comparison just can't be made between GGs and CDs in terms of dressing motives.

[juno]

I have been married 26 years. I really started cross-dressing after we were married, and she knows everything. I have always had a strong feminine side, which my wife likes. Early on, I wore silky underwear designed for men (e.g. male-stripper style), that graduated to women's underwear, and eventually to full crossdressing. She has a degree in Sociology, which is probably a big help in understanding human diversity.

She doesn't really like crossdressing, yet often has fun sharing tips on things like makeup and clothes. Her biggest concern is what other people will think. If it was socially acceptable to the general public, she would probably have a lot more fun with it.

I think the strategy of slowly revealing crossdressing might work well for others. Let your SO get used to the idea of wearing panties to bed before discussing the whole crossdressing thing.

[Kathryn Martin]

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

My SO Elizabeth has always known me as I am but the dressing was discussed before it occurred. I have never regretted it and we are in fluid state of finding our way and the boundaries. She is extremely supportive and helps where she can.

I am 54 and she is 48.

Yes we do within reason. We like reading the same magazines and she has been with me on every shopping trip we have been on. She marvels at my courage and I marvel at hers. She will walk with me hand in hand when I am dressed (and I do not pass).

[CalamityJane]

Hello Sarah,

Well I was honest and upfront with my SO from the get go as I did not want to embark on a relationship without getting this important aspect of my life out in the open and understood, and I am very lucky that she is accepting of my crossdressing.

She has read some books on the subject to help her gain a deeper insight of that aspect of my life and so understands my motivations.

Finally we fit in the 4o's age bracket, and have been together for nine years.

Kind regards
Calamity Jane.