GGs and when the "find out"

[Cddj]

My question deals with relationships with GG's. Just about every relationship I've ever had has gone bad because if Jen (my other self). I'm curious as to why they have such a hard time with it. The last one told me to stop all together or she was leaving (bye bye) I find myself very lonely as of late because of this. I can't stop, this is a part of who I am.

Since I'm in sort of a high profile pr type of job no one knows about her outside of the failed relationships I've had. I would think that gg's would welcome the added understanding we have of them (girl stuff) so why is it such a big deal?

Part of me wants to say f-off this is me if you don't like it too bad. My best friend happens to be a girl, and I've not told her about jen yet, and I'm not sure if I want to. I would be devastated to loose her as a friend, but on the other hand she could be sympathetic of me, and I could use the added support.

[Natalie x]

Jen, some girls do and some girls don't. If someone cares (really cares) for you as a person, they will accept every part of you, if not as a lover then at least as a friend. But it takes a special kind of person to see beyond the stereotypes, and not everyone can do it. Keep trying and one day you might find that special girl.

As for your GG friend, I'm a firm believer in the "trickle theory" of information dissemination: a little at a time. Maybe a remark about a person in the news or on TV "could they be a crossdresser?", or some other way of broaching the subject.

[LaceLuvr's GG]

My title pretty much says it all. If someone falls in love with you, they should love every thing about you. I know that's how it is for me and my SO. I love EVERY thing about him. The fact that he likes to wear women's clothes, in my eyes, makes him such a better person. He is the most understanding, caring, and loving man I have ever been with. His personality is different to any man that I have ever been with. I know it may seem hard to believe that there are GG's out there that would like this kind of thing... but please don't give up. Also, I believe your motto of "F**K YOU, this is me" is a perfect motto. You SHOULD be with someone that loves you for who you are. I have read so many posts from CDers that are unhappy a lot of the time because they are not able to express their CD side to their GG's... this is very sad to me.

You said that your best friend was a GG, well her above all people should have unconditional love for you. If she couldn't handle the fact that you're a CD, then I don't mean to sound harsh, but she's not really that good of a friend. That's one of the most important parts of my relationship with my SO.. we're bestfriends foremost before lovers.

I wouldn't expect a man to put up with me if there was something that he just didn't like about me.

Please don't give up... I'm here for ya if you need someone to talk to.

[Cddj]

I can't begin to tell you how good it feels to openly talk about these things. I found myself in a good mood after reading the replies. I recently signed up with a online dating service just to meet new people. I don't disclose Jen fully at first but when I do the reaction is almost always negative.

I just don't understand sometimes how people can be so closed minded about it. I've even went as far as posting all the common misconceptions of cd's to no avail its always the same outcome. "sorry" I need to be with a man. Just makes me sad.

[kathy gg]

hi jen,

I want to just throw out my .02 as well. I think being honest about yourself takes alot of courage and trust and obviously the girl that did not work out was not worthy of either! I truly believe good things come to those who wait. my husband did not meet me till age 34 and he had been alone a very very long time. But when he met me he was already pretty certain this side to his personality was important and was comfortable with it. And I completely adore his femme self as much as his male self and I truly cannot image my life any other way and not without him.


When the 'right' person comes along they will be open to talking about this. Being honest and keeping them alert to your feelings and letting them express theirs as well be key in acceptance. You have to have communication, compromise, and lots of cuddles. Their might be some boundaries or questions, but any woman willing to learn and educate herself will be worthy of your trust.

Be glad you did not waste any more time than necessary on a person who could not apprecaite all of you. Just gets you quicker to the one who will.

kathy in canada

[CammyT]

You'll find someone who'll understand and support both of you. My wife has a "don't ask, don't tell" philosphy. As long as I'm discreet and safe, she doesn't mind me indulging myself. Only wish she would, I think it would be fun to go out (when I'm ready) with her as a girlfriend shopping, dining, doing girlfriend things. Oh well, maybe one day.

Hang in there dear, don't give up on love.

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Jen,

Hang on,there are GGs out there who love CDs and don't think of us not 'real men'.You will meet the right one for you,keep trying,you have pick through all of the industrial diamonds before you find the good gem.You may wish to place a personal ad in that portion of our forums.

