I'm afraid of Customers

[Steph.TS]

this is related to the I can't do it thread but didn't want to hijack the thread, I see people saying SA's don't care, and they don't some go so far as to try to make us feel more ok about it. I've read stories on here where SA's have been very helpful, I'm really not afraid of SA's. I'm terrified of the customers if I'm in a women's clothing store I'm afraid of what the fem customers think about me, if I am in a unisex clothing store, I'm terrified of what all the customers think of me.

how can I stop worrying about what the customers think about me and just buy what I want comfortably? I want to go shopping for fem jeans this weekend, but I'm worried that I can't go into the fem clothing section without worrying...

[Renee]

Jen I know that it can be a tough thing to get over the fear factor. It took me a while to conquer my fear, but once I did look out. I now dont care what other customers think and have at times gone a little overboard to make sure that they see me looking thru the dresses or lingerie or hear me when I speak to the SA's. I dont do this in a threatening manner mind you, but love to see if there are any reactions to me. If you are comfortable then those around you will be also. Go for it this weekend. Check out the sales flyers and Map out your store choices (have several in mind) and go for it. If they dont offer to let you try on the clothing them just kindly ask if they can be returned if they dont fit you. I have had SA's then offer a dressing room to save me a trip and them having to return an item. Good luck

[Megan70]

Simple solution; just go shopping dressed en femme and they'll think you're one of them.

[Jenny J]

I was in a store and had outted my self to the SA. Told her I wanted to buy a dress and try it on. I said I didn't want to create any problems if any of her regular customers were in the changing room and concerned there was a man in the next stall. I'd wait or move somewhere else.

She said it would be alright and I proceded to try the dress on. While I was in there, a very nice black lady came in with her blind mother. She was buying her a dress for her 90th birthday.

When I came out wearing the dress, I asked the SA if there was some jewelry she thought might go well with the dress. So, while I'm standing there the black lady looks at me and then my feet, I still had my socks on. She says, "You look great but lose the socks."

Then her Mom comes out wearing the beautiful dress she's getting as a gift. She does a little modeling for us then her daughter says, "You won't believe this mom, but there is a man standing next to you and he's wearing a dress"

She kind of turns to me and feels my face, she then says, "he looks pretty good in it!" So, now I look hot to all the friendly blind ladies out there.

I didn't care that they had a little fun with me and I don't think they cared that I was there shopping for clothes. They were having a little fun with it too.

My advice is, get out there and do it. Maybe even have some fun with it.

[Barbara Jo]

Don't be paranoid as people can pick up on that.
Fact is, most customers will assume that you are shopping for your wife/SA and think what a great guy you must be (who is also very secure in his masculinity) to do that.

[Michaela42]

Why do you care what the other customers will think of you? People judge other people; always have and always will. Be confident and just ignore them. 99.9999999999 . . . etc% of the time they do not matter.:2c:

[rachellenicole]

I ,for the most part have had good experiences shopping for clothes, however, I did have one bad one at JC Penneys. I was with my sister, we both had picked out several items to try on. I asked the SA if I could try on my clothes in the womens dressing room, she was not friendly and said no. I was feeling very uncomfortable, but shook it off and took my things to the mens dressing room, tried everything on and left the items that didn't fit there. Nice surprise for the next Guy when he came in LOL. I took my clothes back to the grumpy SA and she begrudlingly had to ring them up for me, I had another chuckle at her expense. It all worked out good.

Rach

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Jen, your post kinda reminded me of my first couple of trips out as Tasha. All I could think about through the adrenaline was what other customers were thinking and what the SA's might say.

But ya know what, everything wonderfully well. People were polite, and the SA's practically fell over themselves ushering in things for me to try on. Novelty effect I know, with a CDer in the rooms :daydreaming:.

People are generally too preoccupied with their own comings and goings to worry about you, what you are shopping for, or what you are wearing if you are en-femme (as long as you are dressed appropriately of course).

It gets easier and better every time you go out. You just got to do it.

Good luck

Tash :)

[linda allen]

We shouldn't care what the other customers think but what happens when one runs to the store manager and complains about a "pervert" looking through the bras or panties?

There are plenty of people in this world who cannot just mind their own business.

[AKAMichelle]

so what would happen if they think that you are a serial killer. Does it change who you are? No - you still that loveable quirky person who likes to buy women's clothes.

Be polite and go about your business. The customers don't bite anymore than the SA's do.

[Sara Jessica]

It's understandable to feel a little apprehension around other customers. Any that I have had over the years though has been with the thought about running into someone I know. Going some distance from home and work usually minimizes that nagging fear.

