La la land

[Inna]

Sometimes I feel ecstatic to changes which I see occur and then realize that those changes are as minute as the pills I am taking. The staggering size of this transformation often overwhelms my resolve and plunges into depression from where I must dig my self out again and again. Being older seemed less prone to external influence on my psyche but yet I find the most pressure comes from within. Where are you heading my dear? repeating question resonating between ears, aren't you, you, just the way you are, do you really need a mirror to justify ?, like an itch on the place you can't scratch. My body responds extra ordinary in the ways I didn't dream of. But the most important signature of femininity, the face, where all womanly mannerisms come to life is just not there. Question of vanity makes me feel at times shallow and unworthy of the change I am yearning so much. I want to be a wholesome woman and yet I am dreaming of becoming a babe, what is wrong with me? Do I really seek this attention, and when it comes if it does, is it really what I think it is. I know it is not, but still blind pursuit of beauty persists and eagers on like a hungry wolf looking for a prey. Seams I am stepping from one bad, complicated situation into another.
I just wonder am I the only one with brain in this cloud of haze?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Alexia :hugs:

I share alot of those feelings and have felt them over time..

as much as its rewarding to say "im a woman dammit!!" and its all in the head...that only goes so far.

one thing that has taken me years is to be able to look at myself and just see me...post srs, there is no thought of "i'm a woman, or i'm a man" its just
"I'm me...FINALLY"....and thats the magic ticket...

i don't know if srs did that for me, or whether i was waiting for srs to allow myself to feel that way...it doesnt matter to me now, but it may be constructive to think that way...
even my sister today shakes her head and says she doesnt get the concept of "feeling like a woman", what does it really mean?

those moments where i see my femininity shine through are very rewarding, those moments where i notice my genetic maleness are disheartening...but they are moments.. in the end, its just me..

i approached the down moments of "feeling like a guy in a dress" with the attitude that its just my femaleness talking...and i used it for ammo for self improvement and actualization

i think its also worth noting that as women we are subject to all the same pressures and conventions thrust on other women...and there are lots and lots of women that are not happy with their appearance..its not just vanity ( i admit to some vanity:devil:), its YOUR FEMALE BRAIN being female...and for us it has a higher impact because of all the guilt/doubt/shame we feel growing up in male bodies...looking at beautiful women and desperately trying to feel like one of them..(just like all the other girls btw)

so big :hugs: to you.... u r heading to your right place, its so obvious to me.

[7sisters]

Could it be you are holding yourself to the microscope too much? It is possible that you are. All women do. Obsessively. We think we are never girl enough till we look like plastic Barbie or match what a fashion magazine editor thinks women should look like. We women come in all shapes and sizes. And that's the truth. I'm a gg and just like Kaitlyn's sister says she does not get this "feeling like a woman" concept, I don't either. Please distract yourself when you feel this low. Dont let it eat you please. the tension will tell on your face.

[Stephenie S]

Listen. Nobody gets to choose in this world. You want to be a babe? Good for you. Welcome to the club, hon. So does EVERY other woman. Fact is, all you can do is be a woman.

Even movie stars and models look quite normal without their special lighting and makeup.

I know very few women who don't wish they were somehow different. Thinner, taller, shorter, curly hair, straight hair, nicer nose, smaller butt, bigger breasts, smaller breasts. Being a woman is wonderful. Being a perfect woman? Get over yourself.

Stephie

[Inna]

You girls are awesome and the spirit and wisdom you share are uplifting. I have always praised idea of such family and without you all my first steps to freedom would not be possible. Love you girls, thanks.

[Billijo49504]

I truely agree with the others, be who you want to be, and enjoy life. But if it gets too confusing, get some counciling. It really helped me a lot...BJ