Stop it or else.............

[mand]

"Stop it or else were through"

What would you do if you heard those words from you're spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, or anyone else close to you, someone you cared about, someone you love.

Could you, would you stop wearing female clothes for someone. Or would it be a case of "adios".

For me I have no choice, for me to stop would be to deny my true being. Yes I've heard the words before, quite a while ago now, I refused totally to even consider stopping and she is still here. The one thing that I always struggle to come to terms with, is the guilt of how my way of life effects those closest to me.


love mand xxx :)

[Toyah]

Its got close once or twice I guess I could stop for a bit, but permanently nope don't think so

[Maude]

it is a quite a predicament.
sometimes it seems selfish to do something that bothers the ones we love ?
when i told my doctor he was being somewhat critical and i said:
"i didn't pick this out of a catalog"

as was said in another thread "we can stop for a while but we can't make it go away"

[Brenda Elizabeth]

Hi Mand
I would dread hearing those words as I know that it would not be possible for me to be able to stop altogether, it is not like giving up smoking, which I have done. If I was faced with that situation I don't know what I would do. As it happens, I am one of those lucky girls whose wife has accepted my need to crossdress.

love
Brenda XXX

[Sigrid]

It kinda flies in the face of unconditional love, doesn't it? Like Brenda, I'm one of the fortunate ones with a spouse who is accepting and supportive.

However, knowing what I've learned from this site, I'd try never to let myself be faced with that ultimatum. Meaning, if ever again I were in a new relationship, I'd make it know that this is who I am, and will always be, before the relationship becomes too serious.

[StephanieCD]

I've heard that one.

I told her that I was reasonably certain that no one had ever been able to quit. I told her I would stop, easily, for a few months while she sorted her feelings out and did some research - if she promised to actually do said research.

She came around and we started "trying" a few weeks later after joining some discussion groups online. As far as she was concerned though I think it was just too big of a hang up as our relationship steadily crumbled from then on in...

Now things are different.

[Dixie Darling]

Mand,

I know you've heard the old expression, "You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy." Well, in my way of thinking you can apply that to crossdressers as well. A wife or girlfriend might present a CD with the 'choice' of staying together and NOT dressing or splitting up if he refuses to stop. Depending on how serious the relationship is (married, engaged, etc), the CD might agree to stop to salvage it. And when he agrees to such actions he believes (at that particular time) that he CAN stop it. The problem arises when it wells up inside him again as it most certainly will do. He might continue to abstain from it, or he might begin to dress in the privacy of a hotel room or some other secure loaction. The point is that he will almost certainly dress again in the future. If he DOESN'T, his partner will eventually note changes in his personality like grumpiness, short temperedness, "jitters", and a general restlessness that's sometimes accompanied by a 'quietness' that isn't typical of the person.

It's like you said - stopping would be denying one's true being, and when someone does that it will almost ALWAYS alter their personality to some degree where the person who is causing the 'conflict' is concerned. I can't say for sure, but I would think this is due to the CD's resentment of the person simply because that person refuses to at least try to understand that it's a NEED for the CD to dress, and they are the one who is denying him that need.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Colibri]

I would do anything to keep the one I love....

That is all I have to say.

[Teddie]

That's a hard one. But, I love my wife. Would I stop? I'd damn sure try. No guarentee that I could. But, I'm really glad that I don't have to make that choice.

[Tristen Cox]

I was going to answer but I remember my lovely asked this before and got quit the response:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4107

Like you I doubt I could just give it up forever cold turkey. But then again I'm alone and will remain that way until someone who accepts me as I am comes in to my life.

[Angela Burke]

"Stop it or else were through"

What would you do if you heard those words from you're spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, or anyone else close to you, somone you cared about, someone you love.

Could you, would you stop wearing female clothes for someone. Or would it be a case of "adios".

For me I have no choice, for me to stop would be to deny my true being. Yes I've heard the words before, quite a while ago now, I refused totally to even consider stopping and she is still here. The one thing that I always struggle to come to terms with, is the guilt of how my way of life effects those closest to me.


love mand xxx :)

Mand ,
It would be a meaningless promise.
Insulting myself and my loved ones !

Love Angela XX

[Toyah]

I was going to answer but I remember my lovely asked this before and got quit the response:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4107

Like you I doubt I could just give it up forever cold turkey. But then again I'm alone and will remain that way until someone who accepts me as I am comes in to my life.


Coo how do you do it I have tried search an advanced search an all I get is no match found you must have hell of a memory.
And no Mand still could not do it even for you hun

[Tristen Cox]

Coo how do you do it I have tried search an advanced search an all I get is no match found you must have hell of a memory.
And no Mand still could not do it even for you hun
I know where anything that has been posted here is, FIGJAM!!!!!

(besides I know her threads:p)

[Toyah]

I know where anything that has been posted here is, FIGJAM!!!!!

