scared to make an appointment

[Steph.TS]

right now I'm web browsing trying to see what therapists in my area would be a good fit, and I can't bring myself to call any of them, I'm worried about what if's, I've never had therapy b4, I've never pushed myself like this before, Don't get me wrong I really truly want to be a woman but I don't know what I'm more afraid of being told I should do it or that I shouldn't do it.

both ways has it's consequences and I just want to live a happy life. thinking about this stuff makes everything seem more complicated, if I don't do anything, my family would be happy, I wouldn't have to tell my friends or employer anything, but I'd have to learn to be happy as a man and every so often wonder what it would have been like, but if I do transition I'd have to tell them eventually, but I'd live my life how I wanted to, I know in order to sort out my feelings on this topic I should have therapy, I just feel afraid calling up as that would be the first step towards a scary end. I don't even know exactly what I expect from the therapist... Does this make any sense to anyone here?

[Billijo49504]

Jen, the first thing I would do, is call your health insurance company, see who they cover. Then go to that place to see if they have any gender idenity therapists. Try one, if you don't feel comrfortable, go to someone else. especially if you're from a big city. There might be someone that is speficilly with TG folks. If there is a LGBT group in your area, check with them. I got my hormone letter with 6 visits, and a promise to continue to seeing him. Now the hard part, finding a DR, that doesn't cost too much. Good luck....Billijo

[Faith_G]

I totally understand! :hugs: I put off getting help for years because I knew "this" (transitioning) would be the end result, and I was afraid. But guess what? 99% of the things I was afraid of never happened, and many wonderful things I wasn't expecting have happened instead. :)

A good therapist will not tell you that you should (or shouldn't) transition. A good therapist will help you ask yourself the questions that will lead you to your right answer.

Please don't do what I did and waste 20 years being controlled by your fears. Decide what the next step is and take it, despite the fear. You will be glad you did. :hugs:

[Ana5551]

“The key to change... is to let go of fear.” A nice little quote that speaks volumes about our situation. Whatever you may find in the end will be worth the journey if it leads to self acceptance and happiness.

[Nicole Brown]

Hi Jen,

Faith is 100% right in her response to you. You really must get yourself into therapy with a good gender experienced therapist as quickly as possible. I have been seeing my therapist for nearly two years now and he has helped me determine what is the right path for me to follow. Determining the correct path for you to follow is of the utmost importance as a wrong choice this early in the game can lead to dramatic consequences. This is one of the reasons that my therapist has been so careful with me. He has told me of the results of others who didn't go through therapy prior to progressing down a path only to realize the error in what they had done. He told me of one poor sole who, like you and I, wanted to be female, but didn't follow sound medical advice and short cut just about everything. The final results of all of the operations were absolutely beautiful, I saw post op pictures of a truly beautiful lady and could only wish to appear half as good as she looked. The only problem was that 6 months later she was no longer with us as she decided that she really wanted to be a man and took her life.

This is the main reason that I have taken so long in therapy, I want to be sure that i get it right the first time. Please follow my example and do it the safe way and make sure of your needs and desires prior to starting anything.

[Stephenie S]

OK, I agree 100% with what has been said already.

One thing to remember is that this is NOT permanent. Seeing a therapist does not mean you are going to transition, no matter WHAT they say. Only YOU get to make that decision. Transition is NEVER permanent. You can change your mind right up to the point the surgeon picks up his scalpel, and anywhere in between. There is no shame in saying, "Well, it's not for me. I tried it out and I changed my mind."

See a therapist, hon.

Stephie

[Faith_G]

Thank you, Stephanie, that is a VERY important point!

[Victoria Anne]

Jen,

Faith is spot on and Stephenie and Nicole also have valid points so if I may allow me to add another . When you find a good gender therapist you will find they work in concert with a team,therapist MD and specialty Md's . It is very important to begin with therapy for many reasons and be patient , patient with yourself that is . Do not rush things and for Gods sake don,t jump the gun or hormones by getting illicit hormones , the results could be fatal .

As Faith said , and I join her in chorus ... don't wast decades trying to repress your feelings , get the right help and you will be healthier and happier for it . All my best to you Jen.

