Why do I CD? Is it a midlife crisis?

[LitaKelley]

I'm 41yrs old, and my wife and I are wondering why this sudden change in me where I desire to wear women's clothing, makeup and wig.

It's like this part of me that was buried, yet when I told my wife that I like wearing panties and she was accepting of it, I then progressed on to wearing pantyhose, lingerie and stockings in front of her.. But then I wanted more.. I needed to wear a wig and makeup and skirts and look pretty.

I love how I look as a woman.. I love how it feels, but biologically, I do not want to be a real woman.. well, at least I don't think so.. I can't imagine not having my man parts, but I'm so attracted to being a woman on the outside.

I'm confused about myself.. My wife says I'm having a midlife crisis, or maybe I snapped from so much stress and that this is my form of relief. What do you think?

[kimdl93]

maybe you just got lucky! But seriously, no one can say for certain "why", or "why now", although your explanations may shed some light on the why now. Lots of girls here cite stress relief that they realize through dressing.

There could be something to do with changing hormonal levels...Testosterone for example, but it could also be that way back in the womb, you were influenced by hormones as well...it despite years of indoctrination, your inner girl is finally getting out.

Or maybe its just that women's clothes are just so much nicer and more fun to wear than mens stuff.

sorry, its not a big help, but its the best I can do. Maybe some others here can offer deeper insights!

[Tina B.]

I'm 41yrs old, and my wife and I are wondering why this sudden change in me where I desire to wear women's clothing, makeup and wig.

It's like this part of me that was buried, yet when I told my wife that I like wearing panties and she was accepting of it, I then progressed on to wearing pantyhose, lingerie and stockings in front of her.. But then I wanted more.. I needed to wear a wig and makeup and skirts and look pretty.

I love how I look as a woman.. I love how it feels, but biologically, I do not want to be a real woman.. well, at least I don't think so.. I can't imagine not having my man parts, but I'm so attracted to being a woman on the outside.

This does not sound so sudden to me, first it was panties, and then it grew to stockings and lingerie, now it's a wig and make up, that's not sudden, that's progression. Just maybe you are slowly discovering who you really are, as you learn to except yourself, you are reaching out for more. I don't believe cross dressing is brought on by just stress, unless there is something there already.
If it makes you feel good (in my case, compleate) and your wife can ecxpet you this way, then enjoy it, for most of us, it ain't going away.
Tina B.

[Debb]

These are the same questions I've asked of myself, over and over.

I'm 48 and have been dressing for a long time, but around 40 I began to feel differently about it ... more fulfilled, more ... like this was who I am.

I'm convinced it wasn't a mid-life crisis, though ... my midlife crisis was expressed in the purchase and driving of sports cars, something I did back when I was in my twenties but grew out of.

If this is a crisis of any sort, you could look at it as a midlife crisis but it may be more. If it gets worse, it may be beneficial to talk to a counselor, with your wife along for support if she can deal with that.

Keep your stick on the ice, we're pullin' for ya!

[Karinsamatha]

I can empathize with you about what you are going through. I am 40 and started dressing about 5 years ago. For me it has been a constant progression to the point I am at now - I am giving serious consideration to going 24 7.
The journey is differant for each of us. It can be terafying but rewarding at the same time.
Good luck on your journey of self discovery.
:hugs:

[sterling12]

Yeah, it does seem to happen for many, for a variety of reasons. And if you want to give it a Title, you can call it a "Mid-Life Crisis." You bought lingerie...some other guy got The Red Sports Car and The Mistress! If your wife thinks about That occuring; I think this will make her happier.

Something to make you feel even better? It doesn't seem to "Peak," until we get well into our fifties. Wish I had a Nickel for every CD I know who decided to "come out" in her fifties.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[sandra-leigh]

You cross-dress because your moon is in the third house and Jupiter is aligning with Cygnus-X1, and The Age_of_Aquarius is either well underway or hasn't started yet. It is a time of celestial confusion, replacing the more primitive times when men were Real Men, women were Real Women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were Real Small Furry Creatures From Alpha Centauri.

The fault is not in ourself but in our stars.

[tricia_uktv]

I think we need some history. When did you first start thinking about it?

Sorry hon,

[Lynn Marie]

I bought a Mustang in 2003 separated in 2005 and divorced in 2007. That was my midlife crises. For most of that time I have been happily crossdressing. Hell, maybe it is caused by a midlife crises! Then again I'm 67, today. So maybe it's all just old age and the little bit of wisdom and end to questioning that seems to come with advancing years. Then again, what the hell do I know!

