Need New Ideas, Restrooms? Oh No there is a man!!

[Sarasometimes]

I am closeted within my circle and family but I do go out dressed. I would like suggestions about new outing activities.
Usually I go to CD friendly salons for beauty services, shop at stand alone stores like Dress Barn, browse at Ulta or DSW... What else could I try? I am sorta tall and would say I can blend but not truly pass. I am fearful of male encounters (anyone else have this phobia?) so I look for places with few men around. I am in the NJ/Pa area of the universe, roughly. Also where are there safer restrooms in my neck of the woods ( Another phobia)? I have heard that Macy's has signs saying use the one you most look like but i haven't seen them myself? Thanks, so much Sara

[Sara Jessica]

I am fearful of male encounters (anyone else have this phobia?) so I look for places with few men around.

I guess that eliminates Home Depot as an option ;).

[Christie ann]

Sara, have you tried just doing "normal errands"? Grocery shopping? bringing the car in for an oil change? Browsing at a library or book store? jogging through the park? Paying bills at city hall or what ever. What ever you do, have fun!

[Kristen Kelly]

Sara that was always a fear of mine when out, I just choose restrooms in stores rather than the main mall one's. Get in do what you have to do wash your hands, don't fuss with the makeup or spend excess time there, get out. Act like you belong there they can see the fear in your eyes. I have yet to have a problem and I am out a lot, go anywhere and everywhere. As for places to go weekend I run all my errands out enfem, grocery shopping, bank, walk in the park, out for lunch or dinner with friends, but I have little fear about being out all my neighbors know and have seen me out, work knows but I have not yet confirmed what they suspect.

[Ann Thomas]

Well, I've done alot of things dressed. Been to Home Depot lots of times dressed up. Gone to banks, fast food, Wally World, Target, malls (and gone through most of the shops while there), gone for walks. Basically I've just lived life as I am. Early on I did find it more comforting to go to places I knew had lots of video surveillance. That's why banks, WalMart and Target were at the top of my list.

I think the most interesting was going to a gun store dressed up, bringing in a gun for consignment. I was treated with complete respect while there. I also went to an indoor gun range in the area. Hey if I can survive going to a redneck watering hole like that, I can go almost anywhere.

It's all in the confidence. Don't be afraid.

Hugs,
Ann

[Holly]

How about a visit to a museum or art gallery? Most craft type stores will have a small male presence. Afternoon movies during the week are sparsely attended and if you choose a "chic flick" there will probably be zero males present. I went to see "Eat, Pray, Love" a couple of weeks ago and there were five of us in the auditorium... all ladies. As for restrooms, don't make a bigger deal out of it that it actually is. A restroom is for making a urine deposit. The bowl could care less where the source comes from. Take care of your business as any other lady would, wash your hands, and be off. If you are still concerned, locate and use family restrooms. Many TG folks are under the mistaken notion that going into the ladies restroom makes them a lady. It doesn't any more than going into a garage will make you a car. If you don't consider yourself a lady before stepping through the door, you have no business going in.

[5150 Girl]

I do all the things dressed I would normaly do drab. It matters very little to me. I only have 2 big hurdles to over come. (church, and the redneck side of the family)
Outside of that, it's a crap-shoot as to weather or not Wynonna's showing up, or her evil twin brother

[Lainie]

Dining at restaurants is fun. I have no hope of passing, but have dined en femme a lot, in many cities. If your city has a gay-friendly area, like Houston's Montrose, that would be a preferred place. Cambridgeside Mall in Cambridge MA is just a normal college-town city mall, but I had no trouble there. There are many other examples. Coffee shops and small cafes are good. Often they have single-room restrooms with doors that lock, so you can change clothes on the way out if you need to. Be street-wise, stay out of dark alleys late at night, &c. Once a pick-up sitting at a stop sign rolled forward and nudged me as I crossed the street, with the light, in broad daylight. I assume it was a brush-back, like a high inside pitch. On the other hand, many people have been cheery and polite. If you find a place you like, tip generously and give them return business. Everyone is nice to customers.

[AllieSF]

You have received some great suggestions and I will add mine. Have you ever been somewhere and did the tourist thing with friends who live in that area? Do they sometimes say, "You know, I need more visitors to show around so that I can see all the wonderful things that I live near to"? So, play the tourist close by, if that is possible, or further away as travel permits. Go to tourist sites, walk in that historic neighborhood, have coffee in the cute little coffee shop, see a play, symphony, musical performance, visit the local college campus, take the train to some interesting place, et al. You get the idea. Sometimes we just need to sit down and think about what there is to do and before we know it the list is way too long to ever do it all. Good luck and enjoy. Ditto on the restroom comments.

[eluuzion]

Sara...you can give this search engine a try...

http://safe2pee.org/new/

[Vickie_CDTV]

Many Home Depots actually have gender-neutral restrooms.

As for other places, if one is concerned about using the restrooms (as I am since I don't pass), "know before you go"; ie. scout out where you want to go dressed while en drab, and make a note where the safe (where you are in there alone) restrooms are. If I go out dressed in public, I take a small notebook with me where I have noted where the safe restrooms are in a given area, town, mall, etc. Way overkill perhaps but for me personally I would rather be safe than sorry.

[Jenny Doolittle]

I enjoy going antiquing, art galleries, and window shopping in areas of town that are open to alternative life styles.

[SamanthaS]

I too worry about using the women's restroom. If I were you I would consult the store, or place where you want to go and ask them they're policy. Here in Nevada I think it's against the law to use the women's restroom even if you look like one :) You could aslo ask the police what the state policy is.

[Kathryn Martin]

I am closeted within my circle and family but I do go out dressed. I would like suggestions about new outing activities.
Usually I go to CD friendly salons for beauty services, shop at stand alone stores like Dress Barn, browse at Ulta or DSW... What else could I try? I am sorta tall and would say I can blend but not truly pass. I am fearful of male encounters (anyone else have this phobia?) so I look for places with few men around. I am in the NJ/Pa area of the universe, roughly. Also where are there safer restrooms in my neck of the woods ( Another phobia)? I have heard that Macy's has signs saying use the one you most look like but i haven't seen them myself? Thanks, so much Sara

Yesterday I had this conundrum. Fully dressed at the mall, needing to pee, not fully passable so afraid to go to the ladies room for fear someone might call me a pervert, afraid to go into the men's room for fear of getting beaten up. That left me with the only choice, the disabled co-gender, baby changing single stall bathroom. For that moment conundrum solved, but I'm not disabled, kids grown, I want to be able to go to the ladies room.

Kathryn