Question for the GGs....

[heathr1]

Is having a CD as a partner something you really enjoy, or something you have just learned to accept and live with?

[AngGG]

Is having a CD as a partner something you really enjoy, or something you have just learned to accept and live with?

There really is no short answer for this one. When I was first told I would say it was something I learned to accept and live with. I mean it was still new to me, not something I have encountered in real life before, I had to get past all the sterotypes and misconceptions before I realized that underneath it all still lives my husband. I found explanitions for alot of his behaviors that I enjoyed, ya know softer, caring, more considerate, and he likes to shop! ;)

I have to say though that lately I have been enjoying myself more. I love my husband more than I can say and want to see him happy. This is something that we share together and it has brought us closer... how can I not enjoy that?! I felt we were best friends before, now we are closer.

Don't get me wrong I still have my bad days =) but on the whole I am happy.

Ang

[Freya GG]

This is a hard one to answer. I'm a very private person and tend to keep things bottled up.
As with Ang GG I learnt to live with it.
I did tend to put Rachael in a box and closed the lid. And let her out sometimes.
The years of this took it's toll on our relationship not the friendship side of things, more the emotional and physical side.
So i decided to grasp the kettle with both hands i love my husband to death and it was killing him slowly day by day year by year.
It's a bit like we are newlyweds again discovering new thing together long my it last.

[LaceLuvr's GG]

I'm not going to lie.. the minute he told me it was an extreme shock. He told me up front though, so it was either take it or leave it. I knew there was something different about him from the moment I started talking to him.. of course not in a million years did I think it was something like that. Something intrigued me about him... the fact that we could carry on a conversation for hours.. and he didn't care about the size of my boobs (we met on the internet). I was curious to get to know more about him... so he told me. Like I said, at that moment I had the option of walking away...I just couldn't.

When he first started doing it around me, I felt kind of awkward..not so much that he was wearing women's clothes.. the fact that I didn't know what to do or say or act. But after a long conversation.. I realized he didn't want me to DO anything... he just wanted to be able to be himself. It didn't take long for me to start enjoying this new "thing" in my life. I have the best sex life I've ever had ;) I now love to go shopping with him ;) I love everything about it. I wouldn't want to change any part of him for anything. I can honestly say, I don't think I would love him as much if he wasn't a CDer.

[Di]

It was something I wanted to find. A relationship with a CD. I encourage her to be herself as much as possible. It is like they say,,,,the best of both worlds and i,d never change a minute of it. It is like having a relationship with your best friend/lover all wrapped up in one....we enjoy just about all the same things, and it turned out to be everything I hoped for

[Tamara Croft]

Is having a CD as a partner something you really enjoy, or something you have just learned to accept and live with?Once upon a time I learned to accept it and lived with it. But now it's different, don't ask me to explain it because I really can't. For me it was like I woke up and something just seemed to click. Now it's just another part of our life, something I've grown to love and couldn't live without. I found this out the hard way and I don't intend to lose her again. She/he is my life and it doesn't matter what she is wearing, it's the person I fell in love with that I enjoy.

[letsdance GG]

Is having a CD as a partner something you really enjoy, or something you have just learned to accept and live with?


Personally, I quite enjoy it.There was never really a point where I did not accept.

I was very surprised, to be sure. I love my husband and I know he agonized over telling me that he is a CD.

The fact that he trusts me with a deeply personal secret makes me feel honored.

[Ayla GG]

When I first found out, I was surprised but I wasn't freaked out by it that I didn't want to stick around ;)

Ophelia & I have known each other as friends for a few years, she's someone familiar & someone that I trust. I think if we weren't friends, if it was some random guy who confessed that he is a CD..I wouldn't be as open minded. It would be too much unfamiliar territory for me to get into. Because 9 months ago I had no idea what CDing meant.

It is something that I learned to accept and live with but that doesn't stop me from having fun or be open minded in my relationship with Ophelia. Ophelia is very considerate of my feelings that I find it relatively easy to accept CDing & relate to CDing.

This was a full conscious decision on my part to stick around, educate myself, read about it, understand it & find a way to relate to Ophelia. I deffinitely enjoy the part where we can talk about fashion, make up, shopping. I like being involved when Ophelia dresses up because it's fun & I love playing/ giving make overs. We have interesting conversations all the time about men-women-gender-relationship... & the CD board is part of our everyday life :cool:

[Donna-GG]

Is having a CD as a partner something you really enjoy, or something you have just learned to accept and live with?

This is easy to answer. When Teddie first told me, it was a little shock at first, but then it hit me that it could be fun, and also add to our relationship. And, it has added. I feel that it's made for a much deeper relationship between the two of us. Enjoy, yes. Accept and live with, very much so.

[kathy gg]

Looked to date and marry a mtf crossdresser. I wanted this and we just celebrated our 6th annrv. the other day and I still encourage, love, support, and find it as fun as the first night we had our first date. I really would not have our life any other way.

Hugs
kathy in canada



Is having a CD as a partner something you really enjoy, or something you have just learned to accept and live with?

[Cheery GG]

I hope to get to that point of complete acceptance...i love my SO so much and we are very very close, we have an open and honest relationship and he would never do anything to hurt or upset me. But how come some days i think it could be good fun then other days it almost makes me wanna throw up ????

[Deborah]

Looked to date and marry a mtf crossdresser. I wanted this and we just celebrated our 6th annrv. the other day and I still encourage, love, support, and find it as fun as the first night we had our first date. I really would not have our life any other way.

