I'm worried

[Emily_3]

Ok, here goes.

I've been thinking about this for a few years, am I a CD or TS?, the reason I ask is because I've always felt fem, well before I started dressing at 17 years old. (full dressing didn't happen until I finished my IT/Technician studies)

since coming out last year, the feelings have gotten even more stronger.

What I'm most worried about, is my female persona taking over and pushing my male side away? or is it just simply coming together?

what I don't want to do is take this further and it ends up being a stupid thing to do,
it's a question that's been nagging at me for some time.

sorry if this is posted in the wrong forum


Kind Regards

Emily

[kimdl93]

Emily, Its not a stupid thing to worry about. I can't answere whether you're CD or TS. No one can. I don't think its a black or white situation, and over time you perspective is likely to change.

Also, don't get to hung up on labels. If you enjoy dressing and presenting your feminine side, that's entirely OK!!! Expect the desire to come and go over time....it does for most of us. But if you were to look at a trend line, I'm sure most of us progress towards more extensive dressing as we mature.

If its troubling to you, then consider getting some counseling. Your counselor will help you clarify what your want for the moment.

[Kate Simmons]

It's all in there Emily but as you say, your own perspective is a very big part of it.:)

[Lexine]

This is most certainly the right forum to post this, so don't worry about it!

The simplest solution I can give you is to see a gender therapist. They can help you sort out these feelings, should you need help doing so. We can merely give you suggestions and some support, but nothing beats having a therapist to talk to should you need to.

Otherwise, you have to ask a lot of questions regarding YOUr boy and girl modes, such as the advantages and disadvantages of being a boy or a girl to YOU, why YOU like being a boy or a girl, or asking a hypothetical question like if YOU fully transitioned to a girl, would YOU miss YOUr boy self?

When I decided to CD this year, I thought it was only just merely CDing. Then I started realizing that there is an identity that's attached to me in girl mode. I gave her a name, and examined my motivations as to why I CD. I found out that I needed to visualize and act out my feminine side outwardly, and that I had no intentions of transitioning because I loved my boy mode a lot. It was only much later that I realized that I was bi-gender... neither a CDer, nor a TS, but one who finds it very comfortable in presenting as either a boy or a girl.

Sometimes, digging deep in yourself, finding your motivations, what drives you, and having this deep self-examination helps you find your answers. If this isn't enough, there's always the aforementioned therapist.

Hope this helps!

[Sheren Kelly]

I think many of us face this question in discovering ourselves. I was in a similar place and starting to spend a lot of time as a lady. But when I committed to it for several days (short trip out of town) it occurred to me that I still needed to be a guy as well. Don't burn any bridges until you are certain you have left nothing of value on the other side.

Good luck!

[AKAMichelle]

The thing to do is to see a therapist. You need to think things through completely before you take anymore steps. Coming out is a complicated step and you should be able to have no regrets for your decision when done. If you aren't there yet, then don't do it.

[Inna]

Emily, I am worried too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so glad you actually posted this question today, because I just came back from a winghouse, a hooters kind of place, and after observing all the girls and genetic beauty there, I asked: "What the heck am I doing", "what do I want end up as", "how can I expect things to become clear and happy despite realities".
Long story short, look in the mirror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you see?????????????????????????????????????
I know whom I see, it is clear, but yet my mind, my need to feel, my inner fem is so strong that I have hard time fighting this emotion. In fact I don't want it to stop despite the reality!
Is it obsesion, probably yes!!!!!!!!!! is it a sickness, however it pains me to say it, I think so!!!!!!!!!! is it more powerful than any resolve I can mount, probably so!!!!!!!!!!!!

You may say I had few too many, but after having too many I have nothing to hide behind and my thoughts come out as they are. I feel twisted despite wanting to be wholesome, someone help.

[iloveps]

I'm goin through this right now too, i have had a pretty good conversation going with the guys and gals over on the transexual forum here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=137420). They are pretty great people!

How far back does your history go with feeling this way? Or at least feeling you were different not necessarily ts. Did you have any moments in your childhood that stick out to you? I have decided to see a therapists after coming out to my awesome mom last week and i cant wait to see them and talk.

