What a relief!

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Since coming out to my wife about two months ago things have been tense regarding my desire to dress. We've had a couple of talks since then but it's been reluctance on her part. I care about her a great deal and have made it clear that she and our marriage are the most important thing to me.
But this week has been amazing and tonight we had a wonderful discussion. I told her I thought it was important to establish some guidelines and boundaries, or do's and don'ts. Without boring y'all, she doesn't want to particpate or help me with things like make up but she totally supports me on this journey and has no problem with me dressing and exploring. It was really what we both needed and has helped tremendously. Since admitting I wanted Ashley in my life this has been another huge weight lifted.
May look like rambling but I felt the need to share something positive and to publicly say I love and cherish my wife.

[sissystephanie]

Ashley, some words of advice. You mentioned "exploring," but did not offer any insight into what kind of exploring you were talking about. Remember, no matter what you are wearing you are a man!! Your wife married a man, and expects you to be one! So always let her know that you are her man, even if you happen to be wearing lace panties. If you truly love her, that will not be hard.

I told my late wife before we married, and we had almost 50 happy years together. She was totally supportive, even to the point of doing my makeup and fixing my wig.

So keep your wife! One that accepts you as a CD is hard to find!

[BobbiU]

Sounds like you have a wonderful wife there who is able to accept you, and allow you to enjoy an important part of your inner self. Be sure not to push the limits, and incorporate cross dressing into your relationship slowly, and I'm sure she'll become even more accepting as time goes on.

Enjoy your new found freedom! :)

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Thanks both of you. Part of tonight's talk was to establish what she is comfortable with so that I don't cause problems. She's very encouraging!

[boardpuppy]

Even with the bountries set, approch them slowly with your dressing. Your SO may still be exploring her limits, as far as her understanding and exceptance is concerned. Go slowy, it sounds as if you have a real winner.

Hugs,
Alice

[Karenmarie]

Thanks for sharing, Ashley and please ramble on. For people like myself, who has NOT told my wife yet, it really helps.

Thanks again

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Careful what you wish for Karenmarie! I can ramble lol!
Seriously the advice and input on this thread is appreciated. I need to hear it.
It really feels so good to have gotten started this way. She even thinks it's a good idea for me to go to a local support group meeting. Things feel so much better...like a log jam is cleared.
Hugs everyone!

[Danielle Gee]

As most of you know, I have full support and even enthusiastic participation from my wife. But as Stephanie mentioned, one should never forget they also have “Male” responsibilities in their marriage.

One of the reasons my marriage has been successful for over 40 years (IMHO) is I’ve always tried to read her moods and anticipate her needs and desires. I’ve discovered that women are wonderful and complex creatures, but with the right treatment they can return to you much more than they receive.

So if you’re interested in my advice, I’ll just say this……….. “Enjoy your feminine side, but remember it is only one facet of your being. One has many other side of their selves that need to be expressed also.

To quote and old rock song (and the Bible)………

“To everything…….there is a season………And a time to every purpose………Under Heaven”

Good Luck!!

Danielle:hugs:

[jamie2010]

I actually got caught two weeks ago and had to tell my wife! Let me tell you how. Little background information first, I have been CDing for 17 years now, I am 29 now. My wife is 22 and I have a 2 year old boy and a 4 month old girl. Ok now I got on my gmail email account and checked on my wig order, my wife later on was surfing the net and noticed a green button on the top right corner of the internet explorer browser that states 'Sign In'. Little did I know when you sign into gmail, this feature saves your login info. All she had to do was click on that and ping! She checked my email, saw everything I had ordered in the past few weeks! I came out that night and had to explain everything. I've never told anyone, ever until that night. It was terrifying! We haven't gotten all the details worked out yet, but she has vowed to stay with me, at least for now. She isn't at all into it yet. She has a million questions, and since I have never questioned the feelings for myself, I had few answers. I do know that I love my wife and kids without doubt and want to keep our relationship alive, but I do feel like she is kinda avoiding me. She feels like I betrayed her right now as would anyone in her position. Just thought I would share my story as it fits.

[Aeify]

Don't forget to tell your wives (Ashley and Jamie) that there are ggs here to help them with their adjustment and questions. Bravo for telling and Jamie good luck on the working things out.

