When did CD'ing stop feeling "wrong"?

[Jay Cee]

I think what I am referring to, I guess, is the guilt or shame that is frequently attached to doing something that is not accepted by most of society.

Deep down, I know it's okay to dress however you like. Put on a Big Bird suit, wear a barrel, or don a dress. It shouldn't matter. Yet, there is that lingering feeling of wrong. I just wanted to know how many of you have overcome that, and how long did it take before you accepted yourself?

[Inna]

Since I remember and that is.......... a long time:) I've carried thoughts of guilt, I FELT LIKE A FREAK! Since over a year ago I couldn't keep up with charade anymore and so I have succumb to her will and started HRT. Slowly my inner self became calm and balanced. Alexia emerged from deep abyss to stand her ground as she deserves and since that moment guilt have perished. I embrace the Freak in me now, I feel Freakin Fantastic, and free. With no regrets, weather I am dressed a part or just in my old mode, weather I am awake or a sleep, I am Alexia.

[lori m crawford]

ther is nothing wrong with cd or being you you just an dress haft to be you an dress as you i have for 40 yrs an i dont care no more an they ones i come to dont eather so be you an do what you wont you will know the real frinds

[kimdl93]

Two things affected that feeling. First, I spend hours in therapy over the course of two years. I had other issues, but the cross dressing had always been the elephant in the room. Its funny, but I had to hear my therapist say, "It's not a crime - you didn't kill anyone" before that cloud started to lift. We delved into the origins...and pretty much concluded its just the way I was wired - so either learn to live with it or spend your life hiding. I think the therapy helped me accept myself enought to actually dare telling someone else. The second thing was coming out to my gf - now wife.

[renee k]

I guess for me it was when I realized I could go out in public and function normally in the gender in which I was presenting. The only hard part was getting out the door the first time. After that, as they say, the rest is history. Also having people support you along way is a big help too!

Renee

[NikiMichelle]

It took years for me to come to accept that I was/am a CD...I'm 50+, came out to my wife about 10 years ago and it was really only after I let my secret out to her that I could truly accept myself. I believe it was because my wife learned to accept that part of me (we have been married for 34 years) that allowed me to be at peace with myself. My fear of losing her went away and since that was such a relief I could then accept who I was and I did not have to supress it any more.

I believe I could not accept myself until I was honest with her and therefore honest with myself.

I hope that makes sense!!!???

[Ria]

When broadband internet became the norm I realized i wasn't the only one, that other guys had a wire crossed just like me!

It wasn't some wierd thing that I conjoured up... the childhood fondness of female clothing items etc is common amongst us. Knowing this, that its genetic, I guess... it allowed me to simply accept myself and enjoy myself. Doesn't sound like there is much a cure for it, if I wanted to cure it.

Now I just enjoy... quietly, It's awesome. Of course everything requires control so my life isnt disrupted by it.

[AllieSF]

When I started crossdressing! Actually, I never felt any guilt. I started late in life and it has been a smooth ride. Maybe it is the age and maturity thing. I don't really know nor care, as long as the guilt never arrives.

[Tess]

I'm not sure guilt is the correct term for me, but certainly embarrassment. The realization that dressing was a harmless activity and that I had far worse habits caused me to accept CD'ing as a secret pleasure without the baggage.

[marisa]

i've never had any guilt. i always felt better about myself when dressed. the issues i have right now about all of this is that i'm not able to do it more. if i had my way i'd start the ball rolling and dispose of as much of my male self as i could. but i don't have the money for that. YET. i'm not the one with the problems. it's the rest of the human race that does. except for everyone here that is. lol.

[Samantha43]

I don't think I had any guilt, just a concern why I had a desire to dress as a woman but was 100% male every other way. I was in high school in the dark ages before the internet, so I had to do research the old fashioned way....at the library. My research taught me that I wasn't alone. I learned I was a "crossdresser" and that there have been crossdressers since the beginning of recorded history. The research helped me put my crossdressing in perspective. Since then I have been able to balance my life in a way that allows me to crossdress as I need to and still maintain a normal life. My wonderful wife has known since before we were married and has been supportive and encouraging.