Hugs
kathy in canada

Does your husband post in here??

[kathy gg]

yEP:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12088&highlight=AMANDA+BOWER


That is my sweety...

kathy in canada


Does your husband post in here??

[MelissaM]

Its still new to me so I am still trying to accept it. I'm not sure if there is a CD in here that is man enough to actually be a woman, though. Cd's have the best of both worlds and rarely admit it. They don't have periods, but they have the high heels. They aren't expected to look like they came out of a fashion magazine, but they have the latest cute skirt. They don't have to wear the uncomfortable clothes in an uncomfortable environment, they only have to wear what they want when they want on their time.

As you can see - I still don't understand this whole thing. Because to me a crossdresser is unfair. If I could live the life of my CD I would - be a man, viewed as a man, doing a man job getting man credit. Then I can come home and be a girl because of all the stress being a man. But. He's still a man. He's just wearing a skirt, which of course, he will take off to go to work tomorrow. To be a man.

[Cheery GG]

Hi. i would like to respond to melissa's message. I feel the same. My So tells me that he dresses as Lisa to escape his hum drum life. When he is stressed, bored, cant cope. He dresses and goes out. My response was 'well, arent you so bloody lucky, how do i get out of my hum drum, stressful life....ah, i just have to put up with it dont i'.......so i know and agree with how you feel, it pisses me off sometimes too. They want and get the best of both worlds ! I'd love my So to have a bad monthly and experience the pain i am in sometimes, He'd soon change his mind about being a female !

cheerygal
xx

P.S. My rant is over now, back to the smiles !!!!

[mhairi]

After the initial shock, I accepted and now admit I enjoy. However, I'm not married to my SO, nor do I live with him, so that probably makes it easier.

I got to know him over a few months before he told me. Had me told me earlier, I might not have stuck around but his timing was perfect for our relationship.

I hope I continue to enjoy it, just tolerating would not be enough for me. I think acceptance is a stage up but I suppose there are different levels of acceptance and many can accept and even encourage but enjoy is a stage too far!

I enjoy for the moment, but realise that I may have my good and bad days with it in the future.

Mhairi

[Marla GG]

I'm the same as Kathy, in that I wanted to date and marry a crossdresser.

Before I met Angel, I was in another relationship with a CD, which is how I stumbled into this wonderful world. When I first found out I had all the usual issues, but I quickly came to realize that there is something special about transgendered men that I absolutely love. I would never want to be with a "regular guy" again. Angel is the best spouse any woman could wish for, and I know that the qualities I love most in him are inextricably linked with his feminine nature.

Plus, we have more fun with this than the law should allow. :D

So count me in the "really enjoy" category!

[Lilian]

Hi
I love to be with him/her when dressed it is fun and it does things to me that I can not explain, [not that I want to] I knew before we married that he like to dress but its only since we married that it has really taken of, We go shopping together and I buy him clothes, If I buy myself something and he likes it he says just don't leave that laying about :) I love to help him chose things to wear, and also paint his nail for him, :hugs: I love him to bits and would not have him any other way :thumbsup:

[heathr1]

for your honest, open replies :)

[Rachael Warren]

Its still new to me so I am still trying to accept it. I'm not sure if there is a CD in here that is man enough to actually be a woman, though. Cd's have the best of both worlds and rarely admit it. They don't have periods, but they have the high heels. They aren't expected to look like they came out of a fashion magazine, but they have the latest cute skirt. They don't have to wear the uncomfortable clothes in an uncomfortable environment, they only have to wear what they want when they want on their time.

As you can see - I still don't understand this whole thing. Because to me a crossdresser is unfair. If I could live the life of my CD I would - be a man, viewed as a man, doing a man job getting man credit. Then I can come home and be a girl because of all the stress being a man. But. He's still a man. He's just wearing a skirt, which of course, he will take off to go to work tomorrow. To be a man.

Hi,,I am going to have to restrain myself in this post, I am a little angered by it.



(My wrists are held out for a slapping from Tristen and Tammara)



I feel that you need to do a bit more research and talking to your SO.



CD’s as you put it come in a few different types, some are recreational, and some are not.



I personally am not the first type; I am sitting here in a hotel room, hundreds of miles away from my wife and the “box” that I am forced to live in. Why am I here? Well some of us have to earn the money to support our families! Isn’t this stressful enough for us?



“They don't have periods, but they have the high heels.”



I wonder when was the last time that PMT drove you to near suicide?



”If I could live the life of my CD I would - be a man, viewed as a man, doing a man job getting man credit. Then I can come home and be a girl because of all the stress being a man. But. He's still a man. He's just wearing a skirt, which of course, he will take off to go to work tomorrow. To be a man.”



I’d gladly swap places, with you, oh in my dreams! Have you ever considered giving “her” a hug at the end of a day? I am what you describe, in my head anyway! Does it really matter who is out there earning? A relationship is team work! The clothes that I wear to work are my cross-dressing, the skirted one is the real me, think about thatJ!



I feel that you need some perspective here, a relationship is between two people, it doesn’t matter who or what they are, as long as you have a strong bond and loving relationship, what else matters, a few pieces of thread that we wear?



I am really sorry to rip into this post, but I am very down and my soul mate is hundreds of miles away.



I think you need to rethink!



Please put the petty stuff away and look at the things that really matter, we are people, look to the person, not the clothes!







