My poor car, keyed again...

[GingerLeigh]

Well, It looks like the bigots at my workplace are at it again. My car has once again been keyed. I've talked to HR, and have set up an appointment to discuss what happened and possibly why. This is the second time my car has been keyed, my windows were once scratched with a ring, "I'm Gay" smeared in the dirt on my trunk, and a tire slashed bad enough I almost had to replace it (keep in mind there are child seats in the back seat of the car, what kind of animal risks kids?) The real clincher was the bra that someone left hanging on my license plate some time ago. We're talking real, serious harassment.
I've talked to my supervisors, but never explained why I feel like they are targeting me. They are dumbfounded as to why since I have no real enemies we are aware of, I do my job well, and thought I was well liked. The party(ies) responsible know about my dressing (I'm married and still in the closet, but funny what you say when under mild sedation at the hospital where they have relatives) as they have made smart ass remarks that are surprisingly pointed about my sexuality.
Living in the closet has made me fearful of reciprocating, but I've had enough of this crap. How do I approach HR without fully exposing my crossdressing to the system? What should I do? I fear that those responsible will expose me to my family, or that they may even get physical as retribution for my taking it up with management.

HELP!

[Joanne f]

I am sorry to hear that you are being targeted in this way , it may only be one person but that one can make you feel quite bad and that the whole world is against you , i hope you can sort it out and find out who is responsible for this mindless act.

[Nicole Erin]

I would give plenty to catch some MF'er messing with my car like that.
Last night someone stole a few things out of my car but that had nothing to do with my TG'ness.

Just if you go to HR, explain some think you are gay, no need to say anything about the TG'ness, and besides, if you do not present as female on a regular basis like "out" CD's or TS, then you can always deny that rumor.

I am guessing you work at something manly like construction or factory? I mean I hate to say but I cannot really imagine anyone but some dumb-ass rednecks doing that, cause they tend to cause a lot of problems.

Whoever has done this has left you no choice but to take some kind of action. If you do, things *could* escalate but if you do nothing, this abuse will not stop. Think - it has happened at least twice so far, you think it won't happen again?

OH also, if you do not know who it is and they retribute for your ratting them out, then you DEFINATELY know who it is and WILL have a case against a specific person.
Bullies want easy targets, they are not looking for a battle. If you know who did this, you need to report it. They are not going to risk more trouble just cause they are mad, instead they will know they are being watched.

Plus. as you have to, carry mace or pack heat if you are truely worried about them doing something.

Do not just roll over and meekly accept this.

If they retribute after you tell HR, then you will definately know exactly who it is and then you will have a solid case against them.
Now if you report things and know who it is and they say "well there is nothing we can do" then it is time to f*** with THEIR car, I mean there isn't anything that anyone can do, right?

[carhill2mn]

Perhaps, you need to get the poice involved. Regardless of whether or not you are "out", this probably qualifies as a "hate" crime.

[Amanda22]

I'm curious, wouldn't this be a criminal matter? Not that you'd get satisfaction, but at least it would be documented, and perhaps the employer could issue a company-wide statement that vandalism of personal property has been reported to the authorities. That may get the message to the guilty parties to stop. Just a thought...

[Loni]

get and keep a solid paper trail going. even up to a police report. (low on the crime scale). if the person was to ever show them selves, not to likely as there actions prove they are a coward. but with the paper trail you can take them to court for damages.
you get to keep your job, they loose theirs,(no company will put up with this as they can be sued) and you get to sue the person doing the damage.

will the company hr allow you to put up a privet video cam? or is there any cct cam's looking into the company parking area?
paper trail + video = win in court.

.

[KarenCDFL]

This just sucks.

You need to ask your employer to put up security camera's This maybe even filed as a hate crime which is a Federal offense.

Lets see these cowards harass you while on camera.

Hope they catch these $%$#%%'s before they hurt more than your vehicle.

[JulieC]

If you want it to stop, they have to be confronted in some way. The safest, best way to do that is by involving the police, whether OPP or local. These perps are not leaving you a choice. You're being forced to put up with it. So what choice you do have is either tolerate it, or take legal action. Illegal action isn't going to be productive.

Put a discrete cam (or two) in your car. There's a variety of options here. Once you have confirmation of who these people are, you will have them at least for that incident. You might not be able to prove prior incidents though. But, you can bag them for that incident. I don't know what the laws are in Ontario, but if you have any hate crime laws you can escalate the consequences to the perps.