I hope you can find yourself!:D

[kellycan27]

Emily, I am worried too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so glad you actually posted this question today, because I just came back from a winghouse, a hooters kind of place, and after observing all the girls and genetic beauty there, I asked: "What the heck am I doing", "what do I want end up as", "how can I expect things to become clear and happy despite realities".
Long story short, look in the mirror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you see?????????????????????????????????????
I know whom I see, it is clear, but yet my mind, my need to feel, my inner fem is so strong that I have hard time fighting this emotion. In fact I don't want it to stop despite the reality!
Is it obsesion, probably yes!!!!!!!!!! is it a sickness, however it pains me to say it, I think so!!!!!!!!!! is it more powerful than any resolve I can mount, probably so!!!!!!!!!!!!

You may say I had few too many, but after having too many I have nothing to hide behind and my thoughts come out as they are. I feel twisted despite wanting to be wholesome, someone help.

Despite the realities?

[Teri Jean]

Emily as the others have stated it is a journey and adventure you need to travel. I was there for a long time (50yrs) and then I got to that fork in the road that I found so appealing that I had to walk that branch. As I did I needed a guide and first it was a sweet girl who was also on her journey and she gave me information on where to get a professional guide. I am fortunate that my therapist is world renowned for his work with transgendered patients, but even he is just a guide to help you find your own way. I wish you a safe journey where ever it leads you. Hugs

[carrie-ann]

Only you know what you are. When you figure it out and live your life to the fullest. You'll find happiness.

[docrobbysherry]

She predicts someday, u will discover u r TG!:brolleyes:

[Emily_3]

Emily, I am worried too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so glad you actually posted this question today, because I just came back from a winghouse, a hooters kind of place, and after observing all the girls and genetic beauty there, I asked: "What the heck am I doing", "what do I want end up as", "how can I expect things to become clear and happy despite realities".
Long story short, look in the mirror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you see?????????????????????????????????????
I know whom I see, it is clear, but yet my mind, my need to feel, my inner fem is so strong that I have hard time fighting this emotion. In fact I don't want it to stop despite the reality!
Is it obsesion, probably yes!!!!!!!!!! is it a sickness, however it pains me to say it, I think so!!!!!!!!!! is it more powerful than any resolve I can mount, probably so!!!!!!!!!!!!

You may say I had few too many, but after having too many I have nothing to hide behind and my thoughts come out as they are. I feel twisted despite wanting to be wholesome, someone help.

It's the question that I ask "how do I want to end up",
the answer to your question, When I look in the mirror I see a girl, standing in front of me.
:)



I'm goin through this right now too, i have had a pretty good conversation going with the guys and gals over on the transexual forum here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=137420). They are pretty great people!

How far back does your history go with feeling this way? Or at least feeling you were different not necessarily ts. Did you have any moments in your childhood that stick out to you? I have decided to see a therapists after coming out to my awesome mom last week and i cant wait to see them and talk.

I hope you can find yourself!:D

My first experience was at 5 years old, putting on my sister's dress, then after that it got put on the "back burner" for many years, although I still felt feminine just didn't dress up.
Then fast forward to the year 2002, Emily "started up" again and the feelings getting strong by this point, the following year at 17 years old, I start dressing in stealth, with ever increasing emotional changes, also the feeling of guilt and the thrill of being discovered by my parents, never felt so much in such a short space of time.
fast forward to 2009, after about 4 years in dressing in stealth, and 3 years dressing fully without anyone knowing about it, I decided to "come out" and introduced Emily for the first time.
It led to many questions being asked regarding sexual orientation and whether or not I'm going to transition, which at the time I wasn't sure,
I was sure that I'm not gay and reassured my parents, family and friends of that,
now I'm at this point in 2010, where I can dress whenever I want, generally have been accepted.
I feel it's deeper than that, as if I should have been born as a girl and that I have the wrong "software" for the wrong "hardware".
I am in contact with my GP, who have put me in contact with the mental health services in my area, I have an assessment coming up this week, so I'll ask many questions no doubt, hopefully get one more step closer to working out whats going on here.
:)

Thank you for your kind words, I think you're right, this is something for me to feel and not for anyone else to judge.
The ultimate decision rests with me and it has to be made very carefully after all the questions have been asked / answered.

Kind Regards

Emily

[Nikki A.]

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure we all wish you the best and remember we are all here to help, even if it is just to lend an ear. You're lucky in that you are still quite young and have your life ahead of you. For many of us the realization came later on (no internet, the feelings of being alone) after we had family and career situations that make this a more difficult situation.

[Tina B.]

