Reality check time - thinking of going full time.

[Nicole Erin]

Good -
I am on HRT, voice is coming along, and I am far past the pink fog stage.
No career yet (working on becoming a beautician), I am not in the closet. Family/friends know I am TG yes but still have not fully explained about the TS thing... Facial hair is well under control.

Bad -
I don't feel I pass real well yet. I could stand to lose more weight. I CAN pass but of course it takes a bit of effort, and even then I imagine people figure it out quickly.

The next big step I plan on is legally changing my name. Sadly, the "m" will still be on my ID.

You can look up my photo thread I recently did, get an idea of my looks, and here is of my female voice -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUeaMZ_iOv4

I wish I could run out and get all this nice FFS surgery but I just cannot afford that.

I don't truely know how much I get read, I don't get like a lot of strange stares or anything but then I dress to blend in as a woman. Attached photo gives an idea, this pic is recent. I wonder if I can actually pull this off, to live F/T without a lot of problems in things like finding work (we know right now thast is hard enough for anyone)
Am I just fooling myself? Can I do this? What if I take the plunge and everything goes wrong?

Be as honest as you must, if I would be making a huge mistake, please do not just say "Yes Erin you will do fine" cause if I am not ready, I need to know. I am not fishing for compliments, I am very serious about wanting to move forward with this.

If I went full time, I would not really present any different than I already do, just the name change. To me this would be a huge step. But would it be a huge mistake? If I am able to do this, what should I expect once I truely AM Erin? What happens when I get read?
Any advice would be appreciated.

[Rianna Humble]

I don't feel I pass real well yet. I could stand to lose more weight. I CAN pass but of course it takes a bit of effort, and even then I imagine people figure it out quickly.

Feelings are good, but don't let them stop you being yourself. From your photos, you pass better than I ever will. You need to lose weight? We all want to lose a couple of dress sizes.


The next big step I plan on is legally changing my name. Sadly, the "m" will still be on my ID.

Yes, that is a shame, but ar least you will legally be Nicole Erin!



I wish I could run out and get all this nice FFS surgery but I just cannot afford that.

I don't truly know how much I get read, I don't get like a lot of strange stares or anything but then I dress to blend in as a woman. Attached photo gives an idea, this pic is recent.

I can't afford FFS either, and I need it a sight more than you do!

Stop beating yourself up on this bit. You are a woman, you look like a woman, and if the odd person has a negative reaction, just smile and thank them - they won't know how to handle you being nice back to them.



I wonder if I can actually pull this off, to live F/T without a lot of problems in things like finding work (we know right now that is hard enough for anyone)

I won't lie to you and say it will be easy - I was lucky to be able to transition on the job with the support of colleagues and management. I could probably have gone for a better paid job if I'd been willing to give up on my need to be Rianna.


Am I just fooling myself? Can I do this? What if I take the plunge and everything goes wrong?

No, you're not fooling yourself about your need to be you. You have already made a lot of progress and don't forget that transition will help to boost your confidence because you will be more at ease with yourself.

Can I guarantee that nothing will ever go wrong in your life? No-one can. Will everything go wrong because you give in to your need to be Nicole? I don't think so. Will ife be a bowl of cherries? Maybe, maybe not - time will tell.

Mean time, give yourself permission to choose happiness :hugs:

[Danni Bear]

Nicole,

Going full time is hard. Is it worth it? You better believe it. The feelings of release will overcome you.

There will always be barriers set before you in life. Most of them are set there by ourselves. It is your life, live it your way.

Be happy and don't sweat the small stuff.

Love

Danni

[angelis13]

Hon, I won't lie to you and tell you everything will be a bed of roses, life in general never is.
But was going full time for me worth the anxiety, the sleepless nights, all the concerns that I will never "pass" (personally I don't like using that term, this isn't a competition..you don't pass, you fail, that's BS, You are You, that is enough), in one simple word...Yes..I have no regrets.
I did have to leave a lot of "his" life behind, I did lose friends, but I have made a lot of new ones and they all accept me as myself, as Angela.
I cannot tell you when or if you are ready to go full time, Sorry, All I can do is tell you that for me it got to a point that I just had to be true to myself and to hell with what anybody else thought...
I do know a lot of TS people "down Under" and honestly Hon, with the way you look, you do not have to much to worry about, not at all..
Just be true to yourself, that is all we can be..
Hugs, Angela

[Starling]

Nicole, I think you look like a woman, but the main thing is you are a woman. You're not pretending to be someone you're not. I wish you all the best.

