Progression

[Kate Simmons]

How would you describe your progression in your personal CD journey? Many seem to be stuck in a continuous loop while others seem to be able to integrate the feelings into their overall self and are able to consciously access them at any time, in either mode. Have you truly made progress and become a better person for it or are you stuck in the CDing "mobius strip"? That can have it's own particular form of frustration. Some really want to understand why they do this, others could care less and just enjoy it. Either way have you seen the progression you may have hoped for? :)

[Leasa Wells]

If the qestion was about clothes yes progress is being made so much good advice here.

I wish I could say yes to your question but sadly I am still fustrated. I am still in the closet, with no one to share my feeling with if I could share my feeling. To be torn between m or f has been a life long struggle.

Lisa

[Angie G]

A few years ago I let my wife get to know Angie. She is the only one that knows I dress and hasn't a problem with it in fact she in pretty supportive and helps. I've progressed to the point that I'm happy with. I don't go out and give her the weekends without Angie.It's just where I want to be So I'm one happy CD.:hugs:
Angie

[Joanne f]

I was just thinking about this yesterday and still do not know the answer(after all these years):D and find it almost a two tiered situation but the why i do it really does not bother me as i have always just accepted that i do and that is that, and cannot think of any good reason why i should not be the way i am but with an underlying of understanding that i know others do not see it the same way as me.
My first tier is my every day life which i have become androgynous with a bit more fem items thrown in for good measure like bracelets earrings bit of make , so on that level i have progressed and most of the time i am happy with that .
The second level or tier is a lot more complicated as this is the deep inner self which i just cannot sort out so i have not progressed at all with that and do not think i ever will for i can be adamant that i want to be one thing then something will come along and change my way of thinking for a while and when that wears of i am back to square one , so there is a conflict going on within me all the time but life stops me thinking about that a lot of the time but it still has a way of creeping out when i do not want it to :D.
I have come to some sort of concussion of what might suit me but i think even on here they might think it is strange so i will leave that out :heehee: but it makes sense to me when i add up all things .
So all in all i think i am just holding things together more than progressing which is better than going backwards :heehee:

[girly_esther]

I am still in my closet.Havent got a chance to go out yet.and still in search for answers.

[suzy1]

I have been “in the closet” all my life, never having the freedom to dress as I would have liked.
Then 3 years ago I got divorced [nothing to do with C.D.ing] and got my own place. The freedom to dress was amazing.
Then I found this site and it was so encouraging and nice to share my C.D.ing with others.
So Denise, I have more than just seen the progression, I have taken off! and gone to the stars. [Can’t believe I just said that, Yuk]

Have fun, SUZY

[sterling12]

Ah, but I think your implying that we HAVE to move toward some End-Game Goal. I would reckon it's something like full TS Transition in some people's minds. I'm just not sure that it's necessary! I'm not even sure we have to have some "bucket list" of "Have to Do" Accomplishments.

Yes, we will "nudge" some Gurl into going out in public. Yes, we will suggest that She needs to Tell The Wife. But, nobody has to do Nothin'....if they don't want to. And maybe they are only capable, and happy to be in that Mobius Strip. Remember, you have to be aware of your Unhappy State. If your not unhappy, then it's not a problem.

And now we move on to yourself Denise. Is this a Personal Inquiry? Are you Frustrated? You've been around here long enough to know The Answers. Get a Plan, take The First Steps, always remember that Today is The First Day of The Rest of Your Life! Until your dead, you can move forward and make progress.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Shelly Preston]

I would think its more the process of evolution

I think it only becomes progress if you have a target in mind which can happpen from time to time

As for myself I have evolved and made a lot of changes I did not expect
I now go out which I achieved with the help of friends
I am more comfortable being out as they gave me the confidence and suppport needed

[Frédérique]

How would you describe your progression in your personal CD journey? Many seem to be stuck in a continuous loop while others seem to be able to integrate the feelings into their overall self and are able to consciously access them at any time, in either mode. Have you truly made progress and become a better person for it or are you stuck in the CDing "mobius strip"?

