GF outed me...

[NY Julie]

Thank You

[Lorileah]

lets see, you argue a lot, she is contacting her "ex" and she is telling your secrets to others. Can you say "bye bye"? She does not respect you or your feelings (and then again YOU are looking at her texts) so you don't respect her either. Does not seem like a match made in heaven to me.

[NY Julie]

Thank You

[Amanda22]

Lorileah is right -- dump her. I guess I would make sure the next relationship has trust as a major component before revealing something as personal as your dressing. If you continue this relationship, you can't really blame her any more.

[AKAMichelle]

Lorileah is showing her wisdom again. :D She is right on this one. Move on and start over.

[Tara1967]

I agree with the others here. I would just dump her and you should tell her why. She's done a double whammy, talking sweet to her ex plus outing you to him. It's hard for any of us to share this secret with, but it's not up to another to share the secret with. Only onw other person knows about me and that is my wife, she is the only one that is entitled to know. She is swron to secrecy, but if she ever told it to anyone, well that would be bad news. But since this girl is not a wife, then just dump her, she has shown her true colors here in the early stages of a relationship. Ease her to the curb. Tara

[Dana Garrett]

I try not to give relationship advise. I've found out the hard way that I'm not that good at relatioships my self. It's odd though, I make friends easily and generally keep them forever or until they do something I dont really like. When that happens I put distance between us, on purpose. No arguing or being hateful.
It's clear that the xbf is in the picture in some form and your secrets cant be trusted to her and you two argue more than you would like. You will have to ask yourself, and only You can answer, Is this the type of person you want to be close to on a day to day basis.

[NY Julie]

Thank You

[Rachael502]

Wow....betrayed trust abounds here.......But will she divulge more if you just "dump" her? Whew, I say talk rationally and sound her out about it, then make a firm decision and stick to it....Good Luck!

[Violetgray]

I think that it is much easier to say "Dump'em!" if you are looking from the outside in with no emotional investment in the situation. It's not as if all the feelings you have for someone simply drain away, if it worked that way then she wouldn't need to ask us for advise in the first place.

It could be that you need to end it, but before resorting to that I think (this is just my opinion) that you DEFINITELY need to talk to her about it. How you feel and why. Probably how you discovered it too, lest she think that you are invading her privacy.

[AlanaBCD]

Just when you break up, be prepared for her to tell more people out of spite.

[Lorileah]

OK so you have defenders who say don't leave because she will tell everyone. She is already telling people and emotional blackmail is not a good relationship. You get the ring and kids as you say and then what? Yes Violet it is easy for someone on the outside to say dump her. The reason? We DON'T have the blinders they have on. And as far as emotional attachment it will only get worse and this woman is already showing herself to be a manipulator and a subversive. She has no emotional attachment here except she wants to be in control and then she skitters off to text her BF? Gimme a break people if this was a woman saying her boyfriend was texting and Ex you would be all over that like flies on...well you know. You can talk to her but she will do what she wants and that will be what she thinks will hurt the most. Better to break it now, end that now, walk don't run, before it gets more tangled and deceitful. Do you all honestly think that staying in this relationship will eventually keep her from telling? You want damage control? Get out before you get more friends together who she will tell the first time she feels the need to be in control. The cat is out of the bag. You dress, she knows, her Ex Bf knows, his best buddy knows, their sister knows already. Go....run...now....

[MsJanessa]

Time to leave---say good bye and don't look back-even if she "outs" you--it is her that looks bad doing it not you-and do not marry her---if you think she is bad as a gf she will be twice as bad as a wife

[tricia_uktv]

It seems to me that it could be make or break..... but for you only

[Loni]

lets see she has this thing with her ex? time to go someplace else. like right now.
yes she will and most likely will give you some greaf. just say it is cause you broke-up with her. and let it all go, turn it into a no deal on what is said. time will clear up the thoughts and words.

does she have any videos?? say it was a sex play with her.

nothing to see here just move on.

.

[TxKimberly]

lets see, you argue a lot, she is contacting her "ex" and she is telling your secrets to others. Can you say "bye bye"? She does not respect you or your feelings (and then again YOU are looking at her texts) so you don't respect her either. Does not seem like a match made in heaven to me.

Couldn't say it any better than she just did.

[Christy_M]

I think that it is much easier to say "Dump'em!" if you are looking from the outside in with no emotional investment in the situation. It's not as if all the feelings you have for someone simply drain away, if it worked that way then she wouldn't need to ask us for advise in the first place.

It could be that you need to end it, but before resorting to that I think (this is just my opinion) that you DEFINITELY need to talk to her about it. How you feel and why. Probably how you discovered it too, lest she think that you are invading her privacy.

Great statemenet...tether your emotional needs with this person with the rality of what your future holds. If you look just a little past the love in your heart, you will see a little clearer what direction makes sense.

[Alice Torn]

V, Sorry this has become a nightmare. Some relationships do that, for reasons. I know this sounds ancient, out of date, uncool, but, having sex before marriage, may be fun at the time, but, it comes with a price, often. Not always, but usually. It is best to set boundries, apologize for where you did wrong, let her go, and not see any girl serious, for a year or two. I am 56, still saving sex for a right woman, but, if it never happens, just have platonic friends, Some of those bloom. Woman tend to not respect men, generally, these days, and some will have even less respect, if you have recreational sex with them, AND most have even less respect for crossdresser. If the desire for sex with a gg is too strong, then just go relieve , and shoot the cannon. It is a lot safer. A lot of us have had to learn how to be just friends with GG's.

[Violetgray]

As I said before, it could be that the girlfriend has to go. But I think that just saying "Dump'er!" is an oversimplification of the situation. None of us actually know her. The choice to make right now is whether her good qualities, those being why you decided to be with her in the first place, are worth trying to hold on after such a betrayal. Maybe they are maybe they aren't. That part, WE don't know.

Also, there's nothing wrong with talking to an ex. I still talk to plenty of mine. The worse part is sharing such critical information with him. What if things really got blown up, and he decided to tell your work? THAT was inconsiderate.

I disagree with the statement that we "Don't have the emotional blinders." On the contrary, I think many who have posted are probably angry FOR you, because they more than anyone can understand how mad they'd be if it happened to them. So I don't think that it's that easy to be objective.

[Nicole Erin]

Tell her like this -
"Well, you already go around telling everyone, so go ahwad, tell everyone, but THEN what are you gonna have to try to hold over my head?" People exhaust their pitiful little blackmail things then what?
Don't get any further involved with that POS.

Someone here tried to blame you like, "Well gee you are just as wrong!" and while that might be true, you need to look out for your OWN interests. All you did was do unto her as she had done to you so it sounds like that is even.

[Tiffany Lynn]

I’ve always said what happens in the bedroom should stay there. As one of the other girls pointed out you’re reading her text, so there may not be a lot of trust in the relationship. Make the cleanest break possible and move on

[neworleanssusan]

she would be s-o-o-o-o-o-o dumped

[giuseppina]

From what you've told us, this does not sound like a healthy relationship. :sad: Trust is a serious problem, and without that, the relationship will break up eventually, if it hasn't already.

Talking to an ex about one of your personal issues is cheating in my books, and just cause for a breakup.

There are more trustworthy genetic ladies out there. The problem is to weed out those that aren't before too much personal stuff is discussed.

[Patty B.]

Lorileah said it best, follow her advice before its to late. Good Luck.

[Stitch]

Cut her loose. She doesn't sound like a keeper.

Ex's are Ex's for a reason, she shouldn't be going out of her way to contact him, least of all to share secrets about you. Sounds to me like she's playing you both, keeping him around in the sidelines for an ego boost, if you catch my drift.

[DanaR]

I have to agree with everyone else about this. The trust issues are just too much to overcome.

[faltenrock]

you may talk to her about it, but I have doubts that this will help your trust and relationship. I go with all others here, say bye to her.

[ReineD]

If she's telling your secrets to her exbf, it's because she's keeping her options open. You deserve better than this.

Please read every one of Lorileah's posts twice. :hugs:

[Jay Cee]

I'd say I'm with the majority - time to pack your bags and go.

Don't get into another relationship until you figure out why you were involved with such a drama queen. Go see a therapist, or read some good books. Trust me, I know - been there, done that.

Good luck!

