Is the sky falling?

[Dora Faye]

I'm very new to CDing and a lot of times I get this feeling that if I continue to CD something awful is going to happen. Like some sort of punishment or dire repercussion of my evil ways. I wasn't brought up in a religious household although I did adopt and practice a religion at one point and still do marginally. Coupled with that are thoughts that I should never have gone down this road and I can't get back to where I was, I'm just exhibiting an addiction and I'm going to wreck my life and everyone else's around me. How do I deal with all this???

[SusieK]

Dora,

It sounds to me like the feelings you describe have names - guilt and/or shame

Hopefully you know from being on this site that CDing in itself is nothing to be ashamed or guilty about. There is nothing wrong with CDing, it's your body and mind and your(?) clothes and you can do what you want with them, and wear what you want. In terms of the activity itself - Enjoy :)

Are we agreed on that? sure? - OK then...

What can warrant a level of guilt and shame is the lies and deception, and this needs to be weighed against the likelihood and level of possible repercussions to yourself and those around you of being out.

You then need to determine what you are feeling guilty about. You say that you are new to CDing - how new? and does your wife know? If it's very early days, then you may still have a relatively deceit free way in. It would still be scary, but it could possibly come out as normal conversation. "You know a weird thing happened a few weeks a go - I don't know where it came from but I had this urge to wear ..." (you can probably come up with a phrase that better suits your exact situation).
According to your wife's reaction you can determine where the discussion goes next. At this stage though, you need to be ready with answers that are honest and reflect who you are. If you start lying after trying to open up, then you'll be digging yourself a hole. If she asks, then tell. If she freaks, then drop the subject for now - she may just need time to process the information - but at least she will have the information.

Independently of your wife's knowledge or reaction, you probaby want to think about where you want to go with this. Are you happy in the closet? Is this something that you want to manage on a low level, or do you want to explore it to its limits? The answers to these questions influence the likely effect of CDing on the rest of your life and those around you, but only you can know which options would mean that the sky is falling in, and which would mean that the clouds are clearing and the sun is coming out.

I hope this had some relevance to your question.

Susie

[Beth Wilde]

First things first, crossdressing is not evil. If you dressed up and then went out committing crimes it would be evil, but just wearing the clothes is absolutely fine. The bad image it has is entirely due to stereotyping, media portayal and absorbed opinions during peoples formative years. The most important opinion of you is YOURS. As long as you are living within the law then you are doing NOTHING wrong. There is no need to punish yourself, if it makes you happy, keep doing it!!

Remember there are always people here to talk with if you are having problems. I must point out that if you are a crossdresser then denying it and resisting the temptation is much more likely to lead you somewhere bad!

Good luck and stay happy, enjoy your life!

[Kate Simmons]

The sky is not falling but to be truthful, the PROGRAM is ending---soon! Not something most people want to hear.:)

[Stephenie S]

The Program? Huh?

CDing breaks no laws, neither God's nor man's.

S

[Annie D]

I sorry to say that something terrible has already happened: you and I are crossdressers! What can be more terrible than to be a 9 or 10 year old start dressing in women's clothing, enter your teenage years, be sexually attracted to girls and wonder "what is wrong with me"? Spend the early years of your life deeply in the closet, have no one to ask questions about why you are the way you are, perhaps get married and keep the one secret that torments you the most to yourself for fear of losing someone you love. What most of us have gone through, we wouldn't wish on anybody.

But, as we mature, and begin to understand that we aren't alone, we're not hurting anyone and that we are just different from what is perceived "normal", that the terrible curse somewhat becomes less burdensome and tolerable and for most of us; enjoyable.

It is for this reason that I truly believe, even though the most difficult personal thing that we could do, that we should become public with who and what we are. Can you imagine how helpful it would have been when we were growing up to have someone to go to who was a little bit like us? You and I are not the first crossdressers nor will we be the last. How can we help future generations of transgender people answer the questions about their sexuality if we remain quietly in the closet? I know that I am pointing one finger at you while three are pointing back at me and while I am not "out" publicly, I try to educate all my students that it is okay to be different, you are not alone, and most importantly you are a special person and have an equal place in our society.

In my early years, I felt terrible about who I was but now I feel empowered and lucky!