I’d say I’ve made progress in an effort to become a better person, but I’m wondering if that just comes with age, wisdom, or an increase in empathy for my fellow human beings. Crossdressing has certainly helped, but I never had any problems with integrating my feelings – not now, not ever. Dressed or not, I’m the same person, although there may be a little more reservation en femme, depending on the situation before me. I wouldn’t say I’m stuck on some type of continuous loop, either, since my feelings about (or brought about) by crossdressing have always been accepted with gratitude. It all comes from within, so how can I be at odds with myself, or anything that others see as some kind of unexplainable compulsion? Similar to a Möbius strip, I’m more like a Klein bottle – I have only one surface, i.e. the inside is the outside and vice versa…

[docrobbysherry]

I believe even when we THINK we're on a Mobeus loop, we're not! Altho some of us r NOT aware of it, the world and all of us, r CONSTANTLY CHANGING!:eek:

"Happiness", is something else! If we all KNEW what we could do to make ourselves happy, MOST of us would DO IT!:brolleyes:

Unfortunately, like the teen that FINALLY moves out and eats a gallon of ice cream, doing too much of the same thing does NOT produce the same "happy" result!:doh:

I think, Denise, "progress", is simply, "change". And, if it makes us happy, or unhappy, BOTH r fleeting!:straightface:

The only COMPLETELY HAPPY FOLKS live at Forest Lawn! :doh:

We'll ALL be there, soon enuff!:straightface:

EMBRACE YOUR HEARTACHES as well as your VICTORIES! They BOTH prove u r HUMAN!:devil:

[Karinsamatha]

I feel as though I am moving beyond being CD. I have been integrating Karin, or should I say more correctly she has been integrating her self to the point where there is a noticeable fem twist to my appearance. :D

[Inna]

I was born TG, confused and out of place all of my life, CDing was an outlet to calm, to reset my anxiety to minimum. As I grew older my girl within was tearing the walls surrounding her within, she was crying for freedom, scratching her way out of abyss. Time has finally arrived when I could no longer withhold this emotion, it was so strong and with clarity manifested it self, it was literally do or die. Cding was a big part of allowing Alexia to experience subsistence, a validation of her within me, her being me. Finally, I decided that enough was enough, I ordered hormones and with extensive knowledge acquired over years of experience started on HRT. Death was not a deterrent, in fact such has saved me from suicidal tendencies. Torture of knowingly imprisoning my inner spirit was too much a burden and would eventually ended up with flipping the switch off. Now, year and few months into the transition I know who I am and finally can see light of a day in all the colors and joy in a laughter or giggle to a joke. Every day has a meaning, it brings me closer to reality of Alexia, CDing slowly transforms into just me. My skin and hair, the way I feel today, the way I catch my self walking or surprise with gesture, all those things instead of being on the outside manifest within my psyche encompassing entire being. It has been a journey so far, oh my god, what a trip. I am now in the place of acceptance, my own, and slowly move towards being accepted out there. I would be fool if I expected to be accepted by others with open arms, some do but those are my soul mates, others do not know yet. I figured that I will not force my issues onto them, onto the world, but grow from within and time will come, I am sure of that, that some of those will ask, you look different what is happening? That will be the time of reckoning. Then I shall put this new me in front of them, and ask to accept no strings attached.
So, I was a CD and always be one amongst all other tg-ings, I guess I will just take CDing to a new level until it becomes just regular, dull, every day, my own clothes I wear thing.

PS. the thought of not caring what panties I will wear today scares TG out of me :-)

[Rianna Humble]

How would you describe your progression in your personal CD journey?

Rocky for far too many years, becomeing smoother lately, outlook sunny


have you seen the progression you may have hoped for? :)

Let's see! Two years ago, I was still fighting my true nature with every fibre of my being, I was making myself ill and was becoming depressed to the point of planning my suicide almost nightly.

About 15 to 18 months ago, I gave up the fight and started to dress occasionally in public, but was still ashamed of who I was and carried on lying to myself that I could just be "a bloke in a dress" from time to time.

Around about last Xmas, I was just about ready to come out as TG, and got a nudge in this direction from a GG at work who had spotted some signs although she didn't really know what to make of them.

Last May, I finally elected to seek medical help and two months later began to transition on the job. The general consensus is that I am calmer, better at my job and generally more at ease with myself; or as one of the other women put it "You are positively glowing since you began your transition".