[Nicole Erin]

Once you move PAST the "it is all about CD/TS'ing" phase, that is when the guilt or shame or dancing around in the shower with a bathing suit while listening to some Shania song becomes a thing of the past.

yes I am TG, not one for labels but my gender or gender presentation plays in only ONE aspect - when I am getting ready for the day, otherwise I don't even think about it.

[NathalieX66]

Back to the original question:
You know how most CDe'rs have that apprehension about going out in public fir the first time?

well I didn't.

That being said, after showing up en femme at a few support group meetings, then bars & restaurants, then finally at shopping malls & stores on my own. I may have been nervous at first but looking back on it, I felt so relieved. does that tell you how desperate I needed to come out? Yeah, well maybe.

The reality is I'm just a regular dude...who actually likes to go out en femme every now and then. It is now my outlet. I have always felt that humans take up such a miniscule place in this universe that we are meaningless in the whole place. I take from the Unitarian church philosophy that God made each and every one of us unique, and that we should consider it a gift from God, and embrace our uniqueness.

[StaceyJane]

I never felt any guilt or feeling of it being wrong.

For me going out as a woman always felt right.

[Sarah Doepner]

It's been several years since I broke through the wall and accepted this part of myself, felt good about myself and started going out and meeting others. I stopped feeling guilty after admitting my crossdressing to my wife.

Although I don't feel guilty and enjoy the femme side of my life, I am not out to the world. My wife isn't ready to share my girl side with her parents, siblings or friends, so I also have to accept that although I'm comfortable with this, she isn't and I respect her need for some continued secrecy.

[suchacutie]

The first time I ever dressed was for my wife, and in seconds she said we needed to by me a dress. With support like that, and it's continued, there never was a moment of doubt.

tina

[Eva_nine]

the more i dress the less wrong it feels. coming out to my wife let me not always hide although she isnt totally supportive, i can now hang a few things in my closet. opening up to a few ladies at a consignment shop was a huge step in making the wrong feel right. i want to find a friend who will go out in public with me and help eliminate the last of the wrong.

[AKAMichelle]

I don't think it ever completely quits feeling wrong. But I think the times that you feel that way definitely diminishes.

[Tasha McIntyre]

I overcame the guilt or shame a few weeks after joining here, and finding that I belonged to a large, fantastic group :)

It's been a long overdue journey of discovery since then.

Tash :)

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

For me it's been the last couple of years when I started going out a few times, but also more importantly, as I started coming out to more and more people and it not getting treated like as big a deal as I thought it would be. It made me realize it wasn't as dark a secret as I imagined.

[Gerrijerry]

I felt the guilt and shame becasue I think that I saw myself thru others eyes. When I finally realized that what others thought didn't really matter. I started feeling better. Today I don't even think about it. I just feel correctly dressed for the person I am.

[KathyC]

I felt creepy, fetish & perverted in the beginning.Now I dress when i feel tired & depress from work, and love Kathy to be a happy person. A very good way to keep myself away from suicide :)

[Tracy_Victoria]

This maybe a strange one, but I have never had guilt feeling about my dressing. To me I know it was something I should not doing,(well certainly as a 8 year old) but I never have had any feeling of guilt about doing this in my life. I Just enjoy doing something I get pleasure from doing, I do people no wrong, so why Feel guilty.

PS I have had feeling of wishing to be able to stop, wishing I was not a CD, (mostly for my family) but not guilt for actually enjoy, dressing up.

