The ongoing psychology of a crossdresser

[Jay Cee]

Since I came out to my gf, and have started wearing femme clothes, I notice my mindset has changed. It's not just when I'm dressed, either - it's pretty much constant.

So far, I've noticed much less tolerance towards rude and crude behaviour, especially when someone less fortunate is the target. I also do not (partially) base my self worth on my musculature, or my ability to lift something heavy at work. I no longer have my rage, which I mentioned in another thread. I'm not quite as inclined to push myself physically while hiking or biking, and I'm not quite as fond of backwoods camping as I was. Oh, and my courage level seems to have gone down a bit - stunts that I used to do with ease on my mountain bike now seem much more difficult.

Anyone care to speculate as to the why, or have you had similar experiences?

Thanks

Jessie

[Amanda22]

Hi Jessie,

Interesting question you pose. Although I'm at the very beginning of my life as a crossdresser who has shared this information with a supportive wife, I've already noticed the same thing. Reading your post, I agree that feminine clothing (the more feminine the better) causes me to slow down, be more thoughtful, and be more accepting of my authentic self. But here's the key for myself... This is the way is is supposed to be!. My entire life, I've been hiding a secret. The suppression of my female self with male clothing that society says is the only acceptable choice has not been healthy. It has fostered feelings of regret, sorrow, guilt, shame, you name it. Now that myself and my wife are celebrating my CDing, those emotions have disappeared. I'm serious.

So I don't see feminine clothing as adding something to my personality, but removing a barrier to a more positive, loving, caring, life. Something that was there all along. It is truly remarkable. I think that's what you may be alluding to. Isn't CDing wonderful?

[Debutante]

Excellent thread. I have had the same feelings. Slowning down, caring, deliberate actions.... slowing down that masculine, rush-rush energy. I notice this is how women act, and it's a good thing to accept one's fem. energy and it's resulting feelings, emtotions, and behaviors. It means getting to be more whole, more full, and accept the feminine side in a deeper way. I've had to struggle with that...

[AKAMichelle]

Your feminine side is taking over. Females see danger and guys simply ignore it. A good blending of those polar opposites would be nice.

[Kaz]

Hi Jessie,

I know exactly what you mean. The more you accept her the more she will integrate and you will have to work out your own balance. I thought I had got that sussed and found my balance, but then I hit a problem at home this week. I may have gone a little too far!

What I have found from discussions here is that there is a lot of variation in what we want and what we will accept, and likewise in what our partners will accept and indeed in some cases want. Guess we all have our own journeys!

Kaz xx

[busker]

It may be that you are just more relaxed now that cat is out of the bag. Less life stress. The clothes are simply a means to an end in this case. Reverse what your saying and apply it to women. A meek, stepped on woman decides she needs to stand up to her domineering husband and dons combat boots, leather jacket, etc. That isn't going to do it either. It isn't goint to provide her with a mindset that she needs to develop to overcome her problems.
It has been said in a number of threads that dressing does seem to relax one, but taking it too far may be an error. I have noticed some similar changes in myself in this regard but I assume it is acceptanc of what I do and relaxation rather than constant worry obout perception or acceptance by others.
Just an idea.

[Kate Simmons]

After living the femme part 24/7 for a bit I was able to access all of my talents, feelings and emotions without having to do anything special. When one reaches the point where it's ones total choice to be who they want to be, they know they have finally arrived.

[KlaireLarnia]

We all have various sides to our personalities. Most people do not see the distinction between them and let them blend happily into a whole person.

Dressing for most people lets you take each side and explore it. While I have always had a softer caring side, since my dressing and exploration of myself I have seen it come out more. I am way more approachable and tolerant of people. I now do training for new staff at work, which 3 years ago I would have run a mile from.

I firmly believe that my female side comes out more and gives me a softer, more approachable side - where as my male side is still a raging bull, but now on a leash which can be (mostly) controlled.

