Telling a friend

[Amber]

Hay

When i was 18 i told a friend that i ws a tv, in cofidence. Or so i thought. He ended up telling others and it turned out to be a messy situation. Alot of gossip, finding myself denying it and getting defencive. The next couple of years were filled with suppresion. I've realised now that it was like hiding a nuclear weapon in a shooting gallery. ouch!

I want to come out to a friend or two. I've thought about it for a while now, but consious thought is no match for a tv neurosis. i keep finding myself in conversation with my friend and wanting to blurt it out, only to hold back and watch metal shards flying of that warhead. Enough's enough. Im comming out.

It would be great if i could get some suggestions from others who have been in this situation. Im not sure how too approch it, I'm comfotable taking lots of small steps, so i dont want to come out to everyone I know. Any suggestions would be greatly valued. thanks alot hay

[Marla GG]

Amber,

You've touched on something here that I have thought about many times, namely: there are a few people in my life who I think would be accepting if I told them about my spouse Angel's crossdressing. However, although I trust them to be accepting, I don't trust them to keep it a secret!

My sister, for example. She is a very open-minded, loving girl and I know that if I told her she would say "Wow, that's so cool!" And she would enjoy hearing about our outings and all the fun we have at home. But she cannot keep a secret to save her life, so telling her means that I am also in effect telling her boyfriend (a real caveman type), all her friends (a mixed group of girls, some of whom are not as open-minded as she is), and probably some of our neighbors, who she is casually social with. I don't think Angel and I are ready to come out to all those people, so unless my sister changes...she is only 22 so it is possible....we don't want to tell her.

Sorry I don't have any advice for you; I'm just saying that I can relate to your dilemma!

[mchelle]

ive thought about tellin a friend. havent yet.
the only ones that know are salesgirls where ive shopped a few times. or few times ive gone to gentlemans clubs and some of the girls found out i had bra n panties on.
last time i actually got to put a skirt on in the other room and sit w a girl. 1 put makeup on me and all the girls goin past wanted to see my skirt. the 1 girl said she wished her bf wore thongs...sometimes id like to have someone to interact w more as a dresser or shop w. those that have gf or wife that understands are lucky. good luck w your decision.

[Imogen_Mann]

I told my best male friend when we were both 18, he traveled up from the coast to visit me out of the blue, we sat talking for about six hours (we had not seen each other since leaving boarding school) and he came out as gay, so I figured what the hell, and told him about me. There were no repercussions, we've been friends since with no problems and it's just been another two topics of conversation. Since then he told me he decided he was in fact confused not gay, and now he's married... but thats his life and I promised not to tell his wife what he told me.

I also told my best GG friend too... and she's cool with it as well, just wanted to ask lot's of questions and see my clothes, so far no worries. I cant tell everyone, some people I know just couldnt handle the kind of thinking involved without breaking out into a rigth-wing trannyphobic sweat.
My parents who claim to be ultra liberal... They won't be told (ok, they "know" but they think it's all over). My sister... NO WAY ! Her BF is my boss, and my job's a "mans" one. My brother.... Maybe one day, maybe not. He's a goth, so he wears some pretty damn outlandish stuff anyway. I am SO proud of him, he does his own thing in his own way, despite people laughing at him or not understanding :cool: :thumbsup:

Telling friends is like walking on thin ice, listen very very carefully for the first little crack, then run like hell for the safety of land.

XX

Jayme
XX

Jayme

[Kimberly]

I'm in the process of coming out to a few people I can trust... and I'm much more open about my bi-sexuality (mainly because people can just go, "okay, he likes men too." But with CDing, it's something different, and to society, more taboo).

I told a good friend about 4 years ago, and I can't remember exactly how I told him, but he came out as bi at the same time. He even helped me (morally) with getting clothes etc for me. Of course, his SO found out, but she was okay about it, and helped me too.
In the past I've also told people random stuff... very randomly. Literally, I would start the conversation by going, "I've got something to tell you, but you can't tell anyone!" ... THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GO ABOUT IT. Through this, I actually got in the sh*t, and something came out about me dressing up as a girl, and I had to deny it. Not nice... much paranoia. Best to avoid that, honey, WHERE POSSIBLE. :p

But recently, I've been coming out to a lot of people (about 6.) Mostly at Theatre, because there everything is more relaxed, and this situation I was in (for the summer), is that I could be open, because I was only with them for a while, then I wouldn't see them again for maybe a year or two. How that has happened is that it's just come up in conversation, like: "But I think I can just sympathise with women more, which is a quality most men lack... It's because I'm a crossdresser." This is a nice way, but it may not work in your situation. It's just open, nice, and casual, and then people can ask you questions about it at a nice pace, rather than a gush of "oh my god, what are you!?"

Coming out to my two current best friends was the best way I've found so far, because I actually had a reason to tell them... I'd just broken up with my most recent SO, (loved her to bits,) and it was pretty harsh on me, but it wasn't so much shock as just loss of love. I was getting depressed, and I wanted to express myself through my dressing, and just got more and more frustrated that I couldn't openly, without the occassional idiot going: "Oi! You t**t, what the f*** do you think you're doin?!!" ... My mates noticed how depressed I was, and I said it wasn't only down to the breakup, but that I'd tell them one to one. So I did, nice and quietly and just explained everything to them. They're fine about it now, and are the best friends for CDing I have, currently.
The last person I came out to was actually on Friday night. I happened to be drunk in there house, and she wanted me to swap clothes with her, for a laugh. She dragged me into the toilet, and me bring drunk I couldn't really fight her off that well... I really didn't want to do it, because I know I'd turn quite effeminite etc, which is what I do whilst dressed... So I did the only thing I could, half drunk, in her toilet. I told her about my CDing. She was fine with it at the time, but I best check up on it when we see each other next, because I don't trust her 100% on keeping it a secret. I expect she barely remembers. But basically: don't tell anyone this way! I don't know how well the secret will be kept, and I'm not ready to come out completely.

My advice: small steps, person by person, so that everyone you tell can fully understand you.

Best of luck with this, once you tell someone you'll feel much more relaxed around them. :)

xx

[Jeanette TS]

Well this is a good one. I told my best friend well my wife told his wife.Who is her best friend. If you can get all that. :bonk: and it has not worked out at all.
I have had nothing but bad feelings from him.To say we were close is not in it.We did every thing to gether, holls nights out the lot as familys.
Now i have not see him in 4 months and when i do. He dose not speack at all. :confused: It's a shame as we were very good friends.

It's not helped that my wife is still seeing them.I have not to go to any party's as it will end up in somthing happning. like a punch up or somthing on that lines.
So be carfull as it can be hard to find out that they are not your best friend after all.

hope all gose well :hugs:

Lo Jeanette xx