A sleepy Rachael. J

[LaceLuvr's GG]

As a GG I can openly say... I AGREE RACHEL!!!! There is soooo much more to CDing than the clothes. I've posted several posts on here relating to the fact that my CDer is different than any other man I've ever dated. There is a whole different personality that I love more than I've ever loved before. He's caring, sensitive, and very loving... and I know you're probably thinking that "normal" (don't mean to offend by that) men can be those things... but not in my experiences.

When he puts on his girl clothes... he's not the same man in women's clothing. He's a lot more happier and expressive to his feelings. I also think that you should think a little more before making comments to the affect that they have "the best of both worlds". Being a CD can be one of the most scary thing a man can face... it's not just something they decided to do as a hobby... it's who they are!!!! And take a second to think about things here for a sec...

Woman (GG's) CAN wear men's clothes whenever the hell they want and they don't get a second look.... CDers on the other hand can't... you think they'd put themselves through stuff like that for the fun of it???? Doesn't sound like a perfect life to me. You should read a little more on this site before you start making comments like that again!!!!! :mad:

[kathy gg]

Ya know heather asked a question and a Melisa and cheerygal gave their honest opinions and thoughts and then got raked over the coals.

I think you wil find about 98% of the female population are not thrilled to be married to a cd. They are trying to cope, trying to make sense of it all, ect. Sometimes there is anger, sometimes there is ranting and raving....but ya know, so what? Alot of times those feelings need to be said and said out loud so they can move on and not be just sitting there with all that negativity inside.

I really love (note sarcasm) that when one person asks for a gg's opinion on something and a gg gives an opinion that maybe is not anothers cup of tea out come the hachets.

Rachel I am sorry if this seems meant for you, but you seemed to be really bothered and even said :" I am really sorry to rip into this post, but I am very down and my soul mate is hundreds of miles away."

Well I am realy sorry about you not being near your So, but dont' take your aggression out on these new gg's on the board. Many women , jsut so you know, never even make it as far as to come on a list and try to learn and talk to others. They just start scheming and leave and get divorced. This gal is just trying to get her mind around it all and just so you know Melissa and Cheerygal, if you post things like this in the gg area you will not be met with venom.

I looked to date and marry a cd, but I realize that most women did not have the luxery of knowing prior to making commitments. Most women did not get two years of research and reading before falling in love. I did, and my heart always goes out to those who are struggeling. This is the other side of the coin and I challenge anyone on here to empathize....You dont' have to agree or even like what some gg's have to say, but at least dont' completely freak out when we are asked to give our thoughts and then dont' hear what you want to hear. Sometimes truth is not pretty. Also, we dont' know all the intricate details of their relationship to make any judgements. I have seen some very loving supportive wives get thrown to the wolves because the cd in question has have his way. So....until you know more to why they are so confused I would be the one re-thinking..

kathy in canada

[MelissaM]

Thanks, Kathy and everyone. I did not post any of this to cause anger, only to tell you how I feel. I know my opinions on this, politics, and everything else will meet with people who agree, and people who disagree. That's what makes this rock spin around the sun.

I love my CD, and our relationship is fine. And I think I am beginning to understand that my situation is that my CD is a cd-hobbiest. Like some guys might make model trains for a hobby or something. This one just requires shoes and wigs. ;-) And that's fine with me. But my point is this; it's a lot more difficult to be a woman than to just wear our clothes.

For example, we went to an outdoor wedding last weekend. Him? Slacks, nice shirt, nice dress shoes. Shower, shave to dressed in 20 minutes. Me? Well I have to go buy the dress, heels... put my hair up do my makeup, put it all together and go to the wedding. Standing on the lawn on my toes so my shoes don't stick into the ground. Him? Standing there normally. Evening comes, I feel a little chill... maybe I should have worn hose? Him, warm as can be. Long sleeves you know.

I'll quit ranting here. It's just my humble opinion that it is a lot more difficult to be a woman than it is to be a man. And I'm not sure if CD's really get that. They just want the thrill of 'crossing the line' and wearing what they want when they want. Typical men. ;-) Ok - that last one was in humor, so relax.

GG forum? What is this GG forum that everyone always talks about?

[Cheery GG]

I'm the same as Kathy, in that I wanted to date and marry a crossdresser.

Before I met Angel, I was in another relationship with a CD, which is how I stumbled into this wonderful world. When I first found out I had all the usual issues, but I quickly came to realize that there is something special about transgendered men that I absolutely love. I would never want to be with a "regular guy" again. Angel is the best spouse any woman could wish for, and I know that the qualities I love most in him are inextricably linked with his feminine nature.

Plus, we have more fun with this than the law should allow. :D

So count me in the "really enjoy" category!


Marla, can you elaborate a little more on your message? I am intrigued. You say that there is something special about transgendered men and you never want to be with a regular guy? I feel the same i think but cant quite put my finger on it...is it their soft, caring, loving, nature. The fact that he just says he loves me, even if were standing in the line at the supermarket ???? He doesnt care who knows about his feelings for me.....and its so refreshing than a regular guy who bottles it all up, just to be macho .....


c
xx :confused:

[Clare]

Howdy MelissaM.

The GG forum is a private place for REAL LADIES where they can discuss issues about their XDR partners in privacy.

Contact Tamara (a genuine GG) who is the forum moderator, to gain access to the GG forum.

Christine

[Cheery GG]

Ive just read back to rachels message, and am actually quite upset but what you wrote rachel.