[Alice Torn]

I feel your pain! I have those preminitions all my life, that something terrible is about to happen, partly because I cd, and partly because of the crazy codependant family i was born into. It is cursed! I had been dressing a lot for five yrs, in Washington state. Then, that awful phone call! Both my older twin brothers were arrested on felony charges. That meant I would almost have to move back in with my tyrant passive aggressive, father, who, at 89, still demands loyalty, and reverence! He never wanted me, though. Crazy maker! This is the most sressed out i have ever been, and i may die before he does, from his guilt trips, demanding control over me, wanting me to be his 24 hr servant. I am emotionally too damaged to do this. He must die, or I will! Torture! I went and got my own apartment, despite his disapproval. I am 56, not 16!!!! nAll he knows is guilt trip, and control. Family has been living hell to me. If you are blessed with an accepting family, and mate, you are so lucky! I wish i had been adapted out as a baby, and i am told my dad considered it. I can sure relate to the OP. I have always felt that something awful was about to happen, but, have tried hard to live by hope, too. Barry McGuire song, "And you don't believe, we're on the EVE OF DESTRUCTION?"

[Karren H]

Personally I always enjoyed those feelings. Of impending doom... Excitement in doing something that's not accepted by society!! Getting caught.... As time marches on and YOU accept who you are those fade away... But truthfully I miss them.. If we were ever totally accepted I'd have to go find some new more exciting hobby I fear.. Lol. So just relax... You are what you are and you like what you like and to hell with anyone else!!

[7sisters]

Baby its just clothes... fibre...
When you get up and are still drowsy, Repeat to yourself that nothing bad will happen to you if you dress. It's called reprogramming your brain. And repeat to yourself at the same time "only good will come from being true to myself". Do this for 7 minutes. Not like a robot. But feel it inside you.

[CuriousAdmirer]

wow, I too am in this boat, and glad I don't have to create a thread. I know theres nothing wrong with me nor will there be any "divine" punishment. I just hate how I have been "brainwashed" into thinking there is one by society.

[Kathryn Martin]

I'm very new to CDing and a lot of times I get this feeling that if I continue to CD something awful is going to happen. Like some sort of punishment or dire repercussion of my evil ways. I wasn't brought up in a religious household although I did adopt and practice a religion at one point and still do marginally. Coupled with that are thoughts that I should never have gone down this road and I can't get back to where I was, I'm just exhibiting an addiction and I'm going to wreck my life and everyone else's around me. How do I deal with all this???

Can you explain to us why you think that dressing as a woman is evil? Also it would help if you could tell us why going down "that road... makes you "exhibit [sic] an addiction"? Accepting yourself as who you are is important, considering the consequences of what that means is important, considering those that are close to you and the impact on them is important. But if you think that you are addicted, evil and sick then you give yourself permission to behave without regard to anyone including yourself, because you believe you cannot help it. That is not the case, and a considered careful approach to this new turn in your life's road is the way to deal with. Remember, if you think you're a sinner you will always be attracted to that which is forbidden (simple human nature) but if you think that you are Dora Faye, a complete person then you can step forward in full consideration of yourself, your family and your friends.

Good luck

Kathryn

[MichelleL]

It can be very difficult to resolve the conflict between our rational side, "there is nothing morally wrong with cross dressing," and our emotional side (based on years of programming by parents, peers, media, experiences, etc.) that makes us feel guilty or ashamed of our cross dressing. I have been struggling with that conflict for a very long time and have made a lot of progress but I still feel some shame/guilt about who I am. Will I ever get over it? I don't know but I keep working on it and I think I am getting better and becoming a better person because of it.

[AKAMichelle]

You are going to have to find ways to accept yourself. Until you do those feelings of doom and gloom will dominate.

[Dora Faye]

Well thanks everyone. I'm glad some of you understand what I'm talking about, having feelings that negate other feelings, inner conflict, schizophrenic juxtapositions, feeling out of control. Thing is with me (has it been a month now?), it's not just the clothes. It's the feelings and actions that go with them: fantasizing about men including ones I know, taking naughty pix of myself and hiding them on my hard drive, feeling very sexual a lot and exploring new areas if you know what I mean, fantasizing about coming out, thinking thinking thinking about it, etc etc etc. It's all very exciting in my otherwise drab and unchanging existence (like the lady said :)). Maybe it's just going to take time to get used to it all. I love it and I am afraid of it. And then there's the instability it injects into my marriage (yes she knows) and keeping this secret from everyone else. So you see, it's not just clothes for me, my dears.

