Homophobic Neighbor

[ArleneRaquel]

I recently sold my home and moved into an apartment complex, the neighborhood and complex are fine, but my next door neighbor is a very verbal homophob and yells f*g outside my front door - window at the drop of a hat. I have lived as a woman for about 7 years now and for the first I am afraid to go outside as Arlene. :sad:

[Christy_M]

Report a hostile environment to the landlord. They have a responsibility to make sure you are safe in your apartment and free of harrassment. If the landlord doesn't follow-up with it, see an attorney. There are usually pro bono folks who work cases for the LBGT community when there is clear harassment issues.

[ArleneRaquel]

Christy_M,
Thank you for your valuable post. Its greatly appreciated. :)

[docrobbysherry]

Carry a small can of MACE with u, Arlene. You'll probably NEVER have to use it. But, it mite help u get over your fear of going out!

[ArleneRaquel]

Sherry,
Thank your for the mace advice. Its really just this neighbor that scares me. I have been going out enfemme since the late 1960's. :battingeyelashes:

[Miss Misery]

Report a hostile environment to the landlord. They have a responsibility to make sure you are safe in your apartment and free of harrassment. If the landlord doesn't follow-up with it, see an attorney. There are usually pro bono folks who work cases for the LBGT community when there is clear harassment issues.

Also, I imagine you are protected under the fair housing act that protects one against discrimination in housing. The landlord needs to inform the tenant that he (I assume it's a he) needs to stop immediately or be evicted. What he's doing is a crime - verbal harassment is assault.

That said - I'm heading "cross country" here in the next few weeks and would be happy to pay your neighbor a "friendly visit" :)

[ArleneRaquel]

Also, I imagine you are protected under the fair housing act that protects one against discrimination in housing. The landlord needs to inform the tenant that he (I assume it's a he) needs to stop immediately or be evicted. What he's doing is a crime - verbal harassment is assault.

That said - I'm heading "cross country" here in the next few weeks and would be happy to pay your neighbor a "friendly visit" :)

Thank you Miss Misery for your wonderful post. He does need a visit. :thumbsup:

[Kat42]

Hard evidence is always a good thing... Take a video camera to document the harassment. Audio to get the words on "tape", video to show where the audio was recorded.

$.02

[RachelPortugal]

Arlene, you must definitely report the neighbour to your landlord. I assume that, as you have been living as a woman for 7 years, the landlord accepted you as a tenant knowing that you were TG, so he will have no excuse not to pursue the matter, when presented with the evidence.

That said, neighbour disputes don't often turn out good unless one party moves away (or is evicted). So go with Sherry's MACE suggestion, although living in fear is not good for anyone. I don't know about US law, but in the UK common assault is an act that instils fear. I would push hard on this matter, because unless the SOB is evicted or genuinely repents his ways, his presence will always be a worry for you.

[ArleneRaquel]

Rachael,
The more that I think about it Sherrys" idea is very well grounded. Thanks hon & Sherry. :daydreaming:

Thank you kat also.

[Shananigans]

Ugh this is such a disturbing read. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I agree with the MACE thing. You need something that makes you feel more secure.

I would definitely report his stupid a$$, but I'm sure that he will deny it. And, then there isn't much that you can do.

He sounds like he needs a muscle to rattle his cage a bit. Know any mean, intimidating friends that would say a few choice words to him?

[scarlet]

Not knowing more details .Like his size and demeanor Maybe he just needs an education. You would have to be the one to decide weather or not he has the ability to learn some people don't. Good luck One more thought before you do any reporting make sure the landlord and him are not buddies since grade school things could go from bad to way bad. Again good luck I would send ya a Hug but I don't know what happened to them. Scarlet.

[Gerrijerry]

I hate to say this. But people like that will never change. You can complain to the landlord and even to the police and yes you should do that. But will still have the crazy person doing the same thing just less of the time. Then he will get his friends and others will back you up. Still it is just putting you into a everyday thing when he is around. Personally I would Just move out and not deal with it. If you signed a lease your reason for breaking it is the hassesment and your safety and that will end the problem. The landload can only do so much it is not like he can stand around and watch this person all the time. I know it is a pain to move and find a good apartment but which is better staying and dealing with it or moving out to somewhere else. Just my 2 cents.