I have been dealing with this for only 8 months and feel i have come a very ling way in that short space of time. I do feel hwever that there are some (not all) cd's out there who simply cannot or wont see things from our (GG) perspective. Its difficult for us too you know, and i for one am doing my best to support my SO and to understand it all, while not putting my own feelings on the backburner.

I am also a single parent raising two children on my own....AND doing a batchelor of science degree at uni, to become a better person and make some contribution to society !

I didnt need this shit quite frankly, my only crime was to fall in love.......

from ( a not so cheerygal)
xx

[Tamara Croft]

<rant>

WOW, I'm shocked at the bitching in this thread. Let me just state that this thread was for the GG's to post in and yet again, there goes the non GG's posting in it again stirring up trouble. You know I'm just sick of it. Why can't you just leave these damn threads alone. And LaceLuvr's GG... your SO is only into lingerie?? I hardly class that as living with a full time CD who dresses totally enfemme do you?? I think you should read more of this forum before you go making comments like that to new members here.

Melissa, just follow the link in my signature and read the announcement regarding the GG Forum, once you have read that, click my name which is a hyperlink and fill in the access form.

</rant>

[Marla GG]

Rachael,

I have to agree that I am surprised and very disappointed at your lack of empathy. I am always talking about how CDs are more understanding, more concerned about their partners' feelings, and more willing to see things from our perspective than a traditional male. But obviously that is not always true. Some in this community would even say the "soft, sensitive TG male" is a kind of urban legend, and I admit I wonder about it myself, sometimes. Like now.

Rachael, I am not denying the reality of the pain that crossdressers feel when they cannot be themselves because they are not accepted by society, or even by the people they love. But your position does not give you the right to dismiss someone else's feelings, which are just as valid as yours. Melissa was trying to explain how she felt, because she wanted to give the original poster and the other members here some insight. That was a brave and generous thing to do. Do you want to know how the wives and partners of CDs really feel, or don't you?

And LaceLuvr's GG, I am sad that you felt it was necessary to join in the attack. The content of your post had very little to do with the concerns that Melissa raised, and everything to do with you wanting to come across as superior. Well, I have to agree with Tamara. How tough is it to deal with a partner who only dresses in lingerie, under his clothes or at night? I mean, good for you that you are accepting, but respectfully I have to say that you don't have a clue what some other wives and girlfriends are going through. Melissa could have used some support, not another GG telling her how wrong she is.

This folks is why we have a GG forum......

[LaceLuvr's GG]

Well, I just have to say...EXCUSE ME!!!! It's not ok for a CD to defend themselves at being told how "easy" it is for them... it's not ok for a GG to agree with them... but it's perfectly ok to stereotype CD's????? You're right.. my SO only wears lingerie... but yes, from being a member of this forum I do have an understanding of what other wives go through. I know that it's hard.. and that wasn't what I was raving at. My point was that she shouldn't assume that this is all so easy for guys.

Geez... I guess this place isn't open to "open opinions"~~~~

[heathr1]

Wow!

Don't wish to step on anyone's toes, as it is not my position to, but can we please calm down? I simply asked for a question to be answered and did not intend to cause trouble.

[Cheery GG]

neither did i by my response to rachel.....it seems that sometimes wires can get crossed and we are all a bit sensitive to certain stuff.....maybe we all need to move on from this post and forget about it......put it down to a bad day maybe...

[Rachael Warren]

I am sorry to those that find what I said offensive; I really didn't mean it to be.



I was stressed and very down at the time, and the post just hit a very raw nerve in me.



As I have said before I live in a box, partly self-imposed. When I have to leave my box, I feel vulnerable, exposed and often depressed, especially if I am away from my wife, insular as this is, this is my life.



For the record, I am not salaried, I bring home what I earn and that is what my family has to live on. I don't begrudge this, it's life, but I hate the fact that I have to put up a facade to do it.



I am a country girl; I hate travel, and hate being away from home even more. Put me in a city, as I was when I replied, and you have a devastating formula. I just can't sleep, I doubt I got four hours last night.



Oh, and another thing that will bring me penance, I hope, it actually cost nearly £20 ($40) to post that from a hotel room! I’ve paid the fine!



I am home now and have my comfort, stressful day ahead tomorrow, but that, again, is life.



As for empathy, as someone mentioned, I have plenty of it, just ask my wife, but when I am as Him, I am not allowed to show it, just part of the charade.



I sincerely apologise to all that have been offended, please accept this. I value highly the input you GG’s have to offer.



Humbly, Rachael.



P.S. I cant help being what I am!

[Cheery GG]

Rachel..

lets move forward with this shall we.....and put the past behind us.....or put our behind in the past...whichever way rund it goes.....

[Rachael Warren]

Its still new to me so I am still trying to accept it. I'm not sure if there is a CD in here that is man enough to actually be a woman, though. Cd's have the best of both worlds and rarely admit it. They don't have periods, but they have the high heels. They aren't expected to look like they came out of a fashion magazine, but they have the latest cute skirt. They don't have to wear the uncomfortable clothes in an uncomfortable environment, they only have to wear what they want when they want on their time.

As you can see - I still don't understand this whole thing. Because to me a crossdresser is unfair. If I could live the life of my CD I would - be a man, viewed as a man, doing a man job getting man credit. Then I can come home and be a girl because of all the stress being a man. But. He's still a man. He's just wearing a skirt, which of course, he will take off to go to work tomorrow. To be a man.