[Nicole Erin]

Discrete cams in car, good idea... :thumbsup:

If that happened, how funny would it be if HR took them in the office and showed them the video and was like "So do you care to explain this?"
I would key my OWN car just to have a photo of the look on their face when that happened.

[giuseppina]

Hello Ginger

I'm saddened to hear of your misfortune.

The only thing Canadians can legally do in this situation is document and collect evidence. This may be in the form of video, audio, or paper evidence. Perhaps a few hidden cameras inside the car and a car security system will help. It may be time to get the police involved,whether or not family members are the perpetrators.

Nicole, possession of mace is a criminal offense in Canada. A permit to carry a gun is difficult to obtain. Vigilantes are dealt with the same way as perpetrators. :brolleyes:

Julie, our criminal code is national, and it contains provisions for hate crimes. It is up to the federal government to decide what should be in the criminal code. Enforcement is a provincial responsibility.

[kimdl93]

You shouldn't have to justify yourself to HR - just tell them who it is. Being gay or being transgendered is no justification for property damage or other work place harrassmenet.

[Angel.Marie76]

I would give plenty to catch some MF'er messing with my car like that.
....

Now if you report things and know who it is and they say "well there is nothing we can do" then it is time to f*** with THEIR car, I mean there isn't anything that anyone can do, right?

While I whole-heartedly believe in involving the local authorities, and protecting yourself from bodily harm, I was just reading a psychology blog the other day which references the concept of bullying.. and goes something like this (I'll paraphrase and exerpt):

----
...Don't fight with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it...

..There are three basic pieces of advice when it comes to bullies: 1. Ignore it, 2. Be nice, 3. Beat the crap out of 'em.

[While the first two are simple in statement, they may not be simple in practice, especially with physical property damage involved. The reality is, in most cases fighting fire with fire will only enrage the flames further.]

...An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, for those who live by the sword, often die by it...

...Bullies [the pig] often have any of three attitudes about the dirt on them:

1. "What dirt? A fish doesn't see water, a pig sees no dirt. Lets keep fighting."
2. There's no dirt on me, only dirt on you. hahaha.. You're getting all dirrty. You can't win!"
3. Dirt on me is a badge of honor, in fact, I love it. I'll roll around in it for HOURS! It's what I look forward to."

..there are plenty of times when being kind and 'turning the other cheek' is the appropriate thing to do, and then there are times when when you should act. If it becomes apparent that the pigs are ready and eager to do some serious damage, the aggresive retaliation- of the appropraite kinds- are warranted. Just remeber, both true victims and bullies claim victimhood. What burden of proof are you ready to present?...

-----

I know, I know, we've all heard the cliche's, but I'm trying to be realistic here. You can document, document, document, and keep very close eyes on things.. poison the wells with misinformation.. bait the bullies into the open, get them to misstep.. use their own aggresion and foolishness against them. If they end up putting their own feet in thier proverbial mouths, then who are you to stop them?

Best to you Ginger, I wish you luck! *hugs*

[Jay Cee]

I'm sorry to hear about what's happened to you and your car, Ginger. There is absolutely no excuse for that.

In regards to the person(s) who blither to their family or friends about what you say while sedated, maybe they should have some kind of disciplinary action taken against them. That is unprofessional in the extreme.

As far as fear of being exposed, try to put that on the back burner. If it happens, it happens. Easy to say, I know, but you have enough to deal with already. Don't add to your stress.

Hugs

Jessie

[Kathryn Martin]

My two cents: Property damage is property damage. It is completely irrelevant what motivates it. Your employer is responsible for your safety and security and that of your property during work hours. Tell them who did it and insist to make a complaint to the police. No matter what motivated this it's still an offense.

[Sarah Doepner]

As the victim to this crime You don't have to admit to anything. If HR wants an explaination, they need to find the person doing the damage. Because of their behavior, they have no credibility and it really doesn't matter anyway. If that person is found they should lose their job and be subject to both criminal and civil penalties. Let your HR people know they are on the hook to keep this type of harrassment from growing in the organization. If this happens to someone based on rumors and/or speculation, what would happen if a person were open about their GLBT status?

[Tina P Hose]

Dude that is really messed up, but cowards are cowards...and in an off beat way cowards are what leads to our society be lead by facisim. sp

[Alice B]

Based upon what you are describing, this is matter that needs to be brought to the attention of your local police. This is well beyond minor harassment, involves felony property damage and and possible personal injury. I would also consult a lawyer about possible action against your company, if the issue is not resolved. There is nothing funny about what is happening.