:) Lallie

[Hope]

You look great. Maybe you get read, maybe you don't. You will never know, because most folks have the good sense to keep their bloody mouths shut. You don't have any obviously masculine features. Your chin is good, you don't seem to have a huge brow ridge, you have the hair done well... I don't see an adams apple... In all honesty I think your photos look better than your avatar. You have done a lot of work, you should be proud of yourself.

I know this is trite and a horrible thing to say in general, and it is a small thing, but ... smile... at least for photos... unless you ARE on your way to a fight.

You know a lot of moms are really worried about having their kiddies jump into a pool, even in the shallow end. I am not sure why it is, but some of them freak out over stepping down even into as little as a foot of water. Pool designers know this, and so they have started building (in the lat 10? years or so) what they call "zero depth" entrances. Instead of having the kiddies have to step down stairs like we all used to as kids, they are starting to build pools with a big ramp that comes right up to the edge, and the kids can wade out as far as they are comfortable (or more likely as far as mom is comfortable) an inch at a time with no sudden drop off.

If you are worried about the huge transition to going full time all at once, don't go full time all at once. Ease into it. See how it goes. Push your own boundaries. One day you will look back and realize you are in the deep end with the big girls and you won't even have noticed.

[7sisters]

This is what I see:
You look fine. Dont stress!

[Stephenie S]

My advice. Go for it. You have all you need.

I will make a few comments.

Your voice is fine. If you can keep it up all day, you have it made. A nice voice can go a long way to cover for other less favorable problems.

Smile. I'm not the only one to notice this. Smile. Grin. Listen sweetie, woman smile. Women smile to themselves, they smile at other women, they smile at men (sometimes), they ALWAYS smile at children (if kids are reading you, you aren't smiling enough at them). Women always smile at little kids. So smile, already, and all the time. A smile signals to others that you are happy and satisfied with what you are doing. Open EVERY social interaction with a BIG smile.

You bod? Relax. You look a little too tense. A smile would help here.

Makeup? Looks good to me. You know, if your lips are too thin, you don't have to follow the actual curve of your lips. Take a lip liner and draw carefully a bit outside your real lips. Look closely at any fashion magazine pictures of faces. You will see this technique easily.

Is your beard gone? That's a dead giveaway. Enough makeup to cover a beard shadow just looks clownish in the light of day.

Hope this helps. You look pretty good to me. And your voice? Dead on girl.

Stephie

[Kathryn Martin]

Good -
I am on HRT, voice is coming along, and I am far past the pink fog stage.
No career yet (working on becoming a beautician), I am not in the closet. Family/friends know I am TG yes but still have not fully explained about the TS thing... Facial hair is well under control.

Bad -
I don't feel I pass real well yet. I could stand to lose more weight. I CAN pass but of course it takes a bit of effort, and even then I imagine people figure it out quickly.

The next big step I plan on is legally changing my name. Sadly, the "m" will still be on my ID.

You can look up my photo thread I recently did, get an idea of my looks, and here is of my female voice -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUeaMZ_iOv4

I wish I could run out and get all this nice FFS surgery but I just cannot afford that.

I don't truely know how much I get read, I don't get like a lot of strange stares or anything but then I dress to blend in as a woman. Attached photo gives an idea, this pic is recent. I wonder if I can actually pull this off, to live F/T without a lot of problems in things like finding work (we know right now thast is hard enough for anyone)
Am I just fooling myself? Can I do this? What if I take the plunge and everything goes wrong?

Be as honest as you must, if I would be making a huge mistake, please do not just say "Yes Erin you will do fine" cause if I am not ready, I need to know. I am not fishing for compliments, I am very serious about wanting to move forward with this.

If I went full time, I would not really present any different than I already do, just the name change. To me this would be a huge step. But would it be a huge mistake? If I am able to do this, what should I expect once I truely AM Erin? What happens when I get read?
Any advice would be appreciated.

From a purely visual perspective you seem to have two all too common issues:

Firstly you jaw bone is too pronounced and your body is cylindrical with not enough of a waist.

I have the same problems. I am in the process of learning contouring to round my face and de-emphasize my jaw. If you get advise from MAC or a similarly good store they will set you up with the right colors and then you can learn how to work the magic by watching online videos about contouring.

