Question for All CDs: Relating to the study my girl is still working on

[Samantha Girl]

Hiya gals, As many of you may remember my girl Cat has been working on a study of cross dressing and of course many of you took part. We both continue to be very thankful for all of your participation. Couldn't appreciate it more! Thank you again from both me and Cat ;)

So Cat has another question for us. If you participated before, it would be wonderful if you could answer this one question more for us and the study. Thank you again in advance :) Even if you didn't get a chance before to participate, feel free to answer this question now if you so desire. If you do not feel comfortable, we totally understand.

And again, I will let you know when the project is finally finished and possibly published. As always, no names are used (I cut and paste the answers and print them for her without your names) and your anonymity will be completely respected.

QUESTION:

If you were speaking with someone, a stranger, who knew nothing about you being a cross dresser and the topic came up of cross dressing. What would be the ONE thing you would want them to know about cross dressers.


Obviously you wouldn't necessarily out yourself, but what would you tell them? What is the one thing you think people need to know about us?

[Barbara Dugan]

I would tell them that we were born this way

[Steph.TS]

what I would want them to know is it's not 'weird'/it's more common than people think, but I wouldn't say that out of fear that the stranger could figure out I was a Crossdresser, I think I'd speak on the statistics that show that the majority of Crossdressers are straight. something simple and is fairly well known.

[brandi]

That we're not all gay and in fact there are alot of married crossdressers that come from all walks of life.

Brandi

[Sophie86]

QUESTION:

If you were speaking with someone, a stranger, who knew nothing about you being a cross dresser and the topic came up of cross dressing. What would be the ONE thing you would want them to know about cross dressers.


It would depend on how it came up in the conversation whether I could work this in without outing myself, but there would be two things I would try to put across: 1) that not all crossdressers are gay; and 2) that it's harmless.

[Mistybtm]

I would tell them that we were born this way

I agree and would say the same thing :battingeyelashes: It is who I am it is a part of me.:battingeyelashes:

[VtVicky]

I think there are few people outside our group that realize the variety of crossdressers. I think I would say something about the different kinds, and try to distinguish between the transgendered, the transvestites, and the recreational/fetish corssdressers.

[Chickhe]

It would be 'do not believe what you think'. The problem is, most people, including myself, were conditioned to think negatively about CDing...what we continue to see in the media perpetuates the myths. It would be to make them understand CDing is a fun activity and is something many otherwise typical people do.

[nvlady]

CD's are born that way, they can no more change it than they can change their eye color, and it's much better than being born a child molester.

[Bernadina]

Many CD'ers are well educated and have a high level of disposable income. They provide considerable financial support to the female fashion and related in industries. From my experience, most CDer's have more clothes, shoes and makeup than the majority of women.

[Asako]

I would state a point that they will find the reasons why people CD are as diverse as the people themselves despite the "basic reasons" being grouped into a small handful of labels. Nothing in this world is "black and white".

[Jenny Gurl]

We are born this way, which means it is not a choice for a CD, and it is not learned behavior. I wish there were a large research done to find a specific dna strand or gene that shows you are a CD. Maybe a lot of pain and heart ache could be avoided if we knew from birth. A lot of self doubt would be gone. Imagine if your parent told you at a young age that you were born with a condition called CD and it is not a big deal, what a wonderful world it would be.

[Satrana]

Hmmmm....the problem is you cannot discuss crossdressing by only mentioning one thing. There are several onerous misconceptions out there that all need to be knocked down before someone can get a realistic idea of what a CDer is. All these misconceptions are of equal importance. Miss out one and you will fail to convey the right idea.

[Josey]

I agree with the majoity of posts thus far. There are stats that support the fact CDing is widely spread throughout the WORLD. Therefore, it is behavior common but not publized.

[Sedona]

That most of are straight, it's largely not a gay thing.

[Gillian]

I think I would like to convey the same as many others have said, it is a born instinct and that in the majority most are normally hetrosexual in behaviour, and that they are not freaks of nature

[Karinsamatha]

We are born this way, which means it is not a choice for a CD, and it is not learned behavior. I wish there were a large research done to find a specific dna strand or gene that shows you are a CD. Maybe a lot of pain and heart ache could be avoided if we knew from birth. A lot of self doubt would be gone. Imagine if your parent told you at a young age that you were born with a condition called CD and it is not a big deal, what a wonderful world it would be.


