FemmeElastique
08-16-2010, 04:06 PM
One of my best friends keeps saying that I CD for attention. Normally, I don't give a damn what others think but the fact that he thinks that bothers me. I won't tell him that. I just disagree with him. I just hate when he says that because it makes it seem like I have some sorta issue and it just sounds bad! Like a child acting up to get attention, whether it's negative or positive.
Some things about me: As some of you may know from previous posts, when I'm in drab, I live my life as a gay guy. It's almost as if I'm borderline transsexual, or at least transgender. I learned that I may be transgender from another CD who lives her life as a woman and as a man. She's somewhere in her life that I'd like to get to at some point...to wake up each day and decide if I feel like being a woman or a man for that day.
Ok, so, the gay community is very shallow and superficial. I don't meet their standard of beauty as a man. I don't have the look that the vast majority of them are looking for. I very rarely meet guys as a man and I've never had a relationship. The closest I've come to having one is when I lived in France for a year. I met guys alot and dated. Then I came back to the states to the same thing I had before, pretty much no love life. While in Europe, I started CDing occasionally for fetish parties. That's how it started. And I loved doing it! I loved the feeling of being a woman at the parties and I was treated and viewed differently as one. I decided to bring my CDing here. Eventually I started doing it more and more. With CDing came attention from guys, something I very rarely got as a man. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing it anyway. I'd say that meeting guys is definitely one of the perks. I also love being treated and viewed as a woman by people. It's different from being a man.
My friend has always met guys and had attention from them. When we would go out, he'd always be the one getting hit on. He's also had several relationships over the past years. So I really can't expect him to understand. I'm not used to being hit on as a guy. But when I CD, I increase those chances a lot. I enjoy the company of guys I meet when I'm a woman, and also other people I meet as well. And I've had these discussions with them. He understands, but still is adamant about me doing it for attention. The way he says it, usually via text message, sounds like I'm a huge attention seeker. We don't live in the same city so we talk and text a lot. He thinks that I do it just to go out and get hit on by guys. But it's more than that. Getting hit on by guys is nice, and it does make me feel desirable..I won't lie. But how can he understand? He gets hit on by guys all the time! One reason I CD in select places (bars, clubs) is because it will increase the chances of me being hit on by guys. Also, people are generally more attracted to me (not sexually, but just as far as conversation) when I'm a woman than when I'm a man. People are much more likely to come and talk to me. I'm more likely to make contacts, have conversations, and just meet people when I go out alone. It's just different. My friend gets those things as a man. I get those things as a woman. I believe that there has to be some sort of physical attraction for someone to want to get to know someone else, like in a bar or club setting. I attract much more people as a woman in those places than I do as a man. It really makes my night. I have a better time going out as a CD than I do in drab.
To me, CDing has opened different doors and experiences for me. CDing is also pretty much the only way that I can have even the chance to find anything distantly resembling my experiences in France. That's until I can get back because I do have a long term goal of immigrating to Europe. It's not just about CDing and guys, but different areas of my life were better when I was there and I feel like it's a right fit for me.
I don't consider myself an attention seeker. I never sought to be the center of attention as a child and I never seek it now. I never did bad things like children do just to get attention. Even as a child, I saw it as stupid to do bad stuff just to get fussed at or punished. Even now as an adult, when I CD, I carefully select places that I think would be ok for me to do it at. Places where I won't be the center of attention or draw negative attention. I don't like negative attention at all. I had the experience of receiving that before but it was not a good feeling. Also, as far as being an attention ***** (as he jokingly calls me), there are many situations that I've been in where I could have taken advantage of or even try to be the center of attention, but I never do. If someone is on a soapbox, I let them be. I won't fight to get my opinion into discussions where there's people talking non-stop. I don't see a need for it.
It just got me to thinking. Am I really doing it for attention from guys? If I am, does it matter if it works for me? Is that an invalid reason to CD, or does everyone who CDs do it for different reasons? I want to know what you girls think. I just don't like the idea of doing for attention. It sounds so bad. Or is it?
Some things about me: As some of you may know from previous posts, when I'm in drab, I live my life as a gay guy. It's almost as if I'm borderline transsexual, or at least transgender. I learned that I may be transgender from another CD who lives her life as a woman and as a man. She's somewhere in her life that I'd like to get to at some point...to wake up each day and decide if I feel like being a woman or a man for that day.
Ok, so, the gay community is very shallow and superficial. I don't meet their standard of beauty as a man. I don't have the look that the vast majority of them are looking for. I very rarely meet guys as a man and I've never had a relationship. The closest I've come to having one is when I lived in France for a year. I met guys alot and dated. Then I came back to the states to the same thing I had before, pretty much no love life. While in Europe, I started CDing occasionally for fetish parties. That's how it started. And I loved doing it! I loved the feeling of being a woman at the parties and I was treated and viewed differently as one. I decided to bring my CDing here. Eventually I started doing it more and more. With CDing came attention from guys, something I very rarely got as a man. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing it anyway. I'd say that meeting guys is definitely one of the perks. I also love being treated and viewed as a woman by people. It's different from being a man.
My friend has always met guys and had attention from them. When we would go out, he'd always be the one getting hit on. He's also had several relationships over the past years. So I really can't expect him to understand. I'm not used to being hit on as a guy. But when I CD, I increase those chances a lot. I enjoy the company of guys I meet when I'm a woman, and also other people I meet as well. And I've had these discussions with them. He understands, but still is adamant about me doing it for attention. The way he says it, usually via text message, sounds like I'm a huge attention seeker. We don't live in the same city so we talk and text a lot. He thinks that I do it just to go out and get hit on by guys. But it's more than that. Getting hit on by guys is nice, and it does make me feel desirable..I won't lie. But how can he understand? He gets hit on by guys all the time! One reason I CD in select places (bars, clubs) is because it will increase the chances of me being hit on by guys. Also, people are generally more attracted to me (not sexually, but just as far as conversation) when I'm a woman than when I'm a man. People are much more likely to come and talk to me. I'm more likely to make contacts, have conversations, and just meet people when I go out alone. It's just different. My friend gets those things as a man. I get those things as a woman. I believe that there has to be some sort of physical attraction for someone to want to get to know someone else, like in a bar or club setting. I attract much more people as a woman in those places than I do as a man. It really makes my night. I have a better time going out as a CD than I do in drab.
To me, CDing has opened different doors and experiences for me. CDing is also pretty much the only way that I can have even the chance to find anything distantly resembling my experiences in France. That's until I can get back because I do have a long term goal of immigrating to Europe. It's not just about CDing and guys, but different areas of my life were better when I was there and I feel like it's a right fit for me.
I don't consider myself an attention seeker. I never sought to be the center of attention as a child and I never seek it now. I never did bad things like children do just to get attention. Even as a child, I saw it as stupid to do bad stuff just to get fussed at or punished. Even now as an adult, when I CD, I carefully select places that I think would be ok for me to do it at. Places where I won't be the center of attention or draw negative attention. I don't like negative attention at all. I had the experience of receiving that before but it was not a good feeling. Also, as far as being an attention ***** (as he jokingly calls me), there are many situations that I've been in where I could have taken advantage of or even try to be the center of attention, but I never do. If someone is on a soapbox, I let them be. I won't fight to get my opinion into discussions where there's people talking non-stop. I don't see a need for it.
It just got me to thinking. Am I really doing it for attention from guys? If I am, does it matter if it works for me? Is that an invalid reason to CD, or does everyone who CDs do it for different reasons? I want to know what you girls think. I just don't like the idea of doing for attention. It sounds so bad. Or is it?