The body is a more difficult issue in my view. Loosing weight is good (healthy) but it will not take away your shoulders and rarely reduces your waist more than the proportionate loss that comes from weight loss. I think you might spend the money on an image consulting because it would help you to find the right clothes to change how you are perceived form wise.

I find the biggest difference in fact is the amount of confidence with which you present. I have seen and know GGs that look like a Lumberjack but no one would ever suggest they are anything but female. My SO tells me every time we go out to stand tall hold my shoulders back and relaxed, to look people in the face and smile, and be your feminine self. That you are anyway, but you have to stop second guessing your appearance and let it shine.

And you look lovely

Kathryn

[Ana5551]

I have some of the same insecurities you do...then I go out in public and realize we all come in different shapes and sizes, and sounds. You can pull it off, you look like any other woman out there, which is our goal. I am going to guess you are in therapy? Ask your therapist about esteem and confidence building things you can do. My vote is go for it, you look and sound great!

[Chickhe]

I'm not transitioning. I really think you are not ready to transition if you can not accept that you will be recognized as a transgender person and to be proud of that. That doesn't mean you should not do your best to appear female, but the whole anxiety over passing, I think is more appropriate for us CDers who live a double life. The reason I say that, is because when you are living full time, you have no choice but to live your life as you are... you can't add a little extra duct tape or wear a wig all the time or spend 3 hours doing your makeup every day. You will get read and you need to interact with people whether your voice is good or not. It is reality and I bet it can got boring really fast.

Do you pass? Well, the first thing I notice, you do not look happy...females generally have a permanent smile on their faces. Secondlly, you look female...

[Veronica_Jean]

Nicole,

The physical aspect of passing is far less than most of us think. IT is possible you will get read, but as hope pointed out, most people won't say or do anything. Typically when I would get read it was from a woman and she would just smile much more than normal, and I would just smile back the same.

If you were able to afford therapy then the m can be changed to f based on the current trends. Surgery is no longer the only criteria to get that changed in many places. From what I see in your pics I would not spend money on FFS, but that is just my opinion.

I felt for a long that that because of my stature I would never look like a woman, but last week I met with HR again for a friendly lunch to see how my transition was going (I went full time the end of June). She had two interesting comments: 1) You always said you would look like a man in a dress, but look at you! you are really pulling this off well! 2) You look so much more relaxed and comfortable now. Most of us only see the things we dislike and miss the big picture that others see.

The best advice is just test the waters and see how it feels. It was scary for me and I hoped I was ready. It also took me at least 2 months to adjust to feeling comfortable accepting just being a woman and what all that means. At this point though, i am starting to realize the potential I have, the comfort I feel, and that life is good. Life is still difficult and many days seem nearly impossible, just as before. But in those quiet moments when we are alone, I am happy to be myself, and that makes all the difference.

Good luck and follow your heart.

Veronica

[Stephenie S]

Chickie wrote:

I'm not transitioning. I really think you are not ready to transition if you can not accept that you will be recognized as a transgender person and to be proud of that. That doesn't mean you should not do your best to appear female, but the whole anxiety over passing, I think is more appropriate for us CDers who live a double life. The reason I say that, is because when you are living full time, you have no choice but to live your life as you are... you can't add a little extra duct tape or wear a wig all the time or spend 3 hours doing your makeup every day. You will get read and you need to interact with people whether your voice is good or not. It is reality and I bet it can got boring really fast.

Do you pass? Well, the first thing I notice, you do not look happy...females generally have a permanent smile on their faces. Secondlly, you look female...

I have a bit of a problem with your saying that you have to get used to being read. I don't think so. Do you want to be a "tranny", or do you want to be a woman? There is a HUGE difference. If you are a woman, then you can't worry about being read because you just are. Masculine looking woman don't worry about being "read". Why not? Because they KNOW they are woman. If you are going to transition you need that inner knowledge of your own femininity. If you carry around the inner knowledge that you are a GUY, you will never pass. If you carry around an inner knowledge that you are a woman, then you won't have to worry about it at all.

Stephie

[7sisters]

Women often have cylinderical bodies and having no waist is a very maternal, matronly thing. Use bold blouse prints and a band in the middle to create an illusion of a waist.

[DemonicDaughter]

Erin, you've seen pictures of Bre so you know what she looks like. Do you know that she still fears being read? Do you know that she sometimes goes out of the house with no makeup on and no one even bats an eye at her? And she doesn't even have her name legally changed yet!