I do agree with what you said, and what others have said. This is not a "learned" behavior, the actions are ie putting on make up, and the walk. The desire to dress in clothes that society says are inappropriate for a man - that is there from the beginning.
:hugs:

[DonniDarkness]

If you were speaking with someone, a stranger, who knew nothing about you being a cross dresser and the topic came up of cross dressing. What would be the ONE thing you would want them to know about cross dressers.

Quite simply ..... "Oh yeah man, I've had friends throughout my life who are crossdressers and they are just regular people too"

Basically people have a tendency to listen better and not put up the walls of bigotry in a conversation when they know its something that relates to you about someone you know as a friend. People in general are more prone to listening when a conversation has a depth of meaning on a personal level....And to set the stage for positive crossdressing discussions

[JenniferR771]

Crossdresser starts at about puberty.
If fact, we met a lady clerk at a consignment shop. I told her we were crossdressers. She asked, "How long have you been doing it?"

Actually perhaps it starts at birth, or perhaps well before puberty. I remember being fascinated by boys dressed as girls during our fourth grade school festival.

[AKAMichelle]

I think there would be several things that I would try to say and they are listed in order:


We are born this way
We are not gay. Most Cd'ers are actually hetero
There are far more of us than they think. Most cd'ers live their lives in the closet and come from varied career paths.
But since you are going to limit me to one answer which I cheated on, it has to be #1 above.

[Anne Elizabeth]

through my personal growth and self realization I now understand that crossdressing is not a perversion or learned behavior but we are born with the proclivities to want to be women on the inside and are just trying to make our outsides match our insides.

[SherriePall]

Just one thing? Probably that many of us are not gay. There are other things I could also mention, but others have covered them. I would say that many of us are heterosexual because that is a very common misunderstanding, even among the gay community.

[Tamsin]

If you were speaking with someone, a stranger, who knew nothing about you being a cross dresser and the topic came up of cross dressing. What would be the ONE thing you would want them to know about cross dressers.

That dressing in the manner of the opposite sex is only considered cross dressing for half the population: it is considered quite usual if a woman dresses as a man.

[Sarah Doepner]

I would probably hem and haw a little before I said anything to a stranger. Then I'd probably say something like, "Be careful because stereotypes and a broad brush can hide a lot of very important aspects of complex human behavior. Question everything you've been told and go to more than one knowledgeable source before you think you have it figured out." That may generate more questions, which is what is intended.

It's the same thing I'd say to a stranger about teenagers, muslims, crayons, thigh-high stockings and just about anything else.

Okay, to answer the question as posed, I'd probably say it's not learned behavior, but something that seems to come naturally to some people.

[Vickie_CDTV]

That CDs are everyday folks, and that we *ARE NOT* what they see on Jerry Springer etc.

[MichelleL]

I would want them to know that it doesn't mean you are gay.

[Samantha Girl]

Thanks for all the replies so far everyone! :) Fascinating answers as always ;)

[Rachael502]

That they (we) are people too!

[Ellen Ross]

That gender is not black or white, but many shades of grey. And that most people - both male and female - are in the gray zone.

[Andrea Reynolds]

I would tell them that crossdressing is an expression of ones self and that no one is exactly what they appear to be. Andrea

[Babette]

I would say that we function just like everyone else. We have hopes, dreams, fears, and feelings. Despite what some might lead you to believe, we are by no means a threat to anyone else. We come in all sizes and shapes, and each of us possesses a unique personality. Just like you, we put on our (pants, panties, panty hose, socks, stockings, etc.) one leg at a time. Most importantly, many of us are really nice people too.

Babette

[Cassandra Lynn]

That we all are from a planet known as gynasapphos 7, and we have slowly infiltrated society by hiding behind closet doors. We are just biding our time till our numbers are sufficient enough to fullfill our destiny.............the assimulation of all MANkind and resistance is futile!

Sorry, couldn't help it. So many good answers, so i'll just go with the standard, were just as normal as anyone else and while sexual orientation doesn't matter, stereotyping all of as gay is rediculous.

Find it curious though that some had to mention being outed, appeared as a hypothetical question to me?

mj (Cassie)

[charlie]

I would say that CD are not all gay men. That most are heterosexual just like the regular male population.