[Jamiegirl1]

I'm curious, wouldn't this be a criminal matter? Not that you'd get satisfaction, but at least it would be documented, and perhaps the employer could issue a company-wide statement that vandalism of personal property has been reported to the authorities. That may get the message to the guilty parties to stop. Just a thought...

I like this approach,the person responsible will likely not do it again....

[abigailf]

Start telling everyone at work you got a new car and describe the CEO's car.

[Megan Thomas]

If that happened, how funny would it be if HR took them in the office and showed them the video and was like "So do you care to explain this?"

I know of a school where if a kid gets caught downloading or sharing pornography the parents get called in and are shown the film in the presence of the kid and headteacher/principal. :heehee:

I really feel for you being targeted and can't really add anything to what's already been said. I've been targeted myself in the past, though not for being TG - just random mindless vandalism. Car cams get my vote :thumbsup:

[Christinedreamer]

Another possibility. The offender may actually be a manger or some other "trusted" official. I found this out the hard way when working at my last employer. I had 15 years with them and after a merger of several smaller companies, several folks were let go. I thought I was immune as I was the guy in charge of the building and security systems with full access and all the passwords. One afternoon our inventory control manager commented about a LOT of equipment missing with no back up paperwork.

During construction of the building I had cabling installed for a security camera system installed, but cameras were not installed at the time.

After the realization that a LOT of gear was missing, I approached the new manager and told him we had already setup cabling for cameras, all we needed to do was buy the cameras. He gave the go ahead to order and install them. That was on a Friday. On Monday after returning from lunch i was called in to the conference room and officially "downsized"(fired)

Move ahead one month and I get a call from a friend at the company telling me the manager who fired me had just been hauled out in cuffs by the FBI for grand theft, interstate transport of stolen goods, filing false tax and capital purchase documentation and a host of other felonies.

Sure hope he has a good time in prison. I might send him some makeup.

[Chickhe]

Oh that really sucks! I hope you have been parking where security cameras could record something this time. As for HR, or the police, you do not have to 'out' yourself. You just have to provide a timeline and connect the dots for them. For example, you tell them your car got keyed and it started right after a medical proceedure. You tell them you remember being asked some unusual questions about your sexuality while you were under, but don't remember exacly what it was because you were drugged, but that is why you connect the two or three situations together. You can also do some research on your own to find out who has relatives at the hospital and in your office... should narrow it down. You may already have a good idea who it is. The police can match a key to a scratch. In Ontario you can be criminally liable for a hate crime even if you are not in the minority group. It is also illegal for your manager and HR not to take reasonalbe action to protect you from a hate in the workplace. The person who did this will be dismissed when they are discovered, but you need to make it happen.

[kym]

ok time for my two cents. lol Being an employer here in the states I do have a perspective on this that may help out. Do two things here and try to do them in this order and you should get results. 1. go to HR and let them know what has happened so they can handle this internally, whether you out yourself or not to them is purely your choice however HR has a duty to be confidential and to protect your rights in the work place as long as it does not affect negatively with business. also tell them that you are going to file a police report about the incident to protect yourself and your property. 2. file a police report so if this happens again there is a paper trail on it and more can be done about it. what has happened to you is a crime and it is in most areas considered a hate crime..

[MsJanessa]

it is a criminal matter and you should report it---if you know or suspect who is doing this, tell the police that---often times a chat with the cops is enought to make this crap stop---it's bad enough that people sometimes confront us on the street but when a coward like this does it when he obviously does't have the cajones to deal with you face to face it really sucks

[Robynts]

Sounds like a hostile work environment to me. That qualifies as harassment, with sexual issues involved. I would strongly suggest you consider getting yourself a lawyer and have the lawyer explain to the HR department that you expect the harassment to stop. Not wanting to push litigation in a world with too much litigation, there is money to be had when you are subjected to a hostile work environment and it is not stopped.

[AKAMichelle]

I really can't go along with Maria's comments about bullying. You can walk away for only so long and then you have to fight back. I was bullied in 4th grade by 4 boys who would do all kinds of things to me. One day I had enough and I had one of them all alone and I took the ball away from him. I told him he couldn't have it and he started pushing and shoving me. That when I kicked him in his balls. I was aiming for the stomach but missed. Needless to say the boy was in severe pain and it was the last time the 4 boys ever bothered me. I am a firm believer that you try everything you can but in the end some only respect one thing.