Can I see a progression? I think there just might be something there :heehee:

[kimdl93]

I feel that I'm on the life path that I want. I am out to my wife and a few other relatives, but I don't yet feel comfortable going out into the general public completely en femme. As one commenter above, I indulge myself with androgynous clothes, sometimes a hint of make up, heels....so while I'm not trying to pass as a woman, I'm also not hiding my femininity either.

[Kathryn Martin]

How would you describe your progression in your personal CD journey? Many seem to be stuck in a continuous loop while others seem to be able to integrate the feelings into their overall self and are able to consciously access them at any time, in either mode. Have you truly made progress and become a better person for it or are you stuck in the CDing "mobius strip"? That can have it's own particular form of frustration. Some really want to understand why they do this, others could care less and just enjoy it. Either way have you seen the progression you may have hoped for? :)

To me it feels like the hard work, the real work was done over years, almost unnoticed inside, finding, shaping and giving Gestalt to who I am. Then stepping through the looking glass I find that progression is the process of bringing those along that have stayed with me, held me, loved me and gave me strength and comfort. Progression is also creating and finding congruence between who I am at age 56 and how I express myself to those around me. Part of that battle is to be a woman not a girl, being attractive at my age not being 23. I have no longer any need to know as to why I do this, because it seems not the relevant question anymore. I have made progress in this sense and am seeing the arrival of the fruits of some of the progress. That gives me confidence and hope.

Kathryn

[Annaliese2010]

How would you describe your progression in your personal CD journey? Many seem to be stuck in a continuous loop while others seem to be able to integrate the feelings into their overall self and are able to consciously access them at any time, in either mode. Have you truly made progress and become a better person for it or are you stuck in the CDing "mobius strip"? That can have it's own particular form of frustration. Some really want to understand why they do this, others could care less and just enjoy it. Either way have you seen the progression you may have hoped for? :)This is very well written! For me there is a clear line of demarcation between two distinct personalities that think feel abd behave very differently. My male counterpart has more fundamental importance however I (Annaliese) am not a simple derivative or adjunct personality. I am not an extension of his personality. Like him I have origins that are deeply subjective - and independent of his. In other words we coexist independently, though one may logically presume that we share a common aspect of "self" that is even more deeply rooted, inaccessible and primitive i.e. beyond current scientific understanding by its non-corporeal rootedness. If...um...that makes sense?

There is cross appreciation of some of our experiences (mainly mine for him) but no feeling of a need to "progress" or integrate our identities, and I rather enjoy the holiday of being me, as I am aware is quite the case for him as well. There is no conflict. No frustration. No emotional or cognitive dissonance by either of us. Kind of a heavenly mix I should say. :battingeyelashes:

[Rachel Morley]

I think I have become a better person ... that's better in the sense of not beating my self up about being this way and realizing (with my wife's help) that this is what I'm supposed to be doing as I think girl's clothes suit me and I should be wearing them. Progression? ... oh yes ... I'm come from being a nervous, in the closet, naive "underwear only CDer" to a confident, relaxed, happy out of the closet, more knowledgeable CDer who often goes out in public presenting fully as a woman. Expressing my femininity makes me feel relaxed, happy, and fulfilled and I love it! :)

[Kate Simmons]

It makes perfect sense to me Annaliese, given that we are really multi-dimensional energy beings participating in a physical experience. What we do here and how we react depends mostly on our individual grid program.

[dilane]

I started out trying to achieve the complete look -- full clothing and makeup from childhood. I haven't been fixated on one or another particular article of clothing. I've never been interested in "androgyny"; I guess I'm traditional (in a weird way): either male mode or female. I'm not trying to shock or disturb the universe.

My progression has been from solo at home to out and about. I treasure most making GG friends in the so-called real world (meaning not gay or TG hangouts).

Since I'm retired (I work only a couple of hours a day), and due to personal circumstances, I'm able to be in femme mode much of the time. I find myself spending more time socializing as Diane than I do as XXX.

My TG focus has gone from a focus on the look (although that's plenty strong when I'm shopping!) to the experience, to relating to the public, making friends, doing regular stuff.

