The Easy Part...

[Brooke Smith]

The easy part is figuring out who and what you are and where you fit in the transgender spectrum.The hardest part is figuring out what to do about it.

I realize we only get one shot at this life but there must be a point of diminishing returns if we choose to transition late in life.

For some there is no real choice,it's transition or die.I believe this to be true and I hope you find your path early enough for you to have a successful transition and fulfilling life in your proper gender.

For others we come to the table a little late. We have wives and families and careers and all the entanglements of a well established life. Can you walk away from all you have worked for and roll the dice for the chance at a new life? If you are young enough,with enough love and support,yes you can.

If you are older,like me,I'm not sure it's worth it

[carolinoakland]

One ts I heard say... I don't care how old I am, I was born a man but I WILL be buried a woman. Carol

[StaceyJane]

Have you been eavesdropping on my therapy sessions?

[Kathryn Martin]

If you add to that that approximately 30% of TG want to transition after 45 because their obligations as parents, breadwinners etc have waned, it becomes clear that this is one of the scariest questions to answer.

I know that I will not be able to publicly transition simply because it would destroy my economical foundation and leave me destitute. As a consequence, all consideration of this subject is conditional upon that. Sad....

Kathryn

[Frances]

It depends entirely on the level of suffering you feel. Pros and cons lists are irrelevent if you are going to kill yourself. Transition is hard and painful. The chances of losing everything are quite big. It is the thing to do when it is the only thing to do.

Of course, results are not as pronounced with the passing of age. But I have seen many miracles, including my own. I started HRT at 42.

[Hope]

If you are older,like me,I'm not sure it's worth it

And this is the crux of the issue. For each of us it is different. Different needs, different lives, different sets of consequences. Which makes each answer a deeply personal one.

And the truth is, that people can transition successfully at any age - don't let that be what holds you back. I tend to think that $$$ should not be what holds you back either, but it is a real issue. Living a lie, because it is a comfortable lie, is no way to live. Denying who and what you are in exchange for the comfort of money is pretty shameful. I know.

I guess the counter point I would put to your post is this: If you feel you need to transition - you will not be happy until you do it. All of those things that stand in your way will become the source of resentment and misery for you until you allow yourself to be who you are. Walking away from friends / family / job / and everything else isn't easy - but living a lie, and repressing who you are is not necessarily any easier - regardless of age. No one can say which will bring any other person more misery, or more joy - which is why this is such a personal decision, at any age.

[Melody Moore]

I started HRT almost a week ago & I am 47 - I dont see age or cost as any reason not to transition. If you are really a woman - then you will be a woman

[Kathryn Martin]

And this is the crux of the issue. For each of us it is different. Different needs, different lives, different sets of consequences. Which makes each answer a deeply personal one.

And the truth is, that people can transition successfully at any age - don't let that be what holds you back. I tend to think that $$$ should not be what holds you back either, but it is a real issue. Living a lie, because it is a comfortable lie, is no way to live. Denying who and what you are in exchange for the comfort of money is pretty shameful. I know.

I guess the counter point I would put to your post is this: If you feel you need to transition - you will not be happy until you do it. All of those things that stand in your way will become the source of resentment and misery for you until you allow yourself to be who you are. Walking away from friends / family / job / and everything else isn't easy - but living a lie, and repressing who you are is not necessarily any easier - regardless of age. No one can say which will bring any other person more misery, or more joy - which is why this is such a personal decision, at any age.

I tend to agree with you on this but unfortunately we are often not the only ones affected by the decisions we take. Walking away from your ability to make a decent income, from the work that to some extent defines you as a person, putting those that rely on you and depend on your ability to provide for them is a difficult decision. I think though with planning and working through these questions most of us will make the right decision and will in the end arrive as a woman.

[Rianna Humble]

I realize we only get one shot at this life but there must be a point of diminishing returns if we choose to transition late in life.

For some there is no real choice,it's transition or die.I believe this to be true and I hope you find your path early enough for you to have a successful transition and fulfilling life in your proper gender.

