Outed To Family

[vetobob9]

My brother found and photographed my feminine clothing. He texted the pictures to the rest of the family.

Now I am not sure how they will react when I go to visit them next week.
I know he did out of malevolence because he is involved in a dispute with the rest of the family and myself.

[kellycan27]

Nice guy... your brother.

[Kathi Lake]

Wow. I wonder why he is having issues with the rest of your family. He's obviously a very upright, sincere person. :doh:

Look at the bright side (yes, I am a Pollyanna), you never have to wonder if/when to come out to your family. Sure, it wasn't exactly the method/timing of your choosing, but, . . .

Make the best of it. With honesty and grace, your brother will look like the ass, not you.

Kathi

[sandy2]

I find it's sad and it was none of his concern. WISH YOU BEST OF LUCK ...and I really hope that this doesn't cause you too much grief

[Sara Jessica]

Wow. I wonder why he is having issues with the rest of your family. He's obviously a very upright, sincere person. :doh:

Look at the bright side (yes, I am a Pollyanna), you never have to wonder if/when to come out to your family. Sure, it wasn't exactly the method/timing of your choosing, but, . . .

Make the best of it. With honesty and grace, your brother will look like the ass, not you.

Kathi

Kathi read my mind...or is that great minds think alike ;)!!! Either way, the best way to difuse the situation is to be 100% prepared to come clean. Then offer your so called brother a pink hankie to wipe the egg off his face.

["Mary"]

What an As$#ole!

Good luck dealing with the fallout.

[Danni Bear]

Vetobob,
Wait till it is brought up. Then be honest about it.

Good luck and hold your head high. you did nothing wrong.


:hugs:
Danni

[KristinSkye]

Jeez...that was a really shitty thing to do. Like Danni said keep your chin up and be confident, you really have done nothing wrong. Hopefully your family will recognize that his actions were just an attempt to distract your family from his actions relating to the dispute between you all.

Best of luck.

[Veronica 1]

You could also point out the rudeness of his actions. I mean really, doing this only to cause conflict in the family.

[t-girlxsophie]

the old sayings are always spot on,You can choose your friends,but you can't choose your family,I hope your family will be ok with this revelation,and will realise what your muppet of a brother has been trying to do to,seriously what k**bhead

hold your head high,and remember you have done nothing wrong

:hugs:Sophie xx

[DonnaT]

Can he prove that the clothes were yours?

Anyone can take pictures of something and say it belongs to someone else.

[Bobbie Bee]

Yeah, I’m with Donna on this one. How does that line go when the finger of guilt is pointed at you: Deny everything, admit to nothing, demand proof and make counter accusations.

[Shelly67]

Make it crystal clear to everyone concerned that the spitefullness shown towards you is infantile . I'd certainly inform anyone who questions your lifestyle that you feel as if your privacey has been used as a moral high ground weapon with malice. Why should anyones preference be used in such a way in a family dispute ? If he couldnt stand the heat , then he should get out of the kitchen .
I hope your brother has a concience moment , regrets his childish behaviour and learns that if he cannot get his own way then throwing his spiteful toys out of the pram is not the way to establish a harmonious relationship with anyone .
Just be you , its all you can do really , if people and family cannot see past the stigma and love the character you project then the issue is theyre problem .
Good luck .

[Chari]

Best to stay calm and quiet! Only if you're challenged with the subject should you respond. Also some in your family probably don't care about who wears what. Always be confident in who you are, and rise above your brothers childish actions!

[Gillian]

Nice guy... your brother.

Agreed!

Stand up guy indeed

[Jenny Doolittle]

Be positive!

Might be the best thing that ever happened, and I am sure the rest of family will realize his motivation.

Good Luck

[Sarah Doepner]

What a knucklehead! It sounds like he was on the wrong side of the dispute with the family and can't stand being the loser (although he has shown that he is). If it came up with my family I'd admit to my wardrobe but warn everyone else that if brother isn't settled down he could do similar things to everyone else he disagrees with. He has a much more serious problem to deal with than crossdressing.

[AKAMichelle]

Hold your head high and don't let it dictate your relationship with your family. You have been this person for years and they still loved you. So tell them this is you and let it go. Your brother while being a jerk really did you a favor. Cause now you are free. You don't have to hide it every again.

[Christy_M]

Agreed!

Stand up guy indeed

I bet he gets all the ladies with that personality. Clearly he is compensating for something he is doing wrong by trying to toss you under the family bus.
Take the high ground and don't stoop to his level. You will come out better for it in the end. You should ask pointed questions about why he would do this to you and what is he trying to gain. Just make sure the focus stays on topic and does not stry to deflective subjects like those pictures or the lifestyle you choose to live.

[vetobob9]

You could also point out the rudeness of his actions. I mean really, doing this only to cause conflict in the family.

I pointed out to them it was an invasion of privacy because he took the photo in a private living area (bedroom) and then proceeded to distribute it.