That causes everything to get very tricky. I think the best way to handle it is to make it a criminal matter. Get the HR department to make an announcement that this type of behavior won't be tolerated by employees. Threaten the person with firing and criminal time and you just might get this person to stop. You problem won't be over though since you won't know who it is. I would prepare for the worst and hope for the best (aka arm yourself). This might only move to other means of hurting you and your family.

[Christinedreamer]

Another consideration is that you rights under the hospital's HIPPA statutes may well have been violated. Another reason to get a good attorney.

[Danni Bear]

Ginger,

As a owner and manager of my own business with 70 employees. I can tell you what some of the legal aspects are from your employer's view. They have a legal obligation to provide security for your vehicle, only if the parking area is a secured area. If it is open where anyone can gain access they only need to moniter it periodically, that could be daily, hourly or even weekly. If the person who keyed your vehicle is an employee of your company and does damage to your vehicle the circumstances change. The company then becomes liable for any damage done. No matter who is responsibe, report it to your HR, outing yourself is not necessary. People key vehicles for many and varied reasons. Vandalism of company or personal property is a high priorty in most companies. Employees caught doing this are almost invariably terminated.

Danni

[MaryAnn40c]

I worked with the same kind of people one time and had them both fired and brought then both up on charges with the cops. They lost there passports,and there jobs,houses,cars ect. It did take sometime but it was worth it!

[lexygirl]

If I were you I would go the HIPPA rout. In if this comes up in the hospital the person that told this information WILL put a stop to it. If not and the person is caught than the consequences for it will be huge. As a medical student I can tell you that HIPPA and privacy rights are a big way to get in trouble and never be aloud to work again!!

[sterling12]

Not sure about The Laws in Canada, but I think you have really good evidence of a "Hate Crime." If you are targeted in The States specifically for being Gay, it's a very serious crime. I hope you photographed The "Message." I would involve The R.C.M.P.. I don't think your problem will "go away," like some others have suggested. I think it will escalate as The Perpetrators get bolder, because nobody is stopping them.

Ultimately, they could turn yourself into "The Target," not just your Car. Maybe they will want to Key something nasty directly onto your body? Involve Management, involve The Police, you have a Right to some Protections under The Law. I'll just bet you that your Bosses know who's doing it, bet they know what's going on. If you don't do it for yourself, make an effort for The Next person they decide to make into A Target!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[GingerLeigh]

There are no specific HIPPA laws in Canada. At least I don't think so. The hospitals are required to not harm patients...blah blah.... you know the oath and all. The leak likely came from one or two nursing students who observed the procedure.
The anaethstetic was twilight. I was not aware of revealing anything, but the nurses told me I was talking up a storm during the procedure and what I said would scare away prospective dates, apparently. They looked quite amused, even though I was quite ill. A few years later I was set up on a blind date with a nurse with whom knew someone I worked with. It was unusually awkward and ended after the first date. Needless to say this is when the bullying began.
I cannot arm myself, this is Canada. Self defense with any type of weapon is prohibited and I would be charged. I only fear physical retribution if the parties involved get fired.
Lawsuits, only if I am fully exposed and my wife discovers the crossdressing.

Ginger

[JenniferR771]

And how about you work on the perp's mind. Talk about it a little bit in the office. Mention RCMP. Next day come in with a serveilance tape. And make sure someone sees you locking it in your desk. (Who is to know it is balnd--or maybe it is from the convenience store acorss the street).

[giuseppina]

Hello Ginger

There is equivalent legislation to HIPPA in Ontario. I don't remember what it is called, but it says medical information is not to be discussed or released without your express written consent. I'm not a lawyer, but it seems to me anything that happens during a health care procedure or records generated by same should be covered. I'm sure you're aware that breaches of confidentiality is serious business in the health care professions: it is professional misconduct, and the penalty can be revocation of their license. Without that, they can't work.

If your employer and/or the police determine who is responsible and they do get fired, you are within your rights to ask for a no contact and no discussion restraining order against them. It gives the police a lawful reason to remove the offender(s): contempt of court.

Good luck in dealing with these twits. :hugs:

[Miss Misery]

I have a question - how do you know for sure that you were outed via indiscrete hospital employees? Are you sure? The other problem is that the original person may have told someone else who in turn decided to key your car etc. If you know who did it, tell HR and have them bring that person into the office and ask to see his keys. That would be interesting.