Hi Melissa, I am really sorry to have offended you.



I should have looked at the number of posts that you have made and realised that you are new here.



I can wholly relate to where you are right now, my wife and I were there some fifteen years ago. It's only in the last month that we have got back on track again.



I love her with all my heart, and I believe she loves me, always have, this is where I have finally found peace (where I had it to start with!). There are some difficulties that sometimes need to be overcome; in my case I am one of the worst to accept.



I truly hope that you will find peace and love with your SO, It may seem strange to start with, but you will be rewarded. I have never strayed from my wife’s side, and never will!



The fact that you have come here means a lot to me, you obviously are trying to find out more and I am so sorry I didn't spot that. MEN!



I apolosise from the bottom of my heart, and wish upon you what my wife and I have, I truly hope you find your way.



Should you ever want to speak to me just ask; I will give you whatever information you need from my side of the fence.



Truly sorry, Rachael.

[Marla GG]

Rachael,

Speaking only for myself, I appreciated you coming back to apologize. That shows some maturity on your part and I hope we can put this behind us and move on as cheerygal suggested.

One more thing though.....


As for empathy, as someone mentioned, I have plenty of it, just ask my wife, but when I am as Him, I am not allowed to show it, just part of the charade.

I wonder why you feel you cannot show empathy while in male mode? I understand that it is less acceptable for men to show emotion in public, but empathy with others is a trait that most people admire in both men and women. In time I hope that will feel it is okay to be your best self no matter what you are wearing at the time.

Hugs,
Marla

[Rachael Warren]

Rachael,

Speaking only for myself, I appreciated you coming back to apologize. That shows some maturity on your part and I hope we can put this behind us and move on as cheerygal suggested.

One more thing though.....



I wonder why you feel you cannot show empathy while in male mode? I understand that it is less acceptable for men to show emotion in public, but empathy with others is a trait that most people admire in both men and women. In time I hope that will feel it is okay to be your best self no matter what you are wearing at the time.

Hugs,
Marla

Hi Marla, I have had to ponder that one for years.

I do show empathy in male mode, sometimes.

I believe my life to be a lie, I put up a front to work in the real world, it isn't the real world to me?

As the years have gone bye, I have been less and less in touch with myself, moulded into the framework needed to be a man in a male world, I have become cold and unfeeling in some ways.

Beyond that, I am not interested in male life, I hate sport, don't care for football etc. Life in this world has erroded the very fabric of me. I am conditioned to be a man, but have never really accepted it, it just crept up on me then BANG your a man!

I allways get confussed when I am asked this, never can reply definitively, however there is one expaination that allways pops into my head, I have never believed that I should have been born a boy, from my earliest reccolection this thought has allways been there.

Since I arrived on this forum, I have been looking for answers, I have found a few important ones but not the true answer to this.

I have been doing a bit of soul searching and experimenting, but no definate conclusions yet, although I have found a couple of very interesting things.

One of these I wont mention, it is very personal, ask Freya ;).

The other was only discovered tonight. I flew home on a plane, I am paranoid about flying normally, but tonight I was in Rachael mode, just wanting to get back to my box and my wife, it was a rough flight to start with, but I remained relaxed??? This has never happened before, he is a complete coward!

If you are going to suggest that I need help, you would be right, but help isn't an option here, PM me if you want to know why.

I can't really go further here, not in public.

Lovingly, Rachael.

[Marla GG]

Rachael, thanks for explaining how you feel. It does make sense when you say that your male conditioning has led you to put up a cold, uncaring front. I was just gently trying to suggest that you start letting some of your nicer femme characteristics be expressed in male mode also (assuming that you are still going to have a male mode for the forseeable future). There are many kinds of men in the world, and not all are the hard macho type. Not all like sports and have manly interests. Maybe you could work on redefining your male role for yourself in a way that is more in harmony with the real you. Maybe it will never be a perfect fit, especially if you feel that you are truly female inside, but it might at least be a little closer to who you want to be.

I know my husband is not a "man's man" and never will be, and he is not all that bothered what other guys think of him. He has been through all that business of trying to put up a masculine front--bodybuilding, karate, and all the rest of it--but it just made him miserable. Nowadays he is fine with people thinking he is a "wimp" when he expresses his more feminine qualities. One time a girlfriend of mine (who does not know about Angel's CDing) said, "Wow, is your hubby wearing a girls' cardigan? He must be really secure in his masculinity." And I said, "What masculinity?" We both chuckled, and then she amended her comment: "Well, he must be really secure in his femininity, then." I don't know what the answer is for you Rachael, but it sounds like you are asking yourself some tough questions and seeking to know yourself better, and that is always a good thing.

Hugs,
Marla





Hi Marla, I have had to ponder that one for years.

I do show empathy in male mode, sometimes.

I believe my life to be a lie, I put up a front to work in the real world, it isn't the real world to me?

As the years have gone bye, I have been less and less in touch with myself, moulded into the framework needed to be a man in a male world, I have become cold and unfeeling in some ways.

Beyond that, I am not interested in male life, I hate sport, don't care for football etc. Life in this world has erroded the very fabric of me. I am conditioned to be a man, but have never really accepted it, it just crept up on me then BANG your a man!

I allways get confussed when I am asked this, never can reply definitively, however there is one expaination that allways pops into my head, I have never believed that I should have been born a boy, from my earliest reccolection this thought has allways been there.

Since I arrived on this forum, I have been looking for answers, I have found a few important ones but not the true answer to this.

