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View Full Version : Thought I was just a crossdresser but now i'm not sure...



KatrinaUK
09-24-2010, 07:45 AM
Hi everyone,

I thought I would share my life story and see if anybody could give me advice or at least a friendly word or two.

My first memory of anything relating to this subject would have been when I was about 5 years old. I was in my bed and I had Snow White sheets. I looked at her and wished that I was her, I loved the way she looked and dressed. Not long after that I got the desire to put on a pair of my mother's heels and started walking around in them, I knew it was wrong and when some of my family saw me they started to laugh at me. I remember that I would get so excited whenever there was a male/female bodyswapping story in cartoons as a child and I still remember those particular episodes to this day).

It was then a good few years until I experimented with dressing and it would have been in my teens when I started to try on my sister's clothing. There was definitely a sexual attachment to the dressing but I also used to read a lot of body-swap fiction and still do to this day.

I put the dressing to the side for a number of years when I met my girlfriend but still had the burning desire to do so. I came out to her a couple of years ago telling her about the dressing and she understood and wanted to stay with me. Now that I have been dressing at home for a couple of years I want to push it further and go out dressed at some point. I have started to fantasise about being with men, sexually when dressed as a woman but I am not attracted to men at all when I am not dressed and would almost be disgusted to do anything sexual with a man if it wasn't dressed as a girl. I find myself looking at girls everyday and getting jealous and wishing to look like them but I still also find girls very sexually attractive.

My girlfriend asked me the other night if I wanted to be a woman and I said yes but I couldn't go through the whole sex change process. She asked me if I was attracted to men and I told her that story too. The discussion ended with her saying that even if I became a woman, she would stay with me as it is me that she loves and not my gender. She is honestly the most supporting person I have ever met and I'm very grateful but I do have a desire to find out what is likely to happen if I don't address these issues.

Thanks in advance x x

Ann-Marie
09-24-2010, 07:56 AM
You are very lucky that you have a supporting partner who accepts your needs

Jay Cee
09-24-2010, 08:03 AM
I'm relating to a lot of what you are saying. You are not alone in this, not by any stretch of the imagination. The fact that your gf is totally accepting is truly a blessing.

Jenny Doolittle
09-24-2010, 09:27 AM
Katrina,

Give that partner a huge hug, she is really special and understanding

Inna
09-24-2010, 10:36 AM
Hey Katrina, I suppose your quest to find out who you really are is just the same as all of us are searching for, well most of us anyway. As I understand Transgenderism encompasses all aspects of gender identity issues from cding to transsexuality. Cding is just a simple form of expression of ones feminine self, Crossdressing can be divided into two distinct but not necessarily separate forms of expression. First is fetishistic tendency in which cossdresser wears articles of female clothing for sexual comfort and to achieve climax after which necessity to stay clothed passes. Still the mechanism of such is not fully known to science. Second is wearing clothing to express inner femininity and by doing so gives the wearer physical identity conforming to their inner identity. Second example is then really an expression of transgenderism and can be labeled as being born with wrong body and having a female sex brain. Science is on to the brain sex and pinpoints hormonal fluctuations in mothers womb at very particular stage of development to be a cause of sex brain assignment. Psychologist use hormone therapy to decipher unclear medical diagnosis as to weather expressing fetishistic or transgender tendencies, the mechanism of which tends to eliminate testosterone from the system and therefore diminish purely sexual drive. If after such tendencies to dress and represent woman still persist or grow stronger the diagnosis is rather clear, if desires diminish then label of fetish is placed and case is solved. It kind of sounds fairly simple but there are lots of small intricate deails intertwined in the psyche and finding good Therapist is the key to determination, but after all said and done you are the one who will at the end know who you are and that is worth sack of gold!

Billijo49504
09-24-2010, 02:27 PM
I really think you should get some counsiling, to help you sort out all your questions. I know it helped me a lot...BJ

Stephanie Clarke
09-24-2010, 03:41 PM
You are truly blessed to have a wonderful supportive person like that. I have a similar story with a slightly less satisfactory ending. I have a wife who feels threatened and neglected by the whole thing and now wants a divorce...good luck to you and god I'm jealous...

crashd0309
09-24-2010, 04:17 PM
I could have written a lot of your story Katrina. I started when i was 8 with my moms clothes. I got caught when i was 10. I was so embarrassed I quit, till recently, at age 41. (When i was young I always had fantasies of what it would be like to be in a girls body for a day. I find men gross, unless they are dressed in women's clothing and look attractive. At that point, I do find myself somewhat aroused.) My wife has a lot of great lingerie and 1 day when all my undies were in the wash i tried on a pair of hers. now i'm hooked..again. I told my wife about the experience and she bought me my own pair of panties last week. I was in heaven. I have no answers for you, only to tell you that you aren't alone.

bridget jones
09-24-2010, 10:41 PM
KatrinaUK,
You have just written what I have been thinking my entire life,funny how we are so alike.

Stephenie S
09-25-2010, 07:38 AM
If you find yourself attracted to men, but you don't want to go through the "sex change process", then you are gay. This is OK. There is nothing wrong with being gay. Lots of happy, successful people are gay. But you might want a bit of therapy to help you deal with this issue.

Stephie

BreenaDion
09-25-2010, 08:53 AM
Katrina dear you are just confused. You might fall in the relm of Shattered identity, but dont quote me . I see your plight and you are confused. Best advise probibly in this matter is to get a good Gender Specialist. Go over these issues and hopefully you will find some answers. Some therapist have you read books like mine does. You may find yourself in one. Never the less you have concerns about your gender, identity, sexual orientation and these issues you both can see where you are. Its best not to do this alone so please Katrina find an appropriate therapist .
I know that some feal therapist are there just there to help you find your own answers but like me an others we need help from others to just answer our questions.

Good luck an finding yourself Katrina.
Love Breena

Dora Faye
09-25-2010, 11:06 AM
Accepting SOs are GOLD!

AKAMichelle
09-25-2010, 04:09 PM
It may take you some time to get a definitive answer to your question, but it will be so much easier for you because of your partner.