Otherwise, it's an absolute blast when you run into other customers who engage you in a positive manner, chattnig up just for the heck of it or making comments on one's look like women often do for one another. Those moments are priceless.


We shouldn't care what the other customers think but what happens when one runs to the store manager and complains about a "pervert" looking through the bras or panties?

This type of scenario illustrates the role of the SA in the whole thing, as in they should be saying "that person has every right to be shopping here just as you do".

[Nikki A.]

Ask them their opinion, if nothing else the look would be priceless.

[DeeDee1974]

The other day I noticed a vintage shop in my neighborhood I wanted to check out. So I went home and called and explained I was looking for female clothes for myself and would it be okay to stop in. I also said I would be in male mode. The woman (who is also the owner) said "of course this happens all the time). When I got to the store I explained who I was and she showed me around. I picked out a full length vintage nighty and when I tried it on she wanted to see how it fit, which was a bit distracting bc it was a bit see through.

I am going to try the same thing at a resale shop down the street. I think the warning helps the SA because she's not thrown off and ready to help when a man comes in. I was mocked once by a customer while checking out at Victorias Secret, she very sarcastically kept asking me if I found everything I was looking for. VS Sa's are also hit and miss from helpful to bitchy.

My new theory is to find local small businesses who appreciate the business.

[Nicole Brown]

Many years ago, before I started going out and doing my shopping dressed as Nicole, I use to feel uncomfortable with some of the looks and comments I would get from other customers. I even left a Walmart store because two woman in their early 20s decided to follow me and make comments, in rather loud voices, about the guys buying clothing for a woman.

I have long since stopped paying attention to what anyone might say as is means nothing to me. Besides, I now always shop for Nicole's needs as Nicole.

[wanagione]

well, if i go out in guy mode i really don't care what anyone thinks, and when i go out in girl mode i really don't care what people think. However i was like you were once. The advice is to just do it and as you do it more often you become more relaxed. people pick up on the anxiety that you show. so just try to stay calm and have fun.

[Petra.Briar]

Jen
Last night I decided to check out a new Walmart that was about 20 miles from where I live, it was built about 6 months ago so I was hoping for a good selection of larger sizes. The store was very busy but I decided to try on a pair of women's blue shorts, a multi-layered tank (grey and purple) and a blue v-necked shirt. When I went up to the dressing room (2-womens and 1-mens) they SA unlocked the womens door and let me in, which I gave her a wink and a smile. When I was done and came out, there were 3 women waiting. I told the SA nothing was right and walked away. I walked down one of the aisles and realized I needed to walk the other way to find what I was looking for, and I walked by the aisle for the dressing room. I noticed the SA had the multi-layered tank up showing it to one of the women that was waiting. By the expression on her face, she clearly was having a bit of a laugh with the other customer at my expense but was mortified that I saw her. I gave her a big smile and went on my way....

I share this with you because it does not matter. I have seen people poke fun at people for their size, shape, clothes, hair color, or a mistake they have made. We can't control what others do when we are in male or female mode. I did pick a store that is far away from my home and I had almost no chance of meeting someone I knew. I did enjoy myself, and will do it again.

[Janet Bern]

The more you do it the easier it gets. I dont pay any notice to them. The less you think about it the less anyone cares.

[Billijo49504]

As others have said, the more you do, the better you get at it. I still remember the time the lady asked if I was buying myself womens clothes, I told no, I'm buying my new clothes, they're new, no previous owner...BJ

[Rianna Humble]

We shouldn't care what the other customers think but what happens when one runs to the store manager and complains about a "pervert" looking through the bras or panties?

The store manager should put them right. They don't know that you are there for yourself and a man has just as much right to make a purchase in the store as does a woman.

[Kathi Lake]

Jen, don't worry. I have found that other customers are my "biggest fans." You see, the SA has to be nice to you - they want to make a sale, after all. :) But the compliments I get from other shoppers are, like Sara said, the most priceless. Sure, I have gotten a few giggles, and a few sour looks, but overwhelmingly the responses I get are along the lines of, "That looks great on you!" "You are so cool for doing this" "I love your confidence" or, my favorite, "I wish my butt was that cute in those jeans" etc.

