More than CDing

[CamilleLeon]

So for the past few days me and my girlfriend Shannon (aka Shananigans) went down to the beach. We had a lot of fun chilling, relaxing, and etc and one night decided a photo shoot with Camie was in order. We get all dressed up and Shannon helps me with my make up. We spend over an hour taking pictures and having fun like a couple a girls having a sleepover (haha).

Anyway, something amazing happened. For awhile I was not just a guy in a dress and a wig...I was actually Camille. This has happened to me few times (usually I find CDing to be a great sexual thing but I still feel like myself). Has anyone else felt like a different person, of a different gender?

I feel like it was more than the clothes, or the make up, or even the wig. All of these things can make me feel sexy or feminine, but never made me feel like I was actually Camie. No, it was having this amazing woman who could take me seriously and treat me like Camie...the clothes and make up only helped the illusion she gave me. I was fully aware of all of body, and did not for a moment believe I was biologically female, but I felt like Camille, a woman (of sorts). This partly helps me realize that I am not a TS. I don't want SRS, I can feel like a woman with my woman without it. However, all that being said, the power of the feeling of being Camille kind of scares me. I was sad to let her go...

Anyone have any sense of what I'm talking about, or am I just rambling?

[sometimes_miss]

On a different level, some of us just feel like 'ourselves' when we dress up in strictly female outfits. It's not a feeling of being a guy in a dress, or a woman in a dress. It's just a feeling of feeling 'right' in a dress. I dress as a woman almost daily; I don't transition into another personality or anything like that. I just feel like I'm wearing what I should be, where as when I'm dressed as a guy, I feel like I'm wearing a costume to portray a fake persona. I have to actively focus on acting like a general issue guy, or the feminine feelings, expressions and behaviors in me seem to spill over, or 'leak out'. Basically, whenever I'm in public, I have to 'act' like a normal guy.

[lori m crawford]

yes i fell like i haft to live in to worlds me in side an what popple wont me to be

[Karinsamatha]

When I am dressed I feel as a complete person. At work I put on an act of sorts, one I am begining to find distastefull, and very exausting. However when I get home Karin comes to the fore front, and I feel like a whole person. But when it is time to go to work it is with a sense of saidness that I go back to being a man.
:hugs:

[kellycan27]

Not trying to rain on your parade, but how many times have we seen cder's suddenly realize that they are TS and cross over? :heehee:

Kel

[CamilleLeon]

Not trying to rain on your parade, but how many times have we seen cder's suddenly realize that they are TS and cross over? :heehee:

Kel

Well now I feel thoroughly rained upon...haha if that happens feel free to procede with the "I told you so's". I'd be pretty surprised myself...

[sissystephanie]

In the many years that I have dressed, I have really felt like Stephanie numerous times. But I have never wanted to be a woman in reality! No
SRS for this guy! My late wife knew and respected me for that. For those who don't already know, she fully accepted and supported my CD activities for the almost 50 years we had together!

I was happy to wear feminine clothing and still am. I wear it now, but present as a guy because I am one! No wig or makeup, because my late wife did that!

[Cherie]

Camille i have cd for 30 years or more but allways hidden had to with all the guilt feelings that it was wrong etc but only in the past 2 months i like you got dressed one night and Cherie finally came together she now is me and i am so happy with myself tomorrw is a shopping day with me and a gg for the real cherie

[kaitlin]

I know just how you feel! I chose to live on the edge between male and female, I present as a male because I somewhat have to but, my toes are always polished, legs and almost everything else is smooth and I don't own male underware! But when we have time for Kaitlin to be completely out, I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off of me! It's like I can relax and breath for a change! It's during this time I feel I can quit pretending and be the real me! And when the time comes for me to change back, it's almost depressing. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy being male, having male parts, don't care for SRS but I do love my girly time and being Kaitlin!

[Maria in heels]

Camille...with me, it's not something that I just do....Maria is an integral part of my persona, and whether I am dressed as Maria or not, she ALWAYS shows thru in little ways. Whether if I seem to be a little emotional, softer than the average "guy", kinder and gentler, this is how Maria affects me, and in turn, everyone around her.

It is wonderful when you can feel this way, isn't it?

[Kate Simmons]

With many of us the intrinsic female essence takes over when we CD.:)

[kimdl93]

I've certainly felt very much female when I'm fully dressed and enjoying the company and attention of my wife. I don't know that it means you might eventually cross over....in some sense, there's no need. If you can feel entirely female in the body you've been given, then who cares. I'd contrast that with someone who is genuinely unhappy with their body and can only feel right after full transition.

that doesn't mean you won't go there, but I'm not in a position to predict.

[Chickhe]

It happens to me when my wife forgets I am dressed up and starts to talk to me like I am a female.

[AmiFL]

you are lucky to have your special relationship with your girlfriend.... she accepts camille for who she is when she is there. So why shouldn't camille feel like a real girl. you make a cute young couple together. it is only a matter of time before you go out together as girlfriends..... lucky you

Keep enjoying the moments as girls togoether and let camille grow

[Laura Evans]

Often do, especially when I go out in public which is frequent. The walk, hand and body gestures, voice all say "Laura" in body and soul.

[joannemarie barker]

Cant say I have really felt that way but it was a lovely read and I dont think you should be scared :)

[CamilleLeon]

Cant say I have really felt that way but it was a lovely read and I dont think you should be scared :)

I'm not scared of the feeling as much as I am that I don't know if I could get enough

[suchacutie]

I sure have the T-shirt for this one. I used to hate anything that required that I leave the comfort of my male self. Hallowenn? Hated it. Being feminine in any way? Frightening!

So, here I was, dressed in feminine lingerie, stockings, 6" platforms, silky black top, no makeup or hair, no painted nails...parading without real practice in these incredible heels when my wife, in complete astonishment, said my legs were incredible and we needed to buy me a dress. Ok, so my mind was in a whirl. Who was this woman I had married 32 years previously, and, for that matter, who was I.

Luckily, one of use had lived through growing up as a woman, and knowing that I hated dressing up, knew that there was something here that we needed to look at. We instantly agreed that this feminine side needed to be separated out to find out who she is. And this is the point for me. I'd been living with my femme self as a part of me and by separating her, letting her identify who she was, and letting her grow into her own "woman" of sorts we would be able to understand her, and me, and the combination.

Within 48 hours we had named her, got her an e-mail address, started looking online for data about transgenderism (heavens, we knew nothing, really), signed up on this forum (and read for days), had her try on a dress (which only identified that she needed breasts for this to work), and then took a breath. Within a week we had chosen her hair style and ordered a wig. Within another week breast forms and two bras had arrived along with a boucle top and jeans from VS.

So, with all that assembled, Tina went off to get dressed (no makeup yet). She walked out the bedroom to the chorus of, "oh my god, you look incredible". Suddenly walking was easier, the hipsway seemed normal, and a little spin on my heels brought smiles from my "girlfriend".

Tina. This was now Tina. She felt like Tina. Her voice instinctively softened. Her gf immediately brought her into a bathroom and started to show her about makeup. Well...you can see that we've not turned back.

Then, about 5 months later, after a number of sessions like that we were in Atlanta...just the two of us...and we went shopping for shoes, skirt, non-opaque hold-ups, and then I was dragged into a drugstore where I was handed my first mascara and eyeliner with, "you'll need these now". But, the moment where it went over the edge was when my wife suggested that I go to the Underground where there was a woman making necklaces out of brass with one's name...and buy one for Tina. Having done that, then back into the hotel room, dressed, this time with mascara, eyeliner, and lipgloss, and then that necklace.

That did it. The last nail, as it were. There it was. It said, "Tina". It was no longer an option...there it was for anyone to see....Tina. Since then, dressing has been begun with a ritual, and when that ritual is over, the male is gone, and Tina is there. We are still working out who she is and how my gf and I interact (sheesh, see it? I just changed genders!) but every time its Tina, and only Tina.

This is one reason why those labels of CD/TV/TS and all the rest just don't work. Yes, I live in both genders, but not at the same time. There are physical compromises that must exist to be this way, but there is no doubt that if the possibility existed that Tina could exist for days as long as "life" didn't intrude. I'm very comfortable in both genders, but there is no mixing. Tina lives!

Thanks so much for this thread. Sorry for the length of this...just couldn't stop once I started :)

Tina

[kellycan27]

Well now I feel thoroughly rained upon...haha if that happens feel free to procede with the "I told you so's". I'd be pretty surprised myself...

LOL... just sayin. Stranger things have happened. :hugs:

kel

[carhill2mn]

Oh, I suspect that most of us here have had a similar feeling at least once!

[Shananigans]

1) That was a lot of fun...I'm always down to get dressed up and play models.
2) I think Camie (full-on Camie) gets put on the backburner a bit because it takes you 2 hours to shave and then another hour for me to do your makeup. I think that when we're being pretty casual, you enjoy it...but, it's not the same as going all out with it. (You don't get that same ultra-femme feeling). Doing so (going all out) takes a lot of time and pampering... and, I think that also adds to it and makes it special. And, that's loads of fun. Can I see you presenting as a woman and doing this everyday? Or, going through SRS? No. Why? Because even when you are shaving, you still bring an ice cold Bud with you to the bath. (Called out!)
3) <3

[kimdl93]

1)
. Can I see you presenting as a woman and doing this everyday? Or, going through SRS? No. Why? Because even when you are shaving, you still bring an ice cold Bud with you to the bath. (Called out!)
3) <3

LOL, now that is honesty!

[tricia_uktv]

Often do, especially when I go out in public which is frequent. The walk, hand and body gestures, voice all say "Laura" in body and soul.

Absolutely Laura, and when for days you are only known by your femail name that adds to it. Not sure I'm TS though, yet!