For others we come to the table a little late. We have wives and families and careers and all the entanglements of a well established life. Can you walk away from all you have worked for and roll the dice for the chance at a new life? If you are young enough, with enough love and support, yes you can.

If you are older, like me, I'm not sure it's worth it

I don't think that age should enter into the equation. I can respect that family obligations might be an obstacle - not always insurmountable - but only you can give yourself permission to be happy.

If when you add up all you have to gain on one side of the paper and all you stand to lose on the other side of the paper, you will be able to decide for yourself whether it is worth it at this stage in your life.

Although my choice was primarily a live or die choice, I did the additions earlier this year and decided that I had to put the prospect of life on hold for a couple of months - they were hell, but I fulfilled the obligations that I had allowed to hold me back.

At 54, I probably fall into your "older" category, but I asked the question differently to the way you asked it. At 54, can I really afford not to take the chance of happiness?

[Traci Elizabeth]

How sad it would be to feel one is "too old" to transition and that it would not be "worth it."

I have transitioned very late in life but granted I have it easy as I have a very beautiful wife (soul mate) who supports me 100%. We have never been closer and do everything together with me transitioned.

But I could never go back regardless of the consequences, pain, or loss it might have caused.

And as others have stated although we all want to live forever in total bliss, we only have this one life with very finite years.

I want the REST of my years to be lived actively fully, and completely as the woman I am which has made me happier than I had ever been in my life before.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk in more depth.

Traci

[Steph.TS]

I'm almost 30, I'm afraid I'm going to be too old to transition properly... I would like to look like a real woman if I did transition, I say if as I'm worried about offending frends and family, and alienating co-workers...

[Melody Moore]

I'm worried about offending frends and family, and alienating co-workers...
That really should be the least of your concerns... what is important is you living your life for yourself and
not for everyone else. If anyone 'alienates' themselves, its them doing it and NOT you! People should accept
you for who you are. After I came out, all my good friends have accepted it and are very respectful & supportive.

As for my family, well theyve never really been there anyway. I called up my mother again just last
night and told her I wanted to talk to her about my transitioning, but then she just started raving on
about some other completely irrelevant crap :blah: while I was left repeating the words, "Mum, will
you just listen to me?" until I finally had to hang up because there just wasnt any point in going on. :Pullhair:

Oh well, you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. :sh:

[Danni Bear]

Too old to transition, you are never too old. My wife and I both transitioned at 52 and yes it was hard. We are happier at 62 than we were at 20. Friends and family have accepted us as we are, they see how this has changed us for the better.


Danni Beard

[tanyalynn51]

I heard a couple of girls on here talking about how $$$ shouldnt be a consideration of transitioning. From someone who is barely above the poverty level, I want to say congratulations that you can afford it. But dont assume that all of us can. I realize not everyone is saying this, but I have seen how it seems on here that some people forget that money is a problem for probably more than would admit it.

[Tasha T]

I don't think there's any easy part to this and money definitely is a huge factor. I've been doing electrolysis on my face for the past 10 months, but I recently lost my job and now can't afford any more treatments. When will I begin again? I have no idea. Do I have to cut my hair now just to find a job? Probably. Will I be able to find an apartment when my lease expires next month? Nope. Not without a job.

Right now I feel completely screwed.

[Melody Moore]

I heard a couple of girls on here talking about how $$$ shouldnt be a consideration of transitioning. From someone who is barely above the poverty level, I want to say congratulations that you can afford it. But dont assume that all of us can.
You talk about being barely above the poverty line, I am currently only getting a Disability Pension because of anxiety & depression brought on my a bad marriage & from being overworked in the IT industry. And if you ask any other Aussie, they should tell you that is living barely above the poverty line. Every spare cent I have gets spent on my transitioning right now. We do however have a free gender clinic here as well as subsidised HRT. So I guess we are a bit luckier in that respect. But its even cheaper from what I now understand to get more powerful injectable hormones from India & my doctor is organising me a licence so I can legally import them myself. Apparently a whole year's supply is only about $100 AU. SO I would also look into that.

