How to explain?

[iloveps]

So i have been trying to explain to my mom how i feel. She already knows about it matter of factly and we are seeking professional help. And while she is extremely supportive and knows that i am genuinely experiencing some emotional trauma she is finding it hard to understand what i am feeling and she really wants to. I tried to explain it to her the other day and any explanation just kinda fell flat.

she would ask things like "what would you be like if you became a woman?" and i would just explain "i'd be myself." (but in more words than that).

I know she cant understand because she doesn't experience it but has anyone found a good way of explaining it to a non-trans person? Outside of "woman/man trapped in a woman's/man's body." because that just doesn't TRULY explain the feeling, we get it because we know it, but it seems others have a really hard time :sad:

i really want my mom to understand more, and so does she, just so that its easier to talk about.

[Teri Jean]

Sometimes we can spin our tires to no avail, we just don't get anywhere. When my daughters had enough of my thoughts they asked to talk with the professional I see every month. Since then it seems as if they finally understand better and have moved towards accepting. JMO

[pamela_a]

You're right. Trying to explain being TS to a cis-gendered person is very difficult. I've used this before and some women have told me it helped. I told them to imagine they are every bit the woman they know themselves then I asked them how they would feel if they looked in the mirror and had a penis and no breasts. Then further imagine how they would feel if everyone tells them because of that they're really male.

[Bree-asaurus]

It's hard to explain to people. Everyone I've told so far hasn't needed much more than a couple sentence explanation to get the general idea. One extremely close friend (like a father to me) doesn't get it and probably never will. He just can't remotely imagine how I feel, although he tries to be supportive. You won't be able to get everyone to understand (and I use that term loosely), and that's okay.

Maybe try having them imagine they were in your situation. For example, tell your mom something like: "Imagine you woke up tomorrow and you had a penis, a flat chest, hair everywhere, a deep voice, were 6 feet tall and everyone that looked at you saw you as a man and expected you to act like one. Would you act like a man or would you be yourself and do what you want to do? How long could you live like that before you go insane?" I don't know... Just don't kill yourself trying to get other people to understand. The fact that she acknowledges that something is wrong is a good start. Give it some time and keep talking to her about it.

EDIT: LOL! In the time it took me to write this post two other's said what I had to say!

[Steph.TS]

this topic is on my mind alot lately, for me I feel frustrated that I haven't or can't experience what I would have if I was a woman, how would my life be different if I had always been female, or how will my life change if I become a woman? Most men don't mind their role in life, and even enjoy it, I find myself wishing for something different, and it was crossdressing that opened my eyes to this desire to change. it could be summed simply by saying I feel like I'm missing out...

Questions I have on my mind that I think demonstrate my wishes are what's it's like to be a woman, what's it like to be accepted as woman in society, what's it like to dress with more variety and options available, what's it like to have emotional feedom, to be able to cry and not have people look down on you. As a man I have to always be on guard to protect myself from others, other men are less willing to accept men who show weakness or differences, and it's been my experience that the weaker/different kind of men get picked on or teased.

[Stephenie S]

So let me tell you what I think. (OMG, there goes Stephenie again.)

Transexualism is hard to explain because it's not something that needs an explanation. Tell me, for instance how well YOU understand it. You don't, do you? What is needed is ACCEPTANCE. Ask your friends and relatives not for understanding. Ask them for just acceptance. Understanding may come, or it may not, but all that is required is that your F&R accept you.

Really, and when you think about it, acceptance is what we need from ourselves too, isn't it?

Stephie

[Ana5551]

I am with Stephenie...acceptance and their love will do more for you than understanding ever will.

[Inna]

I would ask your mom to explain how she feels on the inside, what is her feeling of being her. Then when she has explained or at least tried to explain who she is, tell her to now take away the image she knows to be her and replace it with the image of a man in the mirror. Then tell her to imagine living life as it was with this new found body and adjust all her mannerisms and character to be able to fit into life as a man.

To live a lie is like never living at all!
I am so glad you do have a loving mother who is willing to walk by your side, Love will save us all!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

lots of great comments!

I think a good thing to help people understand (especially folks that care about you) is that you don't need their "understanding"...there should be no pressure on them to search for the answer...maybe even admitting that you don't understand it completely yourself (i know i don't!)

you know they will never truly understand...

but i can assure transitioners that the feeling of waking up every day and just being yourself is mind blowingly powerful...and cis gendered people like your mom have enjoyed this feeling everyday of their lives...and of course they take it for granted..and they should, its a basic human feeling that everyone should have..nobody should have to wake up every day and feel like there is something wrong with them as a person.

as alexia said...living a lie is not living at all...going through all this is literally a fight for our life..its survival..

alot of folks said to me that they hope i'm happy....i tell them its much more fundamental than that....

happiness is the advanced course...i searched for and found peace (in myself) and now its my responsibility to go out and find happiness...

[Melody Moore]

I would ask your mom to explain how she feels on the inside, what is her feeling of being her. Then when she has explained or at least tried to explain who she is, tell her to now take away the image she knows to be her and replace it with the image of a man in the mirror. Then tell her to imagine living life as it was with this new found body and adjust all her mannerisms and character to be able to fit into life as a man.

To live a lie is like never living at all!
I am so glad you do have a loving mother who is willing to walk by your side, Love will save us all!

I totally agree with Alexia - thats very good advice :)

[iloveps]

thanks everyone!

for the record my mom is extremely accepting of me! she is just wanting to try to feel what i am feeling rather than me just telling her. I think she is playing the part of a healthy skeptic (not of ts's as a whole but of me) and i think its good for her to do that, so that i dont get carried away and possibly transition when its really not right for me.

id type more but i have class to go to.:cry:

[TerryTerri]

I've been toying with this lately. Something like this:
The best way to think of it is as a birth defect. I was born with the wrong body. I should have had a female body, not a male body. Unfortunately, since we project gender from physical traits, I was raised as if I were a male, when in fact my inner emotions, perspectives and spirit are actually female. Needless to say, I have always had an internal struggle, or fracture inside myself that I did not understand for a very long time.
---------------------------------------------
Part of where I'm currently at with all this is seeing and understanding that there's really nothing 'wrong' with me, except I have the wrong gendered body. Unfortunately, I'm kinda stuck with this male body. There's things I can do to help it become more female and to be seen as female. But, the root of my problem is I have the wrong gendered body. Not easy to deal with, but fairly simple concept.

[iloveps]

My mom understand transexualism from an objective standpoint, she just cant get it from an emotional one. I think it just too complex of a feeling for someone else to understand.

[AnonyMouse]

The best you can do is ask her to imagine how she would feel if she was told that she had to be a boy/man (and everything that came with it). Or how she would feel if she had a male body. Or both. She still won't be able to grasp the full depth of it, but it might give her some idea.