When they (HR) asks why it's happening, I would respond with "Is there a justifiable and legal reason in our company policy that allows someone to key my car? I do think we have a policy regarding vandalism and harrassment of employees. So the action is covered by policy while the why is of no concern."

If HR is unwilling to act, have a friend show up out in the parking lot, dressed nice like a detective sort, and have him examining your car (for "evidence") - maybe even pretend like he's lifting a fingerprint or two. Make sure that others are aware that there's some type of investigation going on out in the parking lot (so the perpetrator will know). If the real law gets involved, your friend was just providing a private investigation.

BUT - I'd rather catch the SOB in the act or on video etc and have them pay for damages/lose their job etc. Better than having them just stop.

The bullying psychology thing is a bit of hooey. There are plenty of people doing it for plenty of reasons. Ignoring it and turning the other cheek might work or it might get your cheek kicked in. Just depends. Just like keying somebody's car might get them to look the other way or it might get your a** kicked. Just depends.

[GingerLeigh]

Well, I reviewed the responses from the last post regarding what to do when being harassed at work for suspicion of dressing. I decided what course I was going to take, and thank all of you for your helpful replies!

What I did, I talked to the head of HR this morning and showed him the damage to the car. The first keying was deep and my home fix job didn't completely hide it so it was still there. I told him about the tire slashing, showed him the scratched windows, and then here is where I went with the why.
I didn't out myself. I told him that I'm working in a poisoned work environment for seven years. Yes I know, I've tolerated this crap off and on for seven years! I'm either really tough or terribly stupid and cowardly. I told him that people for some reason seem to suspect me of either transvestism and or homosexuality. I mentioned the lewd comments made, the hushed silence I face when there is a group of these people, how some of my "friends" no longer talk to me (one even had a sign stuck on his back saying "weirdo lover"). He no longer talks to me after that incident. I told him that the attacks are seemingly stemming from these inferences since some #$%head harnessed a bra to my license plate and wrote "I'm Gay" in the dirt on my tailgate.

So, he started a file in my record about the harassment. I never once said that I crossdressed, and denied being gay (really I'm not, not that it matters) I told him I had no idea why they though so since I'm happily married with two adorable children, bright future etc...

He's says he's really angry about it and wants to pursue it. I believe him.

Ginger

[Amanda22]

Ginger, Congratulations for taking action. That was courageous and I applaud you. Bravo! I have a feeling you'll see some sort of resolution. Best of luck!

[Jay Cee]

Good for you, girl! Please keep us informed as to what happens.

[Billijo49504]

I'm sure glad that you are finally taking some action, I hope the HR guy really wants to help. I hope you're taking pictures. Nothing speaks louder in court, then a picture. Thats why, around here, if they write a ticket for parking in a fire lane, they take a picture. Usually with the fire lane sign and the license plate. Now fight that.....BJ

[tanyalynn51]

Good for you. Most HR people should have the sense to do the right thing, especially in this time when lawsuits are so prevalent. Especially since youre on the edge, if not over it, of having a good civil rights suit. Dont let up the pressure.

[MichelleL]

:thumbsup:

I'm very glad you've taken a stand for yourself. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to have to work in a "poisoned" evironment. I hope it all works out well for you.

[AKAMichelle]

That may end the damage to your car at work. I hope they are able to get the rest of the problem stopped.

[Stephanie-L]

I do not know the situation in Canada, but here in the States a person in a medical capacity who blabs any details, including the name of the patient, the procedure, the things said under sedation, etc, will be fired and can be sued. I would definately complain to the hospital where these persons work, you may have some recourse, the only problem is they will again blab to their relative who will possibly escalate the harrassment... You do need to get a lawyer in on this one. Good luck....Stephanie

[giuseppina]

Congrats on taking action. Lets hope the clowns who are doing this are made accountable for their actions.

[Nicole Erin]

Each day i read about stuff like this, I gain more and more hatred for hicks.
You know that is who is doing it.
Let us hope that the company gets rid of them, too bad they cannot be exhiled to Anartica.

[Chickhe]

You did the right thing. You will feel better knowing you have some help. I hope the HR person figures it out...people talk when their jobs are on the line... Also, try to socialize a little and get to know your co-workers, sometimes if you lighten up and joke about being known as the weirdo, people will see that you are 'okay'. ...unless you -are- a little weird, they might end up thinking you are the okay weirdo...

