I spotted the feral cd today

[Sarah Doepner]

For the first time in years I saw a cd out and about in the community. She was filling her car with gas at the local grocery store affiliated gas station. She was a mature lady wearing a very short black dress and heels at noon. I thought it was a little young for her, but she did have nice legs, so I'll just say I was surprised at that level of formal wear during the lunch hour.

I was filling my car on the other side of the pumps and dressed in drab. So following the general advice provided here I smiled to my self and went on my way knowing that my neighborhood has feral crossdressers. I would have liked to invite her to one of our meetings, but maybe I'll see her again.

So here is my question, if you see the same CD more than once in public is it okay then to talk to them?

[AKAMichelle]

I don't always take advice well. I would have talked with her if you could have talked privately for a few minutes.

[Jay Cee]

I'd say only talk to a cd if it is friendly small talk that you might make with anyone, and in no way let on that you know that she is crossdressing.

[PretzelGirl]

Well, while you will probably remember the other person (for obvious reasons), they will probably not realize it is second run-in. But if you have some interaction the first time and run into them again, then things can become possible. And you can probably feel that out based on the conversation.

[Rachel Morley]

Humm ... I guess it's maybe a slightly tricky situation. If you did invite her to one of your meetings (because you're trying to be friendly) then she's gonna know you read her and she might be a bit bummed that she didn't pass. I would say if she is a CDer from anywhere near where you live she probably already knows about your group assuming you have a website and it comes up in Google when you type in: "crossdressing support groups in Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake" :D

[suchacutie]

I guess I don't see an issue. When I run into another CD I just start a conversation like I would with any other person. I don't acknowledge her gender presentation choice one way or the other unless she brings it up. If you happen to run into her again and again, the conversation will expand normally.

Sometimes I think we (me too) are hung up a bit too much on our own perspective. Let's just meet people and be friendly, regardless of our gender presentation.

tina

[Kathi Lake]

It's a toughie!

I anyone saw me, I would welcome the interaction. To me, the more, the merrier. Of course, I'm not exactly that bright. Hmmmmm. Maybe I'm not the best example. :)

Seriously, I don't understand the shyness. You're out there, right? Isn't part of the goal of being out there - among the people - to interact with the people? Am I missing something?

Kathi

[Sallee]

It sounds like she didn't pass at least to you she was a little over dressed for the occasion I know we are all guilty of that sometimes. That is why you clocked her. You could have said something llike "hi you look familiar, do I know you from (choice your support group)"

[Loni]

maybe next time...if there is one, just say hello and let it go at that, then if again then say some thing nice. not cross dressing related.
some will only respond if worked slowly into it..just jumping in could send them deep into the closet.

.

[Shananigans]

Probably shouldn't talk to her...you might catch something...

No, but seriously, why not just say something friendly and non-CDing related? You don't have to point out that you have clocked her, but being friendly shouldn't do any harm.

[Pythos]

Who in the hell said to NOT communicate, or compliment? What the hell? I am sorry, if I see someone I am gonna compliment them if I like the style or outfit they are wearing.

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Thanks Pythos. I am really worried about going out en femme for the first time. I don't want to look like an idiot or anything....being as self conscious as I am having another CD (or anyone really) be nice would lift my spirits.

[Vickie_CDTV]

You could make some benign smalltalk, and drop a TG reference that would the average non-tg person would not be familiar with (eg. I like your outfit, my wife/girlfriend wore something similar when we went to a Southern Comfort Conference) or (I love your car, gets great mileage, a friend of mine up at the <local TG group name> organization has one just like it.) See if there is any reaction from her.

[sterling12]

If you met again, in The Same Place; a nice little waved "hello" would be a good start. I know we seem very timid, but it's all for her sake. Running up and Hugging them, an uninvited conversation about "How good you look," would be very jarring for The Average CD whose out filling up their Dinasourmobile. If She responded to Your Non-Threatening Advance, maybe you could go from there.

You did good. You followed The Combined Wisdom from many previous threads, and did not frighten her. I have one idea which might scare her a bit, but I think after she thinks about it, just might respond. I imagine you have some Calling Cards you carry for your Group. (I know Tri-Beta Gurls always try to carry them.) I would imagine it wouldn't be inappropriate if you got a chance to slide one under The Wiper when she was away from The Car. It just might gain you a Friend, and it just might open some new Doors for her.

