Work F/T planning, voice and name opinions

[Angel.Marie76]

Hello again.. :-) So, I have a question that could use some opinionated responses. I am a few months away from Full Time at work, and I was approached by the HR assistant today (who's totally AWESOME BTW) and she starts in with the serious things:

' So, you were planning for New Years, right? You'll be coming back from vacation (from the previous week) as Angel? Okay, good. Now, we'll need to schedule some time, like the week before you go on vacation, to get a good picture of you all dressed nice for the Intranet. *banter* Yes, I know that might be tricky since most of the pics we have here have office backgrounds. We'll figure it out.. Second, people have been signing up and confirming for the office diversity training, so that looks to be on schedule as planned... just so you know. Now, I know I've seen you outside of the office already, and I've heard your voice then, but you mentioned you'll be in voice therapy by new years. Do you think you'll have a more polished voice by then? (1) [Dunno] K, last thing, we'll have to update the phone directory, intranet, yada yada with your new name -- how do you wan to be known as: Angel or Angel[-]Marie? (2) [I said that it's been easier to just use Angel in conversation] '

AHHHHHHHH! Sooooo my Work F/T date is quickly approaching and is going to require some significant thoughts on my part. Yes, I'm nervous as all hell about it, and that assistant said that, should I need a hand to hold while walking in the door the first time, she would be available.

Now Q:1 is a tough answer to have right now, as I've only scheduled my first voice therapy session for the first few days of OCT. I've heard statements about YEARS of practice before some people develop useful voice routines. It remains to be seen which voice I may choose to use then. Thoughts?

Aaaand Q:2 doesn't seem that hard, but she mentioned that some people might treat 'Angel' as an entitlement, or title, rather than a name, and that 'Angel Marie' defuses that presentation by giving it a more polite feeling. Personally, I've felt like using Angel Marie in all my conversations might seem pretentious. So, I'm torn. I don't mind using Angel Marie if it seems appropriate, and so my name tag and other entries throughout the systems will be updated accordingly. Yes, I have to wear a name tag... and so does everyone else right up to the president (I work in the retail banking industry but am not in the public eye). Thoughts?

Goodness, I'm just getting nervous already, and I KNOW I'll be planning out my outfits for like the first week in advance JUST so I don't have to freak for the first week. One problem - I'm SOOO dying to be well-dressed, like pant/skirt-suit and really nice blouses and black pants, etc... but I don't want to overdress, and it's bad enough I have a woman on my team who (not to be mean) is on the heavier side, so she wears relatively unflattering clothing and pull over shirts, etc. I don't want to make her feel like I'm trying to out-dress her, but I desperately need to dress nice for work.. What to DO!

Think that's enough for now. (quote the Furby: Oh OH. Worry.)

[Faith_G]

The voice thing is going to evolve as you go along. No matter how you sound the day you go full-time, you are going to sound different a month later. If you have a good foundation to start with, your voice will get better just because you don't have to switch all the time.

One of the women in the office at work is named Angel and everyone calls her "Angel". That's her name and nobody seems to find it odd. If Angel is your name, don't second-guess that. Be Angel. :)

Dress professionally. If that means you are dressing nicer than your co-worker, that's OK. As long as you don't go around fishing for compliments and saying "I look better than her!" any hurt feelings on her part are her own doing.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I would add to that to dress conservatively and wear low heel pumps & nylons. Don't overdo the jewelry and no loud makeup. Even a properly sized professionally looking purse is in order - Black is always good.

Has the restroom issue been addressed? Have you thought out how you will respond to questions or even if you will entertain them?

[Angel.Marie76]

I would add to that to dress conservatively and wear low heel pumps & nylons. Don't overdo the jewelry and no loud makeup. Even a properly sized professionally looking purse is in order - Black is always good.

Has the restroom issue been addressed? Have you thought out how you will respond to questions or even if you will entertain them?

You can be sure I'll be posting a plethora of shots of 'professional business wear' to the Photo Gallery at some point in the new future, I have plenty of ideas, and there are SO many options.. I feel like my head might explode with joy and fear. Regardless, I have at least one pant suit, all my pants have already been replaced with women's dress slacks, and I have a few pairs of (work appropriate) shoes/heels. I do know that I will be needing some lower heels.. not that the ones I have are obnoxious. Fact is I'm somewhat on the tall side to boot (5' 10"). I already wear simple women's shoes in black to work every day - the kind that from a distance to most would generally be considered andro / mens. My partner already offered to coach me on an 'office shopping spree' to pick out work-proper clothes only. I need lots of nice blouses and tops (layered look stuff without teen-like flashiness).

For purses and such I have a nice Prada knockoff that I have with me everywhere, and I am certainly not a jewelry wh0re.. I would hope that my taste in silver is within tolerances. I like matched sets and simple danglies, nothing exotic. As far as makeup goes, well, I'm working on that one outfit at a time. I like to think that I'm not aggressive /anyway/ however there are days when whats left of my shadow starts to sneak through, and I've been known to spackle on the base coat for coverage. That of course looks cakey and by the end of the day forms nice chasms along my laugh lines.. My partner has been coaching me here and there, and I too have been cutting back on things like eyeshadow and foundation. several times now i've pulled off the nearly nude look with a little mascara and lip gloss and have been generally happy with it.