Viccy

[Steph.TS]

Thanks for the responses, whatever I do will be legit, and following the advice of my therapist/doctor. I just have to step out of my comfort zone and call a therapist. part of my fear is just as Nicole said, I have to tread carefully, I can't just jump in, if I transition and find out I shouldn't have, and feel nothing but guilt or whatever I'd hate to think of the end result. where as if I do nothing I could be filled with regret for not doing anything. I'm also afraid as I'm getting closer to the age of 30 that I may not pass as a woman even if I do transition.

trying to overcome my fear is going to be VERY difficult as I worry about alot of things trying to make sure I do the right thing in just about everything I do. I kinda wish I would just come out to my mom and that she'd accept it and then I'd probably feel better about going to therapy. right now it's like I have a secret and I'm hiding it while moving towards a goal that I'm sure my family will disapprove of.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I have been seeing my therapist for nearly two years now.. This is one of the reasons that my therapist has been so careful with me.


Two years and counting... seems your therapist has a "vested interest" in protracting your therapy...




He has told me of the results of others who didn't go through therapy prior to progressing down a path only to realize the error in what they had done. He told me of one poor sole who....


I would run as fast as I could from any therapist who talked about other clients to me especially if the therapist referred to the client as a "poor soul."

It seems like your therapist uses "Doomsayer" tactics to assure repeat visits from her/his clients.

[Steph.TS]

I've been looking around online and few a few in Calgary that seem to deal with transsexuality/transgender people, I was wondering if anyone here here is from Calgary, and has any recommendation on a good therapist...

[sandra-leigh]

Jen, have you connected with Illusions Social Club (Calgary) or Calgary Girlfriends? Illusions Calgary is reachable online (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/illusionssocialclub/) as is Calgary Girlfriends (http://ca.groups.yahoo.com/group/Calgary_Girlfriends/) (you will need a yahoo account to access either of those pages).

[Steph.TS]

Jen, have you connected with Illusions Social Club (Calgary) or Calgary Girlfriends? Illusions Calgary is reachable online (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/illusionssocialclub/) as is Calgary Girlfriends (http://ca.groups.yahoo.com/group/Calgary_Girlfriends/) (you will need a yahoo account to access either of those pages).
thanks I'll try those

[tanyalynn51]

Jen, I wrote about my recent wrestling with the same problems recently. When I realized I couldnt stand it anymore, I checked online (Im not out to anyone out all) with the local transgender group, and then googled her. I found she was extremely experienced, and recommended by both places. I had my first appointment yesterday, and found that not only was she wonderful, but I am looking forward to our meeting next week. I am lucky that my insurance covers it fully, but most of these counselors seem to take some kind of insurance. Good luck to you.

[Stephenie S]

I have been seeing my therapist for nearly two years now.. This is one of the reasons that my therapist has been so careful with me.

Two years and counting... seems your therapist has a "vested interest" in protracting your therapy...



Quote Originally Posted by Nicole Brown View Post
He has told me of the results of others who didn't go through therapy prior to progressing down a path only to realize the error in what they had done. He told me of one poor sole who....

I would run as fast as I could from any therapist who talked about other clients to me especially if the therapist referred to the client as a "poor soul."

It seems like your therapist uses "Doomsayer" tactics to assure repeat visits from her/his clients.

Yes, yes, yes. I second what Traci wrote!!!

Run, don't walk from this therapist. He/she is not doing you any favors. Two years? Too long. Any therapist who does not have a clear idea of how long therapy will last is just playing you. Do they drove a Mercedes?

I had a friend in nursing school who had been in therapy for FIFTEEN YEARS!!! How many luxury cars had SHE bought her therapist?

[Eileen]

Jen do go see a good therapist. Do not worry about what the out come will be. If becoming a woman is right for you you will know. Go until you are sure what it is that will make you happy for the rest of your life. Should you get to the point, where others know you are trans and then you for what ever reason decide not to go forward with your transition, that is okay. Any one at that point, that has an issue with you is the one with the problem. The only person you have to satisfy is you!

Eileen

[Stephenie S]

Nicely put, Eileen