[Fab Karen]

If you aren't doing things which WOULD wreck your life, such as avoiding/putting off work that gives you the basics of food & a place to sleep, or spending lots of money that you can't afford to ( including running up a huge credit card bill ), there's no cause for concern. Are you doing anything "evil"- things like murder, rape, child molestation? If not, then you have nothing to feel bad about.

[Nicole Erin]

Yes, unfortunately, the sky IS falling.
The first thing is to put on your tennies instead of heels cause we are all gonna run around in circles and scream.

I know it is not what one wants to hear but sadly, there IS a horrible consequence for CD'ing, even in private.
I cannot tell you what it is, you will just have to find out.

[Lucy_Bella]

You are far from being alone,most all of us at one time thought we were alone, but thanks to this place I know I am not.. Thanks to the internet a lot has changed for me.. I was just like you , no I was even worse I could not accept the fact that I CD'd ! I spent a lifetime in denial. I ignored the urges to only be let down when no one was around to dress in private..

Marriage disolved after 25 years and no not from dressing , I was able to contain it ( looking back I don't know how I did ) and even tho I did she still blamed my urges for the failed marriage.. Been living single now for two years , had a few GF's only 1 I told about my dressing . Living with out a soul mate has gave me plenty of time to explore my femme side and has it ever changed me. I have yet been out in public but will be out this next Saturday night with others like me I met online searching for A local meet group..

I guess what I am saying is..... If you can contain it more power to you but once you give in.........You have tasted the forbidden fruit, you will want more as it is consumeing you and your everyday life..Walk this road with caution and plan things out for the end result .. Do what is best for you.

[eluuzion]

hiya Dora,

The sky at my house is clear right now, with a 50% chance of anything happening, as usual.

"Society exists only as a mental concept; in the real world there are only individuals.”
-Oscar Wilde

If you are faithfully meeting all of the responsibilities of your daily commitments, you are psychologically stable or “well-adjusted”. This lends itself to the real “issue” being your disenchantment with the “status quo” and your “position relative to the world that exists around you”.

This presents you with a few options to choose from as strategies to resolve the discord in your life. You could…

-“change the way society views the issue” (become an activist for a cause)
-“assume the role of being a “victim”.
- use a logical approach to reduce the stress and maximize happiness in your life…by believing there are two basic strategies for resolving problems…You either change the source producing your imbalance, or you change your attitude and adapt methods of “working around” what you cannot, or choose not to attempt to “change”. (If you change your perspective and change your attitude… you will change your life.)

Of course there are other options, but those are the primary options in my mind for most of the stressful events in my life. The last (third) option listed above is my typical strategy and the one that produces the best outcome for me in most cases.

So, for me…the answer to the question “Is it just me…or is everybody else crazy?”…
is always …

“As long as I am happy…it’s irrelevant”. My goal is to be happy, not “normal”.

but hey, that’s just me…

:love:

[tami_cd]

The Program? Huh?

CDing breaks no laws, neither God's nor man's.

S

I fully agree , the only thing i would want to include is that if there is a SO then there may be a trust and honesty side to it, but other than that it's just clothes that make you feel good how can that be bad? ( just my thoughts ) i hope you are able to find your inner peace life is to short.

[Christy_M]

It can be very difficult to resolve the conflict between our rational side, "there is nothing morally wrong with cross dressing," and our emotional side (based on years of programming by parents, peers, media, experiences, etc.) that makes us feel guilty or ashamed of our cross dressing. I have been struggling with that conflict for a very long time and have made a lot of progress but I still feel some shame/guilt about who I am. Will I ever get over it? I don't know but I keep working on it and I think I am getting better and becoming a better person because of it.

Amen, sister...I couldn't have said it better. I also totally relate to Annie D's post. I struggle with these issues every day. If I didn't have hope that one day everything will be OK I would probably go insane.