Don't do anything until you know just what the right move is, you have the rest of your life to figure it out. Not sure about the rules on your side of the pond, but over here you need to see a bunch of professionals before you can do much anyway, so start there, then if you do decide your TS, you will be on the right road, and if your not, then you know before you go to far for a guy.
Tina B.

[Billijo49504]

I agree with the group. Get some good counciling. And yes,I'm following my own advice. Just got the reminder for my Thursday appointment. Good luck on your new adventure..BJ

[neworleanssusan]

Ok, here goes.

I've been thinking about this for a few years, am I a CD or TS?


Well, first, it's NOT something I'd "worrry" about! I agree with the poster that a little therapy/counseling can go a long way, but ONLY if you get the right counselor -- someone who is supportive and helping you find your way in life.

Lemme ask ya this -- who do you WANT to be? Who do you feel most comfortable being? From what I understand (and I'm NOT an "old hand" at this by any means), the "CD" mindset is quite different from the "TS" mindset. For example, I think of myself as a CD. I don't have any real problems with my "boy parts" although I would be perfectly happy going thru life as a full-time CD (I VERY MUCH enjoy my female persona -- she's a lot more friendly than my male persona.) On the other hand (and again, this is just my understanding), TS's really don't like their "boy parts" and have no use for them what-so-ever. I KNOW I'm w-a-a-a-y over-simplifying this, and will probably p-o someone.

By the way, this has VERY LITTLE to do with your sexual orientation. That having been said, if you sexually focus on guys, or you're bi, then it adds an interesting wrinkle to the equation.... curiously, how do your friends see you? Do they see you as a male or as a female? Who do you "date"? How do the guys/gals you date see you? How comfortable are you with the way others see you?

[MichelleOBrien]

The problem with labels is that TS and CD both cover such a wide spectrum. I know there are some CDers who only wear panties or pantyhose because either they "feel good" or because it's a fetish. I also know a CDer in New Orleans who has made it her full time lifestyle.

On the other hand, I know TS's who haven't had any surgery whatsoever (and have no plans for it), as well as TS's who are in varying degrees of transition and are happy where they are, whether it be strictly taking hormones, having breast augmentation, or getting the full deal.

My advice is to stop thinking in terms of labels, mostly because it's easier then to figure out WHO and WHAT you are. Then you can worry about labels.

For me, I realized that the only two things I'd really miss about being a guy are the ability to pee standing up and the ability to take off my shirt when I get too hot. Other than that, nothing about me would really change with the different "hardware," other than feeling more comfortable in my own skin.

But that's me, and everybody is different. You need to find your own path, and the best way to do that is to ignore the labels society attaches to everything. Otherwise, you'll be so caught up in "am I this or that?" that you'll miss the little things that make you who you are and you'll end up changing who you are to fit the stereotype of this label or that label.

[Emily_3]

The problem with labels is that TS and CD both cover such a wide spectrum. I know there are some CDers who only wear panties or pantyhose because either they "feel good" or because it's a fetish. I also know a CDer in New Orleans who has made it her full time lifestyle.

On the other hand, I know TS's who haven't had any surgery whatsoever (and have no plans for it), as well as TS's who are in varying degrees of transition and are happy where they are, whether it be strictly taking hormones, having breast augmentation, or getting the full deal.

My advice is to stop thinking in terms of labels, mostly because it's easier then to figure out WHO and WHAT you are. Then you can worry about labels.

For me, I realized that the only two things I'd really miss about being a guy are the ability to pee standing up and the ability to take off my shirt when I get too hot. Other than that, nothing about me would really change with the different "hardware," other than feeling more comfortable in my own skin.

But that's me, and everybody is different. You need to find your own path, and the best way to do that is to ignore the labels society attaches to everything. Otherwise, you'll be so caught up in "am I this or that?" that you'll miss the little things that make you who you are and you'll end up changing who you are to fit the stereotype of this label or that label.


True what you say about labels and it's not something I normally get hung up on, just trying to figure out which end of the spectrum I'm at.

Anyways today I went out shopping, dressed completely male, however I kept being referred to as a woman, by everyone who "interacted" with me, this felt strangely good.

just like what I see in the mirror, people see when they look... a girl

really enjoyed today, made me realize I shouldn't worry about what I am and just live life.

:)

[kimdl93]

....everyone who "interacted" with me, this felt strangely good.

just like what I see in the mirror, people see when they look... a girl

really enjoyed today, made me realize I shouldn't worry about what I am and just live life.

