"GG Love" enters and Julie Leaves?

[Julie]

Last week I was so pumped about this red dress I ordered and going out this weekend all dolled up. I hadn't been this excited about dressing in a while and it was good to feel alive again. I was totally focused on making the best of this outing and was planning it just like one would a vacation.

I have been just living day to day for some time with no zest for life. Even though I'd go out dressed and have a good to great time, too often I have to push myself to go out. Normally I'm a high energy person. I want to grab life by the horns and experience the thrills of living. I'm no Evil Knevil but I love the feeling of pushing the envelope and coming out on top. But lately I just haven't cared about anything.

So when I started feeling fired up about this weekend and hoping and praying the red dress fit and looked good, I found myself feeling alive again. It felt good. But something unexpected happened and the whole red dress outing didn't matter anymore.

Dawn came back into my life.

I was silent about losing her. I couldn't face it. She and I connected more deeply than I had ever experienced. Suddenly she was gone. And I was at a loss as to why. I saw her about a month ago and as my heart pounded, I told her I loved her and missed her and I don't know what happened. When she left she gave me a hug but said nothing. I knew then she was gone forever.

I was wrong.

Saturday, just as I was ready to leave Ecsapades she walked in and we made eye contact. I knew then whatever had driven us apart was in the past. We embraced and I knew right then why I had lost my zest for life. She was my soulmate and I was mourning the death of our relationship. But it wasn't dead. My baby was back in my arms and the world was spinning in the right direction again.

We talked a lot at Escapades but it was loud and stuffy. We decided to head back to my place and as soon as we got back I went upstairs and changed out of my girl clothes and came back down. She had no reaction but I felt more comfortable. She's said many times, how I dress really doesn't matter to her and I find that rare. All night she called me Jim, Julie, Jules and I don't even know if she knew she was doing it. I don't know how many times she's told me she loves me for who I am inside and the clothes don't matter. All I know is when we are together we have a great time and we make each other happy.

But another feeling comes over me.

I feel like a man when were together. I want to protect her. I want to look out for her. I want her to be happy. I treat her like any man who loves a woman would. I see 'my baby', 'my sweetie', 'my angel' and I use those terms when I talk to her. I want to hold her in my arms and fall asleep with her by my side and wake up in the morning to see her smiling face.

And the desire to dress vanishes!

I know better than to think this is permanent. But what confuses me is here's a woman I can dress with, who met me dressed, who told me it was my eyes that drew her to me, that said she'd never met a CD before but once she got to know me that didn't matter. She knows everything about me and still loves me. With all this, why did the desire to dress vanish?

This weekend I will force myself to carry out the plans I made. I will go out dressed, hopefully in the red dress, if it ever comes, and spend at least one night dressed but I know if Dawn called and said let's...... I'm gone! Red dress, enjoy your space in the closet!

I remember having these feelings when I was young, the being a guy emotions taking control when I met a new love interest. But I haven't felt that for so long I don't remember. What I do know is I was still experiencing puppy love when I felt it.

You know, this has to be the most emotion filled year of my life I've ever known. I wouldn't even try to list all the things here (lucky you). Dawn made it all tolerable and I owe her a lot.

What's so ironic is before Dawn and I reconciled I was pushing myself to get dressed and go out because I was in a funk. I'm so happy we straightened out the misunderstanding and we are friends again. Now, I still find I'll have to push myself to get dressed, but for a different reason. :p

[PaulaJeanette]

Julie,

I hope you and your wife get back together. It seems she needed time to sort things out for herself...and has done so.

Good luck and best wishes.

Paula J.

[Toni]

Hi Julie,
I just want to wish you good luck in your new life and to say we will miss your posts. I'm sure you will find happiness and contentment with Dawn. The love of a good woman is really all we need - the rest is just window dressing. Who knows you may even be able to bring Julie back in the future, but that will have to be at Dawns pace.

[Clare]

I entirely understand your happiness Julie. I'm so glad you have reconnected with Dawn and have worked out the misunderstandings.

There is nothing like a companion that you can be totally open and honest with - its a rare find!

Just remember to look after YOURSELVES as independant people in addition to your friendship k? I have a saying 'if you don't take care of yourself first, you can't take care of anyone else later!'

Glad to know things are going well for ya Jules.

Christine

[Tristen Cox]

Interesting. I can't say that I myself lose any desire to fem myself out, however I can relate to the protector thing. I would always stand up for my lady no matter what, even if that meant getting manly in the process. Strange concept though but yeah it is true. Anyhow I'm just so glad you got back with Dawn. Those kind of friends(soulmates) IMO only come once and when you find them, hold on tight. They are a special kind of person. ;)

[parris james]

Yes to all the things others have said. In this forum we talk about how these things effect each of us. My Wife left me several months ago and after she did I came out to her. You must understand that I have lived my "drab" life being everyones hero. I am one of the best of the best and have won many awards. I told my wife about me after she left me, so my bi-sexuality was not the main factor. The truth was, that I was trying to be what others wanted from me. Please don't do this. Today we went together as I got a tatoo and we enjoyed each others company. My toe nails are red and I wear 3 toe rings. I love her but I truely desire the companoship of another CD (you know who you are). I want all of you to know, that you are not gay, you are not straight , that we are special, that we have something that very few will ever have the grace to enjoy. That we are what we are. Don't ask why, enjoy what you have. Be true to yourself, because if you don't, You can be true to no other.

