Hi all, Getting the Confidence to go out

[dayna_nj]

Hey everyone, ive been dressing a long time. Started thinking about it when I was about 10, started actually doing it around 14 maybe.

Im 34 now, I've met men at hotels and always enjoyed it and am very experienced, but the reason im here is about going out. I feel like I look ok, maybe close to passable but definitely not, but im starting to get a strong urge to go out. I just dont have the guts to do it though. I go for a bustier look because I feel like that might take attention away from my voice not being perfect, or my male frame. Im not large, 5'7" 145, but I have male shoulders, male hands, adams apple of course, female voice isnt perfect, etc...

But I have fooled people before at the hotels ive stayed at. I dont know what it is though, when I try to go out just driving around I get so paranoid. What if I get pulled over? What if the car breaks down, what would I do?

I live with my girlfriend who knows I do this, told her about a year ago. She doesnt love it but isnt willing to leave me, so I just do it on the weekends maybe once a month, she doesnt bother me about it.

Anyway, just looking for advice/encouragement. I really want to go out but cant seem to get over my fears, ive been dealing with this issue for about 15 years now.

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[dayna_nj]

I forgot to mention that in every pic I wear a choker or a turtleneck. Its much easier for me to dress and be passable in the winter bc ppl dont think about a woman wearing a turtleneck. I took the ones in the gray top 2 weeks ago, and it was nicer out, so I had to wear that choker and I think its a dead giveaway, I dont usually see women wearing them.

Im really getting the itch to start dating men, I just dont know what to do to become more passable. I dont know if I go too large with the breasts, if maybe I try to dress more low key instead of over the top sexy? Need advice.

[AKAMichelle]

tone down the boobs and it would help with passability. Welcome to the forum

[Tina B.]

Carry moist wipes and a change of male clothes in the car, that takes care of breakdown fears, follow traffic rules, police will have no reason to stop you. now all you have to worry about is having a wreck and winding up in the ER. other than that get out there, your pretty safe in your car.
Tina B.

[dayna_nj]

Carry moist wipes and a change of male clothes in the car, that takes care of breakdown fears, follow traffic rules, police will have no reason to stop you. now all you have to worry about is having a wreck and winding up in the ER. other than that get out there, your pretty safe in your car.
Tina B.

It takes me so long to get undone, getting changed in the car would never work for me. If I broke down I would just be stuck there to deal with it. Total humiliation to say the least. As much as I love CD-ing, I'm very embarrassed about it because I know how almost everyone looks at people that do it.

Getting pulled over isnt a big deal. CD-ing isnt illegal, and I never drink and drive or anything stupid like that. My big fears are accidents and breaking down. I refuse to go anywhere alone. If someone else is driving its a little easier.

[carrie-ann]

I agree smaller breast will help. Most people don't care. So just do it. Have fun and confidence.

[dayna_nj]

Like I said I only went larger with them because I thought it might take the attention away from the other flaws, but I guess it doesnt really help. The other thing too is I have a friend who is extremely busty, and skinny, and it looks great on her. Lots of women have large breasts, but for me it was just hoping to draw attention away from things that will give me away.

Many men cannot think straight when they see large breasts, so that was my thinking with it.

[az_azeel]

Dayna Hi .. i have moved your thread here to the new member section ... .. welcome to the forum.. hope you have fun.. ;)

[dayna_nj]

Dayna Hi .. i have moved your thread here to the new member section ... .. welcome to the forum.. hope you have fun.. ;)

Oh ok, well I wasnt really introducing myself with this thread. I was looking to talk about getting the confidence to go out. I tried to edit the thread title but it wouldnt let me.

[Jennifer Girl]

You look great, and you look quite passable to me. Based upon your photos, if I saw you walking down the street, I wouldn’t think “that’s a crossdresser” at all. Also, I’d like to say that you are an inspiration to me because I am roughly your size (5’ 7” tall and weigh 141 lbs.), and I have muscular arms/shoulders/chest also. You look very feminine to me. I hope to look as good as you once I figure out this makeup thing. Anyway, you look awesome!