I have been doing a bit of soul searching and experimenting, but no definate conclusions yet, although I have found a couple of very interesting things.

One of these I wont mention, it is very personal, ask Freya ;).

The other was only discovered tonight. I flew home on a plane, I am paranoid about flying normally, but tonight I was in Rachael mode, just wanting to get back to my box and my wife, it was a rough flight to start with, but I remained relaxed??? This has never happened before, he is a complete coward!

If you are going to suggest that I need help, you would be right, but help isn't an option here, PM me if you want to know why.

I can't really go further here, not in public.

Lovingly, Rachael.

[Tamara Croft]

I am sorry to those that find what I said offensive; I really didn't mean it to be. Rachael apology accepted by me, but I also can't speak for everyone else here. We all have our issues and believe me, I know how hard it can be being away from ones partner. I see mine twice a week and that's it. But I don't take out my issues on other people. So in the words of Wendy Me... 'Let's play nice' ;)

[letsdance GG]

Hear, hear Tamara.

Melissa, I hope that you do not leave because you don't feel important.

We are ALL important here. Disagreements aside, this is a great place to be if you need to sort things out.

I for one, am very grateful to the many wonderful people I have met here. I have learned alot and hope to pass it along to someone that needs help.
Maybe if we all look at it this way, we can try to be more accepting of viewpoints we don't neccessarily agree with.

Just a thought.

[Rachael Warren]

Rachael, thanks for explaining how you feel. It does make sense when you say that your male conditioning has led you to put up a cold, uncaring front. I was just gently trying to suggest that you start letting some of your nicer femme characteristics be expressed in male mode also (assuming that you are still going to have a male mode for the forseeable future). There are many kinds of men in the world, and not all are the hard macho type. Not all like sports and have manly interests. Maybe you could work on redefining your male role for yourself in a way that is more in harmony with the real you. Maybe it will never be a perfect fit, especially if you feel that you are truly female inside, but it might at least be a little closer to who you want to be.

I know my husband is not a "man's man" and never will be, and he is not all that bothered what other guys think of him. He has been through all that business of trying to put up a masculine front--bodybuilding, karate, and all the rest of it--but it just made him miserable. Nowadays he is fine with people thinking he is a "wimp" when he expresses his more feminine qualities. One time a girlfriend of mine (who does not know about Angel's CDing) said, "Wow, is your hubby wearing a girls' cardigan? He must be really secure in his masculinity." And I said, "What masculinity?" We both chuckled, and then she amended her comment: "Well, he must be really secure in his femininity, then." I don't know what the answer is for you Rachael, but it sounds like you are asking yourself some tough questions and seeking to know yourself better, and that is always a good thing.

Hugs,
Marla

Hi Marla, I think I will make this my last post to this thread, I never intended to hijack it!



For me giving up is not an option, I have responsibilities and promises to keep. My life is entwined with those of so many others I can’t pursue what I ultimately want; see there is real empathy here. ;)



I think that I am on a new path now, I am discovering myself again and being supported by the one true love in my life. I suspect that more of me will start to show through again, it has already begun to happen. I feel completely different now and am just trying to come to terms with it all. It's like being on an emotional roller coaster, although the highs and lows seem to be much higher and much lower if you know what I mean.



As for Macho, I have never been that, and never will be! I don't think however I will answer the question, "what are your interests" with lipstick and nail polish just yet! :) (Although I want to ;)).



I can relate to Angel, but for me I have to remain as I am, externally at least. I do push the envelope though, and will continue to do so. The community that I am a part of isn't ready to accept the real me, full time at least ;)



As you have suggested, I will seek to balance in my self, now that I know who and what I am, maybe this will be easier, but at the moment it seems like a daunting task. Still, I'm committed and the road ahead is right there in front of me, I must just walk along it, a few steps at a time.



I’ll keep you posted as to my progress, assuming you are interested and I am still welcome here.



Lots of love, Rachael.

[Deborah]

yEP:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12088&highlight=AMANDA+BOWER


That is my sweety...

kathy in canada

She's either shy or new then?

[Deborah]

My question for the GG's

Would you say that your flattered perhaps that so many men want to either look like or be a women?

[Cheery GG]

in answer to amy's question......My immediate response to that is No....i cant explain any further, but im going with the instinctive answer that came into my head.

I guess to elaborate slightly, some cd's might get annoyed at this, but its how i feel.....you ever heard the phrase....'the grass isnt always greener on the other side'

no offense intended......

c
xx

[Deborah]

None taken....:D

[HaleyPink2000]

My take on this from the side of a CD that just came out to His/Her wife is this.

I try so so hard to make every day for her the best I can. Nothing else in my world matters as much as Her "My Wife". If She said don't dress I'd stop just to keep Her " My Wife" in my life. I'd be sad, grumpy and out of sorts much of my day. But at the end of my day, my Wife would be there.

Darlings to tell you a short story about My Joyce " My Wife " and myself.

