Sara Jessica
09-01-2010, 09:06 AM
I received the following question from a member here in reaction to an earlier thread I had started...
I saw your thread about trying on a red dress (or lack of trying it on) I'm a nervous shy crossdresser, I'm afraid I go in to try something on and I don't know if there are 20 women out side going to see me or no one, I don't know if people I know are standing out side who'll see me, even going into the store is a bit scary, but I want to do more in store shopping...
how can I get over this fear?
I told this person that it was a great question, one that might be best answered in the forum setting, with her remaining anonymous per her wishes.
My first impression is that one needs to be comfortable in their own skin before others can be expected to be comfortable with you. How can someone from our community even remotely expect to have a good experience if you are nervous, scared or overtly shy? You'd just come off as creepy in the context of what you are trying to accomplish.
Now the person who posed the question doesn't say if the shopping would be in guy or girl mode. I suppose it can make a difference in how to answer this. Let's assume it's guy mode for now. Once you get past the above issue, that you have the confidence to go into a particular store feeling like your money is just as green as anyone else's, you should anticipate being completely honest. Be prepared to let them know you are shopping for yourself rather than trying to come up with some half-baked story about a costume party in the middle of June!
The next thing is really important in my book, something that cannot be taught. You must know how to read people. Judge the reaction to see if you are being accepted for who you are. Anything less and the store doesn't deserve your cash. Go somewhere else where you are welcome.
At some point, you'll need to know if the store has a policy with respect to your use of the fitting rooms, if you wish to try things on. While trying on isn't necessarily my usual MO in guy mode, I've had enough experience to offer sound advice. Know the store's fitting room layout and read the customer's reactions to your presence. There are those who will suggest that this doesn't matter in the least bit but I'm here to say that if you inadvertently make the other customers uncomfortable, the SA is going to have a really hard time meeting your needs as an equally valid customer.
Another important thing is relationship building. By making a purchase, especially during your first visit, you are demonstrating that you are a serious customer, not just someone playing dress-up in their store. And by returning, a relationship should develop which is worth it's weight in gold.
So as far as some other elements go, always consider time and place. Perhaps the Saturday before Christmas in a busy mall is not the best time to explore such shopping opportunities for a first timer (duh!). Maybe a Tuesday afternoon in the middle of September is a better choice. And expect to be seen, deal with it. If this is something that you don't want to hit so close to home, go somewhere further away. If you are fearful of being seen, you will give off a bad vibe. It all comes back full circle, be youself, be comfortable in your own skin, and don't be creepy in any way, shape or form and hopefully the rest will follow.
(And I'm sure there's plenty of other advice to be offered as well!!!)
I saw your thread about trying on a red dress (or lack of trying it on) I'm a nervous shy crossdresser, I'm afraid I go in to try something on and I don't know if there are 20 women out side going to see me or no one, I don't know if people I know are standing out side who'll see me, even going into the store is a bit scary, but I want to do more in store shopping...
how can I get over this fear?
I told this person that it was a great question, one that might be best answered in the forum setting, with her remaining anonymous per her wishes.
My first impression is that one needs to be comfortable in their own skin before others can be expected to be comfortable with you. How can someone from our community even remotely expect to have a good experience if you are nervous, scared or overtly shy? You'd just come off as creepy in the context of what you are trying to accomplish.
Now the person who posed the question doesn't say if the shopping would be in guy or girl mode. I suppose it can make a difference in how to answer this. Let's assume it's guy mode for now. Once you get past the above issue, that you have the confidence to go into a particular store feeling like your money is just as green as anyone else's, you should anticipate being completely honest. Be prepared to let them know you are shopping for yourself rather than trying to come up with some half-baked story about a costume party in the middle of June!
The next thing is really important in my book, something that cannot be taught. You must know how to read people. Judge the reaction to see if you are being accepted for who you are. Anything less and the store doesn't deserve your cash. Go somewhere else where you are welcome.
At some point, you'll need to know if the store has a policy with respect to your use of the fitting rooms, if you wish to try things on. While trying on isn't necessarily my usual MO in guy mode, I've had enough experience to offer sound advice. Know the store's fitting room layout and read the customer's reactions to your presence. There are those who will suggest that this doesn't matter in the least bit but I'm here to say that if you inadvertently make the other customers uncomfortable, the SA is going to have a really hard time meeting your needs as an equally valid customer.
Another important thing is relationship building. By making a purchase, especially during your first visit, you are demonstrating that you are a serious customer, not just someone playing dress-up in their store. And by returning, a relationship should develop which is worth it's weight in gold.
So as far as some other elements go, always consider time and place. Perhaps the Saturday before Christmas in a busy mall is not the best time to explore such shopping opportunities for a first timer (duh!). Maybe a Tuesday afternoon in the middle of September is a better choice. And expect to be seen, deal with it. If this is something that you don't want to hit so close to home, go somewhere further away. If you are fearful of being seen, you will give off a bad vibe. It all comes back full circle, be youself, be comfortable in your own skin, and don't be creepy in any way, shape or form and hopefully the rest will follow.
(And I'm sure there's plenty of other advice to be offered as well!!!)