[Tristen Cox]

Read here you may find some of your answers;)
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12890

[Lisa Golightly]

I'm always upfront about it... well I kinda have no choice as the long hair, earrings, plucked eyebrows and long nails normally give me away... then there's the pesky clothes too ;) I think if you tell the gal straight off, this is me and this is what I do, they never feel cheated or lied to. If she turns around and says to me 'yer weird' fair deal, but often at worse you'll have an interesting conversation, on average you'll gain a friend, and at best someone to replace your teddy.

Don't hide it...

I have known quite a few girls turned on by it... so I'm not complaining :)

[Jamie M]

There are two sides to this arguement.

One , tell them up front , if they balk then it wasn't meant to be and you've not wasted your time over her, so move on to the next prospect :D

Two , leave it until you've gotten to know each other and she may be more likely to see through what might have otherwise scared her off.

Both methods have there merits , personally I've always gone for the second of the two and Iit obviously worked worked with kelly ;)

HTH :hugs:

[Cddj]

I pretty much decided to go and be upfront about it to the new people I'm meeting, but I'm careful at first then there is the mail or conversation "I need to tell you something about me" 4 out of 5 stick around for a little while before loosing interest.


Almost always the question "are you gay" I tell them no I feel no attraction on need to be with a man. In my logical mind I think I cd to try and understand women more. Well and the fact it just feels good.

Also I have no desire yet to go out in public dressed and I share this with gg's when they ask me.

As for my best friend we had a surprising conversation the other night. From out of no where she said she wished I was a girl sometimes so we could go out and do girl stuff. So I spilled it to her last night, I'm giving her a few days to take it all in. The first question you guessed it. I said no and I'm still the same friend you've always had for better or worse.

[Natalie x]

As for my best friend we had a surprising conversation the other night. From out of no where she said she wished I was a girl sometimes so we could go out and do girl stuff. So I spilled it to her last night, I'm giving her a few days to take it all in. The first question you guessed it. I said no and I'm still the same friend you've always had for better or worse.
That's good news, I hope she will see that you are the same person as always, and that she can have the best of both worlds with you as a friend. Good luck.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Jen

I'm very lucky. I finally told my wife about me, and she has been totally supportive. There were a few bumps in the road, for sure, but once she realized how important a part of my life being Karen is, she has been just great. I have found that the hardest thing to do is to try to live a secret. It just takes to much of a toll on you.
I have been slowly coming out now to friends and family, and so far everyone but one is cool with it. The women seem to be more understanding about it than the men. If I lose a few friends because of this, so be it, I have to live my life the way it was meant to be. I tried to suppress myself my entire life and it almost drove me crazy, so no more.
Whatever you do I wish you the best of luck. I know it's a hard thing to deal with. I just know that you always have to be honest with yourself, the rest will come.
GypsyKaren

[Cheery GG]

Hi Jen,

I just wanted to give you my opinion as a GG. I have been with my So for 8 months and have known about his other side form the beginning. I am coming to terms with it slowly, but i think for some women, (myslef included), it can be seen as a threat. For me at least his other side seems to affect my own slef esteem, and i think to fully accept it from the beginning takes a special kind of person. My So loves me for me, and its only fair that i reciprocate that love. I should love him for who he/she is.

If you meet anyone who cant or wont do that, then they are not the person for you, so move on. Im a strong believer in fate, there will be someone out there for you....god that sounds patronising, dont mean it to be.

Chin up and smile...tomorrow is another day !

[Catherine in Colo]

In my experience, as long as they are friends, women are usually very accepting, and often encouraging of us. But I think, as was mentioned, that this is because they aren't threatened and have little or no personal investment in our situation. I don't say this out of bitterness, merely as an observation.

In their friends, I can imagine that women enjoy diversity, variety, and excitement, something we can offer. But in their SOs and spouses, I think most women want the security of a traditional relationship, something we can't, in most cases, offer.

It's the rare and wonderful woman who can accept, support, and encourage this in a partner.

I think also that the level of acceptance or support that we find in those we tell can often be directly proportional to how we tell them. Because they probably don't understand all that we are saying, and usually have little background information to go on, they take their cues from us. If we are open, accepting, and at peace with ourselves, they are more likely to feel the same. But if we look at the sharing process as one of unburdening a deep, dark secret of which we are still afraid, you can imagine how that will affect them.

Renee

[Cddj]

Well, I was feeling pretty good today, a quick check of the responce to my newly changed profile and every one I was talking to just closed all communcation with me. I find it really hard not to be depressed about the whole thing.

I'm feeling a litte bummed out to say the least, but i'm trying to stay positive. Thanks for your continued support.