In all honesty, if everyone here told you that you couldn't pass would it really stop you from being Erin? Or weren't you her years ago before anyone saw a picture of you? You can't stop being who you are, you can only try to continue to hide it and never know what could have been. Might you fail? Yes but you can fail at life right now by not being who you are as well. Every fear you express can happen now without Erin being a factor. That's life. Nothing is absolute. Not jobs, not happiness, not anything other than the emotional realm we create for ourselves. Go be Erin, love life as you've always wanted to, the only thing stopping you is you.

[Nicole Brown]

Hi Nicole,

First off, I just love your choice in names...:battingeyelashes:

Something funny struck me as I read through your post. The first item you have listed under good is HRT. If I am not mistaken, don't you need to be under the guidance of a therapist to get permission to obtain a prescription for hormones? That said, have you discussed these feelings with your therapist? Your feelings should be of serious concern to you and I would hope that you are taking all of the proper and necessary precautions before making such an important decision in your life.

I mean, far be it from me to tell you what to do or what not to do, but I have not traveled as far down the road to transition as you have and yet I am far past the point of asking the questions that you are asking. I am beyond worrying about things like passing and whether or not to have FFS. My therapist has helped my decide the correct path for me to follow and I long ago started being comfortable with my life choices.

If you still have the doubts that I am reading in your post, and your therapist has not been able to help you resolve your feelings, I might suggest that you look for someone who can help you choose your way. Don't make the mistake of traveling a path that is not right for you as the results can be very unpleasant.

[staceytg3]

So what if you geat read-you are true to yourself!

[Barbara Dugan]

I think you look very good and I don't need to sugar coat anything but on the end its your decision ...I wish you all the luck of the world:hugs:

[Victoria Anne]

Erin I think you look fine except you need to smile , I am going full time on the 18Th and let me tell you I am only just starting electrolysis and my voice is gravely ! I did as Hope suggested , I simply began to dress more feminine and before I knew it I was dressing more feminine than a lot of GG's in my field , I just don't wear make-up or a wig at work but that will change the 18Th. I have had second thoughts about it , for about 3 seconds , I have to be who I am and cannot remain Tim , I am just not happy that way and my wife see's it and has told me that as Viccy , when I am being myself I am happier than she has ever seen me ... You know what ... I am willing to bet you will be too. There will be times you get read , we all do but just have confidence in yourself (I cant believe I am saying this when it was not that long ago all the ladies and gentlemen here were saying it to me) I am so happy I am here to stay so If I get read then so be it , I will just smile and be happy because I know I am a woman . Trust yourself , live your life and be happy .

[Fab Karen]

For those not on hormones &/or not doing electrol./laser it might be rough doing 24/7. The majority of us are more easily read if our ears are completely uncovered.
The close-up pic looks good. The full length shot can't tell if it's just the lighting or if that's beard-shadow bleeding through- the outfit is good.



...females generally have a permanent smile on their faces.

Go out and look- let's not perpetuate gender stereotypes.

[Faith_G]

You are beyond ready, sis. :hugs: Go out there and be the woman God created you to be! :)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I dont' think your doubts are about your nature, but about your ability to live a full and satisfying life, conquering the fear type issues...

It's your life, and you get to live it...

you look great...and i mean really great...very natural and female...please please SMILE..it matters soooo much.

all your fears and concerns are valid and bad things can and do happen to girls that transition..you need to know this going in.
when you get read, you get read...literally that's it....everything after that is up to you and the folks around you..you have to PERMANENTLY ACCEPT that this may happen and you may be "the tranny"
having an m on your license with a female name and life has caused so many problems for folks i know...

there is no magical moment ...but instead lots of little moments that add up to you finally realizing that you are the woman that you've always felt you were....
those moments slowly erase all the confusion and doubt and fear and its something you just have to "do" to experience...its quite amazing i think, but its not earth shattering,

people don't wake up every day and shout "HOORAY...IM A WOMAN!!" and after the adrenaline leaves, you won't either...
all the emotional, physical and financial trauma imposed on us simply allows us to feel just like everybody else...and you need to be prepared for that feeling
but all the bad stuff running around in your head starts to drift away and you may start to wonder what you were waiting for..

you sure seem ready to me..i can't find a guy in your pics, voice or anything you write..
all the best
kaitlyn

[Nicole Erin]

I appreciate the feedback here. This name change business just keeps playing on my mind.
I don't think it would help me pass visually, but when I have to give the male name it is a dead giveaway.