[patti1569]

That's great Ashley! One thing I'm finding with my wife is that communication is key. Try to guage her moods and ask what she is thinking and feeling. Have fun exploring!

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Fortunately there is the local support group which helps not only CDs but also is geared towards helping spouses. Mine is not ready to go to a meeting yet, but she has indicated she would eventually. Aeify, I take it you have been helpful for other wifes?
Jamie good luck I hope things work out.

[kimdl93]

As many have said, its fear of losing a relationship coupled with fear of the unknown that causes most of the problems between CDers and thier SOs. I think its important to reassure your wife, over and over again, that you remain the person...fundementally....that you have always been. Over time, your SO can gain increasing confidence that, although you dress, you have no alterior motives, and they can count on you.

[AKAMichelle]

This is a huge development for you. I would have been happy if my wife had accepted like this. I think most women can accept like this. Very few can be an active part of going out with us dressed. I hope everything works out for you

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Communication helps along with the advice I've seen here.
I had thought she and I could go shopping together but she said "I can't be girlfriends with you". Along with what Stephanie said....I'm starting to get grounded on what I need to do to make her comfortable.

[JulieC]

Things feel so much better...like a log jam is cleared.

Be careful. The weight of that logjam is now on her shoulders. You've had much of your life to synthesize your female and male aspects. She's had a very short time period to do so. SLOW DOWN. I think you're doing ok, but going slow is the ticket here.


I had thought she and I could go shopping together but she said "I can't be girlfriends with you".

A very common theme among crossdressers whose spouses know is the idea that no matter how accepting our spouses are, we would like more support/encouragement/participation/etc.

Be glad for and respectful of your wife being supportive as she is. Don't force it.


I'm starting to get grounded on what I need to do to make her comfortable.

Go at her pace, not yours. It's very easy to overwhelm a spouse with this. You feel the log jam has cleared, and suddenly your gushing out like a broken dam. Your wife is standing right below that dam. It's not her job to synthesize it at your pace. It's your job to tread carefully, respect her, treat her exceptionally well, and always show love and caring for her.

[Sarah 777]

I've been surprised by how many women in my life have been accepting, and I think if its approached slowly and in the right way then my feeling is that most women will (eventually!).

My ex-wife began by hating the very thought of it when I mentioned wearing stockings, but after a while she suggested I try shaving my legs. That was eight or nine years ago now, and although we've since separated (not as a result of dressing I hasn't to add) she actively encourages me now, including buying make up for me and letting me have her cast-off shoes.

A girlfriend that I had for a while also encouraged me and was more than happy to bring Sarah to the bedroom. We actually used to raid each others pantie-drawer!

Another girlfriend was again more than accepting when I first told her. The main thing I remember about when I told her was that she wanted a flash of my thong! I got one back so that was ok! I don't see her that often as she lives some way off unfortunately.

So, to come to my point, my feeling is that most women will eventually accept it provided that its not "in their face" and they are allowed to come to terms with it in their own time. Some of course won't ever though and thats the dilemma we've all faced, we don't know until its too late...

Sorry to join in on the ramble!

Sarah xx

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Thank you all for taking the time to comment, it helps esp with the insight.
My approach so far since our big talk last Friday is to not show anything to her. She knows I shaved my legs Saturday night ( I went through two razors LOL) but I wasn't going to bring it up. She did and I just listened as she gave a little advice. She knows, I've been honest with her and that's that so I am doing what I can to not expose her to it. But if she feels the need to ask, comment whatever she knows I will discuss it then. Plus I started writing a diary, which she thought was a great idea.
I do wish I had someone to show my new purchases to- I just got some black tights off ebay that I can't wait to try on. Sigh.....
Thanks girls
Ashley

[kimdl93]

take your time and just keep the channels of communication open. If you can diffuse the tension with some self depracating humor, that can help. And always, make it clear that as this part of you comes out, you become an even better husband, lover, father, etc.

[Ashleythenewgirl]

take your time and just keep the channels of communication open. If you can diffuse the tension with some self depracating humor, that can help. And always, make it clear that as this part of you comes out, you become an even better husband, lover, father, etc.
Ironic....I used those same words Friday in our "big talk" about being a better husband etc. I'd like to think I am on the right track so thanks Kim!

[kimdl93]

one more comment - I think you are on the right track, and the best thing is to walk the walk, as they say. (sometimes with a little wiggle ;)