[dayna_nj]

Thanks Jenn. Makeup just takes practice. Im not the best at it but its something anyone can do well with practice. Check out tutorials on youtube. I have fooled people before, but it was at night, a little distance between us. I had a latin woman say "hey mama" to me at a hotel, ive had men say hi, one that said I looked pretty, I got gas in my car and fooled an older guy. All at night though.

I couldnt pass during the day I dont think. You can just tell from looking at someones hands or shoulders, the way their face is shaped, just how they look in general, there's very fundamental differences between men and women that everyone can recognize instantly if there is enough light on you and they are close enough. As hard as I try to look sexy I know people can just tell sometimes. Maybe not everyone but im sure many can. Im very self conscious about that. So few cd's are genuinely passable that ive seen myself so ive kind of given up on that, now its just a matter of not caring anymore and just getting "out there", which im terrified of doing for so many reasons.

[az_azeel]

Oh ok, well I wasnt really introducing myself with this thread. I was looking to talk about getting the confidence to go out. I tried to edit the thread title but it wouldnt let me.

Sorry i can move the thread back .. and change the title if you wish... what title would you like ??

[dayna_nj]

Sorry i can move the thread back .. and change the title if you wish... what title would you like ??

Well I guess just "Getting the confidence to go out". I pretty much think about that everyday, even after cd-ing for like 20 years since I was 14, so thats why I signed up here.

[az_azeel]

Well I guess just "Getting the confidence to go out". I pretty much think about that everyday, even after cd-ing for like 20 years since I was 14, so thats why I signed up here.

done for you and sorry for the miss understanding

[dayna_nj]

done for you and sorry for the miss understanding

Oh thats ok, I originally intended to just introduce myself, so that was what the topic title was, then I changed my mind and decided to get right into why I signed up, sorry about that.

[reneeisy]

Hi Dayna:

You definitely look passable to me. Very pretty. You might want to go a little smaller with the breasts though. And don't be afraid of breing pulled over by the police!! As long as you are not drinking and you have obeyed all traffic laws you have no reason to worry. Crossdressing is not against the law.

[dayna_nj]

Hi Dayna:

You definitely look passable to me. Very pretty. You might want to go a little smaller with the breasts though. And don't be afraid of breing pulled over by the police!! As long as you are not drinking and you have obeyed all traffic laws you have no reason to worry. Crossdressing is not against the law.

Thanks. What would I do if my car breaks down? Theres no way I could get undone in the car, not all my makeup. I would literally have to sit in a tow truck with some guy dressed like this, my blood pressure goes up just thinking about how scary that would be.

[reneeisy]

I always take a change of clothes (guy clothes) with me in the car; and makeup remover (usually vaseline) and towels (to help with makeup removal) for just such emergencies.

[AlanaBCD]

You are over thinking it all. How many times have you driven around, in male mode, and gotten stopped by the police, broken down, etc. It doesn't usually happen.

I won't say it isn't scary. My first few times, I was terrified, and guess what... nothing happened. Well, nothing that I wasn't expecting. I got read a little bit, most didn't care, I got flirted with...

The time you are wasting thinking about it, is time you could be enjoying.

[charlie]

Hello Dayna!
You look great. Go out. People on the street or at the store aren't studying you. They glance at you, see what they expect and move on. Any imperfections are filled in by their own brain. If you are really unsure, then start out by going to a bar that has a drag show. You will be in the bar and audience and be completely accepted. A few of the men you are searching for will be there too! Lots of straight looking guys go to drag shows to try and pickup CD. Watch out though, many are married. Who knows you might get a date and go out as well. If you get stopped by a cop, he will take your information and treat you just as if you weren't dressed. Not a worry. If your car breaks down, call a cab. Cab drivers will treat you with respect as well. The guy from AA started my car and said nothing about my short skirt and heels. Just be you.