(besides I know her threads:p)

I wish I knew what FIGJAM ment thats the second time thats come up.


Sorry Mand hun

[mand]

Trust you Tristen :) , I've already been shown it, don't you just hate it when you repeat a post :o


To be honest it's kinda an unfair question, how can you promise to stop something that is an essential part of the personality. It would be so difficult, dare I say immpossible to stop being one's self.
I can only compare it to purging, and a lot on here know how sucsessfull that is :rolleyes:
A very difficult question but it does make you think, "could I?".
I know I can't.


love mand xxx

[Priscilla1018]

I could try,I have had some problems with addiction to pain killers and amphetamines and have also quit drinking,at least for the past 4 weeks.I quit smoking.But,I am what I am;there's no quiting for good at least as a CD.Kicking the other habits was easier than giving up a part of me.

[CharlotteSomers]

If I were in love with the woman and she was in love with me, if this was the person I could see myself spending the rest of my life together with... I would stop in a heartbeat.

I'm not saying it would be easy, but if I had to make a choice of being with the woman I love for the rest of my life or dressing like a woman and possibly not being with anybody ever again, to me it's not a hard choice to make..

[Katiegirl]

Mand

As already been pointed out to you, this question was asked under the heading ultimatium. My response to the question was: -


Good question, when I was first married I had the ultimatium and said I would not do it again of course I did and that lead to the end of my marriage.

:)

Mind of a Woman, Body of a Man, Life is a Bitch

[Jamie M]

kelly has never made this ultimatum to me but it has been discussed at various stages of our relationship ( mostly the early ones i might add ). I always knew that she's never really liked what i do even though she now has begun to accept it and as such I did try to quit myself and for a long time it did work , but we all know the story , we can hide but we can't stop forever. So here I am , I am me and I'm not going away now.

back to the general question , I think this ultimatum is one of the watershed moments for any relationship. if the GG has to ask this question then the realtionship is probably doomed as it show she doesn't truely understand her partner. i think this all links in to the thread on the effects of purging on a GG (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12771&highlight=effects+purging) . Except in this case it's not the CD whos making a concious decission to stop but more being forced to. In this case the CD is more than likely to feel great resentment for his SO for making him feel that way and then the relationship is really on rocky ground. Anyway just my 0.02

[melissacd]

8 years ago I was told to stop and I did to save the relationship. The relationship is still together, however, I (and she) have been at some level of unhappiness ever since (and I know much of it is related to her discovery and my repression). I wonder if the sacrifice is worth it. I wonder if I stood my ground if she would have stayed. I love my wife dearly but I feel that a very important part of me is missing in the relationship.

I now have the difficult task of going through the process again when I get ready to cross that bridge once more because I now know that I can no longer no do it.

[gender_blender]

If the individual wasn't interested in the entire package, then I say farewell. Nothing conducive every happens to those who stop cold turkey. This is the main reason I am out to my peers: everyone knows who I am completely; there are no surprises over which to dispute later.


Charlie

[Lisa]

I have tried to stop in the past and always came back to dressing, i dont think i could ever stop totally, although i might try if i were put in that situation, it would be very hard never to dress again not sure i could do it.

p.s. Mand babe you are HOT!!!

you look great!! wish i looked half that good
:D

[Deborah]

I can't help but feel most marriages will end in divorce once the secret is out. The acceptance level is just not there. Yes you see a few lucky people here you see their wives post here also but i'm sure its rare.

I lost my wife partially because i'm TS. There were other factors also though mostly due to her wild imagination (bi-polar)

All in all i'm glad she's gone and i can be what i am. She's seen my shaved legs (i didn't do it while married because i'd never hear the end of it) and said "you aren't going to ever get a women doing that"
My comment...who cares (thinking "who says my next lover will be female";) )

[Clare]

I wish I knew what FIGJAM ment thats the second time thats come up.


Sorry Mand hun

That's because you don't understand the Aussie lingo! Biddy brought it up in one of her threads and eventually the yanks (aka Tristen) figured it out with a bit of help from the Poms (aka Tamara).

Now i just have to get Tristen onside again to help me with those damn advanced searches!

I will edit this post when i find the thread that explains 'FIGJAM'. You'll be suprised at how common that phrase is when you find out.

OK, here's the thread - http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13186&highlight=figjam
Read it carefully!

Christine

[Deborah]

FIGJAM is FUBAR anyway IMHO.;)

[Melissa73]

well, ive tried to "quit." i EVEN tossed out all my clothes (big mistake!!!!).but my prob is i never learn. Ive thrown clothes out many many many times. the last being when i met and started dating my ex girlfriend. I didnt want her to discover my "secret." Its a shame, cuz i had a nice demin skirt, some white shorts and a cheerleading uniform.