[eluuzion]

Barking dogs are usually not biters. It is the quiet ones that attack.

The best response is the same for bullies, internet trolls, idiots, stalkers, rude people and wiseguys...no response. Just remain calm and courteous. Any response just pours gas on the fire. I usually do not allow hostile or questionable people to get closer than 10 feet from me without a "warning". Especially in this economy. Many people wandering around with pent up frustrations looking for an excuse to blow up.

Use the normal legal channels to address it.

[Miranda09]

Hey gf.....there's always one scuz who's got so much hatred about anything, they have to show the world verbally. Take the advice and report him to the landlord, and/or bring a lawsuit against him.....You don't need this aggravation.

[kimdl93]

I'm in a greement with the advice to report the jerk, but doubt that much will happen. I was wondering if you'd ever confronted this individual - face to face - maybe with some back up nearby. I'm not suggesting physical conflict at all, but definately standing up for yourself. You shouldn't have to take this crap.

[Tamara Croft]

Carry a small can of MACE with u, Arlene. You'll probably NEVER have to use it. But, it mite help u get over your fear of going out!I don't agree with this. First of all, the neighbour hasn't attacked Arlene physically and retaliating using mace in a persons face can quickly turn this whole situation around and Arlene could end up in serious trouble. There are correct ways of reporting abuse, via the landlord and the police if Arlene feels threatened in any way. Evidence of alleged verbal abuse needs to be logged, but that can also be thrown out if said person isn't warned they are being recorded.

Arlene, if you have a video camera, next time you go out and this jerk is verbally abusing you, turn your camera on, give him a warning that he is being recorded, it can then be used in evidence. Phone your landlord, tell him what is going on and that if he isn't going to sort it out, you will end your tenancy, he'll lose money and he won't want that. Don't give into your neighbour, he's just an idiot, if you feel frightened, phone the police. :hugs:

[docrobbysherry]

I don't agree with this. First of all, the neighbour hasn't attacked Arlene physically and retaliating using mace in a persons face can quickly turn this whole situation around and Arlene could end up in serious trouble. There are correct ways of reporting abuse, via the landlord and the police if Arlene feels threatened in any way. Evidence of alleged verbal abuse needs to be logged, but that can also be thrown out if said person isn't warned they are being recorded.

Arlene, if you have a video camera, next time you go out and this jerk is verbally abusing you, turn your camera on, give him a warning that he is being recorded, it can then be used in evidence. Phone your landlord, tell him what is going on and that if he isn't going to sort it out, you will end your tenancy, he'll lose money and he won't want that. Don't give into your neighbour, he's just an idiot, if you feel frightened, phone the police. :hugs:

As a landlord in Calif., I can tell u that he or she is pretty helpless. Unless your neighbor STOPS PAYING RENT, or the POLICE site him for something, your landlord is risking being sued for an "eviction without cause" for evicting him! It happened to me once!:eek:
If your landlord's a professional he or she will know what is legal and what isn't! If they're doing it on the side, they may NOT be acquainted with, "eviction without cause" laws.:straightface:

And, u CAN threaten the landlord with, "it's either him or me". In ANY CASE, u should consult your landlord about the neighbor. Maybe he's been a problem before and this will be the "straw that breaks the camel's back"! :thumbsup:
If not, MOVE!

[Nicole Erin]

Carry the mace but don't use it unless he comes at you.
For the verbal thing, when I get one of those, I just say "F*** you, you (whatever)" and even that small gesture usually puts an end to things.

See, if you stand up to a bully even once, it is usually enough to get them to stop. Bullies prey on easy targets. If no one is around to back him up, who is he impressing?

My experience is that when you stand up to a bully even once, it is usually enough to discourage them. Once in a while you find one that you have to stand up to twice, but there is almost never a third time. You don't have to go kick his ass or anything, so much as a verbal confrontation will make them think "Well damn, I am not scaring this person"

For the video or recorder, I don't know if I would bother cause honestly, the landlord won't care, their response will probably be "if this is how it is, I will evict everyone involved". And the cops will be like "Well, there ain't anything we can really do etc".

I have been on the reporting side of things to the police on a few occasions, even things where we knew exactly who did what and unless something is very serious, they pretty much ask your info, give you a case number, and that is the last of it.

