Need advice for coming out to work

[Nicki S]

Hello, I am looking for some advice on how to come out to work. Here is my deal. I work on a ship and go to work for 21 days and then home 21 days. So while at home I can live 24/7 as Nicki. I do have a supportive GF. So I am at the point that I want to get breast augmentation. This is no problem for me on my off time, I can live as a female. But when at work I need to be in male mode. So my anticipated size C breasts will be visible under my clothes. As far as me just living as a woman while at work would be extremely difficult in a dominate male environment. Not to sound off key here, but it just is not a good place to be a woman. So I am okay with being a man with breasts at work.
So I have slowly been hinting to a couple of my co-workers that I want to get BA. They are somewhat okay with it. Telling the other 12 men might be tough. They don't know that I CD. My idea was to send a letter / email to the HR dept and come out to them about my life style at home and that I am going to be getting breasts. This is a huge step telling all the management that I CD and want boobs. This is a fairly small privately owned company also. I guess that inside I am hoping that they will write back to me and give me there blessings. But I suppose that they can also not be in my favor. In the letter I did address many issues ranging from telling them I have no desire to dress at work, that I am heterosexual and in a committed relationship with a woman, I will not be using the boobs for the solicitation of sex.
I am open for any suggestions and ideas that you can come up with.

Thanks, Nicki

[AllieSF]

Well, you are opening a can of worms. A lot of companies (I think - at least the larger ones) have work regulations that support transgendered people. That usually means people in "transition", "transitioning" or "transitioned" from one gender to another with or without the accompanying surgical modifications. Now you are talking about a crossdressing (hobby, personal lifestyle, ??) situation where you desire to change your physical body permanently with breast augmentation. In my limited viewpoint that may be stretching the situation from a company's point of view and understanding of the existing laws. I think that under the Transsexual (transitioning) situation you would be fine and should deal directly with the human resources department and work out a mutually agreeable plan and time line. In a company it is always better when you have them on your side.

However, in your situation, I really cannot recommend a course of action and leave that to our other co-members here. I do not think that it is impossible, but may need a lot more talking, convincing and negotiating with your current employer. Legally, they are required to offer you a safe work place and put in place company regulations that permit you to do your job with out any type of harassment. They also cannot tell you what you can do to your body, hair nor clothes, unless it may have a disrupting affect on other workers or the company's ability to run their business and make a profit. Some companies do not allow long hair, piercings, tattoos (Starbuck's), baggy clothes around machinery, sandals where steel toed shoes are required, employee disturbances (the gray area in my opinion for your case), etc. Same goes for wearing company appropriate attire as they present themselves to the public, customers and future customers.

I do wish you the best of luck and am interested in seeing what others recommend and what may actually work in your situation.

[Danni Bear]

Nicki,
This is a very tricky sitution that you are in. The worst of which is close quaters living. As a male with breasts you would be a source of ridicule to others. That is not to say that is correct or ok. Men who work at sea or in the Gulf are a different breed of men than the general public. They usually have little tolerance for any thing different. You live a structered life at sea. Women can and do work offshore, accomadations are made for them. I have been offshore several times to clients rigs and barges to repair or upgrade equipment. At times for several weeks,they have had to make adjustments for my presence. This has put a hardship on their productivity in that regard. Anything that disrupts a ships order is something that ship masters try to avoid at all costs.

Danni

[Stephenie S]

Yeah, I REALLY agree with Danni. To become a "Tranny" in that testosterone laden workplace would be foolish in the extreme. If you transition you must do so completely. There's no room for Mr In-between. As a woman you would have the law on your side, but as a tranny? Some other time, huh?

Steph

[jenifer m.]

nicki im going to have to agree with the comments about it disrupting the order of the ship.that would be the only main problem i see with your decision to get BA however its your thing and you know your company best. we will talk about it on the 17th when we go out.we can bounce some ideas off each other.

[Nicki S]

Thanks Jen, Look forward to next Friday for GNO

[donnalee]

Another thing to keep in mind; if you think you'll have protection via any US or State laws, then think again, For all intents and purposes, there IS no U.S. shipping industry. Nearly all ships are chartered in a country other than the U.S., and have no obligation to follow U.S. laws while at sea.