Some might disagree, but if I saw her a second or third time, think I'd take A Small Friendly Chance.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Kim_Bitzflick]

OK my 2 cents.

I would not talk to her. In general, strangers don't start up a conversation unless they have something in common. Would you start up a conversation with a GG in the same situation?

A lot of CD's are very shy & want to get out & build confidence. She may not have that confidence yet & you may put her back in the closet.

BUT you can be friendly and wave or smile if you catch her eye.

[Jamz1b]

Oh great to hear about it in my area! thanks Shara.
I think you could try to make polite eye contact, in a knowing and accepting maner (if that makes sence). And go from there, I would guess that by the level of effort the person put into it, and being in public as well as if that person is interacting with others, that could be a good indication that they are ok with you making contact. Even more so to include them into the triess meetings you have. Shame you probably dont have a card or any thing.

[Sparkles]

I like Kathi's answer. I admire her boldness and total acceptance of herself. You go girl!

[Megan70]

Leave her alone and do what you did, plain and simple. Give her her space and [public]privacy as you would want

[Fab Karen]

How would you talk to a GG stranger? That is the appropriate thing IF you do. Do NOT inform her you've read her. ( & btw, if you were wrong, she might beat you to death with her purse like Ruth Buzzi )

[CharlotteW]

I'd be delighted if another CD'er approached me with "Hi, I'm Dave, aka Davina, just thought I'd say hello and..... don't you look great". There's a couple that walk past my shop on a regular basis, I spotted them at a meeting a couple of weeks ago and wasn't surprised to learn that the male of the couple is a crossdresser, perhaps rather strangely I guessed he was about two months ago. Anyway, if they come into my shop I'll be introducing myself to them.

And to those who say "she's gonna know you read her and she'll be right back in the closet".....I think we are quite sensitive in these matters, it's like the idea of gay men having 'gaydar' (gay radar).

[renneeists]

I'm pretty sure I spoted another in ann arbor recently. If the wife had not been with me, I otherwise had the opportunity to make small talk.
Biggest obsticle would have been the age difference, at least 30 yrs

[Lynn Marie]

If there is something she is wearing that you like, then by all means, give her a compliment. It will make her day, and you might even make a friend. I still remember compliments I received years and years ago.

[TxKimberly]

It's a toughie!

I anyone saw me, I would welcome the interaction. To me, the more, the merrier. Of course, I'm not exactly that bright. Hmmmmm. Maybe I'm not the best example. :)

Seriously, I don't understand the shyness. You're out there, right? Isn't part of the goal of being out there - among the people - to interact with the people? Am I missing something?

Kathi

I'm with Kathi

[Hope]

I think you did the right thing. She has an internet connection and is able to find your gatherings if she is interested (you do advertise on line right?). There is never a reason to ruin a girls day by letting her know she has been read.

[RhondaLynn]

If it had been me, and we were within acceptable proximity & happened to cross glances, I would've casually greeted her, perhaps initiated a short dialog, leaving it open for her to continue if she desired. No reason to acknowledge her as a CD, only as a person like any other that I'd meet as such. It seems that everyone is over-thinking this thing.

[varinia]

I have a customer that comes thru once in a while and I have read them but I stay quite. I let them enjoy the moment. As I put myself in their place and think how I would feel if someone started conversation about it. I wouldn't be happy, and it might scare me right back to the place that I am trying to come out of. Each has to take it at a pace that is comfortable for themselfs.

[Freddy12]

First, talk to her. I would appreciate someone interacting that way with me. If she responds with a very obviously male voice, then you could bring up your support group. Many of us have not worked much on our femme voice, so if we talk, we out ourselves, and know it!

[alyssaenglefield]

I would leave her alone. Its best not to embarrass the both of you.