I'd like to improve my appearance to become more passable, and that may happen in the near future.

-- Diane

[Maia C]

It has been like a long-running film loop for me. Whenever I start to make progress, it's like an invisible hand reaches out and pulls me back. Forward, back...forward, back. Since I was a teenager. These reruns are getting old!

Maia

[sandra-leigh]

I am changing. I would say "progressing" but that would tend to imply a destination or goal.

I could talk in terms of "self-acceptance", but from the moment I realized I was a cross-dresser, I knew there was nothing wrong with it, and only the question of what I was going to do with it. It did, though, take a while to sink in that it was important to me, something that was going to be a required part of my every-day life. Not so much "self-acceptance" as "self-realization". My major "crisis" so far was around the issue of whether I was a CD or TG, which was something that I decided not based upon rationality but upon feeling. These days I know I was already TG by the time I asked myself whether I was or not.

Have I become a "better" person? I don't know. I'm not even sure about a "different" person sometimes. What I can say is that when I was downtown on Saturday in my long red dress, I was content in a way that I seldom was before.

[faltenrock]

over the many years of being a Cd, I can say I progressed to a point where I feel very good and mostly happy about my looks and appearance in public. Most people don't read me anymore. But it is also depressing sometimes, especially if there are times of little depression. During these times I feel like I'm in a prison. Right now I experience such a time. I would like to go out a lot more but can't atm.

[Tasha McIntyre]

How would you describe your progression in your personal CD journey?
have you seen the progression you may have hoped for? :)

Hi Denise,

I was wandering aimlessly from my early teens (late 1970's) to when I found this forum. I felt (and acted on) the need to dress, but I had never used make up, or had a wig, or really even thought about gong out in public en-femme. I didn't even have the guts to tell anyone about my strange little closet activities. My personal journey was stuck in first gear:sad:

Fast forward to today and there is a mix of good and bad. Lets start with the bad. I have fessed up to the wife 8 years into our relationship with somewhat disastrous results......I'll never ever have acceptance or understanding, and sadly because of my deceit the marriage is in some degree of trouble:sad:

The good news is that I have progressed to achieving a look I am happy with. I lost over 20 lbs and have gained some proficiency with make up and am getting out and about quite regularly. I have never felt so at ease and so good about 'Tash'. I have achieved the progression I hoped for.

Hope this answers your question

Tash :)

[Annaliese2010]

It makes perfect sense to me Annaliese, given that we are really multi-dimensional energy beings participating in a physical experience. What we do here and how we react depends mostly on our individual grid program.Hi Denise. Well you're certainly a deep thinker girl! Yes I love your description of the "self". That makes sense to me cuz when viewed from a very fundamental physical perspective even static objects such as one's favorite lil black dress or a mascara brush applicator or a black patent leather half-heel shoe (my preference simply because high heels or worse, stilettos while wonderfully sexy are IMO impractical and maybe not so healthy for your lil footies) or even a rock are specific patternings of energy having spatio-temporal consistency, or stability in time. The human body is fundamentally similar when each little component is considered in isolation but as a whole it is much more than a static object by virtue of its astounding complexity.

Such complexity is prerequisite to a real world object serving host to sentient beings yet physical complexity isnt sufficient to explain the individual selves that we are, whether TG or not. I like your term "multi-dimensional energy beings". It is more all encompassing and accurate IMO. Sentient beings as us, cannot be understood on an exclusively physico-chemical basis alone as some would have it i.e. our sense of 'self' is to some a mere epi-phenomenon and points to nothing more than the information processing ability of the human brain.

Your term is open ended and hints at the other-dimensional aspects to each of us (perhaps more dimensions for us who possess TG-identies?) that have not been generally recognized extant and certainly not systematically explored LOL. So...I'm with you on that my smart sexy gf :battingeyelashes:

But... I must confess your "grid program" is a 100% fly-by cuz that's a lil over my head, gf. LOL. :o

[Celeste]

When I think back on all the purges "I no longer have" and the fear of going out that I no longer have.In that respect,yes I've made progress.But I feel the best progress has come in the realization that I don't have to worry or rush to accomplish anything.I used to really kick myself over fear,it finally gave way to just feeling at ease with things.This forum had a lot to with that.