Mi$$ Despair til now

[Mi$$ Despair]

I know I'm an "unknown" member but that's ok I guess, My stage/crossdressing name is Mi$$ Despair and I'm a 21 year old now currently part time singer/writer and working at a freaking grocery store at night when there's fun to be had :worried:

Sorry if this is long Lords and Ladies but I really need to vent dolls :sad:

Ever since I could remember I was always outcasted by my peers. Yeah I was the kid that was quiet and never talked to anyone. General social outcast in small rural school all the way to HS :devil:

My venture as Mi$$ Despair starts in 11th grade and I was only a hardcore High Heel addict, never went outside and it was my own personal secret I wore in my bedroom because they felt and looked better on my feet. Over time I made trips outside of my frog pond to larger cities wore my shoes in public. I was a typical guy nice t-shirt black jeans with heels lol Progressed on to skinny jeans and discovered myself as a Glam Goth :devil:

Towards the end of my HS daze :D I began dating a girl I truely loved not like the previous 3 (whatever you wanna call those dates?) Best year of my life only for her to leave me and never give me a reason why my heart still bleeds over her. I wanted to marry her and be happy but no that's the start of let's **** over Mi$$ Despair :sad:

After a rough breakup I'm still not over countless shrinks, 7 self inflicted, scars, 5 types of anti-depressants and anti-suicidal meds, 2 more failed relationships (proposed and got a no :sad:) I took to heart what a bff told me "Maybe I should be my own woman" enough makeup and dressing lessons over youtube. I looked in the mirror and saw my better half, deathly pale skin blonde hair, and dark yet seductive eyes. Sounds probably weird sorry..

Being jobless and a nack for writing lyrics and performing I decided to be a queen (I sing my own stuff:)), it's the funniest thing ever but I would trade it all for one person at the end of the day though.

Sadly she loves someone else now and I'm stuck working a crappy job with "redneck" types at night, so you can guess how they act towards "different" people sadly that's the only time I'm in full guy mode :Angry3:. Then my other best friend Gary I met after my second gig awhile back, recently admits he likes me and wants me to break down my walls and give him a shot. His cute and built even though I never really looked at guys in that way I'm afraid of losing him as a friend if I say no since his all I have left...

I don't know what to do, f##k ,my makeup is running :'(

[BreenaDion]

Take it slow an dont make any moves to encourage him. This could be a start of some thing glorious. Look within yourself an see what makes you "Happy". Might be a start on what you really are. I was never really happy for 50 yrs. Now I see my brain moving in directions I never wanted to go but Im looking for happiness. Using 2 counselors to fix my messed up head. Its working an slowly an seeing different avenues i might take.
Good luck Bree.

[Faith_G]

Don't ever let anyone pressure you into sex if it doesn't feel good to you. If it's not turning you on, it's not healthy for you and you shouldn't do it.

[Gaby2]

I'm also a musician and performer, Mi$$ Despair, albeit in a different context. Despairing has followed me all my life and keeps coming back every now and again to whack me over the head. Try not to despair.
I was about your age when my first serious relationship started and I've been very lucky since then. At that time things were beginning to make a little more sense than before.
As a student I was picked up three times by men interested in sex. I wasn't and I was certainly naive. Nonetheless I enjoyed their attention and company, never felt afraid and nothing happened. I didn't notice any homosexual tendancies in me which helped some of my complexes back then.
Your post is not at all too long. Your peers here are really good sisters. And I envy the technical abilities and savvy you have as a Drag Queen.
:hugs: gaby
ps your name is wonderful and if things take a good turn, then it will be even better! :)