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JamieG
09-19-2010, 10:03 PM
So I took another step today, I went out for drinks with a group of girls from one of the TG support groups I attend. They always go out after meetings and have repeatedly asked me to join them. In the past I've politely declined due to fears by both my wife and I that I'll be outed. However, over the last few months, I had slowly changed my mind, and was working up to broach the subject with her. Here's how it happened...

So after not getting to be Jamie for two months, I had planned to go to the meeting last night. Unfortunately, my wife was very sick, and if I went to the meeting, I'd be leaving her to feed the family, bathe the kids, and get them to bed all by herself. Not cool! I suggested I wouldn't go, and she said as long as she got to sleep during the day, she could handle an evening as a single parent. I knew she was just being nice, so I suggested instead that I stay home until the kids are in bed, and then head out to meet with everyone at the bar after the meeting was over. She thought this was a good idea and even told me how proud she was of me for having the courage to do it and embracing my CD side. Her words: "It takes a lot of balls to do what you do!" :-)

This put me in a good mood and I was looking forward to a wonderful night. I got my clothes packed for the trip, and headed to the bank to get some cash for the evening. Of course, what happens? My ATM card has expired and I only have $5 on my person. I immediately head home to see if I can find a new card in the mail. No luck. I scrounge up ~$25 from elsewhere in the house. That should be enough for tolls and cover charge; I'll put my drinks on my credit card. With this detour, an hour's drive to the location, and changing in a friend's motel room, I don't roll into the bar until 11:15am. The whole way down, I'm thinking maybe all of this was an omen that I was making a mistake by going out.

Fortunately, I didn't chicken out! Although, I was nervous as a friend and I made the 50 feet walk from the parking lot to the bar while a few "civilians" were out and about, I had a blast once we got inside. It was great to catch up with old friends (like Jenny J from this forum) and to make new ones. It was also nice to be able to talk to people over drinks; I found it more relaxed and casual than the group meetings (which are great, and very social, but alas no drinks harder than soda!). I was a little weirded out by the tranny chasers there, but fortunately none of them approached me. I was wearing my wedding band, so maybe that was what clued them in that I wasn't available. I stayed til the bar closed at 2am. What with having to go back to the motel to change for my drive home and a closed freeway that forced me to take a longer route, I didn't get home til 4:30am. Although it made for a long and tired day today, I have no regrets. I look forward to joining those wonderful ladies for drinks the next time I go to that meeting, although I think I'll have to get out of there well before 2am. I'm too old to be out that late! ;-)

Kathi Lake
09-19-2010, 10:10 PM
I'm so glad you didn't chicken out! We have to be bold to accomplish what we want. Your wife is entirely correct.

:)

Kathi

DianeDeBris
09-21-2010, 12:47 AM
We have to be bold to accomplish what we want.Kathi

As usual, Kathi is spot on -- the first time I ever went out in public, I took the hotel elevator down to the lobby, exited, got weak in the knees, retreated back to the elevator and fled back to my room; then I caught my breath, decided this was something I needed to do, and went back down and out. As soon as I left the hotel, I heard somebody say, "There's a drag queen." [Trust me, I was nowhere near the DQ sphere of dress/makeup/presentation]. From there I took a cab, went to a huge party, and had a wonderful time. The second time (at HEF in Las Vegas a couple of years ago) I got dressed and done up, went downstairs in the hotel and walked all around looking for the group's meeting room -- fully twenty minute of walking around without finding my goal left me fearful, and again I fled back to my room -- sat there a while, fully dressed and wondering if it was worth it -- then sucked it up and went back downstairs, walked up to a hotel employee and asked for directions -- he was completely polite and professional,and told me exactly what I needed to know -- so off I went to the right room and -- voila -- Diane was off, running, and fully launched!! Now I admit I'm nowhere near where Kathi is in terms of self-acceptance and comfort level in public, but I swear that every single time I've been out and about I've found ever-more acceptance and hugely increasing personal/internal levels of comfort -- so, as Kathi would have it, be bold and do what you need to do!! Hugs -- Diane

JamieG
09-21-2010, 11:51 AM
Thanks for your comments, Kathi and Diane. In a way going out this past weekend was a lot like when I first tried white water rafting or rock climbing. There was a lot of apprehension leading up to it, but once you do it, its exhilarating. The big difference is that this time not only did I overcome fear, but I also chipped away at the shame that had built up from hiding all of these years (I had a similar feeling when I first attend a TG support group, and again when I attend my first TG conference).

One day I'd love be bold enough where I could walk around town in a skirt and heels and completely eliminate the shame. However, I think one has to be careful to be bold without being stupid. I'd never go whitewater rafting without a helmet and life-vest, and I'd never go rock-climbing without someone to belay me; that's just dangerous. For many of us, being completely out could lead to loss of friends, family, and/or jobs, or even being assaulted. For now, I consider going to a trans-party an acceptable risk. We'll see what my next big step is, and how long it takes me to get there.

kimdl93
09-21-2010, 01:13 PM
Jamie, you really are a great partner as well as a lovely lady. Your wife sounds like a gem too! I appreciated your consideration for her and really admired her appreciation of you. With that kind of support at home, no wonder you were able to find the courage to face the world!

Yolanda_Voils
09-21-2010, 04:17 PM
Glad your wife supports you, not all do..

I also wear a wedding riing set when I go out, when confronted I simply smile and hold my hand up..

My voice is NOT by any means something I can use when dressed enfemme.

FYI, Cato's has really nice rings for $8-10.00 and if you don't wear them much the cheap plating will last a long time..

My ring looks like a $3500 set, especially on a quick peek.

Hugs
Yolanda