[tricia_uktv]

Hon, firstly you look great and look the part so don't worry about that - and I would say ignore the size of your boobs. Because if you have attitude and confidence, maybe even arrogance, the size of your boobs doesn't matter. I would say go to places dressed where you are confident and practice being the person you wish to become. Dance is brilliant for that so if you can find a dancefloor go and strut your stuff. It will take some time and may ruin what you have as you get deeper into things so make sure you are prepared for that. I don't think you can turn back now so good luck.

I mean that.

Hugs

[Megan70]

So here's what I say in all honesty because you did ask. I am very seasoned and have been going out in public , passing with mans nose, mans hands and broad shoulders. Its all how you dress and present yourself and here's the key word... confidence.
Now for the critical critique. You look fine in every way to me except the boobs. Man do they draw attention and all eyes would be on you immediately by both men and women. Then you'd be studied more carefully and read. Please dear for your own sake, them down about 4 sizes and save the clownish inflated look for the men in the hotel rooms, but not in public. A reasonable bra size would do nicely with your face.
MY two cents and opinion , not meant to offend but give straight advice... that you asked for.

Megan

[txrobinm]

Makeup is excellent. Hair is,too (the dark one, especially). You are also hiding the shoulders well with your choice of outfits. I agree with Megan about your choice of breast size- go with something proportional and appropriate to the venue- if your are nervous, you want people looking at you because you are thoughtfully put together, not freakish/overtly sexual. This is really important if we, as a group, wish not to be looked at as perverts. (Yes, you can appear as you wish, just remember that in public people will paint with a broad brush, and if you are the only CDer they knowingly see this year, what impression do you want them to take away from the experience?)

The only t-folks I've seen that truly passed had been on hormones for 20 years. For the rest of us, well, some get clocked faster than others. However, we ALL pass 100% as trans-something! And that's OK. It's OK to do this, it's OK to be both m/f, it's OK to be in between, it's OK to pay homage, it's OK to express, it's OK.

You are blessed to be so short and thin! You can shop practically anywhere with success!

Take an emergency bag along for comfort your first few times out. I think I stopped carrying mine after my 6th trip or so. Now I just get ready and go. Kudos on your decision not to drink while dressed- it's risky enough without adding any more! Now I go out several times a month, sometimes to the "gayborhood", sometimes to mainstream places with friends- just depends. And sometimes my confidence is down, but I do my best and go anyway, just like what a real woman would do (she can't just stay home because of a bad hair day, now, could she?).

Go get 'em, tiger!
~R

[dayna_nj]

Great responses. So you think the breasts will actually give me away, I havent really thought about that, I should change it then. Like I said this whole time I thought it helped. I know it attracts more attention, but people are going to see me anyway, so I thought that if they grabbed attention, it wouldnt be on my hands, or whatever else that I feel could really give me away real quick.

Ill have to try smaller and just see what happens.

[prene]

Loce your pics.
I am a boob person.
I love them. Not crazy big but at least D or DD.
I have a thunder thighs so I need boobs to round out my figure.

Love you figure.

[dayna_nj]

Loce your pics.
I am a boob person.
I love them. Not crazy big but at least D or DD.
I have a thunder thighs so I need boobs to round out my figure.

Love you figure.

Thanks Prene. The one in the blue jacket is an older larger pair of ddd forms that were bigger than I expected and I got rid of them. The gray shirt is the newer dd ones, but trust me they look bigger there because I was really trying to push them out. They dont look stupid big when im just hanging out normally.

[Freddy12]

First, welcome to the forum. As you can tell, there are lots of nice girls here ready to support you and offer encouragement.

You look great. I mean really great. You are far more passable than I am, since I am tall (6'4"). You are dealing with the adam's apple very well. As to the being pulled over, or breaking down, I would ask in 1000 car trips, how often has that happened to you? I think the odds are with there being no problem. If you DO break down, just be the girl you are. So what if your voice isn't perfect? Your money to pay for the tow is just as good as anyone's. The tow truck driver will be focused on the job (or maybe your boobs), not your voice.

Again, you look fantastic. While I would go with smaller boobs, that is just personal preference.

Go out and have fun!

[dayna_nj]

First, welcome to the forum. As you can tell, there are lots of nice girls here ready to support you and offer encouragement.