Restrooms have not yet been approached, at least not officially in front of me. However, in my office there are multiple bathrooms scattered about, including two individual public-facing separated rooms. My councilor and I agreed that, if there was any concerns about bumping into me in the rooms, that if necessary i would agree to keep my business to the individual woman's room. I think that's fair, and really, REALLY don't want to push the issue. They're already going through a lot to help me feel welcome.

Questions, I told HR, will be kept to a minimum officially, however if people have honest and reasonable ones, I'll likely have answers ready. The 'are you gettin it cut off' -style will likely be met humorously with diffusion, or for those foolish men that might ask, well, 'SO, first they split it open with a REALLY sharp razor, hey, you ever wondered what inside there? Oh, yeah, so, then they pretty much lop the whole head right off, oh, and they yank out the balls from the inside upward and cut 'em out..' IF I don't get a 'whoooooah nelly, you can stop right there', then they must be genuinely interested, right? ;-) I like to feel like I've probably already been asked every darn question in the book by now. I think it's almost nature for TG/TS folks to expect questions. I'm personally up for them right now, but who knows 10-20 years down the line.

[Diane Elizabeth]

The type of people I work with would offer to cut it off for free. Funny??? Not in the tone they sometimes use. I am soooo glad I like my co workers. (hardly). I can't wait for the day that I can go in as ME. Keep us posted on your progress please.

[carolinoakland]

It will be the happiest day of your life.

[CharleneT]

Faith has it very right! That change over time can be fairly subtle too. Don't try and be completely different the first day, they already know you. Better to sound ok than "affected", if that makes sense.

Voice ... well, without hearing how you sound today it is hard to say ! I have been in voice therapy for almost 2 years. It has helped me in many ways. Still some days are much better than others. Part of the reason that it seems to take a while is because you are retraining muscles that make very fine motions. Hence it takes a while for these "motions" to become habit vs intended action. What you find is that fairly quickly you can learn to do a decent feminine voice. But you can't necessarily do so for extended periods of time, or loudly. Most of talking is quite casual and there's the rub. Easy to start in a good "voice" and then slip back into a more male one as you relax into the conversation. Like a lot of this, confidence helps tremendously.

One thing to remember and which you can practice easily at home; a lot of what is a "feminine voice" is choice of words, syntax usage and body language. Yes pitch is important, but intonation is more important. Watch TV, especially shows that are unscripted. Listen to the way the women talk.

GOOD LUCK !!!

It can be quite fun too (voice therapy that is)

[Sally24]

Q:2 She mentioned that some people might treat 'Angel' as an entitlement, or title, rather than a name, and that 'Angel Marie' defuses that presentation by giving it a more polite feeling.
With all the strange names that float around today, both natal and by choice, I don't think Angel will be unusual to most people. Your name will probably not be the focus of most peoples curiosity. Relax and be yourself, and Good Luck!

[Ms Jennifer]

That all sounds so great but Please remember that HR must by law help you to avoid a discrimination suit.HR is there to protect the company. Talking about anything of a sexaul nature is not allowed in the workplace. And it does not matter if you or someone else starts it.I do not mean to bum you out but be careful.And good luck.

[Freddy12]

Angel,
With all the preparation you are doing, everything wil go really well. You have done a fantastic job of thinking of what might come up, and deciding how to deal with it. There may well be surprises, so be flexible and recognize that you cannot think of everything. I'm not saying that to scare you, just to say that you cannot prepare for everything, so don't let the unexpected upset you.

[Chari]

First - Congrats on being the "true you"! For your chosen name, please consider what name appears on your drivers license or other forms of ID. IMO, using "Angel Marie" is more professional, and perhaps close friends can call you "Angel". As for work attire - ask HR if there is a dress code. Also observe what other women in your age group are wearing, not only at your business, but in similar businesses. This could be a guideline not only for clothing, but also makeup, hairstyles, nail color, and jewelry. When you and others become more comfortable with the "new you", you will discover what looks and feels best for you! Enjoy something everyday.

[Veronica_Jean]

Angel,

I just passed the three month milestone a few days ago. I am still struggling to get my voice in a good place, but everyone is very tolerant.

I get a range of comments from "you sound ok, just a little low" to "you really need to start working harder on your voice". Mostly its just me being uncomfortable with how I sound.

I have been using CD's and pent some time in an online workshop. It is helping, but I started out with such a low voice to start with.\

Just follow the dress code that other women wear. Especially those around your age and you will be fine.

Good luck and enjoy the great feeling of being yourself everyday. There is nothing like it!!

Veronica

[Rianna Humble]

SO, not long to go now! I'll bet you're getting really excited - I know I did as my official transition at work approached.

I like the double-barrelled name and think that Chari's suggestion is a good one - use Angle-Marie as your official name then let friends and co-workers shorten it to Angel.

I wouldn't worry too much about the voice, you will make progress, but those who work closest to you probably won't notice it much because it will be gradual.

As far as the rest-room situation goes, my HR department tried to impose a restriction, but i said I would not be comfortable doing that for more than a couple of weeks. When they took advice, they were told "As soon as she begins her transition, Rianna will be a woman and has the right to use the same rest-room as any other woman. If that is a problem, it is HR's business to deal with it, not Rianna's". This was professional advice and was relayed to me by my HR contact.

For the clothing issue, go with the dress code and be yourself. I often feel that I am overdressed compared to the other women in my office, but they are mainly younger than me and have reassured me that I am getting it right. I know I must be doing something right, because I get favourable comments in the rest-room.