[Philipa Jane]

Hi Ginger.
I read all of the posts from the previous thread but did not have anything to add.
Erin was the one who made me smile the most (very feisty).
I am glad you have found the courage to begin confronting HR with this terrible behavior and hopefully the will get the culprits soon.
Hugs:)
PJ

[RachelPortugal]

I am glad that your head of HR is seemingly on your side and is going to pursue the matter.

But, just a few words of warning, HR depts (or Personnel Depts as the used to be known), in my experience, are there to protect the company's interests in employee related issues. Get a copy of your company's employee grievance and harrassment procedure, read it and fully understand it and make sure that the HR people follow it correctly. The other parties could turn it against you if procedures are not followed. My wife suffered a complete mental breakdown due to harrassment from her co-workers. She recovered and returned to work only to suffer continued harrassment, having been told by Personnel that the issue had been resolved. We then discovered that the Personnel Dept did not fully understand their own procedures, so with my wife off sick again we tried to force the Personnel Dept to work by the book. I was working for a comms technology firm so I was able to borrow equipment to record all their phone calls to us (in the UK one party can legally record a phone call without telling the other party), which served to prove that they were not following procedures or did not understand the procedures. It seemed to us that they were more concerned with upsetting the rest of my wife's team and possibly needing to find a large number of new staff members at a time of full employment in the area. One aggrieved employee was considered dispensible. However, faced with the evidence that they were failing in their jobs together with a letter from a lawyer, my wife was offered a large lump sum severance payment "on medical grounds" with a non-disclosure clause attached. She grabbed it and walked into another better paid job within the week. In the few years that followed I employed two ex-employees of that same firm who revealed that they had also received similar payments, when they met my wife at a company party. In some companies, bullying the newbies is institutionalised. Paying off the aggrieved parties is easier than tackling the problem at its roots.

I wish you every success, but have to ask why did you let yourself suffer for seven years?

[GingerLeigh]

I am glad that your head of HR is seemingly on your side and is going to pursue the matter.

But, just a few words of warning, HR depts (or Personnel Depts as the used to be known), in my experience, are there to protect the company's interests in employee related issues. Get a copy of your company's employee grievance and harrassment procedure, read it and fully understand it and make sure that the HR people follow it correctly. The other parties could turn it against you if procedures are not followed. My wife suffered a complete mental breakdown due to harrassment from her co-workers. She recovered and returned to work only to suffer continued harrassment, having been told by Personnel that the issue had been resolved. We then discovered that the Personnel Dept did not fully understand their own procedures, so with my wife off sick again we tried to force the Personnel Dept to work by the book. I was working for a comms technology firm so I was able to borrow equipment to record all their phone calls to us (in the UK one party can legally record a phone call without telling the other party), which served to prove that they were not following procedures or did not understand the procedures. It seemed to us that they were more concerned with upsetting the rest of my wife's team and possibly needing to find a large number of new staff members at a time of full employment in the area. One aggrieved employee was considered dispensible. However, faced with the evidence that they were failing in their jobs together with a letter from a lawyer, my wife was offered a large lump sum severance payment "on medical grounds" with a non-disclosure clause attached. She grabbed it and walked into another better paid job within the week. In the few years that followed I employed two ex-employees of that same firm who revealed that they had also received similar payments, when they met my wife at a company party. In some companies, bullying the newbies is institutionalised. Paying off the aggrieved parties is easier than tackling the problem at its roots.

I wish you every success, but have to ask why did you let yourself suffer for seven years?

HR issues. I'm going the route spelled out by the Ministry of Labour in regards to harassment. It trumps any HR policy the company has and it's pretty clear cut. I need documentation, write the events down with the who what where when etc.. Pictures and physical proof if I have it (the car is my proof). MAke sure the offending parties know it is unwelcome behaviour and find witnesses.

Yeah, I know. Seven years is a long time to put up with this kind of abuse. Why? Well, I suppose my first excuse is that I figured coming forward with this was an admission of guilt. It would make more people believe the rumor. Secondly it wasn't until I started coming here to this website that I found self acceptance. I hid in shame for a long time and cowered in fear of discovery. Funny how reading similar stories about "being a woman" gave me the balls to stand up for myself. Now, I don't really see anything wrong with my CDing so I'm now getting more angry than scared. The cat's pretty much out of the bag anyway so I'll have to let the cards fall where they may. I deny everything and confront those that try to call me out. I'm neither stupid or weak. I was pathetic maybe, but I've shed that now and I have all the "ladies" from this site to thank for that!