So, with mace in hand but hidden, next time he yells something, just cuss right back at him. I would be shocked if you ever heard his mouth again.

Defense spray can be bought at autozone for less than $10. I carry one.

[tanyalynn51]

Whatever you do, be careful. People like him dont always back off when threatened with the police, eviction, etc. I agree with keeping the mace handy. There are a lot of laws that are enforced or not, simply going by the attitude of those in authority. Some places, you would be protected, others, you wouldnt be helped. Its a sad reality. If you can get free legal help through the GBLT community, I would contact them first. They probably have a good feel for those types of situations, and how they are handled.

[ArleneRaquel]

Ladies,
Thanks to all of you for your advice. I believe that I should go the legal route.

[Tamara Croft]

Carry the mace but don't use it unless he comes at you.
For the verbal thing, when I get one of those, I just say "F*** you, you (whatever)" and even that small gesture usually puts an end to things.Yeah, great advice, advocating violence :rolleyes: And you don't know this neighbour, you have no idea what he is like, nor do you know who his 'friends' are... If Arlene does anything to provoke him, who the hell knows who he'll bring round next.


See, if you stand up to a bully even once, it is usually enough to get them to stop. Bullies prey on easy targets. If no one is around to back him up, who is he impressing?And what if it doesn't? what if it causes more problems? And what if Arlene takes your advice and then gets 10 times worse?


For the video or recorder, I don't know if I would bother cause honestly, the landlord won't care, their response will probably be "if this is how it is, I will evict everyone involved". And the cops will be like "Well, there ain't anything we can really do etc".How exactly do you know? If this guy harasses Arlene futher, lawyers always want evidence presented, so this advice really is crap!


I have been on the reporting side of things to the police on a few occasions, even things where we knew exactly who did what and unless something is very serious, they pretty much ask your info, give you a case number, and that is the last of it.That happened to you, doesn't mean it will happen to Arlene. Seems to me you're basing your issues/results on something that happened to you and you seem to think Arlene will get nowhere. So you just continue to give crap advice :thumbsdn:


So, with mace in hand but hidden, next time he yells something, just cuss right back at him. I would be shocked if you ever heard his mouth again.Yeah more great advice there :rolleyes:


Defense spray can be bought at autozone for less than $10. I carry one.And again, the neighbour hasn't done anything physically, it's all verbal, it can be ignored. If she is threatened, then having that on film or even a recording is better than Arlene spraying mace in his face, which imho is just stupid. No wonder there is so much bloody violence in the States :thumbsdn:

[ArleneRaquel]

Nicole,
I do think the mace would just lead to an escalation of the problem, but thanks for the advice. I need to talk to the landlord & proceed from there. Audio & video recording is an excellent idea.

[Chickhe]

Go outside his door at three in the morning and wake him up yelling homophobe!!! Seriously though, report it to someone in authority, landlord, police .... the first time not much will happen, but on any subsequent reports there will be a history to back up your case. The other thing you might try is to become friends with the other neighbors so they can tell him you are a decent person (sort of like, well, she can't be that bad, she always says hi and cooked me some jam)... or even better, be friendly to him, hold the elevator door, find out what he needs and offer it to him. I doubt he will be rude directly to your face if you are being nice to him. If you have the opportunity to talk with him calmly, you just explain, 'you understand he doesn't like gay people, and you are glad you are not one because you would not like to be treated that way by him'.

[Ruth]

I don't know how things go in the USA but in the UK, if your neighbour was uttering homophobic abuse, you could call the police, they would visit and probably administer a caution, and if it happened again they would haul him off to the cells, full stop.
Though if he was known to them already he might well get the cuffs on first time.

[scarlet]

I don't know how things go in the USA but in the UK, if your neighbour was uttering homophobic abuse, you could call the police, they would visit and probably administer a caution, and if it happened again they would haul him off to the cells, full stop.
Though if he was known to them already he might well get the cuffs on first time.

And then he posts bail Calls his buddy to pick him up Who by the way loves to fight and is huge and the whole ride home hes talking crap about the new neighbor that called the cops on him .You might as well move before he gets home things will not go good in the future. Good luck and be careful. Scarlet

[Nicole Erin]

Tamara, the fact is that the USA would not be it's own nation if we were not willing to fight.

I have been in a position several times of needing to stand up for myself. It is not easy, not fun, but it has to be done. I do not have the luxury of passing well enough to attract no attention.

Alright well it is like this in the USA - The cops don't really bother with things unless it is something hardcore serious like actual violence or if they catch it in the action.

OK fine, FIRST you can try the cops or landlord, maybe something will resolve. BUT, if that does no good, THEN you have no choice but either take his crap or stand up for yourself.
You can just hope he stops. But I am telling you, you either stop the bad guys in their tracks or they will keep walking on you.
The whole "just ignore it and it will go away" works only in theory.
The fact is true you don't know him but he does not know YOU either. You stand up, he doesn't know what he is up against either and probably doesn't care to find out.

If he DOES get aggresive physically, you can either be prepared to defend your person or you can just lay there and hope he doesn't hurt you. If you can fight well, great, if you can't then you need a stun gun, defense spray, or whatever.

Folks, think of people like Matthew Sheppard, Brandon Teena, and do you want more examples?
What is it going to take to get GLBT to FIGHT BACK?

I am tired of hearing all this "Oh don't do anything, don't carry a weapon, don't say anything".
Someone threatens you, your property, your person, peace of mind, dignity, etc, you need to stand the f*** up and do something if no one else can or will.
Go look in the mirror, you will see the person most responsible for your safety.

[Ladmal]

MsAlene

Fight this idiot with kindness, tell him you can't understand why he's being so obnoxious when you find him so attractive, this will unsettle him, and I know from experience, I was harassed by my neighbour when I lived in England in exactly the same way as you, screaming outside my door because I brought a gay friend home, and poeple like this are no threat because if they were they would attack without warning, after 3 days of abuse I approached him and accused him of being jelous because I didn't invite him, I told him that in the three months I lived in the block I wanted him to come to me and was upset that he never did, then simply walked into my flat, I heard nothing more for about a month at which time I was walking to my car, he was standing in the car park and when he saw me he came towards me ( I don't have to say I s**t myself at this point), but he asked if I meant what I said to him, and I replied "no but I was sick of your nonsense", then he said to me ten out of ten for innovation and apologised and promised me no more hassle.

Believe it or believe it not shorlty after, this man became a friend and for a little over three years until he died he cared for my dog when I was in work.

I would be a lieing if I said this will work for, but it's well worth a try, violence is not an option, you will put yourself in danger, and the legal route can't work because if evicted he knows where you live and will seek some kind of revenge, even if it's only more verbal abuse, whatever you do, please be careful!

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Also, I imagine you are protected under the fair housing act that protects one against discrimination in housing. The landlord needs to inform the tenant that he (I assume it's a he) needs to stop immediately or be evicted. What he's doing is a crime - verbal harassment is assault.

That said - I'm heading "cross country" here in the next few weeks and would be happy to pay your neighbor a "friendly visit" :)

You go gurl!

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you for all the great suggestions.

[NicoleScott]

Document. Everything. Send your complaint to the landlord in writing, keeping a copy. Send again, this time certified, if you get no response. Write a letter to the abusing neighbor, asking him to stop. His response may be the best evidence you get. Video/audio recordings, photos, anything you can get. Otherwise, he ill dny everything, and it becomes he said/she said. The burden of proof will be on you.

[Fab Karen]

As Tamara said, shouting back is bad advice, and sometimes escalates things. Some are out looking for a literal fight, and try to provoke people.


If you shout back, and the bigot pulls out a gun & shoots you, will you feel good about yourself? Fighting is rarely a good response.

[kym]

MsArlene, Nicole is on the right track with defending yourself and doc is right on the money as well with the defense spray. Another thing is to get a paper trail on him ie: report him to the landlord, the police, anyone who is willing to listen and is in a position of authority. By doing that you create a history of incidents with this person as the aggressor and something can be done about it, and it can be considered harassment and possibly simple assault by the authorities. The reason I am advocating defense spray is in case it does turn violent you need something that will give you a chance to get away and to safety. Ms Tamera I have a feeling you will chime in on my advice, and I welcome it, however you must consider that a person is being verbally assaulted that may lead to more in the very near future and she needs something on her side more than "hope it will go away". I have dealt with this problem myself in the past and its very scary to say the least. You have my prayerssis, and feel free to pm me at anytime.

[ArleneRaquel]

Ladies,
I am overwhelmed by the response to my thread. Many thanks to you all. :)

[Christinedreamer]

In California the law is really in favor of the bad guys. I had a friend who mistakenly rented a room to a well hidden nut case. He eventually went over the top, refused to pay rent or leave and then threatened us with a knife and we KNEW he had a gun. We went to the Temple City Sheriff's office and were told since it was only a threat and no one was injured, they couldn't do anything until and injury occurred. I told the deputy on duty what I thought of that BS and then told him to his face "I promise you that if this man comes against any of us I will return to this department and shoot every cop I see right between the eyes. If you think I am kidding, just try me" Then I said. "I just threatened you and I will do it again and I DARE you to do anything about it!"

The cops were at the house in about 20 minutes and escorted the man out.

( needless to say I was in drab. I am kind of a big guy with a deep voice so it sounde3d rather intimidating.)

[MsJanessa]

I've been a lawyer for many years and what this man is doing is a criminal offense (called disorderly conduct) and if you do nothing then he continues to do it and get away with it----you don't have to physically confront him, and talking to your landlord won't help--what will help are calling the police and reporting him---although they won't arrest him unless he does it in their presence, they will give him a summons to go to court--usually this type of behavior brings a small fine--100 dollars or so for the first offense and if it continues a possible short jail sentance if escalating fines don't work---the other thing you do is go to your local district court and get a restraining order against him and have it served by the police---that way the next time he does it, the police can arrest him. Good luck

[danielle swenson]

I hate to be redundant butttt....Capture all his public rants on video...seems like every phone has it built in these days....if and when the time comes it will be very hard to dispute that evidence.

[Robynts]

I sure hope this is not on the second floor. It would be downright awful if he were to trip and fall down the stairs.

[txrobinm]

Ladmal has a good point. Only in America, if you said you thought he was attractive, it might incite actual physical violence if he thinks you're coming on to him. However, the basic idea of saying, in a disappointed voice, "was that really necessary? I mean, come on, live and let live" or something to that effect could be sufficient. I learned this from a previous boss who used it on a customer who went off on us when we all wanted a solution to his problem that we didn't cause. It's politely saying to him "your behavior is idiotic. Grow up, please". And yes, video/audio as was said already, and have mace handy in case he escalates to physical violence, and yes document everything/talk to landlord (my lease has a peace and tranqulity clause in it by which the a$$ could be evicted)/call cops.

Should you choose to move (someone recommended that earlier- none of us are "on the ground" at your place so we really don't know the complete situation), remember to talk to your landlord. They may have a sister property in the area, they should waive fees for breaking the lease (if you've notified them of the guy and they've not been able to solve his behavior problem), transfer deposits, waive app fee at new place (if same management co.), etc.

[Jorja]

As everyone else has said, do report him to the police. If that doesn't work, a stinky dead fish in his car or mail box works wonders.

[Christy_M]

[QUOTE=Christinedreamer;2265333]In California the law is really in favor of the bad guys.

QUOTE]

It has been a few years since I lived in California but I am pretty certain the laws didn't go backwards...since Mathew Sheperd and the T-Girl (can't remember her name) who was beaten to death with a can of beans, the laws in California (and Washington that I know of) changed dramatically to support the LBGT victims of harassment. I wouldn't ignore it but I also wouldn't put myself in harms way (although I can take care of myself, I don't recommend anyone trying that approach ethemselves). Stat with the landlord, document what was said on both sides from that conversation and from there determine if you need an attorney. As stated earlier, the fair housing act forces landlords to maintain an environment free of harassment as characterized by any of the underrepresented persons through race, religion, sexual preference, etc. The law is on your side on this. It may be difficult road to travel but there potential losses by the landlord that far outweigh someone leaving the complex. they can be sued in civil court for violating your civil rights.

[Christinedreamer]

The T-girl you mentioned was Gwen Araujo. Her story on film- "A Girl Like Me" will definitely give you pause and it should be required viewing for all teens.

The problem is that a verbal threat can be claimed so easily by someone feeling quite intimidated of fearful, the police decline to respond many times to what YOU may determine is a serious threat. In my response to the deputy, he understood that it must be a serious condition or I would not have made the statement to him I did. To me, there is no difference between threatening a private individual or a police officer.

[Loni]

yes get video and vocal with time and date stamp on it, get a paper trail of complaints to your landlord, and maybe even the police? but that would require a touch by him. ( just touching you is a crime.).

can you move?
i dislike apts for other reasons, so i pay the price for a small dump of a house.

.

[ArleneRaquel]

He is a very arrogant person, I try to avoid him at all costs. I have informed the landlord and she has informed the male neighbor will be informed of my complaint. It turns out that many tenants have complained about his manner, so my compliant will be ( somewhat ) disguised. I hope that his manner will change. But I gather that he has been put on notice. Thank you ladies for your support & help.These last weeks have been torture for me.

Thanks again & I love you all. :kissing::thumbup:

[Nicole Erin]

And then he posts bail Calls his buddy to pick him up Who by the way loves to fight and is huge and the whole ride home hes talking crap about the new neighbor that called the cops on him .You might as well move before he gets home things will not go good in the future. Good luck and be careful. Scarlet

And his buddies just happen to be in the mafia and have enough money to hire an external hit-man and pay the police to look the other way. His wife might be Tonya Harding. And what if Sarah Palin comes along with a chainsaw in the middle of the night? What if the neighbor flys around the house in a helecoter with .50 cal machine guns shooting up the place?
And worst of all, what if all your friends take you off their facebook?


GYOD, people blow shit out of preportion. Stand up to the guy and be done with it.

[Christy_M]

And his buddies just happen to be in the mafia and have enough money to hire an external hit-man and pay the police to look the other way. His wife might be Tonya Harding. And what if Sarah Palin comes along with a chainsaw in the middle of the night? What if the neighbor flys around the house in a helecoter with .50 cal machine guns shooting up the place?
And worst of all, what if all your friends take you off their facebook?




This post really does show the way things can get blown out of proportion. it is even humorous so it resonates...as others have mentioned, we aren't living the situation. I think there is such a thing as advice overload and to what Nicole might be saying, we may have hit the tipping point on this.

[Alice Torn]

I had to rent an apartment in a hurry, last June, and found a studio, in a 4 plex, but, moved out after only one week, because of near violence with a drunken couple, who were there. I lost $850 , broke the lease, because, I could see it was going to be very tense there, and those people had lived there a long time. It was hell moving in 90 degree humid weather, and two weeks later, i got into something better, in a better area. I can't imagine how bad that has to be, and frustrating, though, i have had some bad neighbors. Bad roommates are even worse. I empathize with you, and hope there will be less tension there, after you see the landlord, or talk to the jerk, do something nice for him. It is hell, that we have to pay rent and then have to deal with hostile neighbors, by the front door. It ought not be.

[LitaKelley]

He definitely needs an education, and in this case, perhaps some of us also need an education, because homophobic this neighbor may be, but in this scenario, the correct term, I believe, would be Transphobia. Without knowing you, or recalling specific posts about yourself, considering you stated you've been "en femme since the 60s", I can assume that your self identification is that you are a woman, and if that being the case, then there's no way you could even be a "fag" as your neighbor says, because women having sexual interest in men is not homosexuality.

[Tamara Croft]

Ms Tamera I have a feeling you will chime in on my advice, and I welcome it, however you must consider that a person is being verbally assaulted that may lead to more in the very near future and she needs something on her side more than "hope it will go away". First of all, my name is Tamara, not Tamera... secondly, did you read all of my posts? if so, where did I actually say the words 'hope it will go away'??

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?139516-Homophobic-Neighbor&p=2264883&viewfull=1#post2264883

Try reading my post again, the advice you've just given I gave ages ago :rolleyes:

And I don't know why some of you are banging on about California, Arlene doesn't live in bloody California!

[busker]

In California, and it may vary by county but I don't think so, a landlord can evict without cause if I remember the landlord tenant handbook correctly.
Complaining to the police in Calif about "vebal abuse" will get you nowhere because all that is now covered under "freedom of expression" and until the guy assualts you, the police will do nothing. [learned this from real experience in that a neighbor both verbally abused me--not over dressing-- and tried to run me over with his truck and several occasions].
Mace I believe requires a permit and training and using it without could get you in serious trouble.
Talking to the landlord might help--but I would use it to break a lease if you have one. Moving away from this idiot is about the only thing you can do--otherwise, those people just continue and if you make it difficult for them, you will only get more and possible worse treatment.[learned this too from practical experience] the only way it can improve for you is finding a better location. If you have been dressing since the 60's perhaps you are a senior and can qualify for some senior-only housing or some complexes are only for peope over 50. Check your city hall to see if they have senior facilities for rent, or gated communities for seniors..
Sorry to hear of your troubles but our society [worldwide]is changing and not for the better.

[Loni]

true info over load here. way to many chefs and not enough customers.

but just get and keep a paper trail on the guy, place a video cam with a remote mic, and you have a time date stamp recording of him. may not be legal in court. but hope it never get that far.
does not mater where you live or the name of the state but check the local laws about pepper spray get a foam with die in it. learn how to use it right. but just keep your eyes open and watch your sounding. the best way to not have a one on one time with him (or anybody else) is to know what is going on around you, look into some self defense classes. a gun may not be needed here, but good to have and know the laws if and when needed. pepper spray, a stick go out and buy a 4D mag light at the hardware store...cops carry them for a reason. just never call it a weapon.


.

[Julogden]

You're in Cook County, so he's violating laws at the state and county level that prohibit discrimination based on gender and/or sexual identity. Of course, getting the local police to do something may be a challenge until he's actually become violent. Perhaps contacting some TG-related group who deals with TG rights is a good idea. Give a call to the Center On Halsted (http://www.centeronhalsted.org/home.cfm), they might be able to give you some ideas regarding your options.

Carol

[Miss Misery]

Ladies,
I am overwhelmed by the response to my thread. Many thanks to you all. :)

MsArlene,

You shouldn't have to put up with this AND you shouldn't have to move. YOU'VE done nothing wrong or illegal. Your neighbor, on the other hand, has. As I mentioned earlier, I'll be glad to stop on my way back east - from PNW to New England - if it can wait until next month.

I might not be able to pass but I can be persuasive.

[Jenny Gurl]

Arlene, if you have a video camera, next time you go out and this jerk is verbally abusing you, turn your camera on, give him a warning that he is being recorded, it can then be used in evidence. :hugs:

Good advice on the camera, giving him a warning of being recorded might help make it admisable in court, I am not a lawyer. Since he is in public shouting statements I don't know if it would be required but Il is a two party concent state, unfortunately. http://www.citmedialaw.org/legal-guide/illinois-recording-law

As far as carrying mace, it is a personal choice. I definately don't recommend prevoking a confrontation just as an excuse to spray the guy as said in another post in this thread. Also if it does escelate it could get worse. I look at self defense as just that, a last option. I don't want to have to use violence to solve a problem, but if the other party gives me no choice as in physically attacks me, then and only then are the gloves off. Having mace or a similar self defense product just in case it escelates may give you piece of mind so you don't feel imprisoned in your own home is a personal choice. If he is the only person causing problems, it would sure be nice to get it settled with the legal system and be able to stay. You may want to prepare for moving if it escelates and you don't feel safe. Not as a primary plan, just a backup.

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you ladies for your outpouring of support & concern. It is greatly appreciated. :)

[t-girlxsophie]

Arlene,sounds to me that this bottom feeder hasn't evolved fully,I dont think you should confront him you may use some big words that he may struggle with,Take your concerns and any evidence you may have to the Police and hopefully they will do what is neccessary to ensure your peace and safety and that this imbecile will be warned off,Stay safe

:hugs:Sophie xx

[nikkijo]

the biggest homophobes are closet gay boys them selves... turn abouts fair play, give him a big fat kiss on the lips. a smack on the arse, and walk away with a smile. confidence is key. the remarks are working because u let it and he sees that, if you turn it back on them it fails and they move on.

