sexuality as a transsexual

[tanyalynn51]

This has probably been covered somewhere, and may or may not be the right place for it. If it isnt, please move it. Anyway, something that I had been wondering for a while. I dont know if it sounds stupid in retrospect, but I wondered a lot if the fact that I have no interest in men reflected on my being transsexual. When I went to the counselor for the first time, I told her that I had no interest in men due to an attempted rape (I wasnt dressed), and during my darkest days of living on the streets, allowing pics to be taken and doing it to someone else for money. So, I dont know if lack of interest in men is that, or that I am really only still interested in women. And, I guess the ultimate question is, what does that make me, as a woman. I dont even know how far I will decide to go in this process. That's what the counselling is for. I guess Im partly just venting, and also asking for any advice or experience any girls and guys would care to share.
Tanya

[Gerrijerry]

sexuality and gender are not the same. Sorry to hear that you went thru an attempted rape. and yes this is a real counselor time need to clear up.

Gender has to do with what you want to have your body to appear as or be.
Sexaulity has to do with who you would like as a sexual partner. Therefore since most CD's are straight and prefer woman at least that is what I have been told. If a CD became a TS woman post op she would most likely be a lesbian. Hope that helps.

[Ze]

Yeah, any identity can be attracted to any other identity. There's no scientific pattern to it; it just comes down to one's preference, which is irrelevant to one's gender identity. I'm FtM and am attracted to women; I hence consider myself heterosexual. Yet there are FtMs who like men, men and women, intersexuals, any combination under the sun, really. The same with MtFs. The use your sexual orientation as proof or reasoning of your gender identity is to perpetuate stereotypes that only men like women or whathaveyou. And of course we all know this to be incorrect.

I agree with Gerri that if you haven't sought complete therapy yet regarding your assault, to definitely do so. :) Your distaste for men could very well just be your preference, but it may also be a normal and understandable reaction given your past.

[tanyalynn51]

I hadnt thought about seeking seperate therapy for the assault. Now that you both bring it up, it sounds like a good subject to cover in counseling. It might explaine some things.

[Ze]

To cut down on cost and to get the best treatment possible, I actually go to a therapist who is knowledgeable both with trans issues and abuse issues. :) If your current therapist does both, then that's fantastic; stick with them and make sure you bring the subject up.

[tanyalynn51]

To cut down on cost and to get the best treatment possible, I actually go to a therapist who is knowledgeable both with trans issues and abuse issues. :) If your current therapist does both, then that's fantastic; stick with them and make sure you bring the subject up.

I already touched on it, but we were just doing the first time stuff- getting aquainted, etc. I hope she has experience- she is easy to open up to, and Id rather just have to deal with one person for now. Also, she is covered 100% by my insurance, so it would help in that right, too.

[Ze]

Yep. :) Then just flat-out ask her if she has experience in that the next time you see her. If she doesn't, though, I don't advise you sticking with her for your assault issues. It could end up doing more harm than good if you're being treated by somebody who isn't properly trained.

[tanyalynn51]

Tahnx Ze- I know youre right.

[Melody Moore]

I too was sexually abused by a much older male at a very young age. And as others have said here, Gender & Sexuality is not binary.... I found out recently I'm still really a lesbian. And given how men really are in that most are ruled by a little tiny penis & dont care for much else (except fast cars, hooters, football & beer or course). So I really dont think that is going to change any time soon.

[tanyalynn51]

I guess I should be a little more clear as to when this happened- I wasnt a child at the time. It was at a homeless shelter where there were only a couple of us. I was 20. I was simply overpowered. I dont know what all of the results are of that. That is why, although I have pretended I have dealt with it all these years, Im going to take the advice of Ze and others and talk it out. Im a little tired of not having a safe zone. Im constantly aware of where any potential defensive weapons are, and own a gun (it stays at home, although I could get a concealed carry permit if I wanted). As I type this, its like an admission that I never did deal with it, isnt it? Ive been using the excuse of the dangerous work I do for this attitude, but it wont even fly with me anymore, so I cant experct you all to believe it.

[Pythos]

I just find men physically unappealing. It is just how I am wired.

I like looking at women, and hope one day to meat a woman that likes feminine traits (as far as appearance is concerned) so much, she actually likes my look more than my Male look. A woman that has thrown aside social expectations and says "I want a man's man" or something along those lines. :)

That is an ironic stance cause I am asking for a lady that feels the same about the female look as I do, which is probably a hard thing to ask for, especially with the highly embedded Norms of our society.