You look great. I mean really great. You are far more passable than I am, since I am tall (6'4"). You are dealing with the adam's apple very well. As to the being pulled over, or breaking down, I would ask in 1000 car trips, how often has that happened to you? I think the odds are with there being no problem. If you DO break down, just be the girl you are. So what if your voice isn't perfect? Your money to pay for the tow is just as good as anyone's. The tow truck driver will be focused on the job (or maybe your boobs), not your voice.

Again, you look fantastic. While I would go with smaller boobs, that is just personal preference.

Go out and have fun!

Thanks Freddy, I really appreciate the advice :). The adams apple thing is a big issue for me. I either have to wear chokers, which I love, but its an obvious giveaway, or turtlenecks, which only work in the winter.

My voice is pretty good, ive talked to people many times and I can tell when someone is fooled or not, or maybe some just dont care if you look good enough, I dont know.

The boobs look much bigger in those pix, I was trying hard to push them out so they look crazy there. The car thing has always been an anxiety issue for me. I worry about everything, and Im so afraid to drive along. I dont know if that will ever go away. Ive had this car for 5 years, and in that time its only broken down twice with flat tires, so I know its rare, but im always panicked about it. Its almost like the worst part of this for me. I hate going places alone, even if I feel I look great. That doesnt even come into my mind, its that I know im male, dressed as a woman, in a car away from somewhere safe.

[Stephenie S]

Well hon, you asked.

The boobs are too big. Just a fact. Male or female, it don't matter. If you have big boobs you are gonna get looked at, a lot. And that's just what you don't need. You want people to see a pleasant looking woman, not a sex-pot. Because they are going to stare at the sex pot no matter WHAT your gender.

And on that subject, I recall you saying that you try to look sexy. Again, if that's your "look", then you are going to get looked at. Get used to it. The sexier your look, the more attention you are gonna draw. That's just what you don't need.

So my advice? Tone it down a bit. Listen dear, you don't have to mesmerize men with your clothes and your look. They do it all by themselves. A man will go after anything in a skirt and a smile. Stop trying so hard. Relax. Remember, the sexier the look, the more attention you will get. But if you're hiding something, sometimes that attention is not such a good thing.

Don't worry, this will all come with time. It's hard to get the practice you need to do this well with only one or two outings a month. Go full time. Then see what happens.

Stephie

[NicoleScott]

You look great, and I agree that smaller boobs would not draw as much attention. Your first outing doesn't have to be at a white House ball. Start off by going to places where you will be less obvious in order to get your confidence up. Then venture out more, to more public places. From the darkness into the light. Also, I agree with taking man clothes and makeup remover.

[dayna_nj]

Well hon, you asked.

The boobs are too big. Just a fact. Male or female, it don't matter. If you have big boobs you are gonna get looked at, a lot. And that's just what you don't need. You want people to see a pleasant looking woman, not a sex-pot. Because they are going to stare at the sex pot no matter WHAT your gender.

And on that subject, I recall you saying that you try to look sexy. Again, if that's your "look", then you are going to get looked at. Get used to it. The sexier your look, the more attention you are gonna draw. That's just what you don't need.

So my advice? Tone it down a bit. Listen dear, you don't have to mesmerize men with your clothes and your look. They do it all by themselves. A man will go after anything in a skirt and a smile. Stop trying so hard. Relax. Remember, the sexier the look, the more attention you will get. But if you're hiding something, sometimes that attention is not such a good thing.

Don't worry, this will all come with time. It's hard to get the practice you need to do this well with only one or two outings a month. Go full time. Then see what happens.

Stephie

No Im not actually trying to pass at a normal place like a mall for example. I dont have any desire to go hang out as a CD at normal places. I dont want to go full time either, this is more of a party thing for me that I like doing here and there, the sexy look is what I go for because its just more fun for me, I dont want to look average and blend in. Ive fooled many people in public, plenty of guys trying to hit on me. People are accepting of it even if they know if you look good enough, Ive never had anyone laugh at me, point or anything. Ive talked to many random women in public, noone seems to care, thats not really my issue. This topic was more about things like hiding an adams apple, getting the confidence to go drive and stop worrying about what could happen if I do. Its not about trying to blend in, I should have made that clear.

