Is it socially acceptable to go to a lesbian bar while CD?

[LitaKelley]

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be CD in public, yet I am terrified of doing this in any normal places around otherwise "normal" people, etc..

So, I know that many gay men also CD and perhaps are generally accepting and supportive of CDers, etc and that many gay clubs have "drag" nights, but truth of the matter is that I don't want to go to a gay club, so I wondered about lesbian clubs and found one locally and wondered about going there dressed up.. I don't want to pick up anyone, or anything like that, but prefer to be around women, and since I am straight, if I'm in CD, technically the woman version of me is a lesbian and well, for some reason I'd feel more comfortable dancing with and talking to women while being a woman.

Is this something that would be frowned upon by the women there?

[Gerrijerry]

Talking from a point of been there done that. You can go to a lesbian club. However there are some that will not talk to you because you are not a woman. There are others who will because you are trying to look like one. Just keep an opened mind that most woman are there for other woman not one dressed like one. The exception seems to be if a person is TS and that seems to be ok with most. Who knows you might meet the right person for you in the club. Just don't say you are a woman and tell the truth.

[sandra-leigh]

It depends on the local culture.

I read about places like LA that are big enough to have distinct lesbian cultures, and I gather that some of the clubs are intended as "refuges" from "the male patriarchy" and that to some groups, if you were born male then even if you have had GRS, you will always be male and Part Of The Problem (sort of like, "The best thing you could do for us is shoot yourself and kill a bunch of other males too")

On the other hand, I have also read about some "women-only" clubs who don't admit men, and yet don't mind cross-dressers and TS, perhaps along the lines of "well, at least you are trying to be female".


The city I live in used to have a few different lesbian sub-cultures and several lesbian clubs with distinct feels to them. The last of the lesbian clubs here closed down a few years ago: they found that they were no longer needed because the ordinary city clubs became quite tolerant and accepting of lesbians.

There is still an organized "womyn's" social group in my city, and the local CD/TG/TS group I belong to has quite good relations with them, and we are actively welcomed to their events.


So what's my Final Answer? A very definitive "Maybe" :heehee:

[bianca66]

I would say no just for the fact that in itself is a certain sect of the LBGT community just the same as a leather bar. Unless you are into leather and s&m then you really have no reason to be there...Unless you are a genetic lesbian then you have no reason to be there...:2c:

I've had GG's grab me to dance at regular LBGT bars and had a great time...Also, I've found that most men at "gaybars" are interested in men and often ask why I would want to be a woman and all clean shaved "yuck"... Most real gay men will ignore you but an occasional bi guy may say "hi".

[Kate Simmons]

Only one way to find out for sure--Ask.:)

[Emma England]

The only way you will know is to go there and find out.

The worst that can happen is that no one will talk to you - so be prepared for a lonely evening.

If they are accepting, you will soon know.

[nancigirl]

Yes, it is (usually) socially acceptable for a t-girl go go to a lesbian bar. I have done that on numerous occasions and had lots of fun. BUT, the advice given above is right on: Just be yourself and don't claim to be a gg. Some of the lesbian gg's are very supportive and some might pretty much ignore you.
In my own experience i even met a lesbian woman at a club/bar who took a liking to me, was very complimentary on my feminine presentation, and eventually invited me to go out with her on a platonic 'date'. We went to a stage production, and then to dinner and had a great time.
This was one of the all time highlights for me of being out and about en femme.

Nancy

[Debutante]

Not all lesbian bars would be welcoming. Go with a GG so she would be supportive and a 'buffer' for you. But above all: be respectful of all the women there! No male behavior in any degree... be with, and feel with, all the women there, AS a woman...

[FemmeElastique]

I don't see why it wouldn't be ok! There's a lesbian bar here in my city that I always receive myspace messages from, about drink specials and events. I was considering going to it once but never got around to it. I've had nothing but positive experiences from going to gay and TS bars while CDing. I've talked to lesbians in those bars and they were really cool. So I'd go to the lesbian bar. But I doubt I'd stay all night since I'm into guys, not girls.

Oh! I know this is a little off subject. But recently I was walking in the gay district, while CDing, from one bar to another and this lesbian stuck her head out of her car window and stared me down like she was a dude checking me out. I was like wow!!!! So go to the lesbian bar! You may get hit on ;-)

[Eva_nine]

call and ask a bartender, or the owner. or find someone who goes there and ask them if its acceptable and maybe even to go with you.

[Marissa]

You have received some great responses of personal experiences so heed the advice and warnings and take the chance :)

I was in the same delima when i was going to take my first few steps out the door.. but I was worried about how a gay bar or a lesbian club would accept my appearance :sad: so I just picked up the phone, called and asked... :eek: and I got the nicest responses but it was reassuring.