I was looking at this on tsroadmap also. Talked to a few girls local to Indy, seems the actual process is not real hard. I did my own divorce, I am sure a name change can't be any harder.
Couple years ago my ex and I did bankruptcy, when we were still married. I wonder how that could come into play cause I know the judge will typically ask if you are doing this to avoid debt (Like anyone is gonna yes, "Yes, your honor, that is exactly why I am doing it, you got me!). Hopefully that doesn't get in the way, BTW it was discharged almost 2 years ago (discharge is legal term for "finished, granted, over")

They talk about that whole stealth thing, of course I know that isn't an option at this point given how too many people know. Besides that you have to run an ad in the legal notices for so many days or weeks (Great, why not just put it on an F'in Billboard along the highway?)

I feel like I should be chomping at the bit to do this but much like any of our first times stepping out en femme, I am a wreck.

[AKAMichelle]

The answer to your questions are simple.

1) You look fine. On the street I wouldn't think that you are anything but a female.
2) RLE is a very tricky thing for some while others breeze right through.
3) The choice is yours to make but not deciding is also a choice. Never live life with regrets. You can learn from the failures and rebuild but the regrets will haunt you forever.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Go for it if thats what you truley want.Be what you feel you want to be and you will feel more comfortable with your self.You look femmine and with a little work you will be fine.

[Faith_G]

Since your bk has been discharged you will not have any problem with the name change. It's perfectly legal to do what you want to do.

Who the hell reads the legal notices? Only paralegals and out-of-work lawyers, that's who.

Until you get your name change, there is no reason to give your old name in day-to-day situations. I had my prescriptions and was writing checks in my new name months before I got the court order.

If you feel that transitioning is really what you need to do, make a plan and force yourself to follow through. I have had to fight through the fear to stick with my plan several times. I can promise you that you won't look back 6 months from now and wish that you had listened to your fears.

[Nicole Erin]

Hmm, well Faith made a point I had totally overlooked -
I need to start practicing my new signature. :D

[donnalee]

Erin, you are well inside the bell curve for females and look wonderful. If I was (more than) a few years younger and single, I'd definitely ask you out. Please don't underate yourself.
Donna :hugs:

[angelis13]

If you carry around the inner knowledge that you are a GUY, you will never pass. If you carry around an inner knowledge that you are a woman, then you won't have to worry about it at all.

Stephie
Touche' Stephenie, I could not agree with your statement more

Hugs ,Angela

[Gerrijerry]

I have only been full time for a little while. Yes it takes time to adjust to just being yourself a woman. Once you do no one will even think about it when they view you. At work I am treated like any other woman, I just had to remember that I go to work to get the work I am given completed not worry about did I pass. The same is true everywhere I go. When I sat at a salon on Saturday having my hair done the woman next to me and I had a lovely talk about nothing. We just relaxed and enjoyed being pampared. I didn't worry about someone saying hey that is a TS woman. After that I went home and waited for the realtor to come for our open house. Now selling your home that is really scary.

[karen1562]

I can say that I have definitely done things slowly. I like the zero-entry pool image. But I've always done things slow my whole life, so that's just me. I've always had a huge fear of what others think about me, since I was young. So in order to overcome those feelings, I've put myself in situations where I would be uncomfortable if someone saw me. For instance, a stupid easy thing, is act goofy in your car (if you don't already). I would dance to the radio, or make funny faces to myself while stopped at a stop light, where someone in the car next to me could see, and think I'm crazy! (Believe me, I've had confidence issues). But now I'm at the point where I go out with my earring studs (just silver balls), long hair, plucked and arched eyebrows, mostly female clothes (usually jeans and a neutrally colored semi-female top), and just go out. I go to the grocery store, the drive thru, the pizza place, to the park w/ my family. And let me tell you, going out with people you are comfortable with is a huge boost! I recently went to Atlanta on a trip w/ my brother and people would stare at me, but since I was with my brother, I was able to just laugh it all off, making direct eye contact with most and just smiling! Anyways, I wish you luck, and yes, you look terrific !

[Karan49]

Hi Erin, I agree with Stepanie S, you look just fine. I've been living as Karan since 1988 so I hope you can take my word for it. As to the name change, get it done asap in court and then work on getting the M changed to an F; may I suggest since you are on HRT that you get a letter from your doctor saying you are a pre-op TS and then apply for a Passport which you can then get the F on it following the new rules and then show this to the Indiana department of licences which will then put the F on your new license. Voila! Good luck and don't let anything stop you!
Karan