[Lucy_Bella]

It is a nice feeling to be open about your inner feelings that drive you to emulate the true persona that urges to be exposed.. This is the beggining of a test lets say, in life. Can you balance your male side enough to supress the urge of what true persona you really want to live from here on out?
Or are you now hungry for more? Are you already planning your next adventure becomeing more and more riskier than the next until you have full acceptance nearly shutting the male part of yourself down..
Have fun ..

[k lynn]

you or so lucky to have shahonigansin your life

[Engendered]

Hey, I just wanted to say that you two are awesome. :)

[t-girlxsophie]

LOL... just sayin. Stranger things have happened. :hugs:

kel

LOL I can attest to that statement,I am acquainted with someone who Transitioned and almost Immediately regretted it,The tale gets stranger and stranger from there,so much so If I told it here,I would be swiftly kicked off here on my A**,and told I was making it up:heehee: It's on cyberspace somewhere.

Personally I have experienced moments of feeling completely feminine,but I will never be anywhere near being TS.I have a loving,understanding Wife who shares my girlie life,but she still loves her man,and I would never destroy what I have,for some idealistic notion,my life as it stands is my Ideal and my wife is the biggest reason for that

:hugs:Sophie x

[Lexine]

As far as I'm concerned, Alex and Lexi are two distinct personalities. They're not different people, as I've come to create them, but they're distinct enough that you can say that "That's a Lexi moment" or "That's an Alex moment" and identify what part of my psyche is presenting itself at that point, regardless of my visual appearance.

I do acknowledge that Lexi is beginning to have new friends that's separate from Alex and it's rather interesting to see that happen. However, I would be lying if I didn't say that this strikes a blow to Alex since Lexi's friends don't see why Alex even exists. In a sense, Lexi's friends accept Alex but they don't necessarily want to hang out with him. It's a complicated mess of things!

For me, the beginning of everything was the notion that I wanted to be more confident... so I created my androgynous self. After that, came my girl self - Lexi. As I went out as her, I discovered that I was able to express myself in a myriad of different ways that people would find to be socially unacceptable if Alex did them. In a way, you could say that being Lexi is like hitting a second puberty because it's an aspect of myself that I've never let out until recently. And because of this, it's happening at an accelerated rate to make up for all the "lost time."

I don't feel like the need to have SRS because I love being Alex and I love being Lexi. They are two sides of the same coin with different expressions and tastes, but their core values, their core friends, and their sexual orientation are still the same.

[devi_sierra]

I guess I have a slightly different take on becoming Devi. For me, my male persona is a day filled with stress, deadlines, expectations, decisions, etc.

Without a doubt, there is a strong component of enjoying my femininity in dressing... but for me, there is also a significant amount of relief or escape by becoming someone else for a few hours. Who knows, maybe I have some psychological need to see a drastic change in the mirror to accomplish that...

Alternatively, maybe I'm on my way to bonafide schizophrenia. Perhaps I should change my name to Eve?! :)

[CamilleLeon]

I don't think Camie can really exist without Ryan, which is why I don't think SRS or full time is likely. Time spent between the two is pretty unbalanced which might be why when I do slip into Camie it's such an intense rush...

[kaleyg]

i could feel your excitement in your words -- ive come close to that, but i think having a girl like shannon there to interact with you probably makes a big difference. im really happy for you both that your having so much fun! its a little like being in love for the first time. you look great in your new avatar and i hope theres more to come! <3

[charlie]

Hello Camille!
The feeling that you had of being feminine was really the same that you have being male. Both are locked within you all the time. That is why we are transgendered.
We can present as both, but also be both. I think the comfort zone occurrs when we realize that these two states really are just us....the one person. That it really does not matter what clothes, wig or presentation that we have, you are still you. I'm getting there and the confusion of being two people is going away.

[Kara Connor]

[snip]
I was actually Camille.
[snip]
Has anyone else felt like a different person, of a different gender?
[snip]
.. did not for a moment believe I was biologically female, but I felt like Camille, a woman (of sorts). This partly helps me realize that I am not a TS. I don't want SRS, I can feel like a woman with my woman without it. However, all that being said, the power of the feeling of being Camille kind of scares me. I was sad to let her go...

Anyone have any sense of what I'm talking about, or am I just rambling?

Totally understand you. I feel that Kara is an important part of me. She's almost always there, but without being schizophrenic, I believe there is the "everyday" male me, and the female me too. When I'm Kara, I feel like I am the female me, and it is definitely more than the clothes, it is as though I am extra-full of life! There is a sadness when Kara goes away, but the feeling of being totally alive stays with me for about a week afterwards, like some sort of electric force within.

I really think this "bigendered" gift improves me as a person. It makes me more tolerant, more empathetic, and lets me see life from a totally different viewpoint which I would never get if I was "just a normal guy" :) I have also met some really interesting people who I never would have hooked up with if it weren't for Kara. If I find myself thinking in a prejudiced way about a particular group, Kara pulls me up short with, "Hey, some people would think you were strange or threatening, but you know you aren't. Try not to judge others". Best of all though, it opens up a whole new range of fun things to do. Who knew I'd enjoy shoe shopping, manicures and makeup? :o