When I go to atlantic city or nyc I see women that look like this all the time. I went to this place called Providence in AC a few weeks ago, the women there are just insane looking, far crazier than how I look, thats what I like doing, going to clubs, meeting men. Thats whats fun for me as a CD, I never really had a desire to just bum around as a CD and go shopping or whatever, not sure why. Even after 20 years of doing it im not that far into it where I would want to live my life like this. Like I said its really just more of a party thing for me, something I do just for fun here and there when im in the mood for it. If I dress on a sat night, I wont really feel like doing it again for another 2 or 3 weeks, sometimes ill go a month or 2 without doing it, just depends on my mood.

[AKASadieGG]

Just wondering - You say your live in girlfriend wouldn't leave you over the CDing but what would she think about you cheating on her with men?

[dayna_nj]

Just wondering - You say your live in girlfriend wouldn't leave you over the CDing but what would she think about you cheating on her with men?

She doesnt see it that way. She knows what I do, I just cant do it with women. She doesnt feel threatened by other men when she knows this side of me is very separate from my normal life, which it really is. I only dress about once a month, sometimes even 2 months, which is how I like it. Just something here and there, thats good enough for me. She knows I wont leave her, if I were meeting women she would be very worried about that. Ive had opportunities to meet real women, ive turned them all down.

[Fab Karen]

That bust is way too big for you ( and many others )- it will get you clocked quicker than almost anything. Unless it's cool weather, ditch the turtleneck.
Some people will read you- you have to accept that about going out. And most who may realize don't react negatively. To get over the fear, you just have to do it & not think too much about it ( what we can imagine is usually far worse/nothing like the reality ). We who do it have not regretted it.
As for your neighbors, try to think of what you've seen your neighbors wearing recently. Or who was coming/going from their place. You probably can't. Same for them about you. Out & about, there are lots of people who don't pay that much attention. And being in a crowd of people is the safest place you can be. The middle of a weekday shopping is a good activity & time.

[faltenrock]

you look like it should not be a problem and don't get paranoid when you go out dressed. It's all in our heads....Get smaller boobs and go for it. One advice, get confidence by doing it step by step, perhaps in the dark, go to a restaurant for dinner, that's not a problem if you dress appropriately.

[Josey]

Dayna. you show well and are lucky in so many ways. I agree with others in that you do what is comfortable for you. We all CD for various reasons but the common thread is we enjoy ourselves. So do what you enjoy doing!

[Ms Jennifer]

First of all .You look great.I agree with the rest of the girls.Extra large boobs will draw attention. Some outfits look great with big boobs,some look better smaller.If you have any cleavage you can show it with just an add a cup insert.I am not an expert tho since I still have not gone past the night time stroll.Keep us updated on your progress.

[Maria in heels]

Dayna...I think that you just look perfect...just as everyone says...smaller breasts and that is the only thing for you to change...otherwise --- perfect !

[Jennifer Marie P.]

You are pretty and should tone down the breasts a little and try to go out with a GG friend and see how that works out.

[bianca66]

Im not large, 5'7" 145, but I have male shoulders, male hands, adams apple of course, female voice isnt perfect, etc...



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Hey I have all those things too! :giggle:

I got my breasts from a crossdressing store and basically looked at me and said 38 D...I'm 5'10 and 150 lbs...I seem to blend into a crowd without much attention shopping and dressed appropriately...

I think you look great facially and I see a GG...I just had to work on my voice to get more confidence when being out and about...A GG caught me off guard on one of my first times out and asked directions. My voice cracked all over the place so I made the decision to practise. Now I can transition quite comfortably from my male to female voice.

I've notice alot of older gals around here wearing wooly scarves with tassels and suit typ jackets with leggings...Thought to myself that would be perfect to hide the adams apple dilema.

Have fun gurl ~ get out there and remember to smile...GG's like to smile :giggle: