Help with constructive criticism.

[suzy1]

I am sometimes very motivated to give constructive criticism when I see a picture of a girl who can be transformed by dressing very differently to the way she has presented.
But [apart from me not being the worlds leading expert on dress] I worry I will hurt there feelings or discourage them.
So sometimes I ether just say something nice or pass on to the next post.
But when I get constructive criticism I always welcome it. [Yes I do!]
I think getting it right is not easy.
I would love to hear from others as to what they think, and any advice would be most welcome.

Thanks, SUZY

[Asako]

Here's what I try to remember when speaking to others, especially on sensitive things like how they look or how well a job they did.

Say what you mean and mean what you say are two different things. You could be trying to give a compliment but if it's poorly given, it may be taken by the person as an insult. Think carefully from their point of view and in their frame of mind before speaking to ensure you don't insult them on accident. This will make or break your constructive criticism.

[Amanda Stubbs]

I have often noticed GG's, when meeting each other at a function, always compliament each other on thier appearance; `OH ! dont you look nice....`; `I love your shoes where did you get those?`etc. Then criticising about the girl they've just compliamented to someone else.
I cant be like that, its not my nature. If someone looks good, I tell them so, if they dont i just politely greet them. I have met many of 'us girls' out and about and, quite frankly, some look awful ! as the event progresses I've often spoke to them discreetly to try and help them, even meeting them for shopping trips to guide them a little.
I'm no fashion guru but often get nice comments from my GG friends and my daughter! I value thier opinions and insist on them being critical if needed, belive me GG's love the chance to be critical !

[Joanne f]

I do not understand this need to criticise others for what they are wearing or the way they are wearing it , dressing is an individual thing to me and not some type of cloning .
If someone ask`s your opinion on something that is a different matter but it is still an opinion of the way you like to dress and not necessary the way they like to dress , i am sorry but i never like to hear "look this is the way you should be doing it ", i will and always will dress the way i want to and not how someone else thinks i should be doing it :)

[tricia_uktv]

We are all about honesty so we should criticise constructively. But we should always benice about it. Instead of saying 'that doesn't suit you' say 'Have you tried that? I think you would great in it'

[TxKimberly]

My general rule of thumb is to never offer criticism unless it's asked for. If someone posts a pic and asks "Please offer comments good and bad" or something along those lines, then I offer candid advice. If they don't specifically ask for it though, I keep it to myself.

[BRANDYJ]

I'm with Kimberly on this. If not asked for, I don't offer any criticism or advice. I also admit that if even asked for, and I feel my honest opinion would be to harsh, then I will pass that post up. If I do criticize, it would be honest and usually backed up with an honest statement that might make that person feel good along with whatever I might of said that was negative.

[hayley_babe]

i would go along with what a few of the other girls have said in here, read what the original poster has asked for, whether it be constructive criticism or the good and the bad...and just go along with that...i would think that all comments in here with our looks would be positive anyways, perhaps just a little further encouragement here and there...

[Tina B.]

I agree with TXKimberly, not asked, don't tell. I've learned over the years, not everyone wants advice or others opinions, and mine are so good, I just hate to waste them on people that don't appreciate them.
Tina B.

[Asako]

But [apart from me not being the worlds leading expert on dress] I worry I will hurt there feelings or discourage them.
So sometimes I ether just say something nice or pass on to the next post.Correct me if I'm wrong but from the sound of OP, it sounds like they were asking how to give better advice/constructive criticism when it's asked for. I'd guess they feel like they have the subtelity of a baseball bat to the head sometimes based on how they say they "worry" about hurting the person's feelings.

[Chari]

IMHO, always say something positive or nothing at all! If their color (makeup, hair, outfit, shoes, etc.) looks good on them, or their dress hides some minor flaws (& we all have them), or maybe they have great looking legs - tell them! We are all individuals who enjoy a compliment, but sometimes need a suggestion without malice from an outsiders view!

[kimdl93]

to the OP, I'd say that the temptation to offer constructive criticism should be resisted unless criticism/advice has been requested. There are two forums on Beauty and Shopping where I've found some great ideas, tips, suggestions - they're meant for that purpose so I encourage people to use them!

[AKAMichelle]

Constructive Criticism can be rough. I got some advice the other day which hit me pretty good. I use to have my walk down, but out the other night I was a guy dressed. I thought I had conquered that bridge, but not dressing for a year must have brought back those old habits. Now I have something else to work on.

[suzy1]

Thank you all so much for your comments.
The only reason I am tempted to help sometimes is it’s just in my nature.
From your comments it is obvious that I not comment or try to give helpful criticism unless asked for.
I did say to a girl a little while back that she looked better without her glasses [she has the most amazing eyes] and I got away with it.

Still on a learning curve…………SUZY

[Marissa]

My general rule of thumb is to never offer criticism unless it's asked for. If someone posts a pic and asks "Please offer comments good and bad" or something along those lines, then I offer candid advice. If they don't specifically ask for it though, I keep it to myself.

I agree with what Kim is stating (by the way, Kim, when you running for Governor of Texas????? we need you, hon :) ) if someone is asking for comments... but on the other hand..sometimes a discreet comment (advice) needs to be made.. whether you whisper it to that person or a PM/email.

An example would be if someone put way too much eyeliner on bottom lid (and she wasn't meaning to go with a goth or similiar appearance) ..giving racooon appearance. If no one gave a comment, then the girl would continue with this practice and as given in an example "you look nice" followed by "did you see her eye makeup..OMG!"

I'll accept any comments, good or bad, if done appropriately..i'm learning as i go and need all the help i can get..:) now if done in a rude manner..silk gloves are coming off and its the imfamous "Dynasty" catfight scene all over again ;)

Hugs,
Marissa

[Billijo49504]

I've found that you can usually find something to make a nice comment about. Wow!! I really like your outfit, shoes or jewelery. That's how I do it...BJ

[Rianna Humble]

I'm with the clan who don't give advice unless it is sought, but if specifically asked, I always look for something positive to say as an opener, then if I have constructive comments to make I try to make them along the lines "have you considered doing such and such?".

A specific example: A GG friend recently asked my opinion on her outfit which, whilst nice, was a little sombre. I started by complimenting her on the style of the dress which really suited her, then asked if she had considered a lighter colour belt or shrug to accessorize and break up the colour a little. When she tried that she found that she liked it a lot.

[EllieOPKS]

I think if someone asks for your opinion and you can see something that you can recommend as an improvement you should do that. I haven't posted a pic yet but when I finally do and I ask for honest opinion I would prefer no comment as to someone saying 'you look good hun' when they really don't believe that. I think that's a disservice to that person. This forum is the only place I will feel comfortable asking others to tell me how I can improve Ellie. I also think its a bad assumption that whoever asks for your opinion is so thin skinned that they will curl up on the couch and start sobbing.

[Kathi Lake]

Although I'm not in the business of hurting people (unless you count my military experience :)), I do believe that constructive criticism is a good thing. It's destructive criticism that is bad. Constructive criticism builds the person up by helping them, while destructive criticism is mainly to tear another person down to make yourself feel better.

When a person asks for opinions, and I notice something that I believe can help them, I'll tell them. Simple.

Kathi

[Lucy_Bella]

I am always open for any kind of criticisum and take most with a grain of salt but some I do find useful. I am always willing to improve.. A real friend will tell you while others laugh behind your back..

[ashlylynn]

GREAT POST Suzy!

I have a longtime cd friend (I am female vtw) who begged me for a long time to accompany him on a dressed adventure
but I refused because HE HAD NO CLUE that he looked like a BAD TRANNY and I knew that's how he'd look to others.
So I did his makeup and shopped for things that made him look real enough to pass ... LOW KEY regular womens's clothes.

See ... if he showed-up a Wal-MArt wearing 7" stillettos and fishnets, a rhinestone mini dress and a vegas showgil wig
... he'd kinda attract attention ... people would look CLOSELY at him ... he needed to BLEND IN.

So ...maybe if everyone who wanted HELP with that ... they can ad a signature in posts or something in profile that
says they SEEK advice - any and all - please be gentle.

[suzy1]

Ashly, that is exactly the point I was trying to make!
Your Idea about a signature in the post saying they seek honest advice would be good but I don’t think it will work as it is bound to hurt someone and that’s not what this site is all about.
There are a few here that fit your description of a bad tranny and need help.
But from the replies I have got so far it seems I should only give constructive criticism if it’s asked for and I can understand this.
Would all others that visit this post take the time to read ashlylynn’s comments, she realy is “spot on”

Just trying to help, SUZY

[Kathryn Martin]

Suzy, there may be another side to this too.

We are in a relatively closed forum, we are all struggling with the same issues. This is true especially where clothing and appearance are concerned.

If I were to dress in clothing that is age inappropriate, I hope someone would say something. Many of us have daughters that we wouldn't have allowed to leave the house dressed like a lot of TGs tend to dress. We would have told her that it was not appropriate and would have tried to instill a sense of taste in her to develop her judgment in taste.

We are so overly sensitive about criticism. I think we are all a little or lot raw from fear of ridiculing comments by our contemporaries. What we sometimes forget is, that if we didn't act according the the stereotypes of what society perceives of TG (i.e. man in 2" miniskirt, with fishnet stockings, 6"heels and a top that is inappropriately tight etc you get the picture) then maybe there would be no basis for ridicule.

I for one would rather be told what works and what doesn't to make sure I learned how to present tastefully. I might not always agree with what you say, but I sure would listen and would welcome anything you have to say.

Kathryn