AGAIN, MY SINCEREST THANKS TO ALL OF YOU! Without this website and your input, I'd still be cowering in fear and hating myself. (I'd still have very little to dress up in too, my wardrobe has increased tenfold since coming here)

Ginger

[Miss Misery]

HR issues. I'm going the route spelled out by the Ministry of Labour in regards to harassment. It trumps any HR policy the company has and it's pretty clear cut. I need documentation, write the events down with the who what where when etc.. Pictures and physical proof if I have it (the car is my proof). MAke sure the offending parties know it is unwelcome behaviour and find witnesses.

Yeah, I know. Seven years is a long time to put up with this kind of abuse. Why? Well, I suppose my first excuse is that I figured coming forward with this was an admission of guilt. It would make more people believe the rumor. Secondly it wasn't until I started coming here to this website that I found self acceptance. I hid in shame for a long time and cowered in fear of discovery. Funny how reading similar stories about "being a woman" gave me the balls to stand up for myself. Now, I don't really see anything wrong with my CDing so I'm now getting more angry than scared. The cat's pretty much out of the bag anyway so I'll have to let the cards fall where they may. I deny everything and confront those that try to call me out. I'm neither stupid or weak. I was pathetic maybe, but I've shed that now and I have all the "ladies" from this site to thank for that!



Ginger

Ginger,

First, way to go! But secondly, with regard to why you put up with it for seven years, make sure HR knows that it was: 1) an issue that escalated over time 2) something that you thought was originally a random event until things escalated to such a point ... 3) you were making every attempt to continue to do your job and get through this without having to involve HR but it has gone too far.

Don't be surprised if they try and say that it must not be that disturbing if you put up with it for 7 years. That's no excuse.

Best of luck and don't beat yourself up over what you might have done sooner. Dealing with harrassment is tough, period. Regardless of the why.

[Miss Misery]

.................offered a large lump sum severance payment "on medical grounds" with a non-disclosure clause attached. She grabbed it and walked into another better paid job within the week. In the few years that followed I employed two ex-employees of that same firm who revealed that they had also received similar payments, when they met my wife at a company party. In some companies, bullying the newbies is institutionalised. Paying off the aggrieved parties is easier than tackling the problem at its root.

Sorry, but I don't agree with ever signing a non-disclosure clause. Ever. Your non-disclosure is what allows that behavior to continue, as you noticed. It is readily apparent that the non-disclosure is significantly more valuable than either the employee's productivity or the "lump sum cash payment". I understand it was for your wife's well-being and that has to be considered but with non-disclosure clauses they are buying off the one thing you really own - your voice/speech. Hope things are better for her.

[7sisters]

I am completely shocked. If it is any consolation, you know bullies are the easiest to lick. Next time, I want everyone who is reading this, to please nip incidents like this in the bud! If you 'let it go' the first time, it's only going to happen again and again. Ginger I'm just totally sorry you had to go through this. Your HR had better take action. It's a sick office environment. It's only a matter of time before it hits the company bottom line. Why not start looking for another job? You deserve a better environment.

[giuseppina]

Hello again, Ginger

It would be a good idea to see a solicitor specialising in harassment at the workplace, if nothing else to learn your rights and see that you don't make any mistakes due to misinterpretation of the law or otherwise. It also tells the employer you mean business.

It's a sad commentary on society that one has to go to some length to protect themselves.

[Janetmichelle]

There is another issue here too. You said that someone found out because of someone at a hospital? While you were drugged up. This is a big deal too because it deals with doctor patient confidentiality. Even if the person who said something is not you doctor anyone who works for them falls into this area and shouldn't be talking about anything that happens there.

I do hope that you can resolve you situation. cheers

[sterling12]

WOW....Thank You Ginger! Your Actions give The Rest of Us a Good Feeling about Our Sisterhood on This Forum. It's always nice to see when we have some positive effect in a Person's Life.

Personally, I think you have done The Right Thing. No matter how this Episode Ends, you will have The Satisfaction of knowing that you tried to do The Right Thing! This Incident isn't just about You. It is symbolic of thousands of other Episodes involving harassment of People whose only Crime is that they were "different." Each Time someone like you Steps Up, and says "enough;" It makes The World just a little bit better place.

Peace and Love, Joanie