outed at work

[Samantha Thomson]

hello all well i got outed at work by a lesbian friend who i thought was a friend what i want to know is any of you ladys had that happen to you and how do you handle it i already got girls asking me what kind of make-up i wear purfume nail polish what kind of bras i like etc this is so upsetting please help samantha

[TxKimberly]

Benn there, and it weren't purty . . .
I had been planning on going out in Austin to a little gay club called 'Bout Time for over two weeks when my wife (who worked at the same office I did) told me that her and two other women from the office were going to go out that night. One of the women was a lesbian, and the other was a new hire and was the directors assistant, and they were going to at least visit the same club I would be in. Going out in Austin is something that I rarely do and so I was reluctant to change my plans. My wife and I talked about it and figured that if the new woman was willing to go to the "gay" bar, she was probably cool - we were wrong . . .
At the bar, I "introduced" myself and she appeared completely cool with it, but a week later she had a very blunt conversation with me - something she later became known and hated for.
"How do you do that to your children? That's disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself!" Yes, that IS a direct quote and exactly the phrase she used.
By the way, recall that I told you she was the directors assistant? Two months later I was called in to a meeting with him and with my manager where I was informed that they had decided my skills as an engineer in the field were needed more than my skills as a manager and I was "asked" to step down. A year or more later that woman was fired and I then found out that she had told at least one other woman in the office about me. I have no doubt at all that she told the director and that was the reason I was "asked" to abdicate my managers position.
The only good news in this?
I HATED being a manager and am MUCH happier working as an engineer.
I AM still employed - it could have been worse.

Still, it took me years to stop feeling fury every time I spoke to the guy they hired to take my place and that I now report to. I really like the guy, and he has bent over backwards to show me respect, but my blood used to boil just in principle . . .

[Samantha Thomson]

kimberly you are right she should of not done that but it out there not much i can do about it one of my female friends hate her for it but all the people who know about me say you cant change anything just be who you are but as you said it make me mad and the sad part she not out of the closset people dont know she a lesbian well ok love your photos on facebook you sure travel alot ok later samantha

[TxKimberly]

kimberly you are right she should of not done that but it out there not much i can do about it one of my female friends hate her for it but all the people who know about me say you cant change anything just be who you are but as you said it make me mad and the sad part she not out of the closset people dont know she a lesbian well ok love your photos on facebook you sure travel alot ok later samantha

Well then, it seems to me that you have a choice to make - take the high road and bite your tongue or take the low road and return her favor by telling everyone that she is a lesbian. Personally, I'd aim for the high road since your reply to my post implies that you still have the respect and sympathy of those that you work with, and you might loose that if you stoop to her level.

[Samantha Thomson]

no kimberly i would not stoop to her level but my friends say she need to be taught a leson i told them not worth the trouble plus i dont think going to get fired over it my manager is gay and already told me dont worry but thanks for haven a ear for me to talk to my sister and i are going to victoria sercret know to do some shopping maybe ill get some sexy bras plus i think im a prettyer women then her anyway ok thanks again your good friend later samantha

[AKAMichelle]

This is why I had to call off dating a woman I met in Dallas recently. She worked for a client of mine and when I had time to think about it closer realized that I would eventually have to tell her I was a crossdresser. Then if it didn't go well she would tell plenty of others. That would my business hurt and for what. So now I have a policy no dating of people close to my business.

As for your situation, keep to the high road and you will weather the storm just fine. It sounds like many of your friends are accepting anyway. So it looks like you were the real winner in this situation in the first place.

[PortiaHoney]

I'm with Michelle on this one. There is nothing which you have said that has indicated any malevolence towards you. In fact, most appear on your side. Yes, it is embarassing to be outed and not on your own terms. I, too, have been outed and, yes, it is uncomfortable. General opinion seems to be that it was not her right to do what she did and she is wrong.

What you do from this point on really is up to you. If you don't say anything, it may just be reduced to a mere memory within a short time. Denial doesn't work. It really does depend on how you view your own wants and needs Samantha.

At some point in our lives, someone or something is going to give us away. How you come through this is going to depend on how you perceive yourself. Are you a good person? Are you doing anything wrong? Are you hurting anyone? Why shouldn't you do something which you enjoy? You are not alone, but it feels like you are. But that is because we don't, as a rule, stand up for ourselves and declare "Here I am and I am proud to be who I am!" Really, what is so wrong with what we are?

Be strong! Be proud! Don't be afraid to answer questions! Who knows, you may end up helping another poor soul in the same boat.

You could say - Yes, I am a man who likes to wear a dress - and I am a better man for it!
For me though, I was a man and now I am a woman - and I am so much happier because of that!

[Elle1946]

First are the office girls being nasty? If not, then tell them what you wear or use, maby they like what you have. If they are being nasty then just tell them where to get off.

[Samantha Thomson]

thanks all for your oppions on this and as you all said most of my female friends who know are verry asepting i just have to decide how i am going to handle this but at least my gf isnt the one that outed me but thanks all for your suport samantha

[Ashley_Marie]

I feel for ya, Samantha. I too was outed at work. But unlike your situation, I was outed by a customer who called and complained to my boss at the time. I of course denied it at the time. But the damage was done, and I was let go a few months later (supposedly on an unrelated thing).