For feral girls, don't you usually ring and get the pie blowers out?
(see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7UX8KASASU if you don't understand what a pie blower is)

[Sedona]

How would you talk to a GG stranger? That is the appropriate thing IF you do. Do NOT inform her you've read her. ( & btw, if you were wrong, she might beat you to death with her purse like Ruth Buzzi )

My thoughts exactly! I've met some GGs in my life who, well, look like CDers. Like asking a woman if she's pregnant, no way I'm assuming any fully dressed person is a CDer. If you want to talk, keep it short and neutral.

[Karan49]

Leave me alone. I was minding my own business, you should do the same. And who are you calling a feral cd? What the heck is that anyway?

Karan

[Kathi Lake]

My thoughts exactly! I've met some GGs in my life who, well, look like CDers. Like asking a woman if she's pregnant, no way I'm assuming any fully dressed person is a CDer. If you want to talk, keep it short and neutral.True, it could turn into an awkward situation, but it could also let that person know that they aren't alone in the world, like many of us think.


And who are you calling a feral cd? What the heck is that anyway?A "feral CD" is a crossdresser "in the wild."


Leave me alone. I was minding my own business, you should do the same.Attitude, chica! :) And no, you weren't minding your own business. Minding your own business means that you are locked inside your house, so you can't interact with others, or have them sully you with their darn friendliness and support. What's wrong with a simple hello?

Kathi

[Miss Misery]

I think a feral CD means a domesticated one that has reverted to her wild side - or, like belly buttons, an inny becoming an outy! How do you "know" this person was a CD? Maybe they're TS or GG as someone else said. The world is filled with "all kinds" - even bearded ladies and women who are dressed to the nines at midday!

I often start up conversations with people for no "apparent" reason except that I'm human (I think). So I would see no reason not to talk to her - but don't scare her BOO!

[Emily Ann Brown]

I know I'm weird, but you two did have something in common..buying gas. I would have made me usually chat and looked down or at the pump.

Em

[Sarah Michelle]

I'm excessively shy and unlikely to initiate a contact but I welcome them from those who are brave enough to. Whether I "passed" or not I would welcome the human interaction and a friendly face. I did much the same a couple of weeks ago, dressed and went out in the daylight, stopped at a convenience store for a paper, stopped at a gas bar for gas. I didn't pass, I was making a statement on a day that I was brave enough to do it. I would have been taken aback by anyone approaching but a friendly face would have been a huge bonus.
Just a thought from the other side of the argument.....

[RachelRICD]

Over the past year since I have been actively working as a woman, I have had several occasions where strangers have talked with me. Mostly to compliment something I was wearing. Each time to me has been memorable. The most unexpected was in the supermarket when I was there making an ATM deposit and a woman stopped and had to know where I got the shoes I was wearing. It has happened at Payless and Dress Barn and several other places. I feel that if someone is OK with starting a conversation or having a comment I am all for it. I guess the most memorable time was a few months ago I was in the market picking up a few items and ran into my sister-in-law and we passed in an aisle and she didn't even say a word. Now that made my day...after my heart began beating again. No words but it was a great confidence builder.

[tricia_uktv]

A warm, friendky and welcoming smile is enough. If she wishes to talk she will pick that up and do so. If not, no harm done.

[dilane]

When I interact in femme mode with the general public, and I do start conversations with people pretty often, I don't think anyone has mentioned my fairly obvious TG status. They just talk. I've known people on a casual basis for weeks who haven't brought it up.

Now if a new acquaintance fusses a bit about my outfit or jewelery, I take that as a positive read -- they're trying to put me at ease with some nice words.

Therefore, using the way others relate to me as a model, I would perhaps start a conversation, but I wouldn't talk about the elephant in the room -- I'd leave it to the other person.

[Michelle 51]

I can't believe it.I travel 3000 miles to a different country just so i can finaly go out.I dress in my fav skirt and heels,rent a car and drive around feeling like a real cougar stop for gas and bam picked off just like that.Thanks for the leg compliment though.Your a sweetheart lol
Michelle

I'm only joking of course but if that foxy lady is on here"go girl"

[jenna_woods]

that's a hard call, that you would have to make at that time, you do not want to emabarass anyone.

[msginaadoll]

Well for me- I love to chat so If ya see me around, ya better say hi. Heck Id probably ask you if you wanted to get coffee.