Also these are some other ways I save money when transitioning - I buy most of my clothes from thrift shops, & make-up & many other accessories from Ebay. Instead of paying $8 for an eye-liner in a retail store, I get it on Ebay for just a couple of dollars. All the make-up products I usually buy are Maybelline. I recently put in an $80 order on Ebay and got a package worth about $300 retail.

Before I was aware that the best gender clinic in Australia was in my very own city, I was contemplating moving over 1200miles south to Brisbane - I just believe if there is a will there is a way. So if you want to transition bad enough you will. And honestly I would shovel shit or do some light duties, gardening, lawn mowing or whatever if I had to to get the money to transition if I didn't have any other choices. In fact a couple of months ago I was looking after swimming pools on a part time basis due to my disability.

My biggest worry has been how am I going to get my money for my FRS & SRS? Now that is something I do have to pay for and that is not cheap even in Thailand.

But I believe that karma has a way of looking after you if you are really prepared to do anything when you really want something... ironically just last weekend I got a new job offer to join a drag show called 'Bust you Cherry' which will be lots of fun as well as I will save every penny I get for my surgery. We are currently planning a new show with the view to go on the show on the road in 2011, so there is always something at the end of every rainbow, just dont give up in trying to find your pot of gold - I will upload some new pics of me and a couple of the other girls from the show to my album shortly to prove what I am saying is true.

So my question is.. How badly do you really want this?

I hope just hope this post has inspired a few here not to give up.

[Rianna Humble]

I heard a couple of girls on here talking about how $$$ shouldn't be a consideration of transitioning. From someone who is barely above the poverty level, I want to say congratulations that you can afford it. But don't assume that all of us can.

I think I'm in a slightly different situation to you. I've recently lost roughly 30% of my salary and can barely keep up the payments on my house, but I can't afford not to transition. If I had been able to not transition and to remain sane, I might have been able to get a better paid job, but the financial penalty is worth it to keep my sanity.

[tanyalynn51]

You talk about being barely above the poverty line, I am currently only getting a Disability Pension because of anxiety & depression brought on my a bad marriage & from being overworked in the IT industry. And if you ask any other Aussie, they should tell you that is living barely above the poverty line. Every spare cent I have gets spent on my transitioning right now. We do however have a free gender clinic here as well as subsidised HRT. So I guess we are a bit luckier in that respect. But its even cheaper from what I now understand to get more powerful injectable hormones from India & my doctor is organising me a licence so I can legally import them myself. Apparently a whole year's supply is only about $100 AU. SO I would also look into that.

Also these are some other ways I save money when transitioning - I buy most of my clothes from thrift shops, & make-up & many other accessories from Ebay. Instead of paying $8 for an eye-liner in a retail store, I get it on Ebay for just a couple of dollars. All the make-up products I usually buy are Maybelline. I recently put in an $80 order on Ebay and got a package worth about $300 retail.

Before I was aware that the best gender clinic in Australia was in my very own city, I was contemplating moving over 1200miles south to Brisbane - I just believe if there is a will there is a way. So if you want to transition bad enough you will. And honestly I would shovel shit or do some light duties, gardening, lawn mowing or whatever if I had to to get the money to transition if I didn't have any other choices. In fact a couple of months ago I was looking after swimming pools on a part time basis due to my disability.

My biggest worry has been how am I going to get my money for my FRS & SRS? Now that is something I do have to pay for and that is not cheap even in Thailand.

But I believe that karma has a way of looking after you if you are really prepared to do anything when you really want something... ironically just last weekend I got a new job offer to join a drag show called 'Bust you Cherry' which will be lots of fun as well as I will save every penny I get for my surgery. We are currently planning a new show with the view to go on the show on the road in 2011, so there is always something at the end of every rainbow, just dont give up in trying to find your pot of gold - I will upload some new pics of me and a couple of the other girls from the show to my album shortly to prove what I am saying is true.

So my question is.. How badly do you really want this?