[CharlotteSomers]

I totally know what you mean about losing the desire to dress when being with someone you love. It's only happened to me once, but I've only been in love once. Whlie I was in the relationship, I had absolutley no desire to dress. I never even thought about it. Not long after we broke up I started dressing again. I can't explain it and have given up trying to understand it. I don't even know if it will happen the next time I fall in love.

Julie, I'm so happy for you that she is back in your life and you can be trully happy once again. After all, isn't happiness what we're all looking for anyway?

[Stephenie]

Julie I'm so happy for you. I wish you the best.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Julie,

What's the problem? Go with the feeling girl...you sound truly happy !!!! Everything else is secondary. We'll still love you..........


Emily Ann

[Natalie x]

Julie, it is so good to hear that, at last, things are looking up for you. We have seen you go through a nightmare over the last year, and you deserve only the best for all the strength and courage you have shown.

As for losing the desire to dress, there are so many possible reasons but, what the heck, why try to explain it, just go with it. I think the power of your love for Dawn is swamping everything else, and that is about the most wonderful thing, that love can truly conquer all.

Whichever way it takes you, whether you continue to crossdress or not, will you please keep in touch with us through the forums? I, for one, cannot imagine this place without you.

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Julie,

All I can say is,follow your heart.Real love comes along only once,or for some of the lucky ones,twice.I wish you all the best.

[ChristineRenee]

I am so happy for you Julie that you have reunited with Dawn. A true soulmate is a such precious gift...hold on tight and never let her go. As always hon...I wish you only the best!:hugs:

[Rachael Warren]

Julie, your story is so heartfelt, and I can relate to it so well.



I am myself a in a similar, but different position to you.



I have lived the last eighteen years in a relationship with my wife, I love her unconditionally, and I have no secrets from her.



When I found myself submitting to the need to cross-dress I felt that I had to tell her, and this has left a scar on our relationship up until very recently.



Through the fifteen years that have passed we have remained best friends and lovers, but the physical side of the relationship did suffer somewhat, I wont bore you with the details.



I know now that my life has been a lie, I am not what I appear to be, and in honesty I have known this for many years.



The strange thing about this is that the only thing I have ever wanted to hold onto is my wife; I would protect her with my life.



““I feel like a man when were together. I want to protect her. I want to look out for her. I want her to be happy. I treat her like any man who loves a woman would. I see 'my baby', 'my sweetie', 'my angel' and I use those terms when I talk to her. I want to hold her in my arms and fall asleep with her by my side and wake up in the morning to see her smiling face.”



This exactly how I feel, in fact even when our relationship was in troubled waters, this is all that I wanted, I can’t bear to be away from her. How I am dressed at the time is immaterial to me.



“I know better than to think this is permanent. But what confuses me is here's a woman I can dress with, who met me dressed, who told me it was my eyes that drew her to me, that said she'd never met a CD before but once she got to know me that didn't matter. She knows everything about me and still loves me. With all this, why did the desire to dress vanish?””



This quote is more interesting to me, I am personally of the opinion that I should have been born a girl; I have lived my life as a man under the pretense of my persona and tried to do as best I can. This isn’t who I am, or at least that’s how my troubled soul perceives it.



What you seem to be describing is what I feel I have in my wife, a soul mate. True we are lovers, but the fact of the matter is that there is unconditional love. I love her as a person, not an object and I feel the same coming back in return.



Once you have love at this level, your appearance becomes immaterial; it’s the person that matters, “Jim, Julie, Jules”, “fat, thin, boy or girl”. What has happened is that veil we all wear to protect ourselves form the big bad world has been lifted and you are exposing your inner self to someone you trust implicitly and visa versa (hopefully). This is true love!



Julie, if what you are describing is true, grab the opportunity and cling to Dawn for your life!



I apologize if this post is inappropriate, I have to do the one thing that I hate most very early tomorrow, I have to leave my wife and family (not forgetting Rachael) and go to work on a different Island. My sentiments and emotions tend to get the better of me in these circumstances.



I detest being away from home, and of course my wife.



I need to go and pack now for my trip, I’ll leave you guessing what will be in my suitcase J



Lots of Love, Rachael.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

It's wonderful that you and Dawn are back together.

Maybe you've lost the desire to dress for the moment because the your male side was hurting and now it's being nutured again. And it may also be that precisely because she's so accepting of your CDing, you feel that you don't have to CD now this minute because if the desire comes back you'll be able to dress without problems.

Or you may be less interested in general, since you'd mentioned that you'd already had to push yourself to dress before reconciling. After I've dressed a lot, I've found that I've satisfied the need for a period of time.

Regardless, don't worry about it and just enjoy being with Dawn. As long as you're happy, that's the important thing.

[Laurie Ann]

Julie,
Go with your heart it will not steer you wrong. I will miss your posts and escapades, I have said it before I truly look to you for confidence and inspiration.
Love

Laurie Ann

[Sarah Ellis]

I wish you all the best too Julie... Hope it all works out. You obviously love one another very much.... Keep it that way.....


Satin xxx

[Billijo49504]

Good luck and best wishes to both of you. Life is too short to not have someone to share it with.

[Maude]

i have never felt anything better than "BEING IN LOVE"
M