[Sarah Doepner]

There is so much difference in the range of answers that I think it will come down to doing what feels best at the time. I'll just have to take in all the variables and try to calculate the best answer at the moment. It sounds like the best thing to say will probably be a neutral comment, just to establish contact and show I'm not an immediate threat. I also think it's time to get business cards printed up so I'll have something to show that my interest isn't based on a threat, but on a shared experience.

[Miss Misery]

Take it one step further - What would you do if someone else outed the "feral CD" while you were getting gas? You know, started heckling .... Would you step in?

[Shananigans]

I think the important this is that you don't have to so socially awkward about it. What is the problem exactly? Why are there so many people posting with this inward turmoil on whether they should talk to another human being, or not. Seriously? Of course don't point out that she is a crossdresser. Awkward. But, there's nothing wrong with being nice and polite. If the person that you are talking to is offended by a casual conversation, then she is probably socially inept and can't help it. Not your fault.

Just don't be awkward...sheesh.

Take it one step further - What would you do if someone else outed the "feral CD" while you were getting gas? You know, started heckling .... Would you step in?

If this person was being rude, I might ask him/her what the problem is and suggest that he/she move along. I may just be a girl, but I am scrappy as hell.

[Hope]

Take it one step further - What would you do if someone else outed the "feral CD" while you were getting gas? You know, started heckling .... Would you step in?

It's easy - you step in early and express your support for her before the mob gets it's torches and pitchforks together - knowing that there is someone who will oppose them often silences a bully if you can do it before he gets all wound up. And you can do it very simply without outing her or embarrassing her any further.

"I think her outfit is perfectly lovely, and I don't want to hear any more about it."

[Kaitlyn Michele]

why do you want to talk to her?
i'm guessing your intention is good

some girls i know are quite healthily delusional (in a good way) about their ability to pass. by saying anything to them you are basically saying

Hi!! You don't pass!!

whether you like it or not, you run the risk of ruining their whole day...i guess its fair to say that its the other persons problem because there is also a possibility that you are meeting a local like minded person...

you also run the risk of being the first person that was ever nice to her and she could instantly cling to you like sweet on a peach (my uncle used to say that)

years ago i went to cd party we have here in philly and a couple of us saw a girl coming in and she looked very shy and lonely...when we approached her to talk and share a drink we basically got the huge bug eyed responses (eeeeekkkk!!) and she left in less than 10 minutes..we drove her away...now this is a different situation than the OP, but it illustrates that some people don't want to be outed in any way ...even by a friendly transperson, at a trans party..

ya never know

[KathyC]

How about she is really a woman but with overkill dress that made her looked like a man? I actually met a customer at work yesterday, got to be atleast 55 yr old but was wearing clothes & skirt for 20-30 yr old women..and with load of makeups.
I rang her up at the cash register & did little conversation, somehow she said, "don't you hate when someone ask do you need any help SIR?".
She is an older age woman, husband waiting outside. But with all the heavy make over & flashy clothes really made her looked like a CDer or TS wannabe.

[Christy_M]

The simplest and easiest thing to do with any girl/gurl is to smile and acknowledge their existence. I know I would love to have that simple gesture of "approval." If you want to take it further, give her a once over and then an approving smile (of course not in the perverted "look too long" sense). That could either start a conversation or cause her to run for the heels (sic). Either way, she will have a positive memory of it

[nikkijo]

who are you to judge me being over dressed for the noon hour, i had just came from a very important meeting, going to another one, and i ran out of fuel. time of day doesnt really matter. i hope to god i get more respect then being called a feral CD... you have no idea there missie.. untill you have the respect to stop staring, and say hi and treat me like a lady i suggest you keep your domesticated tushy fermly locked inside your wifes closet so she can teach you some manners...:devil::devil::tongueout:angry:

[Amanda22]

We should just do what we'd do with anyone we feel a kinship with by smiling, saying hello, or a wave. I do it all the time with people in general. I don't want a relationship, and I'm not responsible for making them feel secure in public. I'm just being friendly. I'm not sure why anything more is needed. Most of us just want to blend. If we want more than that while in public, it is up to the individual to initiate that.

