Getting to know the new girls

[Marcia Blue]

I belong to an Iowa CD support group. Our group is about 18 months old. I have been a member for almost a year. We have a membership just short of 50 CDs. Many of our members have never attended a meeting or GNO.

We have an active core group that makes it to most meetings or GNOs. The meeting are held at the founding members home and she has places for members to change before and after meetings. Members are also allowed to attend in drab, but dressing is encouraged.

The reason for this post is: What can we do to, attract more members to meetings? I understand that stepping out of the closet is hard. All of our members that I met, regard confidentiality very highly. We really want all of our members and their SO's to feel welcome and safe.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post and any input will be greatly appreciated,

[AllieSF]

Hi Marcia,

Congrats on the good group. You might want to contact Rachel Morley, a member here who with her wife and a few others are the founding members of the River City Gems in Sacramento, CA, It is a great group with many varied activities. They started from scratch and continue to get new members, local and out of state, all the time. Here is the link to their Yahoo Group. river_city_gems@yahoogroups.com

[AKAMichelle]

I run a meetup group in Denver, CO. We have done several things to improve membership but the biggest problem with CD groups is that a lot of people are scared to death to walk out the door. They feel that if they can't pass then they cant' go out. That is CRAP! I don't pass very well but I go wherever I want and do just about anything.

If you want to contact me privately, I can pass on the things that myself and some groups are currently working on to get greater involvement.

[Jorja]

OK, here is what you do. You print out the member list. On meeting day, you rent a van and go to each home. You handcuff and ankle chain each member then toss them in the van. When you have them all, you drive to the meeting place. :D

Really, maybe a phone call or post card a couple of days before the meeting inviting each to come might work.

[Madeleine StClair]

I don't know if I'm the best person to comment on this--I'm kind of a new girl, but I think I'm atypical in the sense that in a very short space of time I went from being deeply in denial to being totally ready to go out enfemme, with only mild nervousness.

But anyway, my take on this is that--as Michelle says--some girls are just scared of their own shadows. On the other hand, for many of us there are good reasons to be cautious: there are potential risks to our careers, relationships, and physical safety. I think it's important to be straightforward about what the risks are, and how you can reduce or avoid them. I think that line of talk--"Here's what could happen, and here's how we handle it,"--first of all, is the right thing to do for your friends; but also, I feel like addressing those issues head-on might help people to see that (in many cases) what's really holding them back is the fear of being laughed at by strangers.

[Tina B.]

Marcia, other than let them know your there, I'm not sure there is much you can do.
Those that are out, generally speaking seem to be cautious about where they go, not wanting to run into anyone they might know. Those of us in the closet are even more cautious about where we would go for a thing like that. I just found out we have a small group of trans people that meet in a small coffee shop downtown after hours, and my first thought was, yeah, but where could I hide my car, so no one would think I was in that coffee shop. As a whole we are a timid group, and it's so much easier to hide than to take on an avoidable risk. I take no pride in saying it, but my wife prefers I keep it private, and that just gives me the excuse to not deal with those issues, so it's easy to give in to that condition. I wish they meet in the town next door!
Tina B.

[Niya W]

I run a meetup group in Denver, CO. We have done several things to improve membership but the biggest problem with CD groups is that a lot of people are scared to death to walk out the door. They feel that if they can't pass then they cant' go out. That is CRAP! I don't pass very well but I go wherever I want and do just about anything.

If you want to contact me privately, I can pass on the things that myself and some groups are currently working on to get greater involvement.
Waves to the fellow meet up person , I to have the problem of getting the girls out that have never left home before . Only thing that has helped me is a few venues that the general public would not be aware of .

[Chickhe]

My ideal CDing cub would go somethng like this...

Free on-line forum for all members to organize events, communicate, store resources, for businesses to offer services etc. (like this site, but locally focused).

Then there would be a clubhouse. It would be open 24 hours, strict moral code and would have facilities for changing, lockers, etc. It would have a lounge, party room, internet access, parking, bike storage, transit access and be co-located with some businesses such as makeup/makeover shop, shapewear store, thrift shop, gaming, cosplay and photo studio. The businesses would offer their services at a fair or discounted price for members and also serve the general public. The club would be open to everyone during normal business hours and only members in the off-hours. The club would have some history and art to encourge anyone to learn about CDing and feel welcome (dressed or not). I think the whole notion of a private club is flawed because a lot of CDers are scared to officially join and if you are recognized, there is only one reason you are there. If the club is open and co-located to businesses a timid CDer can come and go from the club under the cover of visiting one of the businesses.

The atmosphere would be designed around CDing as a fun activity. I would leave the support for full time or TS as a very minor service because there is already a lot of support in that area. In fact, I would also encourage the general public to particiapate by hosting monthly costume parties and fun charity contents... like frosh week drag contests for the local schools, halloween costume parties, free makeup lessons, wig fittings, dance lessons... The events would be free or low cost as a community service and to allow businesses to build a client base. The atmosphere would be one of open acceptance vs. hiding although privacy would also be part of the moral code.