When I told Joyce she said " your sick". Even though I had been dressing a little more each day for the past say 15 years around her. She told me you need to see a Doctor or find a support group. So taking Her own advice
I did seek out a support group in May of this year, 2005. Oh to digress, Her and I have been married 25 years. When I found this TriEss group I told Her I was going. That was the day She told me She'd not divorce me but I was Ill and very sick. That She would not divorce me cause She felt that Her vow of in sickness and in health would keep us together. I have been going to the meetings and I am very open to Joyce’s needs, I hang on every word she speaks. I pay great attention to Her feelings and moods. After the 1st meeting I thought " why do I bother to do this". I* did not dress for 2 weeks.
Then I came home one day and did dress before She got home. She walked in shaking Her head stated you sick. Walked into the Bed room and slammed the door. I cried sitting there. She never knew of my feeling over her statement. Then I did go to all the meetings I could after that. Driving back home from the meetings at 2am in the morning and resting on the side of the road. Just so I could be home when she did get up. I thought that going and finding out what others run into from their GG's would maybe apply in my life also. Yes I found people to talk to of problems that I might need answers to.
But being somewhat private I found this Internet site. This very very cool and helpful resource. This site has opened me up to the Idea that I'm not Sick as She'd have me believe. That maybe She needs to come and talk to other GG's. Will she chat on here. No! Can I get her to any meetings? None yet. But will keep trying. Girls thanks for letting me have your insight on how you all have figured out people like myself. I assure you I don't know myself who I am sometimes. Am 54 years old and very settled in my life with my Wife. But, Some day I hope She stops calling me Sick.

Love to you all:)
Also please excuse me for barging into your postings.
I hope you will forgive me for this infraction.
Haley:)

[Vampkittii]

Well hi all this is my first time here so please bare with me. My hubby is Missy_Aust and it has been a rocky ride for the last six years, all this time my hubby decided under his own doing to lie and hide things from me even though I already knew about the crossdressing. Like others I have my good and bad days but when we discover the lies it makes the good days less and the bad days more. All i can say is that crossdressing for me isnt easy to deal with yet but together i hope my hubby and i can change the way he thinks about things so no more lies and hiding and alot more fun days can be shared. As stated from my title "the truth will set you free".

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Elaine, to explain the various reasons why we dress would undoubtedly hijack the thread, since that's a lengthy discussion. I also don't know about your SO's background, which plays an important part in his particular motivations.

But the short answer is there's some people who feel like they're the wrong sex and people like me, who are happy being part-timers. I'll freely admit to wanting to act out the "fun" parts of being a woman. (Those who feel the need to transition are willing to accept the hardships as well -- and many other sacrifices that few men or women would be willing to make.)

I think there's a lot "grass is greener on the other side" envy on both sides of the gender divide. I won't hazard a guess of who's got it harder, suffice to say each gender role comes with its own priviledges and hardships, and it's impossible to understand both fully unless you've lived it all your life.

In your SO's case, there are probably feelings that he feels like he can't express en homme -- whether that's being nuturing or being able to dress up and be pretty. Should he able to? Yes, course he should. But it ain't that easy. Male gender roles are ruthlessly enforced in boyhood -- notice that there's no acceptable male equivalent of being a tomgirl -- and that often continues into adulthood.

Things are changing, but the fear of being labelled wussy (and probably gay) runs deep. So in us CDs these feelings get channelled into a feminine persona. You don't see a widespread female equivalent in part because GGs currently are allowed a greater lattitude in personality styles (being a masculine woman is subject to far less social criticism than being a feminine man) and because it's physically easier for a GG to present herself as masculine than the other way around.

(I just finished a book that studied a group of women who were so masculine that they often were mistaken for men, much to their annoyance. Aside from restroom situations (where they faced the same problems CDs can), when they corrected people as to their gender, the other person's reaction was usually embarassment at their mistake. Trust me, CDs recognized as a guy in dress do not get a similar reaction.)

[Jerry]

I think this is a great thread. I want to hear more from the GGs what they are dealing with. The good. The bad. The ugly. So to hear the concerns and real feelings is helpful. My wife and I sort of avoid the whole discussion. She knows and gives me some time to myself, but has no interest in joining in. I know I should spend more time talking to her about her feelings, but it is a sore point, so why rub salt in it. It was over 10 years before I told her and she was very disappointed I didn't tell her or trust her. Yet now, I feel I can't broach the subject without causing stress. So I let it go.

Again, I appreciate our GG's, whether supportive or not.

AND, I appreciate the discussion around both sides.

Thanks again to all. This is such a great place. Hog hugs. Jerry

[Topaz]

Hi Heather1,

To answer your question, I enjoy that my SO dresses. It wasn't always easy, I didn't find out about this desire until five years into our relationship. We had other larger issues at the time that he told me so although it was a shock it was also a "is that all?" kind of feeling for me. We started slowly (had to being broke) with nighties and such and built up to dressing more fully. Jees can that be expensive! Right now we've come to a circle point of where Jamie doesn't have to be in full dress to express herself. It can be just a skirt with no wig or makeup as she's doing construction on our house. I have gotten so used to it, it's just becoming a normal thing to see. I see Jamie in full fem with just the skirt or blouse that she put on even though everything else is "male" dress.

She's gone out dressed once. We haven't been able to afford going out again because remodeling our house is taking all our money. But in time she's going to want to go out more and that will be a new area for me. The first time was a good experience, but we need to find places closer to home if possible, and we are mostly homebodys anyhow.

To put it plain and simple it gets hard sometimes living with a cd. When newly into this whole thing Jamie was so insecure and unsure that reassurance had to be at an almost constant even if I wasn't feeling so secure myself. Even after all these years (6 of my knowing) there are times that Jamie isn't sure that I like her dressing let alone enjoy her dressing regardless of what I tell or show her. It gets hard to express to her that I understand, accept and enjoy Jamie. How many different ways can I state that fact so that she will finally get it? It may never happen, I don't know.

