lyta
09-21-2010, 01:34 AM
Just wanted to give a little report from the trenches, which have been rather eventful the last couple of days...
As seems often the case in my life, Fate took charge in my long-time feeble attempts to find a way to tell my beloved wife.
Searching the estate for stuff to take to the local fleemarket, my wife came across one of my stashes out in the garage, containing a skirt, sweater, dress and pumps. When I came home a bit later she was of course confused as to how these items got there, she couldn't remember having seen them before and it appeared to be around my size...
Whooosh! The sound of realities clashing. Temporary brain overload. Not Prepared For This! Panic lurking. Instincts starting to look for an escape route.
Thankfully, I quickly came to my senses. After all, I had been looking for a way to get this out in the open, and here it was. Lying or coming up with lame excuses was just not an option, she is my wife and I love her and keeping this from her up until now had been bad enough.
But the embarrassment! Oh my. I didn't know where to start, and I told her so. She asked if she could ask questions instead and it took only two of those before she had pinpointed the situation. ("Is it yours"? "Have you used it during the last year?")
40 year old secret rushing out. Fear creeping in. Now what? Is this the beginning of the end?
My wife is an amazing woman in so many ways, and I knew she was the right one for me very very soon in our relationship. I have been reminded of this many times over the half dozen years since we became a couple. And now she proved it again, Big Time.
No shock. No anger from feeling betrayed. No disgust or moral rejection. Just 100% understanding and sympathy right from the start. And the initial surprise soon changing into an insight about me and us that had lurked just underneath the surface for a long time.
She was just really, genuinely happy for my sake, and even happy for the new and exciting energy and possibilities this would add to our relationship. Yes, she was in fact just that, excited.
And of course, knowing my wife fairly well and learning from the attitudes and experiences from the lovely people in this group and elsewhere, I should have known that it would be all right. Still, the risk that it wouldn't and the shame I still after all these years of working with self-acceptance had not fully managed to purge kept me from taking the step. What a waste of time and energy.
Well, here we are, two days into our New Era. We are both looking forward to the days and weeks and months ahead of talking about and exploring this. Thanks to you all in the T community for providing me with extremely valuable insights and experiences from both sides. It has already helped me handle this, and will help me make at least a few less mistakes in the time ahead, like describing to me the patterns of Pink Fog Ahead, Do Not Overdo and Define The Rules.
We'll just take it slow, and enjoy the journey. And find our way through the rough patches that it will unavoidably also include. Right now there is a lovely dress, sweater, skirt and pumps in my wardrobe next to my shirts and costumes -- and I just cannot begin to tell you how that makes me feel.
But I think you can guess. ;)
Thank you all for being who you are, and for caring and sharing the way you do.
Hugs,
Lyta
As seems often the case in my life, Fate took charge in my long-time feeble attempts to find a way to tell my beloved wife.
Searching the estate for stuff to take to the local fleemarket, my wife came across one of my stashes out in the garage, containing a skirt, sweater, dress and pumps. When I came home a bit later she was of course confused as to how these items got there, she couldn't remember having seen them before and it appeared to be around my size...
Whooosh! The sound of realities clashing. Temporary brain overload. Not Prepared For This! Panic lurking. Instincts starting to look for an escape route.
Thankfully, I quickly came to my senses. After all, I had been looking for a way to get this out in the open, and here it was. Lying or coming up with lame excuses was just not an option, she is my wife and I love her and keeping this from her up until now had been bad enough.
But the embarrassment! Oh my. I didn't know where to start, and I told her so. She asked if she could ask questions instead and it took only two of those before she had pinpointed the situation. ("Is it yours"? "Have you used it during the last year?")
40 year old secret rushing out. Fear creeping in. Now what? Is this the beginning of the end?
My wife is an amazing woman in so many ways, and I knew she was the right one for me very very soon in our relationship. I have been reminded of this many times over the half dozen years since we became a couple. And now she proved it again, Big Time.
No shock. No anger from feeling betrayed. No disgust or moral rejection. Just 100% understanding and sympathy right from the start. And the initial surprise soon changing into an insight about me and us that had lurked just underneath the surface for a long time.
She was just really, genuinely happy for my sake, and even happy for the new and exciting energy and possibilities this would add to our relationship. Yes, she was in fact just that, excited.
And of course, knowing my wife fairly well and learning from the attitudes and experiences from the lovely people in this group and elsewhere, I should have known that it would be all right. Still, the risk that it wouldn't and the shame I still after all these years of working with self-acceptance had not fully managed to purge kept me from taking the step. What a waste of time and energy.
Well, here we are, two days into our New Era. We are both looking forward to the days and weeks and months ahead of talking about and exploring this. Thanks to you all in the T community for providing me with extremely valuable insights and experiences from both sides. It has already helped me handle this, and will help me make at least a few less mistakes in the time ahead, like describing to me the patterns of Pink Fog Ahead, Do Not Overdo and Define The Rules.
We'll just take it slow, and enjoy the journey. And find our way through the rough patches that it will unavoidably also include. Right now there is a lovely dress, sweater, skirt and pumps in my wardrobe next to my shirts and costumes -- and I just cannot begin to tell you how that makes me feel.
But I think you can guess. ;)
Thank you all for being who you are, and for caring and sharing the way you do.
Hugs,
Lyta