[CamilleLeon]

Nonsense, I love everything about CDing and I'm just 21. Maybe you realized desires you'd wanted for a long time and are finally exploring them (and congrats on that). Now, unfortunately your wife might expect this to pass if she truely believes it's just a mid life crisis. Plenty of CDers don't desire to get SRS and become a woman. I suggest just taking it slow and keeping open communication with your wife

[shannonFL]

Something to make you feel even better? It doesn't seem to "Peak," until we get well into our fifties. Wish I had a Nickel for every CD I know who decided to "come out" in her fifties.

And a shiny nickel for your coin jar:)

[sometimes_miss]

I don't know whether you could call it a crisis, but I do think that the vast majority of us consciously or subconsciously use up a lot of brain power to suppress the desire to crossdress, and after a number of years it simply becomes too much, especially with all the other stressors in our lives, to continue to do that; so we allow ourselves a little more freedom to just 'let it out' and enjoy the relief of wearing what we feel we should be wearing. At least, that's how it felt for me, and the therapist I discussed with seemed to feel it made a lot of sense as well.

[Alice Torn]

Sterling, add another nickel for me, took off big time in my 50's!

[sissystephanie]

I think Lynn Marie and I are past any mid-life crisis! I started wearing panties at age 6 and have been a CD ever since. Now I am age 78!! Never had any desire to really be a woman, have always just liked to dress like one when ever I could. Since my dear Angel has passed on, I no longer have her to do my makeup or fix my wig. So I just go out as a guy in a skirt or dress!! No crisis, I am me and that is the way I like to dress!

[Sarah Doepner]

Honestly, I don't think you crossdress because you are having a mid-life crisis. I suggest you crossdress because you are a crossdresser and this happens to be the time in your life where it finally has surfaced.

[LitaKelley]

Honestly, I'm somewhat overwhelmed by the whole thing..

I can't really say it all just started, but perhaps more like an explosion of desires and wants come out rapidly, overtaking me.. I can't figure out where they come from or why..
The person I was is different now and every day I feel this new person I am wanting to take over.. and I'm confused, and sometimes I feel ashamed and think something's wrong with me like I have a screw loose or lost my marbles..

When I was in my teens and up to around 19 or 20, I had long hair, wore earrings in both ears and wore makeup and dressed much like the popular big hair rock bands of the era, but I had no desire to wear a dress..

As a younger teen, I did try on my sisters clothes many times, and I had this panty fetish for the last 25 or whatever years where I'd wear panties a couple times a week at night when alone in my office and have an autoerotic experience with them..

Then I started posting on He Wears Panties and then, not too long ago, I told my wife about my panties and told her I like wearing them, etc.. She was ok with it and I began wearing panties 24/7.. I loved it and it was thrilling, exciting, erotic, etc.. but also so comfortable and I love wearing panties.. I went nude under my clothes for the last 25+ years because I HATED men's underwear,, so uncomfortable, so now with panties on, it's oh so nice....and feels good

But then my wife said she wants me to dress up as a girl for Halloween.. and although I initially objected to this, I did desire to do this and deep inside was excited and turned on about it.. So, I picked up lingerie and pantyhose and wore them for my wife the next night, and oh, she was horrified and confused.. But me, I LOVED how these things felt on me and I felt so sexy.... But I wanted to see what I looked like as a woman.... I never in my life said to myself "hey, I want to go buy myself a nice pretty skirt", but for some reason, that's exactly what I did.. I picked up skirts and tops and more stockings and make up and a wig and OMG, when I was all made up and saw myself in the mirror, I loved who I saw and wanted to do it again.. and the hair on my thighs above the lace trim of the stockings destroyed the illusion for me.. and the hair on my flat chest felt gross..

So I shaved all my body hair, except my arms, and then got dressed up again, and WOW.... I could not help caressing my own legs and feeling how soft they were, and I could not help admiring my look in the mirror and I liked being a pretty girl instead of a freaky ugly bald old man..

I like doing this and want to do it more, or more to the point where I could actually pass, but without permanent changes other than being hairless.... But, as much as my wife says it's ok, but she then also sometimes gets weirded out and says alot of negative things too and expresses discontent with my crossdressing..

I sometimes don't know what I should be feeling, and feel so screwed up.. Just like everyone here, I have family and friends and the thought of them ever knowing is TERRIFYING to me, and embarrassing because I do not think they'd understand... My gay cousin however I am almost certain I can open up to..

Anyway, my wife is an alcoholic.. I do not drink, haven't in almost 10yrs.. When she's sober she says she don't mind my crossdressing.. but then sometimes when she's drunk she becomes a verbally abusive monster, a normal pattern for her, and calls me names and insults me and GRRRRR... Just so much makes me want to go in my room and become a girl again... She goes back and forth, one night says she don't mind and she helps me with makeup and hair, then the next time I dress she flips out.. Just earlier today she blew up on me.. I took her shopping today and after we picked up what she wanted, she helped me pick out a nice skirt..