Sometimes I take it too far and call a hotel to asked them the same question..but in the end, its all about the $$ :D

Good luck and enjoy,

Marissa

[Marissa]

call and ask a bartender, or the owner. or find someone who goes there and ask them if its acceptable and maybe even to go with you.

Okay Eva..just had to beat me to the punch.. i'll blame it on my spell check that slowed me down to respond.. good advice :D

[TxKimberly]

I've been to lots, probably better than a dozen across the country. Yes, it is perfectly acceptable IF you behave yourself and don't hit on the women, unless of course they hit on you!
If you start hitting on them, your gonna irritate the hell outta them . . .

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I think the advice of calling a specific bar and asking is spot on because every establishment's clientele will be different, however two of the best times I ever had out en femme were both to lesbian bars. I think as long as it doesn't come across like you're trying to pick up lesbians by dressing as a woman, then it'll be ok. If your behavior suggests you're just there to be yourself and have fun, you'll generally be welcome.

For the record, I really find it appalling that people on this board seem so willing to stuff other groups into a specific behavior paradigm that defines all of them. Lesbians don't all think and act the same way. I've also been out in total boy mode in lesbian bars, and I wasn't looked upon like I was some foreign enemy bringing "maleness" into some hallowed womanly space.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Definitely feel free to ask..

in the cities and areas i've been to on the east coast, and in phoenix its totally acceptable and you will often meet other trans people...

there are exceptions and the LGB community has different types of guys and gals so you might not want to go into particular types of gay clubs...

altho my best gay club experience ever was at a "bear" bar and the guys were hilarious..of course, they were one group of very friendly funny guys that got a huge kick out of me and my friend in the "wrong bar"...
it got me some free drinks tho!:heehee:

[kimdl93]

I haven't tried this, so I thought I'd ask . I emailed Chances - one of the most popular lesbian clubs in Houston to get a response. I'll let you all know when their answer arrives!

[LitaKelley]

I'm looking forward to trying this someday. Thanks all for the great advice.

No, I won't be hitting on anyone. I'm married :brolleyes:

It'll definitely be strange no matter what kind of club it is because I don't drink alcohol.. I just want to have fun and go out dressed and see if I can pass.

I just thought it would be exciting and a safe way to CD in public.. I certainly would never have the nerve to CD in my local favorite restaurant, lol.. nor one out of town either if "regular" people are there

[tricia_uktv]

Then do it. Some of my best friends are lesbians and there are no issues whatsoever if you behave

[lisajane]

Lesbians are fine with us, but if you want to fit in or be more accepted then dress in jeans and less makeup just like them!:eek:

[Lady Joan]

Don't you dare change my love. I think you fit in just fine and we pass as lesbians without the jeans and less makeup.

[LitaKelley]

Lesbians are fine with us, but if you want to fit in or be more accepted then dress in jeans and less makeup just like them!:eek:

I prefer skirts, oh yes.

[eluuzion]

Many years ago I had a business partner that was (mostly) lesbian. There were about 5 girls who were the "gang" that we hung out with (all lesbians). That was prior to any CD interest or activity on my part.

They had as few favorite clubs where they were regulars. They were also trying to drag me along. I rarely agreed, but a few times I went with them. It was a blast and nobody gave me a hard time. The fact that they were well known patrons helped, I'm sure.

There were a couple clubs they thought might not be suitable for me to visit with them. But it was not that big of a deal anywhere.

Every club develops it's own "personality". As somebody already suggested...best strategy is to call and chat with a bartender first. (if you are not familiar with the club).

:love:

[KandisTX]

I haven't tried this, so I thought I'd ask . I emailed Chances - one of the most popular lesbian clubs in Houston to get a response. I'll let you all know when their answer arrives!

Heh, I've been into Chances before as Kandis. I've also been there as my male side during LUEY weekend. Then again, I'm also into the leather community here in Houston so many of them know me as both my male and femme self. What I do is go with a lesbian friend or a group of lesbians and gg's mixed up so as to be already accepted among a group of them so it makes it easier.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[AllieSF]

I have been to several "normal" lesbian/gay bars in Detroit and the San Francisco area as well as to a very butch dyke dive bar in the Mission District of SF. I and my friends were readily accepted in all places and actively engaged in some interesting conversations. In all of the bars there were straight and gay men and women. Just be yourself, try not to hide behind your wig and sun glasses. Look them in the eye and have a great time.

[AKAMichelle]

I think the answer is yes. There are a lot of people on here who do just that. I haven't so I am not speaking from experience.

[Stephenie S]

As many have said already, just ask.

