TG meeting fear?

[Byanca]

I live as your next door weird chick. The people around the house, and shops etc are all fine with me, I've been doing this for 10 years. I also go to the pubs, sometimes straight, sometimes gay. Like normal life. A few times I've even followed a man home. Don't have a job, as I'm mostly working on these TG related issues of mine.

But the thing is. There is a local TG group here. And I'm terrified of meeting them. I've been emailing with them for 3 years.....Last week I was extremely uncertain what to wear. I ended up with pants...white nice ones. But still...this made me really uncertain. So when I was almost there. I just couldn't do it. So I went to a pub, sat there, talking with strangers, and followed someone home(not much happened, I excused myself and went home, as I was feeling to drunk).

But I really want to meet the others. Why am I so afraid? Anyone else felt like this?

Now it's going to be embarrassing writing email and try to explain. I'm quite certain they will soon get tired and not bother to give me the date for the next meeting.

[Dora Faye]

It seems like to me you really need to confront this needless fear. Just screw up all your courage and go. I'm sure you will have a wonderful time and wonder what you were so afraid of to begin with.
Love
D

[Byanca]

Thanks, I guess that's how it is.
I like better one on one meetings. But my therapist tells me I should go to one of the meetings to increase my social network.

[Rianna Humble]

You could try what I did to get up the courage to go to my first TG support group meeting - go shopping!

Actually, for me it had to be my month-end variant (window shopping) apart from one item - a new handbag (guaranteed to make a girl feel better about herself).

[Eileen]

Yes just get up and go to a social. The first time is a bit of a nail biter, but it soon gets to be a source of enjoyment.

Eileen

[Jorja]

I don't blame you one bit!!!!! Thoes tg/ts/cd ...... are a scary lot. They always have fun and really don't care what anyone thinks. I would stay far far away from them.

Pull up thoes big girl panties and go meet them. Introductions and the first meet might be a little nerve racking for some but I am sure you will meet some of the most wonderful people you have ever met in your life.

[PretzelGirl]

If you are going to have that much fear, maybe you can take another route. Meet one of the members at another time. Then if you are comfortable with her, see if you can meet her somewhere before the meeting and go with her. Then everyone won't be new and it won't be such a big deal.

[Stephenie S]

Oh Sue. What a good idea!

S

[Billijo49504]

I agree with the others, you should face your fears head on. I went from never being with other TG folks, to being a facilatator of a TG group...BJ

[Teri Jean]

I want to wish you the best. If you are comfortable in one on one situations, get to know one of the gals and ask to go with her. You then have support in that first feeling of panic. We all have a need for a helping hand and this is one of yours. Take care. Teri

[Jay Cee]

I'm a little puzzled - you'll go to a pub, meet someone there, and follow them home? But you won't go to a meeting with people who may be of great benefit to you? Is alcohol a factor here? Maybe drinking before attending a meeting would help? Sorry - I shouldn't make light of the situation. I guess ask yourself: Is the drinking a problem that needs to be addressed?

I ask forgiveness if I am way off base. I wish you luck with this. I know I still have to work up the nerve up to attend my first CD meeting.

[Byanca]

You could try what I did to get up the courage to go to my first TG support group meeting - go shopping!

Actually, for me it had to be my month-end variant (window shopping) apart from one item - a new handbag (guaranteed to make a girl feel better about herself).
I like it. After I've seen my therapist I usually go shopping. As she makes me feel good about myself. I feel energized to do something useful.

If you are going to have that much fear, maybe you can take another route. Meet one of the members at another time. Then if you are comfortable with her, see if you can meet her somewhere before the meeting and go with her. Then everyone won't be new and it won't be such a big deal.


I want to wish you the best. If you are comfortable in one on one situations, get to know one of the gals and ask to go with her. You then have support in that first feeling of panic. We all have a need for a helping hand and this is one of yours. Take care. Teri
This would help a lot. But then I have to ask them to meet me alone. And I don't want to be a burden.

I'm a little puzzled - you'll go to a pub, meet someone there, and follow them home? But you won't go to a meeting with people who may be of great benefit to you? Is alcohol a factor here? Maybe drinking before attending a meeting would help? Sorry - I shouldn't make light of the situation. I guess ask yourself: Is the drinking a problem that needs to be addressed?

I ask forgiveness if I am way off base. I wish you luck with this. I know I still have to work up the nerve up to attend my first CD meeting.
I drink before I go to the pub. I don't often go to a pub. I can't come drunk to this meeting. I'd like to make a nice impression. And I drink only if I'd like to get laid. As the sexual part is to much for me to deal with sober.

Thanks for the advices. I think I'll try shopping first. Have sales women help me. That tends to put me in the right mood.

[Stephenie S]

You know dear, you don't have to "dress" for your first (or any) meeting.

However, if you are TG, it's about time you started facing the big bad world out there.

Stephie

[Mistybtm]

If you are going to have that much fear, maybe you can take another route. Meet one of the members at another time. Then if you are comfortable with her, see if you can meet her somewhere before the meeting and go with her. Then everyone won't be new and it won't be such a big deal.

I agree here it would be easyer to go if you had someone to go with. :D

[AKAMichelle]

Fear can grip your life and prevent you from realizing your full potential. You need to decide what the reason for that fear is. What does it matter than people don't like you? Is it going to change your life? The answer is no - you are who you are. If you go to the meeting you may just meet that special person you can call your friend. Take a chance!

[Byanca]

You know dear, you don't have to "dress" for your first (or any) meeting.

However, if you are TG, it's about time you started facing the big bad world out there.

Stephie
I could never go to a meeting such as this, not dressed as nicely as I can. When I go out of the house it usually takes me 4-5 hours. About 2 hours is bathing. Then 2-3 hours finding the right clothes, hair, make-up etc. I can cut this down to an hour, but then I end up being stressed, and not in the right mood. And it ends up like last time. I realize I made a mistake somewhere along the way, and decides to turn around.

So my mood is the most important. If I feel uncomfortable. There is no way I will go. I'm sort of sensitive this way.

I also get welfare for my TG issues, as the big bad world is uncomfortable for me. My doctor said I was lucky that got this. Because the older woman had taken me under her protection, as one normally didn't get this for TG issues. So I am quite free to go about all of this in my own way.

But I need to do and show progress. And this meeting sort of got me all freaked out. But I have decided to do it!


Fear can grip your life and prevent you from realizing your full potential. You need to decide what the reason for that fear is. What does it matter than people don't like you? Is it going to change your life? The answer is no - you are who you are. If you go to the meeting you may just meet that special person you can call your friend. Take a chance!

Oh I know...and when you finally win over it, you don't even understand what was the problem.

I don't know what is the reason for the fear. Probably rejection. Why I often go to places people don't know me, because then it doesn't matter if I get rejected. I wish I was more robust this way, but I'm not :(