Allowing Ourselves to be a Victim

[AKAMichelle]

Last night I drove up to Fort Collins to meet a friend of mine for dinner. I hadn't seen her in 2 years even though we live just 100 miles apart. She was running late so I had to wait on her to get to the house. She had to get dressed since she came from work so again I waited. That's ok because we were able to talk in private about a lot of issues.

We went to eat at Chili's which was fine. We had a great dinner and I enjoyed my little backbone builder (Cosmo). See we were heading to a dance up in Fort Collins for the Lambda Center. I hadn't danced in 30 years and I needed some encouragement to get myself ready for this. That's the reason for the cosmo. Now it was only one drink and I waited long enough before driving. So I don't think that I was driving drunk or anything. This is when the fun begins.

We drove up to old city of Fort Collins home of Colorado State University. I think half of the school turned out last night and many of them had been drinking rather heavily. I found a parking space near where the dance was being held and I slightly overshot the spot so I didn't see anyone behind me and started backing up. Apparently somebody was there because either I hit them or they pulled up and hit me as I was backing up. I couldn't tell you since I didn't see them. Now because of the crowd a cop was nearby and saw everything at least heard the bump of the 2 cars. I don't know if he saw the accident or not but there I was in old City of Fort Collins dressed and in an accident. There was no damage to the other car but mine had a little dent about 1/4 of an inch in my bumper. Nothing major. Especially nothing that I was going to make a scene about while dresed. So I quickly said that I didn't want to file a police report for the accident because I didn't want my name attached to an accident while dressed.

We went to the dance and very few people showed up last night. So finally Kayla talked me into dancing for the first time in 30 years. Now it felt like 30 years since I couldn't get my groove back, but it was ok. Maybe I really was a better dancer years ago because I was usually well lubed when out. It did make me want to go dancing again because I did remember how much fun I had 30 years ago. So I guess I will make it again.

So here is my question. Do we allow ourselves to be a victim because we don't want to be outed? If someone were to mug us would we report it to the police or just to our credit card companies? It is sad that we do this to ourselves. I was even surprised with myself. I go and do just about anything but I didn't even ask the officer who's fault it was. If the accident was the other driver, then I could have filed an insurance claim and saved the $100 which I am now going to pay out of my pocket. I didn't care who's fault it was since all I wanted was off the street. Oh yes to get to the dance we had to walk through the guantlet of drunk college students to get there. Being dressed last night made me a victim of an accident and the impending repair to my car.

[5150 Girl]

Yes, I do belive alot of us shy away from confrontational situations for fear of the reprocussions from gettng outed.
Well, given the info given, it's hard to ell who was at fault. Backing up out of a parking space, usually the backer is at fault, threfore, I'd hav been likely to let it go and pop the ding out myself.
However, if I knew without a doubt I was in the right, and this happend to my truck, pending on my mood, I may let it slide, BUT, my Mustang, yea, I'd make a stink. When I hand my ID to the officer making the report, I'd just whisper "I'm a work in progress". I've been in a you must present an ID situation before, and everything was cool with that.

[Chickhe]

I think it is only natural. For a small accident like that you are better off just eating the cost anyways. But, as time goes on and I'm more accepting of myslef and out more, you have to expect you will be read/outted at some point so it is almost better to prepare for that and when the time comes you just say, yup, I'm usually male, but hey I enjoy dressing up...it is not a big deal to me...

[Ashley_Marie]

I don't think its the fear of being outed so much, as just the better thing to do.

I was rear-ended in the same manner you were, Michelle. I was backing out of a driveway, when a guy scraped by my car. Well he hit with enough force to peel a small section of the bumper back (about 2 or 3 inches of the bumper is peeled out away from the bumper itself). I saw no underlying damage to the car and since I probably would have gotten the ticket anyways, and he had no damage to his truck. We just decided to forgo the cops and head on our merry way.

Now if there had been enough damage to the car. Such as the bumper was hanging off, regardless of what I was wearing I would have called the cops

[Christy_M]

If you weren't dressed would you have pushed the issue? I think that we tend to hide ourselves away from things like that as previously mentioned but everytime you don't tackle a situation isn't necessarily due to being dressed. If you would have let this pass while in male mode (even after making comments and asking questions of the surrounding witnesses/cop) then letting it pass in female mode was the right thing to do and suggests that it was handled like any woman would do. Calmly, and with dignity without an altercation.

[Ashley_Marie]

I can't talk about Michelle's accident. But on mine I wouldn't have pressed, dressed or not dressed. Even if I didn't get a ticket, it would have been more or less a joke claim to them, probably cost $50 to hammer the section of the bumper back in place. It's such a small section that to replace the bumper itself would have been pointless and cost more then it would have been worth spending. Over $200 for the bumper and labor, and when all that's damaged is a 2 or 3 inch section...

Anyways for me it made better sense just to walk away and call it a life's lesson and forget about it. Again if there had been more damage I would have pressed. Of course I currently have liability only which I guess is why I probably would press on a big ticket repair.

[Loni]

lucky me no problems out and about (very little really) but no problems.
as for the dent one would pay out of pocket for a small thing as the insurance co's will sc**you in the long run.

as for being a victim...you are only a victim, if you want to be.
get out and have more fun dancing not to worry.
you do carry protection, do you not :doh:


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[PretzelGirl]

I think you will find that varies between the person and the circumstances. I have no doubt that there are some of us that would blow off anything possible to keep eyes off of us. Others don't care and would press with the task at hand. But the situation does come into play to. If there is a situation where people are getting riled up and there is no type of help around (police, etc), then it is certainly a wise thing to get those heels clicking and get out of there. Nothing shameful in that.

I would definately say that this isn't a real easy thing to make a split second decision on all the time. So to me, erring on the side of safety should be the order of the day when there is any doubt at all.

[Daenna Paz]

I would definately say that this isn't a real easy thing to make a split second decision on all the time. So to me, erring on the side of safety should be the order of the day when there is any doubt at all.

Agreed ... so situation dependent ...

I think I would shy away from confrontation in most cases; does that make me a victim of myself??
Just would not want to make a scene is all.

Sooo ... I have to get you drunk to go clubbing??? :devil: :devil: :devil:

[Madeleine StClair]

Wow ... nerve-wracking! I'm not really sure what I would do. I've thought about things like this, and I know I worry more about accidents or tickets when I'm dressed.

I suppose in some small sense you are allowing yourself to be a victim. But like a lot of things in life, you have to pick your battles. Do you want to assert yourself [in any given situation], or just let it go? Society is prejudiced, sometimes dangerously so. And maybe it's time for a CD/TG Rosa Parks to step forward ... but if you want to be that, you have to be prepared for the consequences.

I'm not saying that anybody necessarily expects that kind of leadership of you ... just, if you're a minority person, there's a price to be paid whether you rock the boat or not.

By the way, congratulations on dancing! It's not so bad, is it?