:)

Absolutely right on, Emily!

[carolinoakland]

After a lifetime of loving and hating what i liked to do and be I deceided that it was time to see a therapist to answer for myself. Am I a cd or ts? And learn to live happily at last. Honestly, therapy, will not provide any answers that you don't already know. It's just getting you to ask the question and answer it and live with that choice. For once in my life I haven't regretted this choice one bit... Carol

[Gerrijerry]

To all the girls who ask the same question. I can say I went for counseling it totally helped both my wife and meself. It does take time and you have to be honest when you talk to the counselor. You may be CD or TS or just something in between there are no rules that say that you have to do something like becoming a woman in fact that is very hard to do so don't worry. You can be TS and never transition to being a woman for . THe only way you can transition is if you are totally sure and so is your counselor. Even then you would have to live full time for at least a year female. So relax and talk about your feelings to a counselor.

[iloveps]

My first experience was at 5 years old, putting on my sister's dress, then after that it got put on the "back burner" for many years, although I still felt feminine just didn't dress up.



I am in contact with my GP, who have put me in contact with the mental health services in my area, I have an assessment coming up this week, so I'll ask many questions no doubt, hopefully get one more step closer to working out whats going on here.
:)

Thank you for your kind words, I think you're right, this is something for me to feel and not for anyone else to judge.



I also had my first feelings at five and kind of floundered until recently. Im happy you are going to see someone, isnt the prospect of talking about it so in depth liberating? I wont be able to have my first appointment for a few weeks since i am moving and other things as well, but i hope to hear from you about how it went!

I had to come to the realization about the feeling vs it being judged.

I hope our jouneys start well! :hugs:

[Naomi Rayne]

Ok, here goes.

I've been thinking about this for a few years, am I a CD or TS?, the reason I ask is because I've always felt fem, well before I started dressing at 17 years old. (full dressing didn't happen until I finished my IT/Technician studies)

since coming out last year, the feelings have gotten even more stronger.

What I'm most worried about, is my female persona taking over and pushing my male side away? or is it just simply coming together?

what I don't want to do is take this further and it ends up being a stupid thing to do,
it's a question that's been nagging at me for some time.

sorry if this is posted in the wrong forum


Kind Regards

Emily


Whether you are TS or CD is a decision that you have to come to on your own. I have found that when i really started to get into things my female persona was eating up my male persona. All i would think about was shoes clothes, nails, hair, and tons of other stuff. I wouldnt have much conversation because the things on my mind all had to do with CDing so i did alot of talking here on CD.com. But as time went by things kinda slowed down for me and my male self came back and i found a really nice balance between both persona's and now i am just me :D

Since only coming out a year ago does not seem to be that long you may have just started along a similar path to the one i just described or possibly you may just be in a moment where your mind tends to think more female. I would not let it worry you so much and give yourself some time to figure things out.

Enjoy yourself though. Dont stress over it and let it drive you crazy.

[Dee Model]

Emily, there are marked differences between the cross-dresser and the transexual; in short, if you were a transexual you would damn well know about it girlfriend!

The following is an excerpt from replies I posted about this very subject...there seems to be some confusion, understandably I guess.

Transvestitism/Transexualism
What you ask basically pertains to the question of whether any parallels can be drawn between transvestitism and transexualism.

The short answer is...there are none. Transexuals inhabit a body they do not feel is their "ideal" or their existential right; they believe unequivocally that they were born into the wrong mechanical sex-body.

Cross-dressers are a fundamentally different animal: they are quite at ease with splicing and transitioning between gender roles...the transexual experiences no such dichotomy of existential reality. For the transexual there is no male/female persona (trans-persona) just like for everyone else (who is not a cross-dresser) there is only one persona that pertains exactly with their objective sex. The only difference is that a transexual must reconcile physically the difference (dichotomy) between subjective and objective reality with regards gender. Ref: "The Role of Gender and the Imperative of Sex" by Charles Sherperdson.

I am un-equivocally a cd, as I suspect you are. Do not be afraid of your femme self flexing her muscles, as it were. She has a right to emancipation from the shackles of restrictive hetero-normative culture. True expression of self (for a cd) means realisation of the totality of the m/f dichotomy; a trans-persona that demands full reconciliation in both gender roles...why settle for one when you can have both?