[sterling12]

When you first start This "Trip" it can be very scary! I have likened it to a Roller Coaster Ride, and some people get very excited and frightened with just The First Few Dips. My Advise is always to keep "Pushing On," because much like a Roller Coaster you will have places along The Track where you "level out," and that will make The Rest of The Ride a lot less frightening.

Now, a piece of Further Advise; The Ride your taking is a Journey of Self-Acceptance. If you work it right, you can leave behind, The Guilt, The Misery, The Anxiety, and The Self-Loathing. If you can't find your way by being here, and taking some further steps like joining a Support Group, then you probably could use some Professional Help. The Right Therapist, trained and experienced with Gender Issues, can help you move A Ton of Debris out of The Way.

Good Luck, stick around, and Learn!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[t-girlxsophie]

Dora,If we took everything in the bible as Gospel (forgive the pun) we wouldn't leave the house.Society's ills are not created by you wanting to Dress up,In the grand scheme of things what we do IS harmless,unless as someone has already said there is SO being deceived or hurt by it,only then do your morals play a part.I may be talking bunkum just my opinion

:hugs:Sophie xx

[Carly D]

Take up gambling, doing drugs or chainsaw juggling... Cross dressing really isn't that big of a deal when you think about it..

[CalamityJane]

Hi Dora,
When did you last hear of anyone "suffering punishment or dire repercussions" from crossdressing or any other regular activity?? Well I have never heard about one instance either, you are just under the spell of conforming to what society expects from its members. I hesitate to use this following example but its the best I can do at the moment, it is like we are "brain-washed" into thinking that crossdressing is wrong let alone evil, because it just is not so, it is a harmless thing to do and no ill will befall you for wearing clothes that are after all just clothes.

[pj]

The sky is not falling but to be truthful, the PROGRAM is ending---soon! Not something most people want to hear.:)Another perfect wtf moment.

[Patty B.]

Dora Faye, welcome to the world of crossdressing, lots of great advice here and you might as well learn how to accept this part of you, you can bury the desire, maybe but it'll always be there. Just be honest with your wife. Good luck.

[Frédérique]

I'm very new to CDing and a lot of times I get this feeling that if I continue to CD something awful is going to happen. Like some sort of punishment or dire repercussion of my evil ways. I wasn't brought up in a religious household although I did adopt and practice a religion at one point and still do marginally. Coupled with that are thoughts that I should never have gone down this road and I can't get back to where I was, I'm just exhibiting an addiction and I'm going to wreck my life and everyone else's around me. How do I deal with all this???

If it’s an addiction, it’s a beautiful one, but I understand your fears. It’s true – you can’t go back, but if you look around you’ll see that everything in life is like this. You start down a path, you make a choice, and you live with the consequences of your decision for better or worse. Is it better to never try interesting things, or not be curious, or wonder about possibilities? You are what you dream, you know, and you need to dream all the time. Crossdressing ideally comes under the heading of “impossible dream,” since it’s not easy to make real or assimilate. Please don’t give up on your impossible dreams, Dora – that’s my advice on how to deal with this...


I hesitate to use this following example but its the best I can do at the moment, it is like we are "brain-washed" into thinking that crossdressing is wrong let alone evil, because it just is not so, it is a harmless thing to do and no ill will befall you for wearing clothes that are after all just clothes.

My take on this is that you weren’t born with this reticence towards an activity that may seem, to others, hard to understand, wrong, or dare I say...queer. As Jane says, you’ve been brainwashed to think this way, as we all have. It takes a lot of mental effort to overcome this handicap, but you can do it – if you can get in touch with yourself and become self-reliant in terms of personal happiness, you should be able to carry on and enjoy crossdressing. Jane is right – how can clothes be evil?

[MiamiMarie]

Bad things happen to everyone, but your CDing should not harm your fate as long as you are honest with yourself and those who are affected by your dressing. You had no choice but to go down this road. The good news is that it can be a very fun road, and if you can accept the good things that CDing has to offer, you may be in for a very happy life :)

[Karinsamatha]

This is something I would not wish on anyone. For a period of about six months I felt as if I was loosing my mind - But the reality of it is I found my self. With that realization came ownership in who and what I am. It was at that point a feeling of calm and a idea of my place in the universe.