So, tonight I dress up and I put on my new high heeled sandals and while in the bathroom finishing makeup, she comes in and she's very buzzed and says "Damn, you're a beautiful woman.. you make me look so damn ugly when I'm next to you" and so now she's mad and I had to assure her that I think she's beautiful and my crossdressing has nothing to do with her negatively, etc as she thought perhaps I was trying to drive her away... and so, tonight we had a long heated verbal battle jam packed with insults and verbal abuse from both of us.. I HATE when this happens and it stresses me out so much, and if I dress up and become Lita, I can for a little while forget who I am... But I see this pretty blond in the mirror, and that IS who I am.. It didn't use to be who I am, but it is now, and this is a whole new world for me, and I'm so confused and feel so strange.. My wife thinks alot of things I tell her won't ever happen, and it's a struggle for both of us.

All I know is this, when I look in the mirror as me, I'm tired, I'm depressed, overwhelmed, stressed, overworked, overburdened, sick and tired, feel ugly and not too happy with alot of things going on in my life and marriage, etc..

But when I look in the mirror as Lita, I love myself, I think I'm beautiful and I feel so confident and at ease and so relaxed and damn I feel so sexy and in the past several days I've been doing this, I sometimes have regrets of not doing it much sooner, but then sometimes I think I'm nuts, but I like being Lita and with this rocky uncertainty with my wife's acceptance of it, I don't know what to do about it, because I do like this new part of me alot, and want to do it more often and go further, but don't know how I'm going to be able to continue if she's ultimately not accepting of it all...

Sorry for the ramble, but so much on my mind tonight.

I do have one more thing to say though... Seeing myself like this if I don't have the wig on really creeps me out.

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe my experience will help u? I started dressing AFTER age 50. Before then, I had NO desire to try on ladies things, even tho I had plenty of opportunities to do so!

I tried on some ladies jeans and was shocked how my legs looked and felt. Yet, it was about a year before a went back and tried on other fem things.

At first, I thot I wanted to have real breasts and fantasized about becoming female! After a time, those thots and desires left me. If I had been familiar with the terms, "TG/TS" then, I mite have thot I was. I'm not. I simply like to dress.:heehee:

Then, I got divorced and quite serious about dressing. However, I nearly gave it up after a couple of years. Because I HATED my man-in-a-dress look in the mirror!:doh:

Then, I tried on a female mask. And Sherry was created! It was ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE! :eek:As u can see from my avatar, now, I only dress "all or nothing"!

I've been dressing for over 10 years now and STILL get excited whenever I see Sherry in my mirror!:D

U have a severe problem with a disapproving spouse!:drink:
Maybe someone has a suggestion that mite help u with that problem?:sad:

We're all sympathetic, Lita, and hope u find your way to happiness!:hugs:

[Sophie86]

I prefer the term "mid-life adventure." :)

Seriously, I first started crossdressing when I hit puberty and the seeds for it were sown well before that. For years I had all these reasons why I thought I shouldn't do it.

1. People would look down on me.
2. My family would disapprove.
3. Women wouldn't want me.
4. I looked like a freak.
5. My wife would think I was a pervert.
6. It made me too vulnerable.

Then one day about a year ago, I found myself talking to a friend of mine about my crossdressing. She was only the third person I had ever told, but she's the kind of person to whom you just feel like you can tell anything. Her attitude of acceptance and encouragement suddenly swept away all those reasons for not dressing.

So here I am having my mid-life adventure. :)

[AKAMichelle]

It definitely seems to hit a lot of us in the middle years. That leaves us with the question if it isn't a midlife crisis then what is it. There may be things that pull this out of us, but it is not a midlife crisis. A guy who has never crossdressed wakes up at a certain age and says that he is going to crossdress for the rest of his life just doesn't happen. There is always something that started years before.

I have wondered myself what the trigger may be but I have never figured it out. So I left wondering just like you.

[Marissa]

Midlife crisis...hmmmm good question.. if i had an SO, i would wait for the other question...

Dressing or Sting Ray Corvette???? which one you want... :eek: oh yes.. i'll drive down the road to a hotel and dress.. lol..:D

that is a good question though, especially with a few of us who really started late.. or like some said..it took a few years for opportunity to allow itself..