The problem I have, sometimes, is that she sometimes gets so wrapped up in herself she forgets to look at those around her and see how they are doing. She forgets to ask herself is she paying attention to me or making sure that my feelings/needs are being met.

But I have to fully admit that living with Jamie as Jamie being much more a part of our lives is much, much better than living with the male side of her only. To not have her have to deny that part of her personality, that part of her soul has helped her in our relationship and her relationship with others. She has quit trying to live her fem side through me if that makes any sense to you.

Overall its been a good journey and it's one that I still look forward to although I have to wonder what she'll be wearing when she's 70.

Hi AmyTS,

Am I flattered that so many men want to either look like or be a women? No, not flattered, not offended either. For me it's simply a part of who you are, it really has nothing to do with me or women. It a part of your personality or perhaps even soul, to whatever degree it may be there, it's there. I find it a total shame that simple acceptance is not right here, right now.

Clothing doesn't matter, the person does. I would love to see so many more cd's/ts's or whatever you are to what ever degree being accepted in stores, at work, in general society. When I do spot someone in the store that's enfem I think to myself good for you.

Hope this helps you a little Jerry.

Hugs,
Topaz

[MelissaM]

Wow Topaz... that's one heck of a post. Thank you for posting it. It hit home in so many ways. I hope to one day gain the kind of acceptance of this that you have. I don't really have any problems with my CD, I just can't understand the WHY. I guess I am an all or nothing kind of woman (who knew? I am a lawyer lol) and I just figure that he wants to be a woman... yet I know deep in my heart he does not. He just wants to wear clothes. And makeup. And a wig. And pantyhose!

I don't post much in this forum, but I do read quite a bit. I am coming to a much better understanding about all of this. I honestly don't think it is something they 'choose' to do but something that is within them. And I can respect that. I mean, who would put themselves through all of this on purpose? I don't think anyone would. Its tough - the embarrassment, the acceptance, etc.

I'll always support my man, and my girl when I have the opportunity. I am in the beginning of all of this. I just need to work through MY own issues before I can help him/us with his. Your post was most helpful, thank you!

[Kelly_TGirl]

A big thanks to all the GGs in this thread.

It takes a lot to tell a GG its kinda like "here if you want to leave me you can because i love dressing as a woman..."

I realise that us tv's and cd's have no right expecting our GG to say oh fantastic i Love it, from the start. If both sides can give and take and both sides can enjoy it and dont take more than they give then it can and does add to the "normal" day to day relationships.

Seeing GGs being so honest and loving really has cheered me up.

Mandie loves it too and im really lucky (as we all are who have GGs so fantastic)

We are men first and should realise that and be thankful that when we are dressed up our GGs are there for us in every way.

[LaceLuvr's GG]

Wow Topaz... that's one heck of a post. Thank you for posting it. It hit home in so many ways. I hope to one day gain the kind of acceptance of this that you have. I don't really have any problems with my CD, I just can't understand the WHY. I guess I am an all or nothing kind of woman (who knew? I am a lawyer lol) and I just figure that he wants to be a woman... yet I know deep in my heart he does not. He just wants to wear clothes. And makeup. And a wig. And pantyhose!

I don't post much in this forum, but I do read quite a bit. I am coming to a much better understanding about all of this. I honestly don't think it is something they 'choose' to do but something that is within them. And I can respect that. I mean, who would put themselves through all of this on purpose? I don't think anyone would. Its tough - the embarrassment, the acceptance, etc.

I'll always support my man, and my girl when I have the opportunity. I am in the beginning of all of this. I just need to work through MY own issues before I can help him/us with his. Your post was most helpful, thank you!

Melissa...

I know I was pretty hard on you early on in this post... and I'm sorry. Even though I'm not sorry for what I said... I could of found a better way of saying it. After reading your post, I'm so happy to hear what you said.

Girl, I know it can be hard when you first start out... and I also can understand the way a lawyer things.. (paralegal here)... but the main thing is the fact that you're trying. Now, I don't know if you'll ever get the "why" factor.. but just that you accept the fact that they face a lot of problems having this in their life is a huge milestone.

I just want to say "CONGRATS!!" and again, I'm sorry for being so harsh. Keep it up girl... you're going to be just fine ;)

[Vampkittii]

When I first found out about Missy_aust I was really worried all sorts of things sseemed to stress me, but with time I have have learned to accept and even try and be a part of her life. Now we are trying to move forward together.

[halox1 GG]

at first it was just something that i pretended to accept but as time went on i began to realize that it was a part of who he was i began to accept it slowly at first, now when i am out shopping, i am always looking for things that will look good on her. we have an aweswome relationship, and it's always great to have someone to critique your outfit before leaving the house

[okanaganheather GG]

I have had the pleasure of having a few relationships with Cds. So, I was looking for this type of relationship going in.

All relationships are only as good as each individual and the skills they bring to the table, and am now engaged to Ashlyn from this site... so you now know that I am in full enjoyment of my SO.

:D I enjoy being in a relationship with a casual Cd'er for the emotionality, partnershipwise, sexually, communicatively, and experiencially - nothing is more fulfilling than being with someone who knows and loves themselves!
And I am one of those GG's that love a guy in a dress, Grrr Baby Grrr!

I also believe there is a level of toleratence in all/any kind of relationships - acceptance being the healthy and loving choice.


Hope that is useful for your curiousity...any of your wonderings answered here on this thread, heather 1?