Coming out

[Victoria Anne]

The decision is made , my wife and I talked about it quite a bite and I have decided to come out to all save for work. I will be sitting down with the rest of my family upon my return from work ( only my mother and sister know ) and will disclose the facts about who I am. I am prepared to lose some of my family , I expect to be written of by half of them but this is something I have to do .

I will be going full time soon so this is a must , I will also be telling all my friends and so far I have lost none and found surprising support from the one I expected to lose . I have 2 more to talk with , my neighbor and his GF. I have in this process gained a GG friend who is very supportive.

I will be seeing my therapist on the 25th and will be seeking her advise on how to do this with my family , I hope she will be able to offer some advise and help me revise my transition schedule a bit. If any of you have some advise it would be appreciated , you are , have been a great deal of support and part of the reason I am finally going to be making this next step, thanks.

[LisaM]

My best wishes, Victoria Anne!

[Sharon]

The best wishes to you, Victoria Anne. :hugs:

[CharleneT]

I hope it goes very well for you :hugs:

Coming out feels like a weight off your shoulders ... you can practically feel the iron slip away !

[Faith_G]

I found that even when it goes badly it is still a relief to get it over with. :hugs:

I'll be praying for you and your family today.

[StaceyJane]

Good luck!!

[Laurie Ann]

Victoria Anne I wish you all the best and hope everyone reacta positively to your news

[Ze]

Aw geez, good luck! :hugs:

[Frances]

Good luck with everything. The funny thing about coming out is that it gets easier and easier to do while the reaction is about the same on the other side all the time.

[carolinoakland]

Welcome, the hardest part of makeing the choice WAS makeing the choice. After that the rest was just details... go slow, go with your eye's and heart open. And breathe and remember to let people be people. Carol

[thechic]

best of luck ,I hope all goes well,It does get easier.and its such a relieve you don't have to hide things.:hugs:

[CharleneT]

good luck with everything. The funny thing about coming out is that it gets easier and easier to do while the reaction is about the same on the other side all the time.

so true !!

[Melody Moore]

Hi Victoria

What can I really say apart from congratulations? :daydreaming:

Its good to see someone come out who knows what they really want and know the value of staying true to themselves. What you are doing takes enormous amounts of courage as you already know. I know that there will also be times will be tough, but I'm also going through it as well, so it will be good to be able to lean on each other from time to time for a little support. So I just wanted to let you know that Im here for you and also say Good luck with it all, you really do have all my best wishes.

Hugs Mel Xx :hugs:

[Elsa Larson]

You're an attractive, sensible woman with a classic fashion style that should not offend anyone's sensibilities.

I think you'll get overwhelmingly positive and supportive responses from friends and family.

[JamieLH]

Wishing you the best. I'm sure your therapist will be able to give suggestions. And it's great your wife will be there for you.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Remember to keep God in the equation, pray to him and ask for smooth sailing, tell your family you love them and care about them, as you tell them. But above all don't be ashamed or afraid to be you. You are a beautiful woman created by a beautiful God, you are blessed by him. Take care, Kimberly :battingeyelashes:

[Victoria Anne]

So far so good , I have gotten a better response than I expected from my brother-in-law . While not support there is acceptance and further I have found acceptance , support and even respect from a friend. I only have a few left to talk with , my daughter who my wife thinks will be supportive , I am not sure and find the prospect a bit scary ,she is 33, my Uncle and niece and nephew. There is also my mother who knows but really wishes she did not and I still have to tell her I am going to begin my RLE , she is going to flip and I am worried about it as her health is not the best but I will no longer hide who I am. Come to think about it I do have one other friend to tell who is very important as he helps my wife with things when I am gone , she needs help getting groceries in the house and lifting some things , I worry about his reaction as well but as I said I will no longer hide. Thank you all for your support , it means a lot to me.

Viccy

[Melody Moore]

Hi Viccy

I think when you come out to family & friends these people work through it like any other grieving process where there needs to be that primary acceptance before they're ready for anything else. If people expect support straight away from their loved ones they will only end up being disappointed.

Your loved ones will be very confused about what is going on because they really dont understand our conditions, they sometimes experience a similar emotion that you would expect from telling them that you have a terminal illness and your are going to die, they are starting to grieve like theyre about to lose someone they care about & that is why I believe it is especially harder for parents & spouses to deal with.

Parents have a hard time because they often wonder where they 'went wrong' - especially fathers because they feel like they failed as a role model. Spouses have a hard time accepting it because their initial emotions are of rejection and that they weren't good enough. So its important to give reassurances to our loved ones that it has nothing at all to do with any of this. We are dealing with something that is way beyond their control, this is about our true gender identity, so it is our issue, it really has nothing to do with them, so we need to reassure them that we still love them and won't ever change our relationship as their best friend, partner or child.

And I really think the key to gaining acceptance & winning 'respect' for our decisions is education & we have to do this first before there could ever be any hope of support. There is lots of media & information available now to help loved ones come to terms with what is going on. I believe once they understand the situation more clearly they can start to accept what is happening. But there are those transphobes out there that really dont want to know and would much rather stay ignorant. These people we cannot educate so we have to realise that it is futile to push the issue.

And you have to be honest & never kid yourself if you ever expect support, while you might gain acceptance & win over respect there is still no guarantee that you will get support - so personally I don't 'expect' support in the first place in coming out and this way I wont be left feeling disappointed if they don't really support me.

I am happy if I can just get my family & friends just to accept & respect my decisions, if they can't do that, then it is very clear to me they have some 'personal issues' to work through and leave it at that, because only they can deal with them, not me & I just walk away because I know that I have to stay true to myself & stay very focused. So Im fine with not getting support from my family & friends because I know I get the best support from my online TG/TS networks & also my local transgender network & gender clinic & that is all that really matters to me right now. :gh:

[Victoria Anne]

Melody I think you are spot on , The one person with whom I have gained acceptance ,respect and support from has been through this before with friends in Las Vegas so he does understand. My wife knew me better than I did , when I came to terms with who I was and talked to her she simply said "I could have told you that" , one must remember I told her I wore women's clothes the day before our first date ,, we had been friends for 5 years by that time. Mrs.M has always been in my corner encouraging understanding and growth.
I have no illusions about it if it had not been for her I never would have come to the reality of my "condition" further with her support and that of all the ladies and gents here I would not have accepted my transsexualism and certainly not begun my transition. I know I am in a small minority but I would not want to under estimate the level of growth I have had because of everyone her at Cross dressers.

[Melody Moore]

Hi again Viccy,

I know you don't have any illusions - you of all the people here are one I really do have a lot of respect for, you know where you're at all of this and its really great you've got some really supportive people there because we all need that. THe good news is for me, Im just starting to find mine. :)

I know I might sound like I am also coming across a little 'selffish' here but sometimes you have to be, you have to stay true to yourself. If you don't you only end up 'screwed up' in the head and no good for anyone anyway. Im traditionally a giver, not a taker, but I know its my in my best interest to be the way I am right now for everyone's benefit and not just my own.