[Kate Simmons]

We have many possible program scenerios in our DNA. Various elements can act as triggers to activate those scenerios.:)

[kimdl93]

A while back Tricia asked for the back story, and Lita you have a lot more than a mid life crisis going on here. Sounds to me like a lifelong thing that's only recently been fully admitted. I mean you were wearing makeup and ear rings in your teens - seriously, this didn't just happen.

BUT, the big issue is your marriage. I understand that your wife is an alcoholic...kind and supportive when sober, abusive when she's drunk. Its time for a serious intervention. If you love her, and love yourself, you will help her conquer the addiction and then you can start thinking about your lives w/o that 899.5 lb gorrilla in the room

[bianca66]

I do have one more thing to say though... Seeing myself like this if I don't have the wig on really creeps me out.

I know the feeling Sugar :doh: I am fine seeing myself as a hairless guy or a woman but walking by the mirror in my heels and makeup without my hairstyle makes me feel like a drag queen getting ready to go on stage it is a bit wierd to see the crossover...

Sorry about the wife alcoholic thing...I had a girlfriend like what you were talking about...When she was sober she wanted Bianca to come out but the more she drank then the more jealous she became towards her.

I quit drinking almost 4 years ago now...Hopefully your wife will have enough and eventually take the steps to recovery.

Kisses :*

B.

[AmiFL]

Take baby steps with your wife....So seems okay with your dressing so you are ahead of alot of us here. Plus, for a newbie, you are lovely. I cannot wait to see you in six months..... Loved your boy to girl pics

[Gerrijerry]

were you in the army. You know that with all those chemicals things start happening that no one wants to talk about.

[Cassiecd]

Hiya Lita

I am similar in that I only started dressing 3 yrs at the age of 50. Why the "explosion"? You said you had a panty fetish for a long time...I think maybe whatever caused your panty fetish simply found a new and bigger out let in your dressing. I am not suprized at all. I too had a long standing fetish seemingly unrelated to cd....but after reaching middle age and finding the comfort zone of accepting myself and not caring about judgements...my cd came out largely and suprized me too. I think it is the combo out our age/experience and a pre existing outlet.

My wife, too feels threatened at times. Cassie reminds her she cannot fit into smaller prettier clothes that I can wear. I am now more sensitive to not flaunting this in front of her.

[Debutante]

Lita,
I have gone throught the same process. It can be explained, in general terms. Jung's theory says it well. We need to release those repressed,deeper feratures of ourselves, the anima (or soul), or feminine aspects -- and this often happens to mtf crossdressers by midlife, if not earlier:

http://www.oocities.com/westhollywood/village/3025/junganima.html

[carhill2mn]

No, it is not a "mid-life" crisis! The "tendency" or whatever you want to call it has always been there. It just takes longer to manifest itself in some than in others. Mid-life is often a time when your life is at a stage where many other things have changed enough so that you become more aware of this desire/need.

[NicoleScott]

The mid-life crisis is wating to dress NOW, but can't because you can't get a private time and place due to a wife and kids around all the time.

[LitaKelley]

The mid-life crisis is wanting to dress NOW, but can't because you can't get a private time and place due to a wife and kids around all the time.

Yep.. I've been discussing it with my wife again and still getting different answers.. Says she's fine and ok with it, so long as it's not every night, but then today I go to a thrift store and pick out a few nice outfits, come home and now my wife says she's mad I picked up more women's clothes..

But earlier today she tells me it's ok to dress tonight.. so I'm confused by her expressed thoughts on this.. because it's like, yes, no, yes, no.

I just wish her and I could meet some middle ground and agree to something so I know when it's ok to dress.... It's not fun if I only get to dress and sit in my steaming hot office.. I want to walk around in my heels and see and feel my skirt swaying and walk like a lady.. I want to look in the mirror and see how pretty I am :o


On another note, I can't wait to see how I look in the sexy burgandy velvet dress I picked up today for $2

[Fab Karen]

You breathed in the spores from some passing crossdressers. Resistance is futile.

[DianeDeBris]

Diane - check out this link


OTE=Debutante;2239145]Lita,
I have gone throught the same process. It can be explained, in general terms. Jung's theory says it well. We need to release those repressed,deeper feratures of ourselves, the anima (or soul), or feminine aspects -- and this often happens to mtf crossdressers by midlife, if not earlier:

http://www.oocities.com/westhollywood/village/3025/junganima.html[/QUOTE]

[LitaKelley]

Lita,
I have gone throught the same process. It can be explained, in general terms. Jung's theory says it well. We need to release those repressed,deeper feratures of ourselves, the anima (or soul), or feminine aspects -- and this often happens to mtf crossdressers by midlife, if not earlier:

http://www.oocities.com/westhollywood/village/3025/junganima.html

That is a very interesting article. Thank you