[tricia_uktv]

I would talk about me and not crossdressers in general. That it is the best thing I have ever done in my life and that I'm far happier now than I could ever imagine.

[suchacutie]

Let me answer in two ways as they have two different scenarios, and you may use whichever is closer to the question you are asking:

1) What I have said: The item that I have most often overheard when someone is talking about (deriding) crossdressers is that "they are all fa.... (gay) ". I immediately respond with "actually you are quite incorrect. The last data I saw was that the vast majority are hetersexual, and tend to mirror the population in general".

2) What I would like to say if they conversation was not an immediate attack on the sexual preference of CDs: "Actually, I admired crossdressers. They put up with a lot of crap from society when they haven't done anything to engender that behavior, and the fact is that they are more empathetic of the opposite gender than virtually any non-crossdresser. Maybe we should all consider the positive aspects and try it before we deride it!"

Ok, number 1 always gets the response, "are you sure? that's amazing. I didn't know that". I'm sure number 2 would get some strange looks, but I'd love to get that point across!

tina

[BLUE ORCHID]

Crossdresser starts at about puberty.
If fact, we met a lady clerk at a consignment shop. I told her we were crossdressers. She asked, "How long have you been doing it?"

Actually perhaps it starts at birth,.

Hi Jennifer
I remember my Mom showing me the little white
dress that she brought me home from the Hospital in.
I guess I must've of been all f two or three days old when I started Crossdressing.

Orchid

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Samantha

I would like to add that it can be a relief valve just like on
a pressure cooker it can be a wounderful experience to block
out the outside world when the only thing that matters
is me and my mirror.

Just my thoughts maybe that will work for you it's my pleasure to help
be sure to spell my name right on the royalty chreck.


Orchid

[Maryesther M.]

I would say that crossdressing is entirely a harmless activity and like many other hobbies is expensive for the individual concerned. The only people who could be and are hurt by it are spouses who find it unacceptable.

It is then incumbent on the married crossdresser to bury their hobby in secrecy...if that is at all possible.

[NewDresser]

I would say that it has nothing to do with sexual orientation, it doesn't affect my masculine side, and panties are way more comfortable than any male underwear I have ever worn.

[countrygirl]

We are not freeks, we are normal guys that just happen to like to dress as women sometimes.

[Jason+]

I would say that if you could look past the choice in clothing or accessories for a given day you would not be able to tell us apart from any other group of people.

[Nicole Summers]

Whether they are willing to admit it or not, everyone has tried it at least once, at some level.

[MichelleOBrien]

My immediate response would be to say that the Jerry Springer show has it wrong. Aside from that? I'd probably mention how crossdressing is not all that bad, it's just guys wearing women's clothes. It doesn't make them a gay, child molesting pervert (people who use crossdressing as their motives for that type of shit need their head checked anyway), and that there's not really a mental illness involved. It's mainly either a comfort thing or a fantasy, though some of us do it as practice for when we transition. Not all CDers transition and not all who transition have CDed. but it is what it is.

[CdChloe]

I would want to make sure they got it through their head that we are not "sick" or "perverted", just because we may have a lifestyle choice that's different to them, or because our brains happened to wire themselves up as the opposite gender doesn't mean that we are not people and deserve respect!

[Olivia2]

I would tell them "for all you know you might be speaking to one right now! Does anything seem unusual or strange about me or particularly distinct from any other person you may have spoken to today? You've probably encountered several crossdressers in your life and never even knew it."

[Shari]

We are not a threat to you, your children or society in general.
As a group, we are far less likely to be than the average joe on the street.

We're not crazy or perverted. We don't need counseling of any kind or any sort of mental help.

We are basically harmless, moreso than the average male and even some females. We hide in our closets most of the time and don't try and shove our lifestyle down your throat.

Many of us have families, are war veterans, police, firemen, doctors, etc. and could easily be your next door neighbor. We are well educated and have contributed to society all our lives.

Don't be so quick to judge, lest ye be judged.

[BRANDYJ]

I would say that crossdressing is entirely a harmless activity and like many other hobbies is expensive for the individual concerned. The only people who could be and are hurt by it are spouses who find it unacceptable.

It is then incumbent on the married crossdresser to bury their hobby in secrecy...if that is at all possible.