[Tina B.]

Julie, I'm not one to give advice of this type, but let me say this about that, In my life time, I've been a cross dresser, a heavy drinker, and a recreational user of drugs (in my younger days) None of which I consider to be all that bad. But if a woman I was dating/living with, ever pulled the covers on me to anyone, much less their ex, one of us would be out the door on that very day. Life is to short to have to spend time worrying about wither or not you can trust your lover.
I would rather be looking for love, rather than worrying about being betrayed by a lover.
Tina B.

[ReineD]

I want to add another thought. Even though outing you without your permission is a big no-no, it is not the outing in itself that causes me to believe she is not right for you. After all, the CDing impacts her as well, and it would not be unreasonable for her to seek her own support (if she were to tell a therapist for example, or her mother, best-friend, or join a support group, etc),. Telling someone who likes you and who is interested in seeing the relationship flourish would not be presenting the CDing in a bad light. It would not be "complaining" about you.

The issue here is that she treated your secret as something negative AND she chose to tell someone who is least likely to understand, someone who has a vested interest in stoking the negative fires. It's almost as if she is looking for validation to get out of the relationship herself.

Not good at all.

[kimdl93]

I agree with those who see your gf's behavior as reprehensible. This particular outing - to a former bf via a txt message - is such an incredible violation of trust to a person who has no earthly right to the information. If she wants out - then by all means she should get out. If not, then I don't know what's going on in her head - but it ain't pretty.

[Billijo49504]

If she does tell other things about you, just tell people that she is just being mean and vendicative. Most people would believe your explaination. You dumped her so she is just being mean....BJ

[DonnaT]

Why did she and her X breakup? Why is she still in some type of relationship with him, be it a texting one or more?

It sounds like she's obviously not happy with your wearing panties, or wouldn't be calling her X to complain.

However, maybe she only mentioned it when she first found out (since she didn't like it initially), and he's now using it to put you down in her eyes, when she calls/texts him to discuss some argument you've had.

Y'all need to have a sit down and figure out why the arguing, and why she's still in contact with her X. And why he's her confidant.

If she won't break off contact with him, well, three's a crowd. Can you live in such a crowded relationship?
If y'all can't solve the basis for the arguing, then it's doubtful the relationship will last very long.

[Lucy_Bella]

I would have to agree with most on this subject, you need to ask yourself " is this someone I can devote the next 10 ,20 or 30 years to?" I gave away over 20 years of my life to my ex who, from the sounds of it is very similuar to what you are just starting.

Good luck..

[NY Julie]

Thanks for all you who have given your advice, she is a great girl I mean dont we all have our faults. It's ashame cause I ddi think she crossed a line by revealing something so personal to her xbf and she has shown these tendicies before so better nip in the butt now then later. After thinkin about it for sometime I decided it be best to not even discuss and just have a clean break so that is where i left it! We our still sharing a few texts here and ther but i do not have any plans to see her now im off to do some shopping! ps when i thought about it it actually got me hot that he called me a name hmmm thats a whole nother subject

[t-girlxsophie]

taking your crossdressing out of the equation.your gf is sharing intimate details of your relationship with her ex,that alone is reason enough to get rid IMO

[cobra6481]

I'd been following this thread for a bit.. and I have to agree with the majority here.. the fact that she has an ongoing relationship with an ex AND seeks support from one who has a negative interest in the relationship simply lends more support for the clean break that you've decided upon. May you walk the path in light, love and happiness.

[G.Grace]

Ditto to the previous threads. If she doesn't respect you, it's not worth being with her.

[Sedona]

Good call NY Julie. You deserve better treatment.

[Angie G]

Get out don't walk run baby. Tell the little b---h good bye.:hugs:
Angie

[Edwina]

You waited this long????????????????????????????

[AmiFL]

I've been married over 20 years to a very unsupportive wife. I revealed my dressing before marriage. She was not supportive at all. She had threatened to out me numerous times and last year did to my 18 year old son. He blew it off at the time (I think) and never mentioned it. I'm still here because i have another younger son. When I do get the courage to go.... she fly a banner to out me. It is what it is. I guess then I will get to dress wherever and whenever I like................ ex's are ex's for a good reason