So, don't worry about others. Women usually get it. They know that clothes and hair and makeup are fun, and don't begrudge us a few moments of fun - as long as you don't take the last cute top in their size. :)

Kathi

[Gerrijerry]

I know how you feel because we were all there at some point. The best I can say is what others said. be yourself and relax.
In all the years I have shopped I have had only two problems. Once I had picked out a blouse that I liked and when I went to pay I realized I had left my wallet in the car and not put it in my bag. Took it out to pay a toll. Total embaressed. The second time was when I was going on a cruise with a group. I needed two formal dresses I was very uptight about getting something like that. I was not out that much at that time. I finally went to a large department store to shop but when I wanted to try on the dress to make sure it fit I was told sorry from the SA. who obviously was having a problem with me wanting a dress.
I left the store and in the same mall I found a bridal store. I was so upset from the large department store I was very nervse to even go inside. But I did. I went right to the register and asked to see a sa. one came over and I told her I was looking for a formal dress for me for a cruise I was taking. I don't know how I even managed to tell her that. She looked at me smiled. then said let me check your size. She measured me for a size. then took me around for a dress. Not only did she treat me well Have me try on at least ten dresses But told me which ones I looked better in. I ended up with three dresses. They all needed a little alteration which was done to my delight for free. The owner was there also came over and asked if there was anything else I needed. Then helped me with a few accesories that went well with the dresses. On the cruise Everyone loved my dresses and asked where I got then. And that was also from some of the wives of other girls that were on the cruise with us. My wife told me she loved the dresses and wished she was the same size so she could borrow them. I have shopped in that store now for a long time and spent lots of money there. They treat me well they get my money.
So don't give up you can have your clothes and pride also. Just relax and go inside. You never know what life can bring.

[Debb]

Here's a question I've used to challenge myself:

How do I feel about other perceived "weirdos" when I see them? Do I over-think things, or do I shrug, mentally say "weirdo", and forget about it?

Look, I'm not calling you a weirdo -- far from it. I'm saying, maybe we should put ourselves in the shoes of the viewer .. do they really care? Chances are really good that they may think we're weird or different, but it soon slips from their busy minds ... just like what happens when we're confronted with something slightly out-of-the-ordinary.

Or I suppose we could go the other way, and laugh so hard that we'd never forget .. how often do you see that happen?

Another thing I just thought of: it might actually be fun to make someone laugh, or even to make someone frown, who knows? :)

[Kathi Lake]

Another thing I just thought of: it might actually be fun to make someone laugh, or even to make someone frown, who knows? :)Yup! That's another thing I tell people I catch laughing at me just to break the ice, "Hey, if I've made you laugh, that's a good thing in my book. You're welcome. My work here is done." Then they're laughing with me, and not at me.

:)

Kathi

[Joankristy]

:o The first time that I went to get my feet sized for womens shoes I was quite nervous. When I asked the woman sa my womans size she asked why I wanted to know for. I was going to tell her but there were two other women there looking at the shoes. The sa told me my "male size" and took me to look at some mens shoes.
While we where there I told her that I crossdress and was wondering what my female shoe size was. She said that she was comfortable with helping me find them, she then led me back to the womens section and showed me some shoes. Here's the most astonishing thing though, the two women that were there also started to talk to me about the different shoes. They didn't laugh or stare at me with the you are one strange puppy look. When the sa asked me if I wanted to try some on the two women said that I was really brave that I was willing to be honest about who I was shopping for.
Hope that you meet some women custermers like I did to put you at ease and enjoy your shopping experiance!:hugs:

[Hope]

Unless you have had some mortifying experience with other people early on, I think you need to realize that this issue is in your head, not other people's. Which means that you are the one who needs to be OK with this - not some external person.

Read the comments, the fears you describe are normal, but for the vast majority of cases, unfounded.

[tricia_uktv]

Yup! That's another thing I tell people I catch laughing at me just to break the ice, "Hey, if I've made you laugh, that's a good thing in my book. You're welcome. My work here is done." Then they're laughing with me, and not at me.

:)

Kathi

Kathi is right. What we are doing is huge fun, and not just for us. It is amusing but it is also hugely liberating for others. Don't ever take yourself too seriously but equally defend your corner at all times.

I love being Tricia because I never know what is going to happen next. You really do need to be on your mettle.

[Dena]

how can I stop worrying about what the customers think about me and just buy what I want comfortably?

Don't think about it! If you're shopping on a weekend you might go in as soon as they open (less customers). Just be as relaxed and friendly as you can be. You can always say you're shopping for a gift.

[Steph.TS]

thanks for the replies, I'll try to put my fears out of my mind, and shop with confidence.

[carrie-ann]

You will be fine go for it. Just one tip. In the female dressing rooms. Knock on the door before opening the door. Some females do.t lock the door. I found this out the hard way.

[kavyaruma]

For me SA encouraged to use dressing room in AE store and measured for bra in VS . SAs always try to get business and they dont care which sex yuo are in for business but they appreciate you as YOU while doing business with them