Transitioning at work?

[~Seana~]

I've never felt it appropriate to post in this section. I never considered myself as really transitioning but that may be lying to myself as well I'll see where life takes me.But I'm dressed as much ormore as not, myhair is fully grown out, my ears pierced and I'm wanting to some electolsis on the face. Clearly I've changed my general appearance no matter how dressed and dont always "pass" as a man anymore.

In the last two years I havent worked. I was needed as much at home, no matter the financial burden because I have an autistic child who required constant supervision. I recently returned to a new job, since the tech firm I was working for closed up and left town (Dell). I now work for their leading competitor soanother large tech firm but as a contractor. I'm very good at what i do and I was hired in a senior capacity with a bunch of junior tech wannabe's to be
Several have noticed things and commented on details like i have a pink bic lighter. Little things i forget, when only presenting male, or my earings. I'm concerned it's going to become an issue whether if i do, or dont just identify myself as a transexual. I'm not concerned about me first day HR drilled in policies and their views on discrimination are pretty inflexible.They dont even allow heavy scents. The questions are unavoidable though and they are getting rather pointed. I really hadnt planned on coming out at work, cause well I havent even decided how far I'm going. So far I've never confirmed or denied and just said " This is my costume i wear to make money 8 hours a day. I think we all do the same thing" . I'm now a little timid about going to work tommorrow. I dont have anyone I'm not out to exceptat work but have been trying to keep it low key, apparently unsuccessfully.Either way I think it fits more into a TG problem, than CD so thought I might get better answers here.

Amanda

[Faith_G]

Since it's a big company, I'd imagine they have policies in place to protect you from harassment and discrimination. Find out what those policies are and take advantage of them to work presenting however you are comfortable. Sure, there will be some awkward moments at first as your co-workers adjust, but they will get over it.

[Victoria Anne]

I have to agree with Faith , I just went full time and have discovered it was really no big deal and my fears were unfounded.

[Angel.Marie76]

I also agree. If the questions are starting to come out, it seems the best thing to do to talk to the HR department about your thoughts and plans. If you start coming out and trying slide in under the radar, you might end up causing more of a stir than just talking to officials.

I came out to my HR department a year ago this past Thanksgiving 2009, and have been preparing myself for going F/T at work for New Years 2011 ever since. They too have been doing the same, and have had smiles on their face while doing it.

Best wishes sweets, and don't forget to breathe.

[pamela_a]

I never considered myself as really transitioning but that may be lying to myself as well I'll see where life takes me.
IMHO this is the crux of the question that needs to be answered. As Faith pointed out you should find out what the companies policies are but you need to be able to answer their questions.

[Cheyenne Skye]

Just a bit of caution though about going to HR about this. I've considered what would happen if I came out at work. The company I work for has even been recognized by one of the big economic publications (Forbes or Fortune- can't remember) for having some of the best policies regarding GLBT persons and sexual discrimination. However, at the location I work at, these policies seem to be more of a suggestion rather than written in stone. Though we do have at least one openly gay man working with us, I often hear people saying disparaging things about him behind his back. And even the mangers will often chime in when employees make off color racist or sexually explicit jokes or comments. So I fear that out here in the "real" world, all those great company policies won't keep me from being the target of the hate mongering neanderthals that I actually work with. So you should also decide how you want to proceed based on the actual environment of your workplace.

[CharleneT]

I think you are at a tipping point where you will have to decide one way or the other what you want, and who you are. You surely do not "have to" by any stretch of the imagination, but it makes sense that if it is clear in your mind what/who/why you are, the questions will be easier to answer.

I agree with Faith and the others completely as well . . . and if your mannerisms and dress are causing questions, then you should probably talk to the HR folks. Might want to research just a bit about whether this company is very open in their HR policies. Unfortunately sometimes, policies or not, a company will not be comfy with TG employee's and find a way to move you out pronto when they are told you are such a person. That risk is getting less and less these days, but it is still out there ( I work for such a company in fact, I'm quite careful in how I deal with identity issues).

GOOD LUCK !! and

Welcome :D

[Rianna Humble]

I have to agree with the majority of the advice given so far, but especially with Pamela. Before you go to talk to HR, sit down and ask yourself some questions. You need to know whether you are indeed Transsexual before you out yourself as such to your employer. They are going to want some specific answers to specific questions in order to judge what the impact on their company might be. Although you don't need to have every single answer ready before the question is asked, you should know enough about your current gender identification and your plans to be able to give them some certainty about what they will be dealing with.

I would also counsel being open with those you work most closely with and keep them informed of any major changes coming up. I found this invaluable when I began my transition at work.

[Chickhe]

Can't you just say nothing? If someone at work was to ask personal questions, just ask them why they are asking? Or make a joke, for example, 'you have long hair, has anyone said you look like a girl?... and say, uhh, no, my SO likes it long and the sex great so who am I to argue?...' or 'just say...ya ya ya, I know, I have long hair...it is just the way I like it and what's that got to do with business'? It is harrassemnt if you ask the people to stop asking non work related questions and they don't. Good luck

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

But understand, your life is your life. Other people will have their opinions, they will say things behind your back. They probably already do. Larger companies have policies in place to protect blatant discrimination from others. It will never stop the rumors or what others believe personally. You need to be accepting of yourself and know who you are first. Others will then learn to accept you. If you can't accept yourself for who you are, others will never accept you either.

I've been transitioning at work for over 2+ years now, been officially out as Kimberly Marie Kelly since Dec 1st 2009. I'm 24/7 had my name legally changed at work, on my license and other records. Even had the Gender marker changed on my license (PA Allows without surgery now). Overall the acceptance at work is good, are there problems, Yes, but I still work there. Some of my fellow employees have issues but the ones that don't are the ones I consider my friends. I've also made so many more friends since transitioning, my life is more rewarding and I'm so much happier than before. Don't let your fear keep you from being the woman that you are.

[Melissa A.]

In my experience, and I find it totally frustrating and unfair because I have more than one friend in this situation, the people I know who identify and portray as genderqueer and the like, or somewhat short of full transition have many more difficulties not just at work, but with the world in general. It's easy for people to look at a transsexual, and say, "ok, I know what this is". It's when they can't easily figure things out, or put you in a nice, neat, definable box, that feelings of confusion or even hostility come to the surface. I can't give you any specific advice, and I feel everyone has the right to express themselves as they see fit. But some don't feel that way. Just something to keep in mind. I'm certainly not trying to frighten you into the closet, not at all. And I sincerely hope you can continue to be who you are, everywhere. It's just that even an organization that is officially accepting of male or female transsexuals might not feel the same about someone who is somewhere in between. I would tread carefully, at least for a little while. I truly wish you the best.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Stephenie S]

I always advise not to come out at work. If you do, you will always be "that tranny" at that company. I think the best thing to do is switch jobs and start a new job as the person you really are.

Unfortunately, in the current economic situation, changing jobs may well be impossible. Having any job at all is often a privilege. So you will have to answer this one for yourself.

But I ALWAYS advise someone to do all they can to avoid identifying, and being identified, as transexual. Unless, of course, that's what you want. If you are really a woman, then THAT is what you want to be identified as, a woman. Your life will be SO much easier if you can.

Stephie