It is a mistake to assume that all gays and lesbians like certain things or act in a perticular ways. Homosexuals are PEOPLE, people, and you should expect them to act and think just like you "normal" people. You will find the same percentage of the homosexual popuation CDs as does the "normal" population.

What am I trying to say? Go to the gay bar. Go to ther lesbian bar. But don't expect much to be different. The majority of the patrons won't really care, some will be very friendly, and a few will hate your guts. This isn't really any different than almost any bar in the country.

Stephie

[kimdl93]

Last night I called Chances in Houston - at first they thought I was joking, but once we got past that, they could care less if a TG person comes to their bar...of course...you can't act like a guy in girls clothing....making unwanted advances!

[LitaKelley]

What about gay bars on their "drag" nights?

I just have this "urge" to be out of my house as a woman and thought perhaps the lesbian club not too far from home would be a safe place for me to be myself and have fun.

There's some gay clubs around too as well as one that has "drag" events sometimes, but my biggest fears with attending any of them is going to and from my car knowing any homophobe in the area could commit a hate crime against me.

Yeah, I suppose this could happen at the lesbian club as well, but probably much less likely I think.

The gay clubs drag nights are probably alot of fun, but if I go to the lesbian club, I could just be another woman in the lesbian club.. but if I was in the gay club during drag night, I'm just another man in a dress. Well, at least inside my head it seems like that's how it would be

[kimdl93]

Honestly, Lita....you look great... but I suspect that most of us would look like guys in a dress....not that there's anything wrong with that. And from my experience, gay men don't necessarily go for guys in dresses...but they may tolerate them. And Lesbians don't necessarily go for guys in dresses, but they may tolerate them. either way...ya gotta be carefule

[sandra-leigh]

And from my experience, gay men don't necessarily go for guys in dresses...

From what I read of other people's experiences, going after guys in dresses is reserved for the "I'm not gay but" "straight" men. :heehee:

(I've only been hit on twice; once was by a polite gay fellow and the other time was by a bi fellow who was too drunk to be at all polite or to figure out or care about my gender.)

[kimdl93]

I've only been hit on a couple of times. Once in particular, in the service by a staff seargeant...I always wondered if he knew something...damned gaydar. I wasn't dressed ....how did he know?

[Julogden]

In my younger years, I went out a lot, and my favorite bar was a nearby women's bar, had lots of great times there. If you decide to go that route, I expect that your experience will be similar to mine: Most of the women will tolerate you, a few will dislike you and a few will become your friends. Keep in mind that the women at the club are looking for other females, so don't go hitting on anyone.

And use the men's washroom. There will be women in there anyway.

Carol

[Vicky_Scot]

Gay men are looking for a man. You present as a woman so they are not interested.

Lesbians are looking for real woman. You present yourself as a woman but not a GG so they will not be interested.

A gay/lesbian bar or club can be a very lonely place for a CD. Do not expect to welcomed with open arms. You may be lucky and someone might say hi.

You would be better looking for a crossdressing group in your area. As gay men like to be around gay men and lesbian like to be around lesbians, crossdressers like to be around like minded people.

This of course my opinion so put the claws back in ladies.

Xx Vicky xX

[Fab Karen]

It depends on the local culture.

I read about places like LA that are big enough to have distinct lesbian cultures, and I gather that some of the clubs are intended as "refuges" from "the male patriarchy" and that to some groups, if you were born male then even if you have had GRS, you will always be male and Part Of The Problem (sort of like, "The best thing you could do for us is shoot yourself and kill a bunch of other males too")

On the other hand, I have also read about some "women-only" clubs who don't admit men, and yet don't mind cross-dressers and TS, perhaps along the lines of "well, at least you are trying to be female"


Living in, and being a native of, this little-town-by-the-sea, I have a bit of knowledge of such things here.
There's a club called "girl bar" which is for women who like women. I suspect if a guy came alone AS A GUY ( not dressed ) he might be viewed as a possible creep. As a guest of a woman, maybe he'd be accepted. A t-girl might be accepted, especially if the guest of a woman.
There are also one or two lesbian nightclubs ( meaning 7 days a week, not just one ) where a guy would be accepted, especially if with a lesbian friend ( obviously if he was hanging out kinda leering or something he'd soon be unwelcome ).



There's some gay clubs around too as well as one that has "drag" events sometimes, but my biggest fears with attending any of them is going to and from my car knowing any homophobe in the area could commit a hate crime against me.

I can tell you, hate crime like you're worried about is somewhat rare at such places ( ones in cities, not backwoods areas )- & of course use common sense: don't park far away from the place on a dark street. Pay attention around you when you leave ( just as you would do at any straight club to be safe )