[docrobbysherry]

In California the law is really in favor of the bad guys. I had a friend who mistakenly rented a room to a well hidden nut case. He eventually went over the top, refused to pay rent or leave and then threatened us with a knife and we KNEW he had a gun. We went to the Temple City Sheriff's office and were told since it was only a threat and no one was injured, they couldn't do anything until and injury occurred. I told the deputy on duty what I thought of that BS and then told him to his face "I promise you that if this man comes against any of us I will return to this department and shoot every cop I see right between the eyes. If you think I am kidding, just try me" Then I said. "I just threatened you and I will do it again and I DARE you to do anything about it!"
The cops were at the house in about 20 minutes and escorted the man out.


I had a room renter go bad on me. I told her she had to move and she went NUTS! Got a restraining order against me. ( I know. That requires a court hearing. However, she LIED about notifying me! So I couldn't object!)
She used it to almost get me arrested for parking in my own driveway.:eek:

It took about 45 days to get her to move out. During which time, I had to board off her portion of the house to guard against retaliation from her or her boyfriend!:Angry3:


He is a very arrogant person, I try to avoid him at all costs. I have informed the landlord and she has informed the male neighbor will be informed of my complaint. It turns out that many tenants have complained about his manner, so my compliant will be ( somewhat ) disguised. I hope that his manner will change. But I gather that he has been put on notice. Thank you ladies for your support & help.These last weeks have been torture for me.

Thanks again & I love you all. :kissing::thumbup:

It sounds like your landlord is doing all she is required to do, Arlene. Hopefully, u and the other residents that complained, did so in writing? That will HELP protect your landlord from being sued by him, should she give him notice to move!:thumbsup:

[Fab Karen]

the biggest homophobes are closet gay boys them selves... turn abouts fair play, give him a big fat kiss on the lips. a smack on the arse, and walk away with a smile. confidence is key. the remarks are working because u let it and he sees that, if you turn it back on them it fails and they move on.

You have to be careful- you don't wanna end up reliving the ending of the movie "American Beauty"

[ArleneRaquel]

Nikkijo,
Hon, the thought of me putting my gorgeous ( lol ) lips on the this guys lips makes me very ill. :sad:
Fab Karen,
Thank you for reminding me of that ending. :thanx:

[Babette]

Ms. Arlene,

You have my deepest sympathy. I think anyone has the right to live without fear and your neighbor has clearly pushed the limit. This is advice I would give to anyone enduring dire circumstances:

1. Know your legal rights with regards to the type of harassment.
- Try to locate legitimate information from reliable sources to include the Prosecuting Attorney's Office, your personal attorney, local law enforcement, and lastly, reputable support groups that can either provide good advice or point you toward other reliable assistance. Avoid using advice from non-authorities because this can create more problems for you.

2. Take a personal defense/safety class.
- No, I don't mean one that will teach you to be a master of the martial arts. Instead, take a class that teaches situational awareness, explains your rights and responsibilities when using personal defense measures, and instructs basic defense tactics in the event someone physically assaults you.

3. Don't be lured into thinking this person is all mouth and no action.
- You have no way of knowing the offender's state of mind. People that are mentally imbalanced or are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, have the ability to do you physical harm without warning. Therefore, you need to maintain a defensive attitude at all times and I encourage you to not worsen the situation by provoking or taunting that person. Remember, don't make yourself a victim or end up being hurt. Your personal safety is paramount.

4. Finally, if nothing can be done to stop this person's harassment, then the smart recourse is to simply move to another location.

I wish you the best of luck.

Babette

[Stephanie-L]

As others have said, get some pepper spray, learn how to use it, and take some self defense classes which focus on situational awareness. At the same time, contact a lawyer. This jerk is creating a hostile environment for you and you may have recourse in civil and criminal courts. Even if he has broken no laws I have a very strong suspicion that you can sue him and win. Your local GLBT center can probably give you the name of a lawyer who will take the case on contingency or even pro bono. Even if you don't get any money out of it it will hurt him, even if he wins it will cost him money. Definately look into getting a restraining order against him, it is possible that the wording of the order might force him to move. You should not have to move because of one immature person, but that would be a last resort. Also, do you know if this person has any mental problems (aside from the obvious). Some people who exhibit this kind of behavior (and you hint that it is not only directed at you) are unable to handle normal interactions and need a lot of structure in their lives, i.e. some sort of controled environment, group home, etc. I am not saying that this is the case, just that it is a possibility here. Anyway, stay safe, get help, and let us know what happens.....Stephanie