I hope just hope this post has inspired a few here not to give up.

I guess the question at the end really is, how far will I go, as how badly do I want this. Since I work with the homeless, and people who cant afford anything else after they pay their rent (been there, done that, too), my first thought is that you are an inspiration. Never been to Australia (it is on the top of my places I want to visit some day), but what you are describing is definitely considered very poor here. You are acheiving a lot more than me with a lot less. We do have some ts ladies come in, and due to the position I am in, all I can do is offer support, without saying that I am one too (I have to work as a male). Although I work at a Christian Shelter, doing this isnt a problem, as the people there believe that all people are sinners- singling out anyone for any particular "lifestyle" (their word) will get you written up or fired. I dont know where Im going yet- I work in drab, go out everywhere else underdressed, and am dressed all of the time at home. Im working it out as I go. That's why Im on here- the help I get from women like you, and that maybe sometimes Ill say the right thing that helps someone else. Thankyou for your words to me.

[Melody Moore]

That's why Im on here- the help I get from women like you, and that maybe sometimes Ill say the right thing that helps someone else. Thankyou for your words to me.
I learnt a long time ago that the only person I could every really rely on in this world was me. I believe there is a formula that works to help those who are struggling to eventually succeed and let me say after reading your last post I think you are well on your way. You have a giving & caring heart, so just stay positive & never give up your dreams.

Stay true to yourself & always follow your heart & Karma or God will eventually take care of things for you.

One other thing that I believe that helps a lot to open lots of new doors for you is a smile and remember, that doesn't cost you anything. :D

[Brooke Smith]

Thank you all who have commented,this is not an easy topic for me and I assume for many others as well.





Transition is hard and painful. The chances of losing everything are quite big. It is the thing to do when it is the only thing to do.

"The thing to do when it is the only thing to do." Absolutely,Frances is right.


Living a lie, because it is a comfortable lie, is no way to live. Denying who and what you are in exchange for the comfort of money is pretty shameful. I know.
If you feel you need to transition - you will not be happy until you do it. All of those things that stand in your way will become the source of resentment and misery for you until you allow yourself to be who you are.

Hope has a very good understanding of the situation too. If you feel you can't or won't transition it is a source of resentment. My major lament is that I didn't figure this out when I was younger.

The truth is I'm now at retirement age with a wife I'm devoted to and a very secure future if I don't implode in the process. I'm as true to my dual genders as possible and for the most part keep things in balance.Lack of money will likely never be an issue, which is nice,but all the money in the world can't make me young and beautiful. I think for now I'll just plod along doing the best I can.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

You are correct when you say that the easy part is realizing who and what we are. The hard part is doing something about it. I did not realize just how hard it was until I started my Transition. It is not easy. In fact, it is about the hardest thing that you will ever do. And the older you are when you start, the harder it becomes. I started Transitioning at age 65. I have experienced all of the issues that ever one has talked about. I had read about them before I started my Transition. But reading about them in no way compares to actually going through it. It is not for the faint of heart.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Melody Moore]

The hard part is doing something about it.
I totally agree with everything you say here JoAane, however we have to also realise that the fear we all harboured
once about coming out is really unwarranted because most of society is more accepting nowadays then say 20 years ago.

I made a post in the thread called 'Never lose heart' by MAJESTYK. See: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=2247375&posted=1#post2247375

I hope will make things easier for our sisters who are still struggling.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

You are correct MelodyN - however yesterday afternoon, a woman who is older than me, that I have known for 40 years, told me that she now hated me and that everybody would be better off if I had committed suicide

We can only hope that the younger generation is more tolerant than the older.

Being told that the world would be a better place if I would commit suicide really got to me.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Billijo49504]

I definately agree that money is a important part of transitioning. That is why I probably will at 63 yrs old, stay as a no op TS. I was lucky that I could get my counciling from my insurance, with no co pay. I'm hoping that my family Dr. will be willing to do my HRT. I wish that the VA would do the HRT for us, like they do for GG women...BJ