[Donna O]

Hi Donna O here


As a CD living in a at will state and a some what know law bender ( Oiler v. Winn Dixie 2000) , You must be very carefull.

[Nicki S]

Donna, can you explain a bit more

[Donna O]

On Jan 5,2000 I was fried from Winn Dixie Stores of la. for xdressing off duty ONLY. In Set. of 2000, I un wiselly filed a fedaral law suite under TITLE 7 of 1963 Cicvil Rights Act. The mistreatment I got for the Gender Comm. was almost as bad Winn Dixie.

[AKAMichelle]

Nicki - I think you are heading for trouble. Danni is right about this one. You would be far safer being gay than a cd'er in that arena. Not to mention one with boobs.

[Nicki S]

So is everybody suggesting NOT getting a boob job, or just dont tell the office?

[ReineD]

Your legal rights are paramount, but what also must be considered is the quality of your experience during your 21 days at sea. You say that you need to be a male at work. Why do you say this? Do you sense that others will not accept you (even if they are made to behave from a legal standpoint)? Oftentimes people in non-accepting environments can take things into their own hands and do things furtively to make anyone's life miserable.

Can you discuss your options with your immediate supervisor at sea, and also HR before making any decisions? If you decide to talk to these people, can you come back here and tell us what they say? They may be in a better position to gage how liberal your work mates are than us.

[Danni Bear]

Nikki,

Let me ask you a few questions about arrangments on the vessel you work on. Are the berthing quaters seperate or common to several people? Are the head(bathroom for landlubbers) private or communial? What type of vessel is it? These are questions that you need to ask yourself.

ReineD, men who work at sea are risk takers. They pit their strength and knowledge against a foe that is unforgiving of mistakes. They have to know that they can trust and depend on the ones around them. In many ways life at sea is like life in a combat zone. Anything that causes people in those conditions to doubt or question their coworkers is dangerous not only to them but could affect the safety of everyone on board.

Danni

[CharleneT]

I think this is one of those situations where you rights, and what is right; won't matter. It sounds like a potential nightmare in fact. I have no experience in that type of work, but it seems like anything that upsets the balance in "get'n along" will get sent over board ? That wasn't meant literally . . .

One thing to consider, you said "size C breasts". That's pretty large for hiding. If you haven't already, make yourself a set of bird feed forms (quick/easy/cheap) and try 'em out for a while. I think you will find it impossible to hide an enlargement of that size. By the by, what is your band size ? How large a person's chest measurement is, effects how a particular "cup" size looks.

[Nicki S]

Reine, I simply choose to live and work as a male while at work. I believe that it will be easier on everyone. I will simply be a man with breasts. I will keep them covered like any self-respecting female. I do realize that they will be very visible bumps under my shirts. I am wanting to believe that after the initial shock of the crew seeing me with breasts, they will be okay with them and me. I fully realize that I will be the focal point for the jokes. As long as it remains as fun, I am quite fine with that.

Danni, I do share my quarters with one other man. The work schedule is set up that we are on opposite shifts. So I am sleeping while he is working, etc. I do have a certain amount of privacy. The head is a shared head, but is private for single use. Only one person showers at a time, same with having only one toilet. Once again, I can wash my breasts without having to worry about another person watching me.

Charlene, I have a couple of sets of forms already and I did recently make the bird seed forms to replicate my desired size. I have been home for two weeks and have had my forms on almost every moment, including sleeping. I did remove them for church though. I agree that a set of 38C breasts will not be able to be hidden. But I can wear shirts that are not clingy, and are bit more baggy to keep my breasts from being the main focal point of me. Yes lumps will be there. Once again, I am hoping that the crew will become accustomed to seeing me with boobs and will just be fine with them. Im sure this will take time, but I have allot of that.

Now my current thinking is when I go to work next week, that I will have my seed forms in a sports bra when I arrive back on the boat. This is an easy way to let the crew know about what I am planning to do. If asked why I have a bra on with boobs, I am thinking of simply stating that I am wanting a boob job and I am taking a fake set for a test drive and deciding if this is what I want. This seems like an easy way to "come out" to everyone and is so much easier than starting a conservation from scratch. Opinions please...
Thanks everybody for all of your comments. I appreciate the help.