When you're caught in-between

[Byllie]

The topic I'd like to bring up, and get responses on, is my sense that I am neither male for female, gender-wise, but rather somewhere in-between. At first I thought it was simply that I was a cross-dresser, but over time I realized that dressing "to the nines" was not my style. I had no desire to present myself as a woman. But I still feel that wearing feminine clothing is a part of who I am, as is presenting myself as somewhere in-between.

My problem is that I feel society does not understand someone who actually wants to live in the middle of the gender spectrum. In fact, I believe that many in society do not even see that there is a spectrum in the first place. Think about it. It's okay for a biological male to wear feminine clothing *if* he wishes to present himself as a woman. It's also okay for a GM to undergo transition to become a woman, mentally and physically. This seems to be also true for FTM crossdressers and transmen.

Which leaves those such as myself asking, do we fit in anywhere? I see us as falling under the umbrella term, transgender, only if we interpret trans- as meaning to span the gender poles. I'm middle gender, not genderqueer, as I'm not in the game of shaking up the genders, but rather someone who embodies elements from both gender poles.

Thoughts?:straightface:

[Byanca]

Since the newer dualism religions was invented about 2000 years ago we have had only 2 sexes. This system is still in effect. 2 bathrooms. ID is either male or female. Etc. This is drilled into every child from before they start to develop consciousness. So really. One does have to pick a side. Society is not ripe yet for multiple sexes. It does not exist in this time period(some places it's less rigid) but not where cultures are built from a religious worldview, as most 1.world countries are.

So no, you don't fit in anywhere except special subcultures. Such as this place.

Sorry.

[Hope]

Androgyny...

It really works for a lot of folks who inhabit the sort of purple space between the pink and the blue ends of the spectrum. Sure, for someone with a penis, you might be mis-identified as gay, and someone with a vulva might be misidentified as a "dyke" ... but who cares? Pick and choose what works for you. Take one from column A and one from column B and be happy.

Honestly, I think the "artsy" guy with the shaggy hair and the painted fingernails and the skinny physique who just might be wearing girl jeans has it much easier in society than the 6'2" guy in a dress... But the grass, always being greener on the other side of the fence, would of course lead me to say that.

[charlotte_sp]

Well, here are my two cents.

Everywhere I've heard genderqueer, it tends to cover everything that is not entirely male or entirely female. Maybe androgyne as Hope suggested or gender fluid or intergender would fit your self-identification better.

As for your self-identification being recognized by society, I think Byanca is more or less right...in the US at least I think there's no chance any time soon. There are some cultures with non-binary genders, e.g. Two-Spirit, hijra, fa'afafine, etc., but they are generally very entangled with specific cultural roles, so they are not useful for everyone.

I guess one thing that might help is to make it clear to your friends how you would like to be treated and addressed (e.g. which pronouns), because the binary gender system is far too ingrained in most people to be dislodged.

[morgan51]

just be yourself do what you are comfortable with. In the end no one really cares for the most part. I am my worst critic.

[stefan37]

The key to being androgynous and I'm finding out its pretty fluid is to find a balance you feel comfortable with. Then start to do those things you feel is right. Most people actually don't care or even notice unless its put right in front of their nose.

[TNRobin]

I'm in a kind of weird place myself. I dress frequently and even when I'm not really dressed I'm about 50/50 in female clothing along with one or two other things such as masscara, clear nail polish and a hairstyle that is cut so that it can go either way, though when I'm actually dressed fully I normally wear a wig.

Now hobby and job wise things get a bit weirder since my main interests are things like working with machine tools, welding, building Jeeps, hunting and doing extensive custom work on guns, rifles primarily. Not hobbies that fit quite well into the dressed mode, especially when I'm conducting business.

So now I'm trying to figure out if I'm a TS that just hasn't done anything more drastic than laser hair removal yet, or if I'm just a CD that enjoys dressing a great deal. I'm going to seek counseling, I just haven't pursued it quite yet, though I have found the name of a good TG counselor where I live.

If only I had thought this through when I was much younger.

[Barbara Dugan]

Well, here are my two cents.

Everywhere I've heard genderqueer, it tends to cover everything that is not entirely male or entirely female. Maybe androgyne as Hope suggested or gender fluid or intergender would fit your self-identification better.

As for your self-identification being recognized by society, I think Byanca is more or less right...in the US at least I think there's no chance any time soon. There are some cultures with non-binary genders, e.g. Two-Spirit, hijra, fa'afafine, etc., but they are generally very entangled with specific cultural roles, so they are not useful for everyone.

I guess one thing that might help is to make it clear to your friends how you would like to be treated and addressed (e.g. which pronouns), because the binary gender system is far too ingrained in most people to be dislodged.

I am starting to embrace the Genderqueer term ...all my life is been a struggle and confusion to understand my gender role ,for moments I have stronger desires to live as a woman and my personality and attitude as a guy really don't conflict with that thought but I dont feel like a woman trapped on a man's body.

[subwrx]

A rose by any other name is still a rose.... In this case we have a broader spectrum of expressing gender than vernacular to label it.

I am an in-betweener as well. I guess we are just the lost gender.

[Byllie]

Thank you, thank you for your kind replies. It appears that being in the middle, gender-wise, is for the most part uncharted territory, genderqueer et al not withstanding. So, I will continue to persevere, and just be who I am.

[pickles]

just be yourself do what you are comfortable with. In the end no one really cares for the most part. I am my worst critic.

Yeah this has been my experience for the most part and I live in a super backwards state, Oklahoma. It'll be okay.

[Rianna Humble]

There is nothing wrong in realising that you are not part of the gender binary. True, there are a small number of things for which you will have to choose because there is no gender neutral pronoun for the 3rd person in English.

It would be very wrong of any of us here to try to shoehorn you into any one category where you do not fit. I agree with you that you are transgendered (after all, trans only means across). Although you are probably right that "society" will feel uncomfortable with your transgender expression, there have always been eccentric people in society who defy the accepted norms.

You need to live your life the way that suits you best, if that is somewher along the spectrum rather than at one end or the other, who are we to object?

[Scotty]

Welcome to my world.

Enjoy it! Labels are for people that need something to identify someone by.

You are still a human being.

IF I had to label myself, I'd call myself by the Native American version "Two-spirited"

[CharleneCD]

I can understand where you are coming from. While I do enjoy being fully dressed up I also find difficulty with the simple term of crossdresser. I personally prefer to call myself bi-gendered. I have very strong masculine aspects to me personality and very strong feminine aspects, and it depends on the day which is the stronger or dominant of the two. Some days it is almost equal and if I choose to express it in what I wear, genderqueer would fit, but most of the time it is one or the other. Either way, I always fit into places like this even when I dont fit in well anywhere else.