Why do I feel this way?

[Leanne2]

I'm a sixty year old M to F transgendered woman. My wife is aware of this but is not supportive. She thinks that if I started taking a testosterone supplement that I could possibly be cured of my feminine desires. I told her that I would check into it. First of all, I'm not on any HRT. Last month I was blood tested for hormones. My estrogen was marginally high at 55. The normal range for men is 13 to 54. My T was 296. Normal male level is 241 to 827. So I'm naturally low normal for a male.
I took a low T quiz online offered by a supplement company. That quiz indicated that their supplement could possibly help my symptoms; lack of energy, depression, problems sleeping, etc. Of course, I don't want to have more T. My question is if I went on HRT by taking Estrogen plus a T blocker would my symptoms get better or worse? How has it been for you? Leanne

[Ze]

Let me twist your wife's logic around: I'm a pre-T transman that has taken birth control for various years for menstrual suppression. As I'm sure you know, birth control is mainly comprised of female hormones. These pills, while not only ineffective in what I wanted them to do, made me much worse in my mental state. To add, I'll soon be "tested" for PCOS, which is a curiously common-enough condition amongst transmen* where they naturally produce more testosterone than they "should." So my point is I could be considered the "opposite" of you, and am proof that, no, adding more of the hormone you "should" have does not cure you nor does it help. Many transmen have tried hormonal birth control at some time in their past, and not one of them was magically cured by doing so. Food for thought for your wife.

If you identify as a transwoman, then theoretically female hormones will help you, while adding on male hormones will harm you. The symptoms you're describing might not necessarily be based only on hormonal levels, but rather the social situation you're in. This isn't to say that estrogen doesn't have its side-effects, but it doesn't mean any and all side-effects you have are due to hormones. Case in point, talk to some trans-knowledgeable medical professionals about it.

*"Common" amongst transmen meaning that enough transmen coincidentally have the condition. However, it also happens to ciswomen who, obviously, don't identify as male. Odd, to say the least.

[Faith_G]

I tend to think that the symptoms you are experiencing are due to gender expression deprivation. I had all that stuff and taking action and starting my transition cleared it all up. No medication or hormones, just getting into therapy, starting hair removal, and living as a woman outside work. I went from constantly tired and anxious to bouncing off the ceiling energetic and happy in the space of a few weeks and have stayed "up" for 10 months now.

T will probably just make you a horny and irritable woman.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I went from constantly tired and anxious to bouncing off the ceiling energetic and happy in the space of a few weeks and have stayed "up" for 10 months now.

Faith, my poor woman, you must be totally exhausted being "up" for 10 months now. I can only manage about one day without sleep before I become a basket case. :lol::lol:

I really envy your lack of need for sleep!

[Faith_G]

"Up" as in joyful and positive, silly. :heehee:

I did go from wanting 10 hours sleep a night and still being tired to only getting 5 or 6 hours a night and feeling great.

[Barbara Dugan]

I think Faith is right.. on my personal experience therapy has worked better that T. I had the same symptoms and hormonal levels than Leanne.
I tried the T and it was a physical and emotional rollercoaster .

[Melissa A.]

This site, and all others like it need to be shut down. Everybody seeking therapy for any anxiety about their identity or natal gender...stop. Now. 50 plus years of modern research concerning transsexualism has all been a waste of time. The breakthrough is here! If you're a male-to-female transsexual, the answer is MORE of what is killing you! Leanne, Is your wife a clinical psychologist? Does she have an extensive background in biology? Has she ever known one gender-variant person, besides you? Am I wrong if I assume that the answer to all of those questions is no? If I am correct, what exactly gives her the authority, or even the ridiculously arrogant idea that she is even remotely qualified jump to such a conclusion? Does it occur to her, or you, that maybe someone, or maybe many people, at some point durring all the time that transsexualism has been a part of our culture's collective consciousness, might have maybe thought of trying that???

Transsexual humans who have not transitioned are unhappy because their brain, their mind, their identity, their whole truth about themselves is at odds with the body they were born with and have had to live with. Their body doesn't match WHO THEY ARE. Either Male-to-Female or Female-to-Male. Forcing more testosterone into someone who IS a woman isn't going to make them forget that, or turn them into a happy male.

The answer to your question, is which is much more sensible, is yes, based on everything I know, have read, and have experienced, the symptoms you experience as a result of unhappiness with physically being, and living male, and being percieved as such, will lessen and probably go away if you begin HRT. If you are a transsexual. Only you, and possibley a qualified, experienced proffessional have the ability to answer whether or not that is the case. How was it for me? It was being given permission to live. That's how.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[charlotte_sp]

Hi Leanne,

I agree with everyone else, and I think you already suspected, that testosterone would not help at all. Changing your hormone levels will not affect your gender identity.

Maybe I am off base, but it sounds like you are not able to present female as often as you would like, and that is really the problem. If you went on HRT and would still be in male mode all the time, would you feel better? Also, it sounds like your wife would disapprove, so please consider that as well.

Best of luck!

[Leanne2]

Thank you to all of the girls (and Ze) that have replied. I appreciate your good advice. Yes, I get precious little time to be myself. Most of my life has been used up pretending to be a guy. I almost had myself convinced for a while that I was a guy. But then the facade came crashing down. I reminds me of the Wizard of Oz telling everyone to ignore the man behind the curtain. I've been working those levers too long. Leanne

[charlotte_sp]

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time, Leanne.
Hope it gets better for you soon!

[Soriya]

Leanne, like the others have said, if you have gender identity issues (Mans body but wanting to be a woman) then no, hormones won't help in that regard. That is emotional. Taking or changing your hormones to balance out your levels won't fix that if it's the case. Now, you being physically male, and at your age, your hormone levels are not a surprise as when we get older (men) we lose testosterone production. That can cause you to feel tired, depressed, irritable, etc. etc. It is very common for men as they get older to start taking T replacements to combat it. In your case, what Melissa has said is correct, a qualified gender therapist would be a good start to talk to to help you determine how much of an impact gender identity is playing a factor with you. That is something overall only you are going to be able to answer.

In any event, hormones are not something to just take. There can be some very serious consequences to taking them, even under the care of a very experienced Dr.

I hope you get it figured out :)