[Tomara]

For me it was probably about ten years ago when I finally started to feel that my cross-dressing was not a bad thing.
The next step in the process was when I found on the inter-net that I wasn't the only person that cross-dressed and that my story was pretty similar to a lot of others who had gone through the same struggles as I had.
The next step happened about five years ago when I was getting divorced (not related to cross-dressing) I decided that I wanted to see a therapist to help me to not make the same relationship mistakes again , I developed a trusting relationship with the therapist and in the process found that she worked with other people with gender related issues , so I told her about my cross-dressing and how I felt guilty , ashamed and confused and how I had hidden it from everyone in my life over the years.
She helped me to see that my cross-dressing was just a part of who I am as a person and that it is a positive part of who I am.
As a result I have come to accept myself and to come to a place in my life that I can enjoy who I am and what I like to wear for clothing.
Tomara

[PretzelGirl]

My dressing evolved around my wife. My wife is a bit quiet, so I was a little "wrong" in the beginning because I still felt like I was feeling out her reactions. Once I was convinced, everything felt right.

[tinak415]

For me it was around 1990 when I started to realize and understand CD is not wrong. Prior to that I would occasionally dress in my sisters clothes, at least the one's that fit :), when home alone. Conspicuously "acquired" a few items from the Goodwill bag before it left the house. At the time I thought my dressing desires were completely weird, I was the only person in the whole world that does this and I was a freak. But also at the time I would have this very strong need to put some fem things on and I would feel much better.

The internet has had a big part in my coming to accept and enjoy my crossdressing. When I first started surfing the net around 1990, I figured out I was not alone with my interests and desires. I still felt like a freak, but at least I wasn't alone. The more I surfed and researched crossdressing, the more I understood about myself and cd'ing. This eventually led to me finding Carla's in San Jose, then working up the nerve to go there for my first makeover, which then led to me finding DVG and going to one of their support meeting. After some time and self reflection I understood that, 1 I am not alone, 2 I am not some freak, 3 I enjoy what I am doing, 4 I am a CDer and not a TG, 5 There is nothing wrong with what I am doing.

I know I'm probably contradicting myself. That although I thoroughly enjoy the times I do dress and even go out, I am still ashamed of being caught by family and friends. Not really sure what to do about it too.

[Imogen_Mann]

about 7 years ago, the guilt left me.... On the same day as my long-term GG partner said "Cherio chuckie, my solicitor will be in touch".

No guilt since then.... Well, none about cross-dressing anyway.

[julia_adams]

It stopped feeling wrong for me when I started growing out of the adolescent "excitement" phase of wearing panties and lingerie. I matured and found I genuinely enjoyed women's clothing -- the fashion, the variety, etc. Now I see it as a hobby like any other I have. Sure, I don't go around telling family and friends about it, but I feel good about it now.

[neha]

I am new to this forum. I am 24 year old male now. I remain as a guy outside and inside my room i remain dressed up as a girl. So, i am almost living as a multiple personality. I am from India and in India crossdressing will never be tolerated in the society. I started dressing up since i was a child. When I was 12 years old my sisters used to dress me up as a girl for fun. It became a habbit for me that i started to do it myself. I started to dress up all time in my room. I did use cloths of my mother and sisters. I always used to feel it wrong and tried to stop it a million times. But I became addicted to it. I started to go shopping and buy all girly cloths when I became 15 years old. When i feel wrong i used to dump the cloths away. Thus I might have done a hell lot of shopping. Now i guess i know better about all girly things than any other girl on this earth. I always used to feel and behave girly. I like to be with girls all time. All my senses and emotions are very girly. I even have the heart of a girl. I think god made a mistake by giving me a male body. Now I live in England and still getting dressed up is a secret passion confined to my room. In my room you can find a cupboard full of girly accessories and cloths. I live as a guy and a girl. I wish i was a girl. I love to be a girl even my soul is that of a girl. Still I am helpless as this society will always consider it bad. I still feel bad at what I do. But after seeing so many mates in here. Now I am happy to remain as a girl. I am proud when i get dressed up as a girl.