[Lisa Golightly]

I'd be long gone. The demand would show that they didn't understand or love me at all. Always told everyone upfront as to who and what I was... when this little cry has reared itself, and it has a couple of times, I've just told them to pack.

The last one was a thrillseeker, and I loved her just a little bit too deep and too fast. She suddenly wanted a wardrobe full of linen 'boy' suits, and Lisa for the weekends at scene venues. She was too young and too shallow to realise what she was demanding was the very thing I abhorred. I knew it was over from that point, but even I couldn't say it was over, I had to wait for her to find her pocket weekend tranny. Tore me to shreds inside, but the life I've carved for myself has been too hard won to throw away on the lie that I could be different. This is what and who I am... she couldn't change me... I couldn't change me... and do you know what? I wouldn't want to change me.

[RachelDenise]

I never received the ultimatum, but it is very frosty here. Don't ask, don't tell. I think our relationship has cooled dramatically, mostly on my part. How can she not accept this part of me? I'm willing to accept her, warts and all, so to speak, but why not me? Unfortunately, I didn't have the courage to tell her before, which is a major mistake on my part. This could well be the main issue, although it may just be a supporting part. Anyway, in the future, if I have one, it will be full disclosure in advance and let what happens, happen!

[Jenny Beth]

"Stop it or else" are words I know I will never hear from my wife. My dressing has been part of our lives for well over twenty years and she understands and accepts that my feminine side is not something I simply chose to have. We both know it is not something I could ever stop.

[Tiffy]

I have tried to stop and could not. The results were not pretty. It is not like I chose to be a cd. So how can I unchose to be one? Not gonna happen. I am afraid who ever told me to stop would just have to move on.

Kisses, April

[Stephenie]

She did not say those words but close and my response was that I would try to insure that she would not have to see me dressed. Don't ask, won't tell. Won't lie either, if she asks I will tell her the truth from now on. Not easy but for 24yrs she didn't know, so now just have to be sure that she is not around while I dress. I have also noticed that she calls before she gets home if I'm home alone. Nice of her.

[Kimberly]

I'd definatly keep dressing - it's part of who I am, and anyone who I would come out to who buys into the "black and white" view of gender and sexuality isn't worth knowing! I was born my my impulse to act more feminine than expected of me, so it's not something that's going away - I bet most reading this would feel that any "I'll stop, I promise" 's would be false promises... and I don't them. This is me, and that is it!! ... I only share it with those who I really love and comfortable enough to talk about it to.


If the individual wasn't interested in the entire package, then I say farewell. Nothing conducive every happens to those who stop cold turkey. This is the main reason I am out to my peers: everyone knows who I am completely; there are no surprises over which to dispute later.
I can only aspire to this... I would want to come out to all my peers, but I honestly know the reaction would be negative in the environment I live in. Maybe in a few years! :p Good luck with everything, honey. x

[suanne]

I am pretty much in agreement with Stephenie. I have been married to the same women for almost 40 years. She caught me red handed while dressed about 38 years ago, in fact she found my clothes when we were going together and I told her I found them. Yeah, right!! I know she knows, but has never, I mean NEVER discussed this with me. When she caught me I was really sick about it. So was she. I hurt her badly. I didn't want to ever hurt her but I can't stop dressing. I have tried (like so many) to stop all of my life. I have been dressing ever since I was a little kid. I know all of this is just like almost everybody's story. Well... if she gave me the ultimatum to stop or loose her. I WOULD STOP! again and again and again and again..... I just can't! I know who I am by now. Thats why I MUST be VERY, VERY careful. So for me to post a total picture of face, forget it. For me to post any type of pictue is sticking my neck out. I love my wife as myself, but no matter how much I love myself...I still dress. It is a part of me also. I will say one thing. We are much closer than we have ever been. I feel like I can be able to discuss this better now than 38 years ago. I think she would be more open and understanding. But I am NOT going to bring it up! Like the saying goes. "Don't kick a sleeping dog." I can't take a chance that this will turn out badly, cause if she is put in a corner on this crossdressing issue it will be hurt for both of us, I am sure of that.

Suanne

[Rachel Morley]

This is a tough one. To me, ultimatums seem to be an all or nothing situation.

I guess I would want to try to work out some sort of compromise. Having said that, we're talking about the one we love here. I would definitely want to consider my wife's feelings in this. I love her dearly and I want to make her happy, but at the same time I would hope she would want to make me happy too, and dressing (on one level) does this for me. So a compromise would be the best solution.

That said, the question was "stop it or else". Well, there is nothing greater than my love I have for my SO. I adore my wife and would want her to know that I loved HER first and foremost....not her clothes.

[Khriss]

ya know, i think "ultimatums" might at times be valid,but based in fear,show of power,or downright selfishness(unwillingness to compremise or reconcider?),what good could come of them -realy?? xx"K"