I know what you mean when you say it does not effect your masculine side. But it made me think...It does effect my masculine side, but in a good way. I feel that being in touch with my feminine side has made me more aware of GG's: Their emotions, their feelings and I can empathize with them more then any non-CD man can. I think it makes me a more gentle, feeling, kind and considerate man.
And I agree that the panties are a lot more comfortable then any male underwear, and a whole lot better looking for sure.

[rufflage]

Like alot have already mentioned, not all of us are gay. Just because I enjoy being a woman doesn't mean i enjoy the "company" of a man.

[Samantha Girl]

Thanks soooo much for all the responses girls!!! :D

[Starling]

I wouldn't harp on the gay thing. Homosexuality is normal, not a mental illness or a perversion, and most "civilians" are actually more comfortable with gay people than with CDs. But the misguided notion that we dress as women in order to molest children is hideous, and really must be corrected.

So I'd say that people CD to satisfy a compelling need that they were born with, not to harm or take advantage of anyone else.

:) Lallie

[GingerLeigh]

That it's just clothing, and we're born this way.

[NicoleScott]

Whether they are willing to admit it or not, everyone has tried it at least once, at some level.

.......and some people enjoy it and keep doing it.

[JenniferR771]

My immediate response would be to say that the Jerry Springer show has it wrong. Aside from that? I'd probably mention how crossdressing is not all that bad, it's just guys wearing women's clothes. It doesn't make them a gay, child molesting pervert (people who use crossdressing as their motives for that type of shit need their head checked anyway), and that there's not really a mental illness involved. It's mainly either a comfort thing or a fantasy, though some of us do it as practice for when we transition. Not all CDers transition and not all who transition have CDed. but it is what it is.

Obrian,
You make an interesting point. "...not all who transition have CDed."
But I am thinking about that...is that really true? Can you be a transsexual or have srs without crossdressing first? Does anyone know of any cases where a man comes in to his doctor or psychologist and wants to become a woman...HOWEVER...he never has wanted to crossdress?

In all cases I have heard about, crossdressing is always first. Not sure, possibly this means that transexuals and srs are really crossdressers, who did not hold back.
We have all heard the expression, "Whats the difference between a crossdresser and a transexual? 'Oh, about 2 years.' "

If that is true, we are all transexuals; but most of us are only mildly afflicted.

[KarenEdwards]

I would let him or her know that I knew a "few" crossdressers (more than a few, actually, but it would seem strange to say hundreds!) and that all were otherwise very ordinary, even boring, folks. I would try to convey that, if you stripped away the crossdressing part, they represent a pretty accurate cross section of the whole population. And this is very, very true.

[Oilpainter35]

I would just matter of factly say that, what a person wears has nothing to do with the quality of the person. I think no less of a woman in pants or a guy in a dress...We just have not been exposed to that very often, and when we are most point and children see that and they ingrain that into themselves and perptuate that behavior...Even when a man is wearing a kilt there are eyebrows raised, and the jokes of...what is under that kilt. That is part of their national dress...Hey long answer short... I would look at them and say I see nothing wrong with it. Many things MUCH worse than that...If that is the worst thing you have about the person look no further. Attend to real problems, don't make them appear in your opinion.

[TGMarla]

The common misperception is that crossdressers are either gay, perverted, sick in the head, limp-wristed, or into all kinds of wierd sexual fetishes. Studies have shown conclusively that this is not the case. Most are average, normal, everyday kinds of people. This is what I'd like to see become more the norm when people think about crossdressers. There's probably one living on your block, and he's probably a pretty good guy.

[jenni_xx]

Ok, they knew nothing of my crossdressing - well, I'd like to think that the reason it came up in conversation was because the person (on the assumption that they were male) asking it was a crossdresser themselves. I would probably respond by saying either:

"Are you a crossdresser?"

"I haven't really thought about"

"It doesn't bother me one bit."

Of course, one of those answers (the 2nd one) is a complete lie. I think overall the replies above don't say anything negative or indeed positive about crossdressers. Not really sure therefore if my reply to such a question with a stranger helps or negates our (for want of a better word) cause. It would be interesting to see what their response to my reply would be. If they then opened up to me (if they were indeed a cd), then I would without hesitation open up to them. If they responded by saying they didn't like it, I would flat out ask them why?

If it was a woman who was asking the question however, I may well be tempted to admit that I was a cd.