Encouraging Young CDrs

[kimdl93]

Sarah GG inspired this brief comment. In another post, Sarah mentioned that one of her SO's greatest reqrets was not taking his ex wife up on an offer to dress him up, take him out etc. He turned down the opportunity, probably because he was embarrassed to admit what his ex obviously already knew.

This prompted a few thoughts. First, this forum can provide a tremendous service by encouraging young CDers to share this part of themselves early with thier SOs. Obviously, this is important for a healthy relationship, but also because it will allow them to dress more and more often, perhaps learn to more fully accept themselves.

I did tell my first wife, early in our marriage, but never fully admitted even to myself, how much I enjoyed wearing women's clothes. She was supportive of my expressed desires and I suspect would have been equally supportive had I chose to go farther. I told my present wife when we first started dating seriously...and as Sarah's SO has indicated, I can be more open and enjoy dressing more completely than I allowed myself in my first marriage. I too have some regrets, but am grateful for a second chance.

My other thought was that I suspect that I try to encourage the young people I meet here, at least in part, to live vicariously through them. I can't pull of the great looks and styles that a younger person can enjoy...so its fun to see them do it. Of course, I also hope that they can have happy, fullfilling lives and avoid the regrets that Sarah's SO and I have experienced.

Any comments?

[Angiemead12]

I like helping all the new comers to this site, to share my experiences and stories. I know when I started alone I was lost, guilty and shamed. Feelings that I don't want others to go through.

[BiancaEstrella]

I think the learning goes two ways. While it's always unfortunate to read that one of our sisters' lives are about to change for the worst due to later exposure/revelation, I think the younger of us would be doing our entire community a disservice by keeping it a secret from a significant other for so long.

I thank, revere, and admire cross-dressers significantly older than myself - those of you that found acceptance, and especially the bravery of those of you that didn't. It's inspiring that you continued to live your lives as you wanted to, before the advent of technology that has brought us all closer.

[KristinSkye]

I used to think that I'd be keeping this part of myself a secret to the world for my entire life, but thanks to this forum I was able to come out to my wife of almost two years this past January. I've also realized that life is too short to continue to be afraid of expressing my feminine side.

But Kim, you do make an interesting point. I'm very grateful for the people on this forum such as yourself that encourage the younger crowd to enjoy and accept themselves, sooner rather than later, and to not be ashamed of themselves. I wish I could have learned this lesson even earlier, but I'm pretty happy with the timing I guess :P

[AKAMichelle]

I couldn't agree more. Well said

[Kate Simmons]

I don't really encourage anyone to dress one way or the other. I do tend to bring up pragmatic examples though. What I do encourage others to do is always be themselves, whoever that may be.:)

[Gerrijerry]

since I believe that each person and their wife or SO has to make the choice of what is correct for them. I do think that if your SO or wife allows or enjoys that side of you why not enjoy it with her or him which ever the case. For me my wife not only found she could tolerate my dressing she told me for years I was a better person when dressed. Now that we are retiring she already told me that there are only a fee more times I will have a male side to look at. She said life will be simpler that way and I totally agree.

[Samantha Girl]

If I have any regrets about my cross dressing life so far, it's not having fully discovered it earlier when I was younger and not having told my girl earlier. I didn't have anyone to encourage me in this direction.

Because if I had truly let myself think about it (like at all!) I would've realized this is who I am at least a good 12 years ago. So by now I'd be better at makeup, hair styling and everything else! :p Biggest thing though is hair. I loooooove styling and playing with my hair, it's where my cross dressing life started. I don't really enjoy wigs but unfortunately I am starting to lose my hair :( So wigs are definitely in my future, like it or not. Why couldn't I have realized who I am when I had thick luxurious hair!!! Hair I just wasted with a short, typical male haircut when I could've beeen having soooo much fun with long hair, darn it! :p

This site is absolutely great for what you bring up Kim! Without all the advice and well wishing by people here I don't know that I EVER would've left the house dressed up. It encourages and informs and enlightens us all. Hopefully the next generation of CDs will be more open and less afraid to be who they really are. I think this site will help that greatly, fingers crossed! :D

[kimdl93]

since I believe that each person and their wife or SO has to make the choice of what is correct for them. I do think that if your SO or wife allows or enjoys that side of you why not enjoy it with her or him which ever the case. For me my wife not only found she could tolerate my dressing she told me for years I was a better person when dressed. Now that we are retiring she already told me that there are only a fee more times I will have a male side to look at. She said life will be simpler that way and I totally agree.

Gerry, your point undersI do think its so important for young CDers to be accepting of themselves so that they can be open with potential partners. An not only because of all that they can enjoy by being open and accepted, but also because so many older CDers have faced huge relationship problems by coming out late, being caught, or repressing themselves.


Because if I had truly let myself think about it (like at all!) I would've realized this is who I am at least a good 12 years ago. So by now I'd be better at makeup, hair styling and everything else! Biggest thing though is hair. I loooooove styling and playing with my hair, it's where my cross dressing life started. I don't really enjoy wigs but unfortunately I am starting to lose my hair So wigs are definitely in my future, like it or not. Why couldn't I have realized who I am when I had thick luxurious hair!!! Hair I just wasted with a short, typical male haircut when I could've beeen having soooo much fun with long hair, darn it!

Samatha, I think its hard for young people, especially teens, to fully understand themselves, let alone learn to embrace CDing. I remember thinking I was some kind of pervert, and alternating between needing to dress and feeling ashamed for those feelings. No wonder so many of us have gone through periods or denial or repression...and suffered the emotional consequences. And no wonder so many of us have gotten into relationships w/o full disclosure. Maybe we can help a few younger people avoid those problems....and get better with hair styling and make-up at the same time!

[faltenrock]

well, I can't really see how one could encourage younger CD'ers more than presenting ourselves with experiences and pictures, especially when out & about en femme. Our experiences are very valuable to those who are younger or who are too afriad of going out or coming out to their partner.

[Samantha Girl]

Excellent point Kim!!! :D Honestly, I just wish I had embraced it long before now, bugs me! :Angry3: But you are right, it's hard to accept yourself when you are young and feel like a freak or an outcast, etc. Still wish I had figured it out sooner though! :p

[Pythos]

one way to encourage young CDers is by example.

What are the examples we right now though?

Hide?

Shame?

Keep it from family?

I think this does far more damage than we really know, and just perpetuates a cycle of discrimination and self loathing in some cases.

Now the Big question is, who will be the first to lead by example?

[kimdl93]

one way to encourage young CDers is by example.

What are the examples we right now though?

Hide?

Shame?

Keep it from family?

I think this does far more damage than we really know, and just perpetuates a cycle of discrimination and self loathing in some cases.

Now the Big question is, who will be the first to lead by example?

I have to say, I'm a darn poor example in some respects. I have shared my identity with just a few people, and although I do wear some fem items and a little make up, I certainly am not fully "out" in public.

The one area where I feel I have been true to my beliefs is in telling my SO at the beginning of our relationship. I took that really big risk and somewhat to my surprise, she accepts and supports me. Perhaps thats more of a credit to her than to me.

[jessica renee]

I know that I wish I'd had access to this site when I was younger. I have to admit I set a pretty bad example for others though as I haven't actually told anybody about my other self.

[KristinSkye]

I thank, revere, and admire cross-dressers significantly older than myself - those of you that found acceptance, and especially the bravery of those of you that didn't. It's inspiring that you continued to live your lives as you wanted to, before the advent of technology that has brought us all closer.

I didn't really think of it at the time but I really do respect the wiser crowd on here, especially those who were able to figure out and be comfortable with themselves without this great resource.