[Tara1967]

That just goes to show that you cannot trust anyone. I have made that mistake several times in life. I've been in this world for many years and realise that their are no more lessons in life that I am still yet to learn. Take my advice from this point on for the rest of your life. For anyone that you will ever meet in the future, whether it be a co worker, or a friend at the bar, or the cashier at the convenience store down the block, NEVER trust anyone with this kind of secret. Tara

[Loni]

keep to the high road, time always weeds out the bad seeds. if you stoop down to her lever you will get dropped, if you keep to the high rd then you will prevail.

.

[Chickhe]

I find the best solution for situations where someone thinks you did something wrong based on what someone else told them is to never admit or deny anything. Instead ask questions about who said what, when, why.etc... and act surprised, like, 'gee, I wonder why they would say that?'... and at work, you then stand up for your rights by saying you need your workplace to be safe and free from gossip. Accepting or not, I would tell the girls it is a topic not related to work and to keep it private, one bad apple can ruin everything, but also, try to encourage people to see you in a positive way...he has a cool hobbie vs. he's odd...

[Samantha Thomson]

thank you for oppion all as you help me alot to know i cant realy trust someone w that secret realy it sad but i guess it what happens the only person i guess who realy wouldnt is my gf ben w her 5yrs and she never tell a sole im her girl you could say well thanks all for your susgestions on how to handle it


samantha

[Wilma232]

Hi! had bad things happen to me-if you survive this work place-don't trust people -even friends with similar quarks that society holds against people-PEOPLE CAN TURN ON PEOPLE-SO CALLED FRIENDS, FAMILY CAN TURN ON YOU LIKE A DIME.

[Naomi Rayne]

Take the high road. When you get questions just answer them honestly. It would help show people that you are still your and that you are not ashamed of who you are. It would also show people that this person who tried to hurt you by outing you is an idiot because you are not hurt. Even though i am sure that you are.

[5150 Girl]

i already got girls asking me what kind of make-up i wear purfume nail polish what kind of bras i like etc

I guess it depends on how they're asking. Are they teasing or is it genune curiosity? You could turn this into an educational experience for them, or they may have some old stuff to get rid of....
I've had had these questions at work but it was in the context of "I'll pick ya up somthing the next time I'm in Merl Norman" (the GG's had an expense account there) but then again, media types seem to be a fairly liberal bunch.

[sandra-leigh]

Take my advice from this point on for the rest of your life. For anyone that you will ever meet in the future, whether it be a co worker, or a friend at the bar, or the cashier at the convenience store down the block, NEVER trust anyone with this kind of secret.

I never learned how to live a lie; never learned how to "go along to get along". There have been a lot of costs to "being me", and I prefer to pay those costs than to let other people dictate my conscience.

My "secret" is one of the worst kept secrets around. About the only place other than work that I have not gone obviously dressed is my dentist, and that's been more a matter of being pre-occupied with getting to my appointments on time.

[Tara1967]

(QUOTE) from Sandra My "secret" is one of the worst kept secrets around. About the only place other than work that I have not gone obviously dressed is my dentist, and that's been more a matter of being pre-occupied with getting to my appointments on time.[/QUOTE]

Great Sandra. I mean if you don't mind who knows. But if you had a secret that could casue you extreme damage if it got out, then the best policy is to tell no one.

[t-girlxsophie]

Take the high road,because you know two wrongs dont make a right,and as It seems your workmates aren't hostile towards you this could have worked out for you.(in my situation I have made close friendships with GGs at work).Even if they are taking the mickey you have not done anything to be ashamed of.Always remember that

It also appears that your so called friend has screwed herself in this instance,and wont be relied on by anyone in the future for anything

:hugs:Sophie xx

[MargaretJ]

I have only told one person about my crossdressing, my sister, I trust her, and expect my secret will be safe. I can't envisage telling anyone else, and this is exactly why I don't let on about my crossdressing.

[kimdl93]

You have the right attitutude - your trust has been violated but it seems that in the end you'll come out ok. I doubt that the same will be true for the lady who outted you. I cannot imagine that anyone in that office will trust her in the future...

[lingerieLiz]

Your manager has told you it is no big deal. Your coworkers have asked you questions. Since no one knows your work environment none can answer what you should do. When I was outed it didn't cost me friends. One was a little shaken, but she and her husband relized that I didn't become a monstor. They accepted me for who I was. The women openly talked about clothes and found that I knew a lot about them. They enjoyed shopping with me and even felt comfortable selecting items in the lingerie department to try. You are at a turning point in your life. You can be open and accept that people know or you can revert to the closet. No one can make the decision for you.

[Samantha Thomson]

yes my manger said it not a problem and the rest of my female coworkers 4 of them said this weekend they will take me clothes,lingerie and make-up shopping they are mad at her for what she did but said i shouldnt worry about it as it not a big thing as i work in a xrated movie warehouse all the ladies even my manager said come in dress as a women and show her and that should quiet her fast well we will see if ill do that later samantha

[5150 Girl]

like the comecial says,,, Just do it! (I would)

[tricia_uktv]

I would just say enjoy your new status. Nobody will really care and they've all got there own lives to live. Thake a deap breath and breathe in the free air!

Life is far more fun when you are out.

I promise,

Hugs