I also find people WAY more interesting. i love to sit and watch, or talk to people just to know and understand them for a moment. I am more relaxed and while laid back as before, I do not appear disinterested. More like the Cadburys Caramel bunny - the whole "take your time. Chill, relax and do things slowly but right".

I am still very masucline in my ways. I am gun-hoe, not scared to take a chance or leap of faith. I am just more mellow and chilled. Annoy me and I will rip your head off though...
Klaire

[Rachel Morley]

Interesting! I too found that once my dressing fully became an often occurrence my personality in boy mode seemed to became less stressed-out and rushed, I had more patience, tolerance, and in particular for me, my attitude was less competitive toward everything.

[Sarah Doepner]

I've been slowing down and have less anger than I used to. But I thought it had as much to do with getting older as it did with accepting my crossdressing and reducing the stress associated with hiding it. I still love to get out and do the camping and was never a daredevil, so that doesn't have anything to compare with in my life. All I can suggest is to enjoy the experience! It sounds much better for you.

[noeleena]

Hi ,
If this was / is about being more femm or girle. then i see that as being right for many who aspire to being more like a female . yet is this the case for some women natal . then no not all some are very go getters . & strong minded & willed. & yes can put the boot in when needed. as i said ...some...

as a androgynous , im not no way girle or that much femm, at 63 iv learnt a few things.
I am a woman & allways have been yet that male part of me is just as strong . & in many ways that was needed for me to get where i am now. strong willed yet open to see others points of view,

worked as a builder & im a tradesman . tho that may seem at odds for some i can do or fix things & sort problems , because i was trained to do so. that does not make any difference wether your male or female just a matter of do it.

I belive we can accept who we are. & not try & think we are some thing or be some one else that we are not.
For my self im just who i am no frills no put on just what you see is just me being my self.
im accepted & people are closer to me now over the last few years & more so this year .

To day i met up with some people / friends & they are women. & i spent time with them, one i was talking with. & we had a lovely time , to me its like we think alike ,

How do i explain it. its like girl talk its we are on the same playing field . same wave length. its just so neat. hope you get it . just two women talking.
how do they see me . just as any other woman. theres no , oh may be or thats a male.
its just so different.

Really when i look at my self what am i seeing . look at my pic .
the real ? i ask is why would women be close to me , whats really going on . its certinlly not about being male thats out , the way we talk is so different. to start with.
In some ways iv been allowed to express my true self & yes a woman.

I m Being up front & this will of cause be directed to women .
okay even tho im a women i see a little detail that is missing in me . im being blunt & as honist as i can ,
I never ever related to or with men. i do with women, i know the ? i just cant write it down. how women connect with each other,
i know im being an ass. that comes with learning disabiltys & how im wired.
any way ill leave it there .

,,,noeleena...

[Chickhe]

I beleive it is stress release... before you were competing with your male self, now you accepted yourself for who you are and no more trying to act like the alpha male...like many guys tend to do all the time. Then comes the reality...once you are living the female role you discover there are reasons women act and move the way they do...they bend at the knees so no one can see up their skirt, they stand tall to keep the hair out of their face, they eat small bites on a fork to avoid messing their makeup, they learn to smile all the time because it makes them look attractive and the list goes on... so if you are trying to appear female you learn to do all these things and one reason you slow down is you are thinking about how to act and another is you must slow down just to avoid messing up your female image. As I get better at dressing, I start to think about what I can't do or wear in certain situations....like you can't go grocery shopping while biking if you are wearing spandex...well you can, but all the men inthe store would be chasing you.... what you do and where you go is more deliberate... Thats what I experience.

[Jamz1b]

I think as you are able to be more free about your self, all those other feelings that you may normaly hide come right out as well, and the True you comes out. Im glad to hear it is a good side of you comming out.

I feel the same thing at times. a desire to watch how I think of others seems much more strong now that I am feeling more free about my self.