I know...I am a radical departure. LOL

[Teri Jean]

Tanya you have gotten some solid help with Ze and the others. I'm truely sorry to hear about the attempted rape, at any age it is still so wrong on so many levels. I do want to say to everyone about protection, unless you are an expert in hand to hand with the weapon of choice, leave it at home and be safe and smart. Travel in groups and don't place yourself in situations that could comprimise your safety. JMO

[tanyalynn51]

Tanya you have gotten some solid help with Ze and the others. I'm truely sorry to hear about the attempted rape, at any age it is still so wrong on so many levels. I do want to say to everyone about protection, unless you are an expert in hand to hand with the weapon of choice, leave it at home and be safe and smart. Travel in groups and don't place yourself in situations that could comprimise your safety. JMO

I agree with you, Teri, since as I thought about it, the weapon I always look for is some kind of club. Im also very good with rocks (I once was a very good pitcher). As for the gun, although it stays at home, it is the caliber that I have target shot with- .22- not the best, but I am a crack shot. I wont go into the story, but I had to take it out in a dangerous situation at my apartment complex (not tg related), so I would say from my reaction and feeling at the time, I would be willing to use it, but am not gun-happy by any means. Now if someone was to mess with or hurt my 8 yr. old niece, who is the light of my life...

[Stephenie S]

Wow, this thread moved from sexuality to guns.

Remember the following folks:

The essence of masculinity is that there are some things in this world worth DYING for.

The essence of femininity knows that there are things in this world worth LIVING for.

Which side are you on?

As for the OP, don't worry about what your sexuality will be after you transition. It may stay the same. It may very well change. Wait and see.

Stephie

[Ze]

Which side are you on?


Uhhh...

[Stephenie S]

Beautiful sweetie. I couldn't have said it better myself.

It is, of course, a MUCH more complicated issue. YOU'RE studying this stuff. What do YOU think?

S

[tanyalynn51]

Wow, this thread moved from sexuality to guns.

Remember the following folks:

The essence of masculinity is that there are some things in this world worth DYING for.

The essence of femininity knows that there are things in this world worth LIVING for.

Which side are you on?

As for the OP, don't worry about what your sexuality will be after you transition. It may stay the same. It may very well change. Wait and see.

Stephie

You are right, Stephie, but I still think that its some of both. Of course, we should recognize that life is worth living for. Its just that sometimes I feel Im fighting just to live in the "normal" world, even after years of living way beyond even the fringe of normal society. I want to be normal, to have more trust in people. Sometimes even I recognize that I have an almost "bunker" mentality- to close off from the world and protect myself. Yes, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, both from the rape, and other fights for survival from over the years on the streets. Im also prone to enjoying dangerous things- swimming rapids without a life vest is a personal favorite, and I want to skydive asap. But, does that mean Im not appreciating life, or does the adrenaline rush that this kind of stuff gives you make you more alive? (yes, Point Break is one of my favorite movies, in case you recognize a theme here).

[Melissa A.]

As Stephie said, your sexual preference may change. Or not. Or you may decide not to choose. Any way that falls, it doesn't make you anything as a woman. I have had this disscussion with many people, gay and straight, ambivelant to the notion that I believe in, that it's ok to identify as something sexually, but that no one is required to decide. There's no penalty for finding yourself attracted physically to any human being, regardless of their gender. My advice, as always, is that identity can be enough of a bitch for many of us, especially in our culture. Never stress what gets your sexual dander up. You're under no obligation to proclaim anything, or even decide.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Stephenie S]

Sorry about the over-generalization about males. I am currently reading a book edited by Ernest Hemingway on war. There are NO women in it. The fact remains that men start wars, women suffer them. Testosterone? Probably.

Stephie

[nikkijo]

excuse me melody, whats wrong with fast cars, and hooters....

[CharleneT]

As Stephie said, your sexual preference may change. Or not. Or you may decide not to choose. Any way that falls, it doesn't make you anything as a woman. I have had this disscussion with many people, gay and straight, ambivelant to the notion that I believe in, that it's ok to identify as something sexually, but that no one is required to decide. There's no penalty for finding yourself attracted physically to any human being, regardless of their gender. My advice, as always, is that identity can be enough of a bitch for many of us, especially in our culture. Never stress what gets your sexual dander up. You're under no obligation to proclaim anything, or even decide.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

:iagree:

Beautifully said !!! Absolutely wonderful !!!

[Melody Moore]

excuse me melody, whats wrong with fast cars, and hooters....
Nothing, but Im sure you will agree there is much more to life. And besides are we not talking about Sexuality as a Transsexual here?
I dont know about you, but personally I am very creeped out by the fact that 99% of men only ever seem to want to talk about sex. I want
to feel really loved, respected & appreciated for all of me, not just a 'hot body' or a few good looks. So far I havent found any man willing
to give me what I want, all the feedback I get from males seems to be about what they want and that dangly bit of meat between their legs.

Maybe its different for you, but this is how it really is for me. Here is something I came across recently and think that is so true....

If a man tells you that you are HOT he is only looking at your body,
If a man tells you that you are pretty he is only looking at your face,
but if a man tells you that you are beautiful, then he is looking at your soul.

[Eve_WA]

Sorry about the over-generalization about males. I am currently reading a book edited by Ernest Hemingway on war. There are NO women in it. The fact remains that men start wars, women suffer them. Testosterone? Probably.

Stephie

Hmmmm, then why was the bloodiest and most violent times in our history when women ruled?

Queen Isabella... Queen Elisabeth... Queen of Egypt... all ruled within some of the most violent times in recorded history.