[Alice Torn]

Some others said not to bring it up, unless they do. All i can say, is that my older twin brothers and my dad, always put me down, even at 56 yrs. There is a day coming, when true justice will be done, on this earth. I forgive, turn them over to God.

[Jamsey]

What a rotten thing to do, says more about his character than yours. If he has a key to your apartment or living quarters, then get it back or change your locks. If he is a roommate, time to get a new one or live alone. You know your situation best, if he does this now, what can he do to you in the future? Decide what is best for you. Good luck.
Jamsey

[Emme]

Ya gotta love that brother..........that's what "little brothers do!"

You have plenty of tme. Everyone gets his or her turn "in the barrell!

[DianeDeBris]

Hi Bobbi -- AKAMichelle got it exactly right:
"Hold your head high and don't let it dictate your relationship with your family. You have been this person for years and they still loved you. So tell them this is you and let it go. Your brother while being a jerk really did you a favor. Cause now you are free. You don't have to hide it every again."

If you argue, you will creat a fight and a debate. If you say nothing, then he is indisputedly the jerk, and the normal human instinct will be to protect YOU, as the victim of the attack. If somebody (and this is highly unlikely) questions you, you can reply "Yes, I am a CD: I'm saddened that my personal life was revealed in this way, and I hope you will continue to loveN me." THEN SAY NOTHING ELSE. Not a single further word. Roughly 99% of all people will accept you then and there!
Hugs -- Diane
__________________

[giuseppina]

It's always one or two people that make things difficult for everyone else. This won't help him. :doh:

As others have said, your brother has bigger problems than your crossdressing. Unfortunately, adults that do this sort of thing generally try to inappropriately shift responsibility for their behavior onto someone else. :sad:

[Stlalice]

Unless he has photos of you actually wearing the clothes you still have a fair amount of latitude where deniability is concerned. I would advise saying nothing at all unless the subject is brought up by others. What you say then is up to you - but the fewer lies you tell the better for all concerned. I would also advise changing or adding locks to which he doesn't have keys for the place where you store your stuff - and again saying nothing at all unless asked specific questions. :2c:

[TxKimberly]

For what little comfort it may give you, apparently my mother-in-law found out some time ago. Not sure how, and not sure when, but she told everyone in my wife's side of the family. So far, the few that have admitted that they were told this are absolutely cool. Unfortunately my sister in law is not among them- they have always been fairly cold to us and now at least I know why.
My point is, most of them know, and most are cool with it.
Don't assume your relationships with your family are going to suffer. It may, don't get me wrong, but it's not a given.

[Robin Lee]

Every body has to havs a hobbie! Stand strong.

[Andrea Reynolds]

Don't panic. Stand proud. Answer questions honestly. Do the right thing first and sort the rest out later. Then no person has the right to judge you. Eventually this will be a long way behind you. Andrea

[vetobob9]

My sister brought it up on the phone today. She was more accepting. She’s just more concerned about my other brother who also wears female things because when they were younger, he used to go in her room and steal her bras. He’s supposed to be moving in with her.
I would think that using other people’s undergarments would be very unsanitary and unsafe considering the sweat, germs and other stuff that people excrete from their skin. Seems to me that using another person’s bra is equivalent to wearing some one else’s underwear. You are taking a serious health risk by doing so. This is why it is very important to buy your own stuff. Unless you don’t care about your own health or the health of those around you.

[ReineD]

If what your brother did is within character, there's a chance the people he's told will take it with a grain of salt, and will put it down to sour grapes. Anyone can take pics of women's clothing and make up stories. But even if they do believe him, I should think that most won't give it much thought. I really do think that people who don't have a moral or religious objection to the CDing look at it as a quirky hobby.

[Paula W]

The man side of me wants to say punch your brother in the face, take a picture, then show his black eye to the rest of the family.

The girl side of me says just like Kathi says, make the best of a bad situation. Why is your brother going through your stuff? What business is it of his? This also must mean hes snooping around in everyone elses stuff that he has access to.

[Leslie Langford]

Yeah, I’m with Donna on this one. How does that line go when the finger of guilt is pointed at you: Deny everything, admit to nothing, demand proof and make counter accusations.

Hey, it worked for O.J. Simpson, didn't it? But then again, he had Johnnie Cochran to defend him. Was there a glove in the picture, and did it fit you?:heehee:

[eluuzion]

You did not provide enough information to offer any specific options. (were you in the pics? Etc.).

But here are some things worth considering…

Never defend yourself against the accusations of an Idiot. Anybody that hears such things from a person with questionable character and integrity will generally base the believability on the credibility of the source.

“Never interrupt an adversary when they are in the process of hanging themselves.”

A lie requires two parties to be successful. One party to tell the lie and another party to (accept) believe it.

The greater a “target” reacts to personal accusations, the more people tend to believe the accusations might be true. (“defending yourself”, matching insults with insults, comparing something wrong with something worse, etc.)

I am going to take a wild guess…your brother does not have many friends, and his life is unstable, at best?

Good Luck