[Maria 60]

Last weekend we went for a drive to a small town in the country where they have nice shops and restaurants. Its about a one hour drive from home. On the way there i was telling my wife about how many people are crossdressers and i dont see any. Well we arrive there i take 2 steps out of the car and i see this six foot five inch woman, wearing a very short skirt and high heels. As i was walking closer to her i realized it was a crossdresser. I didnt know what to do, i wanted to say something like,good for you, or you look great,or look iam wearing a bra and pantyhose too iam like you. Instead i chose to respect her privacy. I didnt even want to stare to much not to make her feel uncomfortable. My wife had noticed that her partner was a cder also, i didnt notice because i was looking at all the bags in her hand from all the cloth shopping she did. I dont know what to say or do when i see another cder, its a tough call.

[Maria 60]

Last weekend we went for a drive to a small town in the country where they have nice shops and restaurants. Its about a one hour drive from home. On the way there i was telling my wife about how many people are crossdressers and i dont see any. Well we arrive there i take 2 steps out of the car and i see this six foot five inch woman, wearing a very short skirt and high heels. As i was walking closer to her i realized it was a crossdresser. I didnt know what to do, i wanted to say something like,good for you, or you look great,or look iam wearing a bra and pantyhose too iam like you. Instead i chose to respect her privacy. I didnt even want to stare to much not to make her feel uncomfortable. My wife had noticed that her partner was a cder also, i didnt notice because i was looking at all the bags in her hand from all the cloth shopping she did. I dont know what to say or do when i see another cder, its a tough call.

[Cherry Lynn]

If I were the CD'er seen at the gas station and referred to as "the feral cd" and happened to be on this board and read the post I would be very upset. We dislike being labeled because of our CD activities yet one of our own labels a sister. That is sad.

[TGMarla]

Well, maybe. I don't know. I saw a CD leaving my local grocery store last week. Funny, I have only seen persons whom I know are crossdressed in public a few times. Either they pass well, I just don't notice, or there aren't that many. This gal was kind of obvious, though. She was wearing a pink floral dress in that old style awful polyester, and wore her antiquated purse hung over her forearm, like your grandmother would do. She was walking with a woman, and neither was saying anything. They got in a car (the GG drove), and drove off. I felt something akin to pity for both of them for some reason.

[Sarah Doepner]

I just want to let folks know that I wasn't using the term "feral" in a negative manner. I was just referring to someone who has managed to escape the closet and get out. It's possible I sounded judgemental about her choice of a short black dress and heels at noon, but since I was wearing jeans, an aloha shirt and hiking boots, I was probably more jealous than anything else. She had more courage than me and I think my fear of talking to her reflected two things; first, I didn't want to make her circumspect about getting out and second, I would have outted myself as well. I guess I need to decide to make a bit more of an effort to not just talk the talk, but to walk the walk as well.

[Mirani]

Feral ???? it must mean something different over the other side of the pond.
Feral over here means wild beast, not domesticated or cultivated ... used usually a pejorative adjective.

As for interaction - well I don't talk to everyone I see. I smile a lot (women smile so much more than men) when I make eye contact. I may say a greeting "Good morning" etc.
But this is an oft repeated question here ... there is no "right" answer. Follow your usual behaviours I suggest, regardless of gender presentation. I present 24/7. Personally I don't want need all and sundry thinking it is an invitation to start a conversation. Just treat me "normally".

[Cherry Lynn]

[QUOTE=Mirani;2281254]Feral ???? it must mean something different over the other side of the pond.
Feral over here means wild beast, not domesticated or cultivated ... used usually a pejorative adjective.

It means the same thing over here is why I had a problem with the description.

[CharlotteW]

It seems to me that words have a much broader meaning nowadays so we must assume the OP did not intend to offend anyone.

Anyway, I spotted a local transgender person (MtoF) and her female partner earlier and decided to speak to them, I started with "excuse me, have you got a moment", they stopped to speak so I continued "I hope you don't mind but I spotted you in the village and I just had to say hello to you both", no adverse reaction yet so I continued "I have also seen you both at a meeting in Llandudno, about two weeks ago, in the evening. Allow me to introduce myself....." etc. Well what can I say, they were so pleased I made the effort to introduce myself and they will be in my shop very soon, no doubt because they now know it's CD/TS/TG (whatever) friendly